This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Time to Think" by Nancy Kline. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do certain people help you think through things more thoroughly and accurately? Do you feel more creative and productive in particular environments?
Nancy Kline’s Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind explains that what and how we think determines everything we do and say. Kline argues that, when people listen to us well, they help us think more effectively.
Continue reading for an overview of this book that takes a novel approach to both thinking and listening.
Overview of Nancy Kline’s Time to Think
Nancy Kline’s Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind argues that, by improving your thinking, you can improve every facet of your life, from work to family to relationships and even things like political engagement. By listening well to others, we can encourage them to engage in higher-quality thought and action. And, when others listen well to us, they can encourage the same in us. Kline describes a step-by-step process for taking on the role of the listener to help someone else engage in higher-quality thinking, resulting in the generation and sharing of great ideas that lead to powerful action.
Kline is a teacher and researcher, as well as the co-founder of the Thornton Friends School in Maryland and director of the Time to Think leadership and coaching company. She’s also the author of nearly a dozen books, including The Promise That Changes Everything, More Time to Think, and Living With Time to Think.
We’ll explain how high-quality thinking comes from high-quality listening, and we’ll explore Kline’s six-step process for a productive one-on-one thinking session from the perspective of the listener. We’ll discuss key components of the thinking process, including attention, assumptions, and important questions, and we’ll look at how the process can be adapted for a group setting. Finally, we’ll note some characteristics of a productive thinking environment.
Good Thinking Comes From Good Listening
According to Kline, all our actions are dependent on the thinking that precedes them. Further, our thinking is dependent on how well others listen to us. Her research on students showed that, while factors like age, IQ, and experience had little impact on the students’ thinking, the attention that others paid them had a significant impact. Therefore, she reasoned, we can teach people to think well. And, in order to teach people to think well, people have to learn how to listen well to each other. She used this insight as a foundation for studying how to elicit good thinking from others by paying attention to them and treating them well.
The Thinking Session Process in Six Steps
The key to evoking high-quality thinking in others is to listen to them well. Kline provides a step-by-step process for conducting a productive conversation, or a thinking session, which maximizes the quality of both listening and thinking. You can employ such a session any time you want to help someone else think well, whether they’re attempting to solve a difficult problem at work, weighing their options regarding an important health decision, seeking to improve their relationships with others, brainstorming ideas for a creative project, or approaching any other situation that requires thinking. Similarly, if you need help thinking well, simply reverse the roles in the process listed below and have someone else listen to you.
Step 1: Listen Attentively for as Long as the Thinker Needs
The first step in the thinking session process is to give the thinker the opportunity to say everything that’s on their mind. Kline explains that your job as the listener is to pay attention as the thinker spells out everything about the topic they’re pondering.
As a listener, begin by asking them what they think about the issue. Then, after they tell you what they think, ask them what else they think about it. Continue asking this until the thinker is certain they’ve said everything they want to say, then double-check this by asking “Are you sure?” before moving on to the next step.
According to Kline, the reason listening works so well for producing high-quality thinking in others is that, when someone identifies a problem, the solution is usually buried somewhere in their mind. The purpose of discussing an issue with someone to help them solve it isn’t to give them your ideas or decide what you should do for them. It’s to provide an environment that prompts them to uncover the solution themselves.
Because of this, Step 1 may be all that’s necessary in a thinking session. Steps 2 through 6 are only needed if the thinker doesn’t come across the solution during Step 1.
The Importance of Attention
Throughout the thinking session—but particularly during Step 1—your attention to the thinker is paramount, explains Kline. Your role is to give the thinker time and space in which to think, so you should listen quietly for the entirety of Step 1.
Unfortunately, most of us were brought up to believe that good listening involves paraphrasing what the other person said and adding our own thoughts as often as possible. Kline argues that these behaviors limit the other person’s thinking. She adds that paraphrasing the other person’s words doesn’t actually indicate that you were listening well—in fact, it shows you weren’t listening well enough to remember exactly what they said. According to Kline, the thinker’s wording and phrasing are the best: those exact words are the ones that are the most meaningful to the thinker and the most compatible with how their brain works because they’re infused with the thinker’s background, knowledge, and experience.
Interrupting the speaker to finish their sentence is also a bad idea, according to Kline. This behavior shows the thinker that you think your words are just as good or better at conveying what they think, and it also shows impatience, which stifles good thinking. Because thinking requires time, there may be long stretches of time where the thinker is silent, but this still doesn’t mean you should interject your thoughts or try to prompt the thinker to continue. They’re using that time to process, and once they’re ready to continue, they’ll do so with greater understanding.
Show Attention Through Eye Contact and Facial Expressions
Kline also asserts that you should maintain eye contact with the thinker the entire time they’re talking. The thinker’s eyes may wander, but yours must stay on theirs, and your expression should remain one of polite interest. Kline does note that there are some cultures where eye contact is seen as disrespectful, so you should adapt her system to fit your culture and the culture of those participating in the conversation.
Let the Thinker Feel
Additionally, don’t try to avoid or quash the thinker’s feelings as they talk. While society has taught us that thinking and feeling are mutually incompatible, explains Kline, the reverse is actually true: Stifling emotions stifles thinking. In particular, crying is a natural physiological release that calms the mind and body and relieves pain. Allow the thinker to feel and express their emotions however they need so they can pursue their thoughts freely.
If you reach the end of the first step, the thinker has said absolutely everything they want to say, and they haven’t uncovered the solution to their problem, you can move on to Step 2.
Step 2: Set a Goal for the Thinking Session
The second step in the thinking session process is to have the thinker identify what they want to accomplish during the remainder of the session. Encourage the thinker to state their goal clearly and succinctly, then memorize their goal in the same exact words. This will help you stay close to their original thinking as you proceed through the next steps.
This step is encouraging to the thinker: After exhausting their pool of ideas during Step 1, it can feel like there’s no chance of arriving at a solution and they should just give up. Setting a goal reminds them that there’s still plenty to be done before they throw in the towel.
Kline explains that they may need to think about their session goal for several minutes, during which you should wait patiently. They’re using this time to organize their thoughts and make a plan for the rest of the session.
Step 3: Identify Assumptions That Limit Thinking
The third step in the thinking session process is to identify the roadblocks that are currently preventing the thinker from achieving their goal. Kline explains that these roadblocks take the form of limiting assumptions, or beliefs that the thinker holds that curtail their ability to identify or implement the best course of action. There are three types of limiting assumptions:
- Facts. These are statements of reality. For example, if the thinker is a college student who wishes their class had more hands-on activities, one of their assumptions about why they can’t change that might be, “I am not the professor.” That’s an objective, true statement.
- Conjectures. These are assumptions of things that might happen. For example, if the thinker is a stay-at-home parent who wants to rejoin the workforce but is worried about missing out on time with their family, their conjecture-based limiting assumption could be, “My family will resent me for not being around as much.”
- Core assumptions. These are fundamental beliefs that we’re often unaware of but that impact the way we think about the world. For example, if the thinker is having trouble talking to their partner about difficulties in their relationship, their bedrock assumption might be, “My needs are less important than keeping the peace in the relationship.”
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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best book summary and analysis of Nancy Kline's "Time to Think" at Shortform.
Here's what you'll find in our full Time to Think summary:
- That what and how we think determines everything we do
- Why the quality of your thinking depends on how well you listen to others
- A step-by-step process for taking on the role of the listener
