How to Improve Your Relationship With Money

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "You Are A Badass" by Jen Sincero. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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Do you have an unhealthy relationship with money? Do you carry a fear or loathing of money in an attempt to show integrity?

In an effort to make money an inconsequential part of life, you can end up thinking about it more than someone who actually has it. Instead, we need to nurture our relationship with money just like any other relationship.

Keep reading to learn how you can improve your relationship with money.

Make Peace With Making Money

When you expand your idea of what’s available to you in all areas of life, and decide to go after big things, you open yourself up to the means of accomplishing it — money. Money is energy, just like anything else. When you are operating at a high frequency, you align your energy with the money you seek and manifest the money you want and need to fuel your new life.

If you place yourself in a new, bigger game — starting your own business, sending your kids to a private school, hiring a housecleaner, or whatever you set your sights on — you either pay for it with money you have or you manifest the money.

When you decide to take a leap of faith into a new realm, it may require spending money you do have, taking a loan, selling something, or manifesting money in another way. This goes against standard wisdom that says debt is bad and irresponsible; the author of You Are a Badass says incurring some debt is all part of taking a leap of faith, investing in yourself, and rising to the occasion.

Making money isn’t just about making money, just as losing weight isn’t just about weight. It’s about who you become and what you believe is possible for yourself.

Our Relationship With Money

We need to have good energy around money because our relationship with money is just as important as what we do to manifest it. Too many people have conflicted feelings about money, making it hard to attract and welcome money into their lives. Sometimes people carry a fear or loathing of money in an attempt to show integrity. For example, it can feel noble to suffer for your art.

Sometimes our efforts at getting a handle on money end up taking precious time and energy, for example, pinching pennies, clipping coupons, or driving 30 blocks to a gas station to save three cents a gallon. So in an effort to make money an inconsequential part of life, you can end up thinking about it more than someone who actually has it.

Rather, we can welcome money into our lives joyfully, treating it like the important and meaningful relationship it is. Wanting and having money is OK — a good thing, not an evil, greedy thing. You can make money and keep your integrity; it’s not an either-or situation.

Like any other relationship, we need to nurture our relationship with money. We do this by observing six rules of wealth consciousness:

Focus on abundance, not lack.
Heal your relationship with money.
Get clear on where you want to be.
Raise your frequency.
Put yourself in the best shape possible to make money.
Love yourself.

Focus on Abundance, Not Lack

Your beliefs hold the key to your financial success. Believe you can have what you want — it already exists — and then go out and get it. When you come from a place of abundance, for example, saying, “I’m going to manifest $5K to take a trip to Italy!” your faith in the unseen is strong, your frequency is higher, and you can attract the money you desire.

Conversely, coming from a place of needing money and thinking it doesn’t exist focuses us on lack. When we believe in lack, we lower our frequency and attract more lack.

No matter what your current or former circumstances, this abundance is available to us all, whether we were born rich or poor, regardless of any obstacles we faced. Once you understand that we live in an abundant universe, it’s easier to drop the limiting belief that you shouldn’t take too much. In fact, the more you have, the more you have to share. There’s plenty of money to go around for everyone; you not making it for yourself doesn’t mean more for anyone else.

When you limit yourself and “play small,” you’re withholding your gifts from the world. Imagine if your favorite musician never had enough money for lessons or guitars? Making money is, in fact, a responsibility. It’s a way you can play a role in creating a better world.

Heal Your Relationship With Money

You likely have some deeply ingrained beliefs about money that are holding you back from creating wealth and living the kind of life you want to live. Maybe you think you’re destined to live poor. Maybe you resent money.

It’s time to rewrite your story around money, and the first step is to clearly understand how you feel about it. Try this exercise: Write a letter to money as if it were a person. Get down all your feelings about money — confusion, resentment, longing. Then, find the truth by breaking your letter down sentence by sentence. For example, if you fear you’ll never get any money, remember a time in your life when you did receive the money you needed. There are likely many times! Understand that money can, has, and will come to you. Create an affirmation around the idea of “money comes to me all the time.” Repeat it as you go about your day.

Understand Where You Want to Be

You deserve to live a happy, healthy, successful life in which you thrive. And it’s not just about you: you being the best person you can be will create good in the world, perhaps through your business, charitable giving, or inspiring others.

You will need money to improve your life and create the best version of yourself, but too many of us feel like we don’t deserve the things that will make us happiest. You may think that’s greedy or asking too much.

But to be your best and do your best, you should demand, expect and receive the best of what the world has to offer. This lets you put your best out into the world — and everyone wins.

Think about the kind of life that will make you truly happy. Be clear, specific and honest about your most personal, true version of success. What kind of possessions will support the work you want to do? What kinds of experiences will you need? Figure out how much this life will cost and set out to manifest the money you need to create this life.

Raise Your Frequency

To create the wealth you need for your successful life, you have to get yourself in alignment with the kind of money you want to manifest. Money is nothing more than an exchange of energy between people, so match your frequency to your desired income.

When you sell your services or demand a salary from a certain frequency, you’ll attract clients and employers who are already at that frequency. You need to believe you’re worth this money. For example, if you believe you’re worth $10 an hour, that’s the kind of job you’ll attract. But if you believe you’re worth $100 an hour, you’ll attract that kind of client.

So what frequency are you at now as it relates to money? Where do you want to be? Figure out where you want to be by getting clear on the life you want to live, and how much you’ll need to make to manifest this reality. If you’re not making enough, push yourself to raise prices or seek a higher-paying job. Maybe you’ll need to boost your education. Making vision boards is one tool to raise your frequency and get yourself to where you want to be.

How to Improve Your Relationship With Money