This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man" by Steve Harvey. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do you ever wonder what men think about? What are the three things men need to figure out in order to feel like a man? Why do men feel the need to be the best?
In his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey reveals the secrets of what men think. Harvey wants to help women understand what motivates a man to act the way he does so she can navigate the relationship better.
Continue on to learn Steve Harvey’s insight into what men think.
What Men Think
According to Steve Harvey in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, there’s one thing you need to understand about men if you want a good relationship. If you’re wondering what men think, stop trying so hard. Men are not complicated, Harvey writes. In fact, the opposite is true to a fault. Men are the simplest beings in the world because they are all driven by the same motivations. They need to figure out three things to feel like a man:
- Who they are (their title)
- What they do (their job)
- How much they make (their worth)
The most important pursuit in any man’s life is seeking the answers to those three questions. If he isn’t working toward those goals, he can’t feel like a man, and he may as well be dead in the water. This determined focus leaves little no time or interest in relationships and commitment.
However, the moment a man has figured these things out or is on the path to doing so, he becomes a different person. A man with a clear vision of his future is a man who can turn some of his dogged attention to other things, like women.
Men Need to Be the Best
Yes, men are simple, but there is a nuance that creates a hitch, even if they’ve achieved their three goals. Harvey says that men need to feel like the best. Even if they aren’t the best at what they do or make the most money, they still need to feel like they’re number one somewhere in their lives. They’ve put all this time and energy into becoming a man, and they want to be recognized for it.
Men want this recognition from other men as much as from women. A man wants other men to envy who he is and what he has, and he wants women to be impressed with those things. This aspect of men is particularly important because you may think that just because your man has his three goals figured out that he should be focused on you. But if he doesn’t feel like the best, he’s not going to be completely happy. You won’t understand why he works so many hours or gets upset about money. You won’t understand why his moods fluctuate between content and restless. This reason is why.
This scenario is what causes most relationships to fail. You believe that if he loves you, he should share his fears with you. You believe the foundation of a good relationship is trust, honesty, and support. You might be right, but that’s not what men think.
Men need to figure out their paths on their own to feel accomplished. They need to feel like they’ve earned the status of being the best, and if you help them, you take away that victory. Harvey says that all you can do to help a man striving to become the man he wants to be is understand his goals and what he needs to do to reach them. If you can give him the freedom to figure out who he is, what he does, how much money he can make, and how to be the best, he will return to you a happier and more available man.
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Here's what you'll find in our full Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man summary:
- How to navigate the adult dating scene
- What men need, how they think, and how they behave when it comes to relationships
- How women can gain an advantage and find the right man to fulfill their desires