Sense of Entitlement: Why It’s a Problem (& How to Fix It)

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What does it mean to have a sense of entitlement? Why is an inflated sense of entitlement a problem? How can people free themselves from feeling entitled?

Society is experiencing an entitlement epidemic. Our consumer culture and social media have us chasing the wrong things in pursuit of happiness and a meaningful life.

Read on to learn what experts, like Mark Manson, say causes a sense of entitlement, why it’s a problem, and how to fix it.

Why Do People Feel Entitled?

According to Mark Manson, who wrote The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, a strong feeling of entitlement is rampant today because many people have bought into cultural and social media messages about what it takes to be happy—which actually makes them more miserable and unable to cope with challenges in life. 

Manson claims that entitlement can take one of two forms:

1. You believe that you’re entitled to feel good all the time.

(Shortform note: This type of entitlement is the result of letting your emotions manage you, rather than managing your emotions.) 

2. You believe that you’re exceptional or different. There are two ways that this belief can express itself:

  • You feel different in a self-aggrandizing way, like believing that you’re always the smartest person in the room. 
  • You feel different in a negative way, often as a response to trauma. You may think that you’ve suffered more than anyone else has, so you deserve pity; or you may believe that you’re damaged beyond repair and there’s no point in trying to improve yourself.
You’re Not Special—And That’s a Good Thing

Therapist Lori Gottlieb’s memoir Maybe You Should Talk to Someone discusses the fact that sometimes, a person who’s going through difficulty in life can’t move past it until they stop seeing their problems as unique or exceptional. In one example that she relates to illustrate this, a woman with a history of alcoholism (prompted by an abusive marriage) is unable to forgive herself for her past mistakes—she feels like she has messed up her life in a unique way and that her mistakes are worse than other people’s. She’s therefore unable to get involved in a new (healthier) romantic relationship. She can only move forward when she accepts that her struggles are similar to millions of other people’s struggles. 

Another of Gottlieb’s examples shows the opposite type of exceptionalism: A man who thinks he’s smarter than everyone around him continually causes problems in his relationships until he accepts that he isn’t special, either. 

These examples show that feelings of exceptionalism can work in both ways—they can hold people to pain that they think is special, or they can hold people to feelings of superiority that prevent meaningful relationships. It’s only when a person recognizes that they’re not exceptional (and that that’s okay), that they can make progress in treatment and in their lives. 

How Did the Entitlement Epidemic Begin?

Manson connects our current entitlement epidemic to a trend that began in the 1960s, when the self-esteem/exceptionalism philosophy spread through schools, churches, and business development seminars. The focus became feeling good about yourself, rather than trying, failing, learning, and accomplishing things.

In the sixties, researchers concluded that people who felt good about themselves tended to perform better and caused fewer problems for society. Psychologists and policymakers began promoting self-esteem in the hope it would lead to such things as better academic performance, less crime, greater employment, and job performance. Over the next decade, self-esteem approaches were adopted by teachers, parents, policymakers, and therapists, and were integrated into schools.

Can You Have Too Much Self-Esteem?

The late Dr. Nathaniel Branden is often credited as the founder of the self-esteem movement of the 60s. He defined self-esteem as both confidence that you can handle life’s challenges, and a belief that you deserve to be happy. 

Furthermore, Branden argued that a lack of self-esteem led to various neuroses—in other words, that people suffered from mental disorders because they didn’t believe that they were competent, or didn’t believe that they deserved to be happy. 

Branden neatly summarized his ideas in his 1984 essay In Defense of Self: 

“I cannot think of a single psychological problem—from anxiety and depression, to fear of intimacy or of success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to spouse battering or child molestation, to suicide and crimes of violence—that is not traceable to the problem of a poor self-concept.”

However, others say that too much self-esteem causes those very problems. For example, in Ego Is the Enemy, author Ryan Holiday says that having too much pride in your own abilities and too high a self-image can lead to issues like anxiety and depression: You’ll be anxious about taking on any challenge that you might not succeed at because failure would be a blow to your pride; and you could become depressed if you do fail at something, because you haven’t lived up to the impossible standards you set for yourself. 

Manson believes that the self-esteem movement had major negative impacts on society. It led to such things as grade inflation and participation awards. Business and motivational speakers told people that everyone could be successful. Church leaders taught that their members were special in God’s eyes and destined for greatness. 

As a result of that movement, Manson says, we now feel entitled to success, regardless of whether we’ve earned it.

Participation Trophies: Pros and Cons

Participation trophies, which promote the idea that everyone is a winner, are still hotly debated by coaches, parents, and psychologists alike. There are compelling arguments on both sides of the issue.
Some say that participation trophies are good because they reward children’s efforts (regardless of the outcome). Those in favor of participation trophies say that such awards teach children that it’s good to try new things, to do their best, and to be part of a teamall valuable lessons, regardless of whether they won or lost any particular contest.

However, some say that participation trophies are bad because the above reasoning backfires. Those against participation trophies say that, rather than rewarding children for doing their best, they teach children that everyone gets the same prize no matter who wins (and, therefore, there’s no reason to do their best). 

So far, neither coaches nor psychologists have reached a consensus on the issue, but Manson clearly falls into this second category; he believes that trophies should only be given to those who earn them by winning a contest. 

Trauma May Lead to Entitlement

Manson notes that another factor that can lead to a feeling of entitlement is having experienced trauma in your life. This kind of entitlement stems from either the belief that you’re terrible and everyone else is great, or that you’re great and everyone else is terrible. Either way, you feel unique and deserving of special treatment. You may even alternate between these feelings, up one day and down the next. 

It develops this way:

  • You experience trauma. 
  • You feel helpless to solve your problems.
  • You feel there is something wrong with you.
  • You feel your problems are unique and therefore you’re different from others. You feel that different rules must apply to you; that you’re entitled to special attention or treatment.
  • You may overcompensate to prove your value and worth, through such things as unhealthy relationships, drinking, sex, and trampling others’ feelings. You may feel entitled to do and say whatever you want, then use your trauma to justify your actions. 
Learned Helplessness

What Manson describes here is what psychologists call learned helplessness. When someone goes through trauma and feels helpless to change the situation or protect him- or herself, that person might conclude that it’s impossible to change any stressful or traumatic situation.
 
Someone suffering from learned helplessness will become passive in stressful situations, and will simply let traumatic things happen to them. This feeling of helplessness creates a great deal of stress.
 
Amy Duckworth discusses the devastating effects that learned helplessness can have on a person’s motivation and thus their ultimate success in her book Grit. She references several studies showing that when a person (or an animal) is forced to endure traumatic experiences that they have no ability to stop, they react submissively to future trauma as well. This effect can last their entire lives, especially if the initial trauma they endured was during childhood. They essentially learn to give up, which makes it less likely they’ll successfully navigate challenges towards their goals. 

Learned helplessness is also associated with several mental health conditions, including depression and PTSD. The unhealthy relationships, addiction issues, and selfish behavior that Manson describes in the final bullet point are common coping mechanisms for people with those conditions. 

Why Entitlement Is a Problem

There are several personal and professional issues that come with an inflated sense of entitlement. Here are some of the biggest problems:

  • You stop growing and learning
  • You feel entitled to unearned rewards
  • You can fall into self-aggrandizing (an aggressive form of arrogance)
  • You don’t recognize your flaws
  • It creates discrimination
  • It can create a constant need for validation, hypersensitivity, and a victim mentality

According to Manson, we need to experience and learn from failure and challenges if we are to become successful adults. When you feel entitled, you skip this step. You feel entitled to rewards you didn’t earn, and you convince yourself you’re doing great things when you’re not.

(Shortform note: Studies have shown that “gifted” children, who were often praised for their natural abilities rather than their efforts, tend to grow into adults who avoid struggles and failures. They tend to take failure as a sign that they’re not “good” at whatever they were trying to do, rather than a sign that they need to put in more work to get the results they want. In other words, they feel entitled to skip that work because of their natural gifts.) 

In The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt observes that we overestimate our own contributions to a project or a relationship and underestimate other peoples’ contributions. This overly positive view leads to entitlement, and causes relationship friction because we overstate our value to the group.

For example, Haidt cites a 1979 study that asked husbands and wives how much they personally contributed to household work. Their answers added up to 120%, an impossible number that showed they were overvaluing their own work.

At the extreme, entitled people are self-aggrandizing—if something good happens to them they believe it’s because they’re great; if something bad happens then it’s not their fault. They do whatever they feel is necessary to maintain their self-image and status, including abusing others.

(Shortform note: The qualities Manson describes here are also traits of narcissism. At the extreme, narcissism can take the form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is characterized by extreme preoccupation with self-image, a lack of empathy, and the inability to own up to one’s mistakes. Notably, psychologists don’t believe narcissism stems from an abundance of self-esteem, but rather, from an obsession with attention, admiration, and status. This reflects a potentially negative consequence of giving too many f*cks about expectations driven by social media, as Manson warns against.)

Entitlement as a Source of Discrimination

According to Pulitzer Prize winner Isabel Wilkerson (the author of Caste), the dominant caste (a man-made social order developed to rank the value of certain groups of people) believes in an innate right to be in control, giving them a sense of entitlement and the authority to police the actions of the subordinate caste. 

This causes three general problems: 

  • Upper caste entitlement can lead to violence
  • People in the lower caste internalize and reproduce that violence
  • Society misses out on the talents of people from the lower caste, who are arbitrarily prevented from assuming positions of power. 

Historically, white people have been so convinced of their own superiority that they responded with resistance and criminal acts to any effort by the subordinate caste to uplift their lives. According to the author, Jim Crow laws and the Ku Klux Klan were both responses to Reconstruction, and the subordinate caste faced angry mobs in both the North and South in response to progress, with the mobs specifically targeting blacks who showed signs of prosperity.

Other Problems With Entitlement

According to psychologist and researcher Carol S. Dweck in her book Mindset, if someone has a fixed mindset (believing your abilities are unchangeable), they have a need to believe they’re smart. This can evolve into a sense of entitlement or specialness. Not only are they smart, they’re smarter or more talented than anyone else. Their need for validation is constant. 

Tennis player John McEnroe is an example of both an entitled attitude and the pitfalls of a fixed mindset. He believed only in talent. Because he didn’t learn, he didn’t improve or grow as a player. In contrast, basketball player Michael Jordan was growth-minded. He found public admiration embarrassing because he didn’t consider himself to be better than others—he’d developed his skills by working at them and always had room to improve.

Author Brian Tracy adds to the commentary on a sense of entitlement, saying that negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors feed into entitlement, creating the following problems:

  • A victim mentality—you refuse to acknowledge the part you played in unfortunate situations and blame outside factors. For example, you blame your current situation on something your parents did when you were a child. 
  • Hypersensitivity—you put too much stock in others’ opinions or treatment of you. For example, you don’t volunteer to head a project because you’re worried that others might think you don’t have the skills for it.

Tracy says you can overcome this negativity by taking responsibility for your own life. Understand that you only have control over yourself, not the past or other people’s opinions.

Real-World Example of the Entitlement Epidemic

In the memoir A Promised Land, former U.S. President Barack Obama describes how powerful and arrogant many senior figures in the military establishment had become.

It was true that members of the military gave the highest level of service to their country and were prepared to literally sacrifice their lives for the nation. Obama did not question that they deserved respect. But he also did not think that they deserved unconditional deference, even on matters of military strategy. In a democratic country like the United States, the military obeyed the orders of the civilian leadership, not the other way around. He noticed a disturbing contempt that many officers seemed to have for civilian politicians—especially politicians on the left or center-left like himself. They tended to believe that they shouldn’t have to answer or explain themselves to elected officials who’d never worn a uniform themselves.

It was clear that the military had developed a sense of entitlement due to the automatic deference it had been accustomed to receiving from large swathes of the public, the media, and politicians, especially after 9/11. But Obama reminded them that, though he may never have given military service, he was the commander in chief—and his orders would be obeyed.

In the end, Obama compromised with the Pentagon. Although he was incensed by their attempts to force his hand, he also recognized that they could not allow Al Qaeda and the Taliban to regain control in Afghanistan. In November, he agreed to a 30,000 troop surge (on top of what he’d already authorized in February). But in exchange, there would be an 18-month timetable for the withdrawal of U.S. forces from Afghanistan. The mission of the troops would be limited to helping the Karzai government achieve a basic level of security and conducting raids on Taliban strongholds.

TITLE: A Promised Land
AUTHOR: Barack Obama
TIME: 107
READS: 116.5
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Can a Sense of Entitlement Be Positive? 

When we learn about someone who’s extremely successful—an outlier—we often want to know what that person is like. We assume that they must be exceptionally gifted, intelligent, or passionate, and that these personal qualities are the keys to their success. 

In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell explains a positive form of entitlement, arguing that successful people have the opportunity of intelligence. But rather than the innate type of intelligence measured by IQ tests (analytical intelligence), he asserts that extraordinary success in life is often the result of practical intelligence, or social savvy, which enables you to accurately read people and situations and adjust your response to get what you want. Practical intelligence encompasses negotiation skills, the ability to self-advocate, and the conviction that you deserve to pursue what you want—this is what Gladwell calls positive entitlement.

Benefits of Not Feeling Entitled 

In Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she argues that modern society’s epidemic of entitlement and a hyper-focus on self-sufficiency create barriers to forming real connections with others. By freeing yourself from a sense of entitlement, you can cultivate stronger connections with everyone in your life.

According to Brown, society glamorizes self-sufficiency: the idea that it’s better to solve problems yourself instead of asking friends for help. If you adopt this attitude, you’re less likely to reach out to people when you need to. You want to be seen as a helper, not someone who needs help. However, for a connection to be strong, it must travel in both directions. You can’t be afraid to be vulnerable and ask for help. If you are, your relationships are going to be unequal and unfulfilling.

The “gifts” of imperfection referred to in the book’s title are courage, connection, and compassion. These are “gifts” of imperfection because they come about only when you’re willing to be vulnerable—you develop the courage to accept that you’re imperfect, you connect with other people because they empathize with your vulnerability, and you become compassionate with other people because you realize nobody’s perfect and forgive their imperfections. 

In contrast, if we all had a high sense of entitlement and lived perfect lives free from vulnerability, struggles, and mistakes, we’d never need to put these values into practice—meaning we’d never reap their benefits.

TITLE: The Gifts of Imperfection
AUTHOR: Brené Brown
TIME: 42
READS: 112.4
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/the-gifts-of-imperfection-cover.png
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-gifts-of-imperfection-summary-brené-brown
AMZN_ID: XYZ

How Having Empathy Combats Entitlement

A common emotional irritant is other people. According to author Tim Ferriss’s book Tools of Titans, we nurse our grievances with other people and keep reliving how they’ve wronged us.

This is often a biased, inaccurate view. Once you empathize with the other person, you’ll likely stop hating them so much, learning to focus more on how other people feel, not just your own feelings.

  • Philosopher Alain de Botton: When dealing with someone who’s upset, ask yourself whether the person has been deprived of basic primal needs. Maybe they haven’t slept well or eaten recently, or they have other problems on their mind. You don’t see a crying baby and think, “that baby hates me and wants to ruin me.”
  • It’s silly to blame someone for not understanding you. Most people don’t understand themselves to begin with, and they have a hard time communicating themselves to other people. Plus, you can probably explain yourself better.
  • Chef and author of Modernist Cuisine Chris Young: When you give feedback to someone, empathize with their situation. Are you being unfair because you know something they don’t or have a greater scope of understanding? 

In addition to helping people to dissolve their sense of entitlement by emotionally connecting with others, empathy has practical benefits. Tech investor Chris Sacca argues that empathy helps you develop better products and solutions for people, since you can see the world through their eyes.

How to Free Yourself From a Sense of Entitlement

Now you now know what self-esteem is—but how do you improve yours? Since self-esteem consists of confidence that you’re capable and worthy, it occurs when you’re capable and worthy. Below we discuss some practical ways to create a sense of genuine self-esteem.

Way #1: Learn to Take Responsibility

Psychotherapist and self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden explains that when you take responsibility, you take ownership of your life, behavior, and well-being. 

Branden’s book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, specifically says you understand and practice the following: 

1. You are responsible for reaching your goals. You understand that only you can develop and implement a plan to achieve your goals, and only you can ensure your schedule reflects your commitment to those goals. You also know that it’s your job to ask for any help you need. 

(Shortform note: To effectively schedule the tasks that support your goals, try the six-level model of prioritizing that productivity expert David Allen suggests in Getting Things Done.)

2. You are responsible for your behavior. You understand that you choose every action you take. 

(Shortform note: In Goals!, Brian Tracy writes that it’s important to learn that any change you want to make in your life is entirely up to you. This means that you have to free yourself from a sense of entitlement, a victim mentality, and hypersensitivity to other people’s opinions.)

[su_book__goals!]

3. You are responsible for how you relate to others. You don’t shift blame—if you claim to act some way because somebody else is unreasonable, you’re shirking your responsibility. You also understand that it’s your job to clearly communicate your message and to ensure that others understand it. 

(Shortform note: You may struggle to take responsibility for your behavior and relationships if you’ve experienced trauma that affects either. Keep in mind the distinction that The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck author Manson points out: You are not to blame for everything that happens to you, but you are responsible for how you respond to it.) 

4. You are responsible for your happiness and self-esteem, which are totally in your control. You don’t depend on others—like your parents or spouse—to provide it. 

(Shortform note: In Designing Your Life, Silicon Valley innovators Bill Burnett and Dave Evans recommend a technique you can use to exercise greater control over how you feel about your life: Plot out several ways of living that you might enjoy, pick one, then let go of the options you didn’t choose instead of agonizing over them.)

TITLE: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
AUTHOR: Nathaniel Branden
TIME: 66
READS: 67.2
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-cover.png
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-summary-nathaniel-branden
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Way #2: Develop a Grateful Mindset

As mentioned previously, Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection claims that acknowledging and accepting imperfection helps you to empathize with others. Brown also advocates for developing a grateful mindset. Her research shows that true gratitude is more than just a passive attitude. It’s not simply waiting for something good to happen and enjoying the transient feeling of gratefulness that this event brings. This approach won’t lead to a grateful mindset taking hold. 

Instead, you need to practice gratitude. Practicing gratitude means frequently taking action to recognize all of the things you’re grateful for. This could be the small things, like your coffee this morning being delicious, or big things, like having a fulfilling job. You could keep a gratitude journal, do a regular gratitude meditation, or verbalize the things you’re grateful for. 

You might feel that you’re too busy to sit around thinking about all of the things you’re grateful for and that the benefits of doing so won’t outweigh the time you’ll lose. However, practicing gratitude doesn’t require a huge time commitment. Even if you just spend two or three minutes each day listing the things you’re grateful for, you’ll still feel the benefits.

Practicing gratitude reminds you of the good things in your life that you might otherwise ignore. Humans tend to adopt a “scarcity” mindset. This is a way of thinking that emphasizes what you don’t have and ignores what you do have. This mindset harms your worthiness. It’s another way of seeing yourself and your actions as “not enough.” Meanwhile, gratitude takes the focus away from all of the things you don’t have and puts it back on the things you do have. This restores your worthiness and self-esteem. You’re more likely to feel “enough” if you constantly think about your positive traits and the good things in your life.

As a key deterrent to a sense of entitlement, gratitude encourages you to appreciate the “ordinary,” more mundane good things in your life. Society allocates great importance to being exceptional: for example, winning awards or earning a fortune. This may make you feel like your actions aren’t worth anything unless they’re extraordinary. Practicing gratitude can help you to overcome this issue. Gratitude encourages you to acknowledge all of the good things about your life, including things that seem mundane. It invites you to be grateful for these more “ordinary” occurrences and restores their value.

Way #3: Let Go of Insecurities

Overcoming insecurities by developing a stronger sense of self-esteem is one way author John C. Maxwell says people can become great leaders. His advice for empowerment-based leadership can be adopted by anyone looking to overcome entitlement, not just those in leadership positions. In his book, The 5 Levels of Leadership, Maxwell lists the challenges you’ll need to overcome if you want to let go of insecurities:

1. You have to think beyond yourself. Empowerment-based leadership requires you to give up self-centeredness. You have to start thinking about other people, shifting your mindset from, “How can I get ahead?” to “What can I do to help others get ahead?”

2. You need to recognize how insecurity holds you back. Maxwell writes that insecure leaders are constantly worried that someone will replace them and so they’re not interested in developing other people. To determine if insecurity is holding you back, reflect on the following areas:

  • Ego. Do you happily listen to other people’s ideas? Accept when their ideas are better than yours? Give credit to others when they experience success? Take accountability for failings? If your answer is no, then you need to learn to keep your ego in check.
  • Control. Do you micromanage? Insecure leaders are very controlling because they’re worried that other people will make mistakes, but you can’t break new ground if you’re unwilling to take risks. Change your mindset and think of mistakes as learning tools that can aid in growth. 
  • Trust. Insecurity breeds distrust, and it’s hard for anyone to do good work when there’s an atmosphere of distrust. You can’t take risks and make big strides if you’re always worried that someone will drop the ball. And once you lose trust, it’s very hard to get it back.
Keep Your Ego in Check

The book Ego Is the Enemy defines ego as an unhealthy belief in your own importance. Author Ryan Holiday offers some tips to manage your ego:

Never stop learning. When you feel like you’ve made it, you might think you know it all. But the skills and knowledge that got you to your current level won’t be enough to keep you there or to propel you to the next level.

Keep your eye on the prize. New roles come with new opportunities, which may or may not help you reach your goals. Whenever something new comes your way, evaluate whether it will contribute to or distract from your priorities.

Don’t feel entitled. Remember that the only things you’re entitled to are the ones you already have.

Learn to delegate. You might want to control everything because making decisions makes you feel important. But micromanaging takes your time and focus away from the bigger things that contribute to your goals.

Maintain a balance. Find the sweet spot between being relentlessly ambitious and complacent.

Maxwell says staying open to growth and being humble are the keys to overcoming your insecurities. If you find that your ego, desire for control, or distrust are getting in the way, Maxwell advises working through them by talking to a friend or a counselor. Being open, humble, and transparent about your own abilities helps you to overcome a sense of entitlement and makes you more approachable to others.

TITLE: The 5 Levels of Leadership
AUTHOR: John C. Maxwell
TIME: 53
READS: 100.1
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/the-5-levels-of-leadership-cover.png
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Way #4: Realize There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Average

Technology has solved many problems. However, Mark Manson (author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck) believes that it’s given us new mental problems by flooding us with huge amounts of biased information, which convinces us that the exceptional is actually normal. That leaves a lot of average people feeling inadequate and insecure, with a distorted view of themselves. 

During the entitlement epidemic, we’ve come to believe that being average is being a failure; but if everyone were considered extraordinary, then no one would stand out. 

Averageness as Failure in The Incredibles

We can see how prevalent this belief is by observing how it’s made its way into many pop culture references. For example, the premise of The Incredibles, a superhero movie by Pixar, is based on this idea: The villain (Syndrome) has a plan to destroy the very concept of superheroes by granting everybody superpowers because, in his own words, “…when everyone’s super, no one will be.” 

His plan rests upon the idea that being average is failing—that if the superheroes aren’t exceptionally powerful, then they aren’t superheroes at all. 

It’s also noteworthy that, when Syndrome reveals his grand plan, none of the heroes even question its premise. What might have been a philosophical debate was instead presented as a simple statement of fact. No debate was needed, because society (in other words, the audience) already believes that Syndrome is right, and that his plan will succeed unless the heroes stop him (which, of course, they do). In doing so, The Incredibles promotes the very exceptionalism that Manson argues against.

In fact, it is completely okay to be average. Manson bluntly tells us, you are probably average at most things that you do. If you excel at something, you’re still probably average or worse at other things.

To free yourself from a sense of entitlement you need to accept that:

  • You’re not special or extraordinary.
  • What you do doesn’t matter that much, all things considered.
  • Much of your life will be unexciting and dull. 

(Shortform note: Manson has since elaborated on these points. In his blog post “In Defense of Being Average,” he clarifies that we should never try to be average; however, we should accept it when we end up average in spite of our best efforts. In other words, he doesn’t recommend aiming for mediocrity, but rather, accepting that we’ll most likely blend in with the crowd.)

According to Manson, accepting these realities eliminates the pressure and stress of feeling inadequate and always needing to compensate. You can do and achieve what you want, free of unrealistic expectations.

When you lower your expectations to a realistic level, you’ll have a greater appreciation for ordinary things like spending time with friends, helping someone, or pursuing something you enjoy. These are actually the important things. 

Final Words

We hope this overview has helped you to learn more about what a sense of entitlement is and how to recognize the problems with feeling entitled. By following the practical advice in this article, you can learn to free yourself from a sense of entitlement, ultimately enjoying a stronger sense of self-esteem and empathy for others.

If you’re curious to learn more about entitlement, check out our full summaries for the books mentioned in this article:

TITLE: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
AUTHOR: Mark Manson
TIME: 30
READS: 38.4
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/subtleart_cover.jpg
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck-summary-mark-manson
AMZN_ID: B019MMUA8S

TITLE: Caste
AUTHOR: Isabel Wilkerson
TIME: 69
READS: 80.1
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/caste-cover.png
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: caste-summary-isabel-wilkerson
AMZN_ID: XYZ

TITLE: Mindset
AUTHOR: Carol S. Dweck
TIME: 42
READS: 33.1
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/mindset-cover.jpg
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: mindset-the-new-psychology-of-success-summary-carol-dweck
AMZN_ID: B000FCKPHG

TITLE: Outliers
AUTHOR: Malcolm Gladwell
TIME: 31
READS: 30.5
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/outliers_cover.jpg
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: outliers-summary-malcolm-gladwell
AMZN_ID: B001ANYDAO

TITLE: Tools of Titans
AUTHOR: Timothy Ferriss
TIME: 42
READS: 270.3
IMG_URL: https://www.shortform.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/tools-of-titans-cover.png
BOOK_SUMMARYURL: tools-of-titans-summary-timothy-ferriss
AMZN_ID: XYZ

Sense of Entitlement: Why It’s a Problem (& How to Fix It)

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Emily Kitazawa

Emily found her love of reading and writing at a young age, learning to enjoy these activities thanks to being taught them by her mom—Goodnight Moon will forever be a favorite. As a young adult, Emily graduated with her English degree, specializing in Creative Writing and TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language), from the University of Central Florida. She later earned her master’s degree in Higher Education from Pennsylvania State University. Emily loves reading fiction, especially modern Japanese, historical, crime, and philosophical fiction. Her personal writing is inspired by observations of people and nature.

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