This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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What does it mean to act with integrity? Why is it important to align your actions with your values? What does acting with integrity entail in practice?
When you act with integrity, your behavior reflects your values. You may not choose the perfect option every time, but you strive to find and follow the option that best reflects your values. If your values point to opposing behaviors, you weigh your options and select what seems best.
Keep reading to learn why integrity matters and how to act with integrity.
What Is Acting With Integrity?
When you act with integrity, your choices and behavior align with your values. Since you only live by your values if you know what they are, living with integrity also involves examining why you have certain values and changing them if necessary. You developed your values based on both your personal experience and what others taught you, but you may no longer believe in them. These values may even cause harm. If so, don’t ignore them—re-examine and update them.
(Shortform note: In The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, Manson also warns that we may hold destructive values that crowd out positive values and lead to dissatisfaction. For example, Manson says that prioritizing superficial pleasure may disrupt your relationships with others.)
Why Acting With Integrity Matters
Branden argues that when you act without integrity, you damage your self-respect and thus your self-esteem. By rejecting the behavior your own mind decided is right, you reject yourself and lose self-respect. This is also why others’ knowledge of your bad behavior is irrelevant: Your self-respect depends only on how you judge yourself. Since you can’t avoid knowing whether your behavior reflects your values, you can’t violate your integrity without damaging your self-respect—and thus your self-esteem.
(Shortform note: In reality, how others perceive you also massively impacts your behavior. In Atomic Habits, Clear explains that we often behave in certain ways because we want to fit in with different groups. So surrounding yourself with people who have similar values—and would judge you for rejecting them—may help you act with more integrity.)
In addition to self-judgment, living without integrity causes guilt, which you feel because you chose not to live by your values. But you can only choose to live by your values—to practice integrity—in situations you can control. As such, it’s important to understand the difference between what you can and can’t control. For example, you can’t control that you were promoted right after your friend was fired, but you can control how you deliver that news to her. Otherwise, you may feel guilty over something you couldn’t control—which may comfort you by making you feel like you could have changed an unfortunate situation, but will damage your self-esteem.
(Shortform note: If you still feel guilty over a situation you can’t control, some experts recommend expressing gratitude in practical ways, like thanking people who have supported you and acknowledging opportunities you’ve had. )
How to Improve Integrity
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- Exactly how to behave to improve your self-esteem
- Why you need to take responsibility for your life and actions
- Why so many self-esteem techniques don't work
