How often do you receive truly life-changing advice? If you’re Dana Perino, it’s a regular occurrence. As a Fox News host and former White House Press Secretary, Perino meets people from many walks of life and a variety of backgrounds. In her book, I Wish Someone Had Told Me…, she compiles the highlights of the advice guests gave in her online column, Short Questions With Dana Perino, alongside her own tips for success.
We’ve highlighted the book’s major themes for different stages of life and the challenges you might face, from finding your purpose to becoming a leader. Read below for our I Wish Someone Had Told Me… book overview.
Image by Gage Skidmore
Overview of I Wish Someone Had Told Me…
Perino is a political commentator and former White House Press Secretary who served under President George W. Bush as the first female Republican in this role. In her online column, Short Questions With Dana Perino, she asked her guests to share helpful advice on career success, life purpose, and more. In her book I Wish Someone Had Told Me…, she compiles the best advice she heard, plus her own tips for success.
She also founded Minute Mentoring, a women’s leadership program. Perino has written several books on career and life advice, including And the Good News Is… and Everything Will Be Okay.
Our overview organizes Perino’s advice into several themes, each addressing different life stages and challenges:
- Finding and Living Your Purpose
- Laying Your Foundation
- Developing Your Career
- Growing Into Leadership
Finding and Living Your Purpose
Whether you have decades of job experience or are just starting out, you’ve probably wondered how to make your career and life purposeful and fulfilling. Perino argues you can build a meaningful life and career path by following your interests and being open to the unexpected. In this section, we explore three key pieces of advice from Perino and her guests:
- Look for meaning, not just success.
- Chase your joy.
- Be willing to change your plans.
Look for Meaning, Not Just Success
Perino argues you should try to make a meaningful difference, not just achieve success. Meaning can come from your work, your volunteer pursuits, or even the donations you make. When you contribute to something meaningful, you transform your professional success into something more substantial and personally fulfilling. This prevents the feeling of meaninglessness that can come from achieving professional success without a deeper purpose, and it allows you to find fulfillment regardless of your job. Perino suggests two key ways to pursue meaning in your life, both at work and outside of it:
- Imbue your daily actions and choices with meaning. Don’t expect your employer to provide meaning through the organization’s mission or your job title.
- Look for ways to serve others. Volunteer, find opportunities to support your community, or mentor younger people.
Chase Your Joy
While meaning is important, don’t forget to have fun. Former NYPD inspector Paul Mauro suggests you look for the intersection of meaning and enjoyment. While you can’t always be having fun, don’t waste your life working at a job that never brings you joy. Also, if societal expectations push you in a joyless direction, singer-songwriter Dierks Bentley says you should reject them. Doing what you love is non-negotiable because it increases your chances of long-term happiness and success.
Be Willing to Change Your Plans
While chasing your joy is important, Perino warns that you need more than passion to build a career. Sometimes, you need to let go of unrealistic dreams and discover new paths that may be better suited to your actual talents. To find these new paths, it’s crucial to remain flexible and open. For example, Perino dreamed of becoming an Olympic gymnast, but she realized at age 15 that she lacked the talent to compete at that level. Instead of pursuing an impossible dream, she pivoted and joined the speech team. That pivot led her to a career in communications.
Surgeon and researcher Mark Shrime adds another reason why it’s okay to change your plans: No single choice will define the rest of your life. Most decisions—even mistakes—are reversible, and they can help you discover and live out your true purpose. For example, you might realize after college that you no longer want to pursue what you majored in. Your major wasn’t a mistake; it helped you understand where your interests lie, and it may have equipped you with perspectives and skills that’ll make you stand out in a new field.
Laying Your Foundation
Once you know what direction you want to follow, how do you get started? Perino and her guests believe that the first years of your career are all about learning, whether from your own experience or from the more senior professionals around you. This section explores five key pieces of advice for early-career professionals:
- Choose the boss, not the job.
- Request feedback.
- Love what you do.
- Nurture your network.
- Master communication skills.
Choose the Boss, Not the Job
Your supervisor plays an important role in your career development, so think about who you’ll be working for when you evaluate new opportunities. Marketing consultant Mora Neilson argues that you should choose your job based on the learning and mentorship opportunities it’ll bring, not the title you’ll have or the organization’s prestige. By prioritizing learning from experienced mentors, you’ll gain insights that aren’t available through formal training. To find a boss who can also be a mentor, assess whether your potential new boss will be able to show you what others can’t, such as important aspects of the industry, the job, or yourself as a professional.
Request Feedback
When you’re starting out, it’s important to get constructive feedback to make sure you’re on the right track. Human Resources expert Michele Chase suggests that you proactively ask your boss for feedback rather than waiting for it to come to you. This transforms potentially adversarial performance conversations into a constructive dialogue because you’re requesting the feedback. In addition, you demonstrate self-awareness and a willingness to grow, which are key traits for early career success. To seek out feedback proactively, make a regular practice of asking your supervisor how you’re doing and whether there’s anything you should change.
Love What You Do
Regardless of the feedback you get, former judge Jeanine Pirro, who now serves as the US attorney for Washington, D.C., says you should focus on loving the work you do—not on getting praise or recognition. When you concentrate on the work itself, attention and advancement will come. This mindset shifts your attention from external validation to internal motivation, making your achievements more genuine and sustainable. In practice, loving your job means you prioritize the quality of your work, maintain focus and perseverance, and let your efforts and results speak for themselves.
What about when you’re new at a job? You’re still learning, so your ability to make concrete contributions and achievements is limited. Human Resources expert Dan Barr says you should demonstrate you love what you do by being willing to work hard. Colleagues and supervisors are watching and evaluating you from day one, constantly observing your character and work ethic. So, Barr says you should always arrive early to work and stay later than required. Additionally, embrace every task, even the mundane ones, because they’re opportunities to learn and prove that you love the job.
Nurture Your Network
While you work hard on loving your job, bring the same enthusiasm to your professional network. Fox News host Brian Kilmeade says building meaningful professional relationships helps you establish a positive reputation in your industry and lays a strong foundation for long-term career success. To nurture your network, reach out and ask for advice, not favors. The people you want to connect with are probably fielding many requests for favors already. Also, find opportunities to be the one offering help. When someone you know is having a hard time, demonstrate your principles by offering your support.
Don’t Spoil the Office Party
Networking can be fun, but be careful not to have too much fun. Perino recommends that you treat work-related events, such as office parties, like extensions of the workplace. Your behavior at these events can have a lasting impact on your reputation and career. To enjoy yourself while ensuring you protect your reputation, Perino recommends the following:
- Remember that you’re still representing yourself and your organization, even though the environment feels more relaxed.
- Limit your alcohol intake to one drink at any work event.
- Stay focused on whoever you’re talking to. Don’t scan the room for someone more interesting or important while still talking to someone.
Master Communication Skills
Perino writes that mastering communication skills makes you valuable in any organization. You can prevent most problems by ensuring you communicate thoroughly and effectively, whether you’re speaking or writing. Clear and thoughtful communication reduces the risk of misunderstandings, lessens the need for follow-up communications, and ensures that important information reaches the right people in the right way at the right time. It also protects your reputation and relationships in the workplace.
According to Perino, to be an effective communicator, you should:
- Ask questions to fully understand what others are thinking before responding.
- Plan your message by considering who needs to hear it, what’s the best way to get it across, and how it could be misinterpreted. This ensures that people receive your message as intended.
- Opt for verbal communication when tone matters. It’s easier to convey the right emotion verbally than in writing.
Know When to Speak Up…
Sometimes, being an effective communicator means knowing when to raise the alarm. Perino argues that if you notice a potential problem at work, speak up and make sure your concerns are heard, even if it feels uncomfortable. Speaking up decisively can prevent problems from escalating into crises. It also demonstrates responsibility and initiative, which are valued in any workplace. If you find yourself needing to speak up, Perino says you should first raise your concern directly with your boss. If they dismiss it, but your gut still tells you it’s potentially serious, share your concern with someone higher up.
… and Know When to Hold Your Tongue
At other times, being an effective communicator means keeping quiet. Perino writes that you should think carefully before speaking. Exercising restraint will prevent you from making comments that could damage relationships, hurt your reputation, or create unnecessary conflict. Also, as former vice president Dick Cheney told Perino, keeping your thoughts to yourself allows others to feel comfortable expressing their opinions without fear of judgment. This means you’ll have the opportunity to hear and learn from everyone on your team.
To make sure you don’t regret what you say, Perino recommends imagining how a respected mentor or leader would feel hearing your words. If you’re in doubt, save your thoughts for a private setting rather than airing them publicly or in writing.
Developing Your Career
After learning the ropes, it’s time to move on up. According to Perino and her guests, mid-career is when you make bold but conscientious moves to propel yourself forward. This section explores four key pieces of advice for mid-career professionals:
- Recognize your tenacity.
- Set yourself up for promotion.
- Never leave on bad terms.
- Accept that there’s no recipe for work-life balance.
Recognize Your Tenacity
If you feel vulnerable and anxious as you navigate the challenges of your career, Perino says you should recognize your inner tenacity and resilience. You don’t need external safety measures, such as a fail-proof financial cushion, because you are your own source of security. Your education, relationships, skills, and past successes are a strong foundation that can catch you if you fall. When you trust yourself to overcome adversity, handle obstacles, and recover from difficulties, you feel less anxiety and have greater self-confidence.
To build this self-trust, take an inventory of your resources and accomplishments. Reflect on your past achievements and support systems, reminding yourself of the skills and relationships that have helped you succeed.
Set Yourself Up for Promotion
To give yourself the best chance for a promotion, Perino argues, you should make it easier for managers to envision you in a higher position. Do this by demonstrating initiative, readiness, and commitment. She recommends a strategy based on three key moves:
- Find opportunities to do the job you’re aiming for while excelling in your current role. Step in to help when colleagues in higher-level positions are absent and offer to take on additional responsibilities. This shows you’re ready to move up the chain of command.
- Communicate your career goals to your manager. This ensures that your manager understands your ambitions and can provide relevant feedback.
- Focus on skill development rather than obsessing over promotion timelines. Build your skills daily and don’t compare your growth with your colleagues’. Instead of spending energy making comparisons, spend it working on yourself.
Never Leave on Bad Terms
What if your career growth takes you to a new organization? Perino says you should focus on maintaining positive relationships when you leave a job, demonstrating professionalism and gratitude. Human Resources expert Michelle Chase adds that how you handle your departure makes a lasting impression. Gracefully departing will help you build a positive reputation and ensure you have former supervisors and colleagues who can vouch for you in the future.
To ensure that your final interactions reflect your best self and work ethic, Chase and Perino recommend you do the following:
1. Prepare before breaking the news to your boss. This will likely be a difficult conversation, so plan what you’ll say in advance, including your specific reasons for leaving. In addition, decide beforehand whether you’d stay at your job with better terms of employment, or if you’re committed to moving on. That way, you’ll be able to respond effectively if you receive a counteroffer.
2. Be mindful of the team you’re leaving behind. Making thoughtful choices will leave a lasting impression of your professionalism. This includes giving a minimum of two weeks’ notice when resigning if you’re an early-career professional. If you’re in a senior or leadership role, be flexible about the timing of your departure to ensure a smooth transition. Additionally, take the time to tell your team and supervisors you value them, and avoid talking negatively about the organization and the team on your way out. If there’s an issue you think is worth raising, share your feedback in a respectful manner.
Accept That There’s No Recipe for Work-Life Balance
Throughout your career, it can be challenging to balance your professional and personal lives. According to Perino, work-life balance is highly personal and evolves over time. What feels balanced to one person may be overwhelming or insufficient to another. Moreover, everyone struggles with managing competing demands on their time, regardless of their situation. Perino acknowledges that she doesn’t consider herself to have a healthy work-life balance and argues that society’s obsession with balance creates unnecessary anxiety.
Though Perino says a recipe for work-life balance doesn’t exist, you can prevent burnout by making intentional choices and setting boundaries. However, remain flexible enough to handle the natural fluctuations of professional and personal demands. Perino suggests prioritizing what matters most to you and adopting practical habits that support your priorities:
- Prioritize your well-being. You can’t postpone or delegate your health, so be sure to maintain healthy habits. For example, set aside personal time on your calendar and prepay for the gym and your hobbies so you’re more likely to attend.
- Set boundaries to protect your work and personal lives. Set limits on after-hours work communication. Accept only one weeknight social commitment. Focus deeply when at work, and be fully present with your family when at home.
- Consciously choose what to spend time on. Evaluate requests on your time based on whether the activity is enjoyable, profitable, or supports a cause you care about. This ensures you’re spending time on what truly matters to you.
Additionally, political strategist Jessica Tarlov suggests putting things in perspective by using a five-year filter when you’re stressed or worried. Ask yourself whether the issue that worries you will still matter five years from now, and if not, consciously choose to release that concern.
Growing Into Leadership
As you advance in your career, you’ll find opportunities to become a leader. Perino and her guests argue that you can become a great leader by focusing on a vision and your team. This section will explore three key pieces of advice for leaders:
- Choose to lead.
- Start by listening.
- Give genuine feedback.
Choose to Lead
Former NYPD inspector Paul Mauro says you should choose between merely managing—keeping things running and playing it safe—and truly leading, which involves breaking new ground and guiding people toward a vision. If you decide to lead, consider who you’d like to be led by, and then emulate that person’s leadership style.
Also, tell your team where you want them to go rather than dictating how they should get there. This empowers teams to use their ingenuity and inspires people to follow you rather than just comply. However, Mauro warns that most people say they want to lead but eventually default to managing because they get complacent in safe but unfulfilling roles. If you find yourself only managing and not leading, it might be time to look for a new role.
Start by Listening
Perino writes that listening without getting distracted is the most important leadership skill. This kind of listening reduces miscommunication and prevents your team from developing a reluctance to speak up that can lead to costly mistakes.
To become a great listener, Perino suggests the following tips:
- Don’t multitask while someone is talking. You can’t do two things well simultaneously, so set your phone face down on the table to prevent distractions.
- Don’t interrupt others or finish their thoughts for them. You can even place your thumb and forefinger in front of your lips to physically remind yourself not to interrupt.
- Actively ask for and listen to input from others, particularly during difficult times when clear direction and strategies are most needed.
Give Genuine Feedback
Finally, as a leader, you get to support other people’s careers. Journalist and author Salena Zito says your compliments can be meaningful and motivating if people earn them through hard work and high standards. You should provide honest feedback and encouragement to boost confidence, reinforce good habits, and foster a growth-oriented environment. Offer sincere and specific praise when someone does well, ensuring that your compliments are thoughtful and deserved.
