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What does it mean to prioritize purposeful living? What consequences will a man face if he lives without purpose?
In his book The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida stresses the importance of purposeful living for men. Deida explains that men who live without purpose become dissatisfied, and that dissatisfaction spreads to all areas of his life.
Continue reading for Deida’s advice on living a purposeful life.
Prioritize Purpose in Your Life
There’s more to your life than loving a woman. You have a purpose that drives you, a gift to share with the world, some heart-impulse you yearn to fulfill. When you put that aside, your life becomes directionless and empty.
The Superior Man understands that life satisfaction comes from fulfilling his purpose; he knows that dissatisfaction will only impede his ability to engage fully with other things. He knows his woman wants him to be his best self, so he prioritizes his growth, even over his relationship—that is purposeful living.
When you live without purpose, everyone can feel it. You’ll lose your woman’s trust and your children’s respect. Your friends will expect little of you and your colleagues will use you to further their own purpose. When you replace your purpose with your woman, you rob yourself of your greatest self, and you rob your woman of her superior man. She deserves your full love, and you deserve to give it.
Similarly, if your children feel that you’re weak, disconnected, and unsatisfied, they will grow feeling that your love is unreliable and half-hearted. They will benefit most from spending a shorter amount of time with a father who is fully with them and who loves them wholeheartedly. When you follow your purpose, they’ll feel that you’re internally satisfied, and they will absorb that and grow with it.
Focusing on your purpose frees you to love your family more fully because your time will not feel wasted at work or home. You’ll be able to give your purpose and family your full attention, instead of doing neither wholeheartedly and being frustrated with both. Give your woman and children the fully conscious, wholly loving man they want to be loved by.
What to Do:
Live from your core. Put your purpose first; dedicate yourself to growth, to becoming the best man you can be. Find and share your greatest gift and your deepest love in every moment.
Figure out where your attention is in the moment. Are you splitting it between your mission and your relationship? Don’t use family as an excuse; prioritize your deepest purpose and live it fully. Make the choice, and engage yourself fully in what you’re doing in every moment. That way, when you’re with your family you’ll be sure of where you want to be and what you want to be doing.
Prioritize Purpose in Your Relationship, Too
The purpose of an intimate relationship, generally, is to serve each other’s enlightenment through an unwavering commitment to love, and to revitalize your cores through the physical transmission of that love via sexual polarity. The more you prioritize other purposes in your relationship, the more you diminish your passion and your polarity.
Ideally, your relationship enables each of you to become your best, truest self. For her to safely grow you need to steer the course. That doesn’t mean you have to do everything, or boss her around; it means you must provide a clear direction she can relax into and follow.
When you ask your woman to be your accountant, your friend, and your housekeeper, you lose your passion. You’ll both still desire sex and intimacy, but it will be diminished, and it’ll feel harder to find the right mood or moment. Her feminine essence will become neutralized by her need to accomplish masculine tasks, and the transmission of your masculine essence to her will be blocked by the cooperative equality of your shared work.
What to Do:
Don’t make her take charge of your life; do that yourself so she can focus on her own. When you channel your energies into pursuing your deepest purpose, to be your strongest, most loving self, your partner sees and feels it. Your confidence in your direction—with respect to your relationship, goals, and spirituality—allows her to stop worrying about your finances, future, and security. You give her the confidence to pursue her own deepest truth by removing the pressure she feels to take care of you.
Identify the shared purpose of your relationship and prioritize it. If the goal of your intimacy is a passionate transmission of love, the healing power of sexual energy, and the cultivation of your hearts through shared intimacy, prioritize that. Your woman has the capacity to open your heart and fill your body with life, but if you want that you need to give her the opportunity. And you need to give her the fullness of your masculine essence.
As you grow stronger, more confident, and more stable, you’ll see her grow more radiant, relaxed, and trusting.
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Way Of The Superior Man summary:
- How to reclaim the passion in your relationship and enjoy true intimacy
- Why authenticity is the first key in becoming a superior man
- Why you should embrace your sexual polarity