

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Advice Trap" by Michael Bungay Stanier. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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How does problem-solving in communication work? What skills do you need for conversational problem-solving?
According to leadership expert Michael Bungay Stanier, problem-solving in communication is all about adopting a questions-first approach, which results in more productive solutions. By learning to think like a coach, you can let your curiosity lead the way when faced with a problem, says Stanier.
Read on to learn Stanier’s three essential skills for problem-solving in communication.
Problem-Solving & Communication Skills
In The Advice Trap, author Michael Bungay Stanier claims that the best leaders don’t offer advice when faced with a problem—instead, they adopt a questions-first approach, which fosters a more confident, effective, and growth-driven team. Problem-solving in communication should be driven by curiosity, argues Stanier. He says the key to this approach is learning to think like a coach, which requires you to shift your focus away from yourself and onto others.
To be a good coach, you should focus on developing three skills:
- Being supportive
- Asking questions
- Focusing on the main challenge
In this article, we’ll explain Stanier’s methods for problem-solving in communication by developing or improving on these three skills.
#1: Being Supportive
If you’re trying to solve a problem, Stanier writes that communication can only be productive if the people involved feel safe. He offers four suggestions to make people less defensive:
1) Be on their team—be with them, not against them. Validate their feelings with encouraging words and body language such as: “That’s a very smart point,” or a simple, “Great thought!”
2) Be communicative—talk about what’s next in your conversation so that people know what to expect. Transition between topics so that people can follow comfortably.
3) Help them feel important—ask, praise, and affirm their opinions. Lower your authority so that communication can be open and effective.
4) Help them make choices—ask them for their thoughts so they can help direct the conversation. Instead of giving advice, ask: “What options are you considering?”
Conversational Intelligence: Cultivating Good Conversations With Trust In many ways, Stanier’s suggestions on reducing defensive instincts in conversations relate to what Judith Glaser defines as “conversational intelligence.” Glaser agrees that trust is a fundamental cornerstone of high-quality conversations. In Conversational Intelligence, she explains that our brains react differently to people we trust versus people we distrust. When someone trusts you, their brain produces positive hormones that improve the desire to collaborate and connect. On the other hand, distrust results in the production of stress hormones, which may make people more defensive and reluctant to talk to you. By adopting Stanier’s four recommendations when communicating, you can break down these walls of distrust and ensure that your conversations reach their fullest potential. |
#2: Asking Questions
Stanier identifies being curious as a coach’s defining trait—to pause, take a back seat, and ask questions, as opposed to jumping to give advice. Once you help others lower their defenses, you can have an open and productive discussion led by questions instead of commands. Asking questions helps you remain focused and your team members feel supported. Stanier offers several communication tips on how to effectively ask questions to solve problems:
Tip #1: Just start asking. Don’t waste time introducing or justifying your question, just ask the question to get the conversation started. However, only ask one at a time.
(Shortform note: Experts agree with Stanier’s recommendation of asking a single question at a time, reasoning that asking too many questions at once can make a conversation feel like an interrogation. Even if you’re just trying to understand the situation, firing off multiple questions before waiting for an answer can overwhelm the other person, preventing them from giving deep and thoughtful answers.)
Tip #2: Ask “What” questions. Asking questions like “What methods have you used?” sound more open and non-accusatory compared to “why” questions that might put people on the defensive like “Why did you do it like that?” Avoid rhetorical questions like “Have you thought about—,” which are only advice in disguise.
(Shortform note: Like Stanier, many experts support asking open-ended questions to foster successful conversations. They explain that asking closed questions like, “Did you try this solution here?” limits the flow of a conversation more than, “What solutions have you tried so far?” The former question prompts for a one-word answer—“yes” or “no,” whereas the latter allows the responder to provide more context and information that they may feel is important to express.)
Tip #3: Embrace silences. Don’t try to fill every break in the conversation. If you pause and actively listen to their answers, you can understand the situation better.

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Here's what you'll find in our full The Advice Trap summary:
- Why advice-giving can lead to more problems than solutions
- Why questions are more beneficial than suggestions
- How to combat your impulse to give unsolicited advice