Overcoming Jealousy: Tips From a Self-Development Coach

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Manifest" by Roxie Nafousi. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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What is the best way to cope with jealousy? How can you make jealousy work for you?

Jealousy is one of the lowest-vibration emotions that people commonly experience. According to Roxie Nafousi, the author of Manifest, the best way to cope with jealousy is to transform it into joy and motivation.

Here’s how you can overcome jealousy and even harness it to your advantage.

Turn Jealousy Into Motivation

When we see that another person has something that we want, we develop negative feelings toward them and ourselves. We feel resentment toward them because we think they’re better than us, and we feel bad about ourselves because we believe that we’re unworthy or undeserving of gaining what the other person has.

While these responses are natural, they push us farther away from gaining the object of our desire because they cause us to emit low vibrations and attract negativity. In her book Manifest, Roxie Nafousi offers advice for overcoming jealousy through sublimation—feel happy that another person is experiencing joy and reaching their goals, and channel this emotion into a desire to improve yourself and achieve your goals.

For example, if you see someone on social media posting about their lovely trip, rather than feeling jealous of them and angry at yourself for not being on vacation, be happy that they’re having a great experience and start working toward your own dream trip.

How to Turn Negative (Low-Vibration) Emotions Into Positive Future Actions

In The Mountain Is You, Brianna Wiest reiterates that negative emotions like jealousy push us farther away from our goals and ideal life. Like Nafousi, she believes that rather than letting these emotions control us, we should use them as fuel for positive thoughts, feelings, and future actions. However, Wiest argues that these emotions prevent us from reaching our ideal life and full potential not because they attract low vibrations, as Nafousi suggests, but because they trigger self-sabotaging behaviors. For example, feeling jealous of someone might trigger the self-sabotaging behavior of wallowing in self-pity, which leads to inaction and prevents us from making progress toward our goals.

Further, Wiest argues that jealousy isn’t the only negative emotion that prevents us from achieving our ideal life—other negative emotions like anger, embarrassment, resentment, and regret are just as bad. However, if we know how to interpret the meanings behind these feelings, we can use them as fuel for positive future actions that will move us closer to our ideal life:

Anger indicates what’s important to you and is a sign that it’s time for you to take action toward positive change. For example, rather than wallowing in anger over someone talking down to you, take it as a sign to stand up for yourself and insist that they treat you with respect.

Embarrassment indicates that you aren’t proud of your actions. Rather than wallowing in the feeling, use it as a sign to change your behavior in the future and act in a way you’re proud of.

Resentment indicates that someone disappointed you. Rather than continuing to feel resentment, take this emotion as a sign to either adjust your expectations so they’re more realistic or have a conversation with the other person to make your expectations clear.

Regret indicates that you didn’t do something you wish you’d done. Rather than wallowing, use this emotion as a guide for the actions you should take in the future. 
Overcoming Jealousy: Tips From a Self-Development Coach

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  • How to create your dream life through the power of thought
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Darya Sinusoid

Darya’s love for reading started with fantasy novels (The LOTR trilogy is still her all-time-favorite). Growing up, however, she found herself transitioning to non-fiction, psychological, and self-help books. She has a degree in Psychology and a deep passion for the subject. She likes reading research-informed books that distill the workings of the human brain/mind/consciousness and thinking of ways to apply the insights to her own life. Some of her favorites include Thinking, Fast and Slow, How We Decide, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.

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