How to Release Tension to Have Better Sex

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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Did you know that holding onto tension can actually affect your intimate life? Do you want to know how to release tension so you can be closer with your partner?

In The Way of the Superior Man, teacher, researcher, and author David Deida wants to help men boost their emotional and physical relationships with women. One way of doing that, he says, is to practice releasing your tension throughout the day.

Continue below for advice on how to release tension and improve your intimate life.

Channel Your Energy Through Your Breath

Want to know how to release your tension? The Superior Man releases the tension of others by releasing his own, through them, and sharing his gift of openness with the world. In this section, you’ll learn how to use your breath to channel your energy.

Breathe Into Your Tension

As you move through your day, facing fear, sadness, uncertainty, and stress, the front of your body tightens. When you think hard, your forehead wrinkles; when you feel threatened, your solar plexus gets queasy; when you’re nervous, your stomach becomes tight. As this continues from day to day, you begin to curl into yourself—you hunch forward, grit your teeth, and your breathing shallows. Your thoughts become centered on yourself, your energy becomes constricted, and your presence shrinks into your body.

Much of your energetic power rests in your belly and abdomen; to unlock it, focus on your breath. Through conscious breathing, you can release the fear and anxiety that accumulate in your body as tension.

What to Do:

As you curl into yourself, you turn your unexpressed energy into tension. That tension is a manifestation of the energy you are unable to turn outwards. Instead of curling inward, give that energy as a gift. Use it to do the dishes, or to build a business that helps others. Convert your blocked energy into service instead of storing it as tension.

At random times throughout the day inhale deeply through your nose, ballooning your breath into areas of tightness and stretching the front of your body open.

  1. Inhale: fill your lower belly, and exhale smoothly and fully.
  2. Inhale: fill your belly, then your solar plexus and your lower chest, and exhale.
  3. Inhale: fill your belly, your solar plexus, and then your entire chest.

Repeat this several times.

Your breath is the primary expression of your energy; it’s one of the most powerful ways to give your gift to the world. In the same way you breathe open your own tension, you can breathe open the tension of others.

Whether at work, with your woman, or with a crowd on a bus, you can feel the tensions of others and inhale into them. Allow your fullness to expand out into them and fill them, forcing the tension out. In this way, send your attention out into the world, all day, dissolving its unease with the force of your love. Not only will you feel less tense, but the people around you will be calmed by the freedom and openness of your loving energy.

Channel Your Lust

Most men waste the energy of lust by letting it stagnate in their head, through sexual fantasy, or in their genitals, through ejaculation.

Lust is the desire to unite with the feminine, to lose yourself in giving. The Superior Man channels his lust into energy, using it to empower him in the giving of his unique gift.

What to Do:

Your head and your genitals are the two poles of your body; instead of letting your lust settle in one pole, circulate it through your entire body. Use your breath to move and magnify the energy of lust, letting it fill your heart, and then turn it outward. Use the sexiness of women to empower your ability to give your gift and pour your love into the world.

When you embrace your woman sexually, open her body and heart with your breath. Inhale down the front of her body as you would through your own, filling her with the force of your love—genitals, belly, and heart. Exhale, and let the both of you dissolve into the ocean of your shared loving. Breathe through her, replacing the tension and closure of her body and heart with the force of your love.

How to Release Tension to Have Better Sex

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Here's what you'll find in our full The Way Of The Superior Man summary:

  • How to reclaim the passion in your relationship and enjoy true intimacy
  • Why authenticity is the first key in becoming a superior man
  • Why you should embrace your sexual polarity

Hannah Aster

Hannah graduated summa cum laude with a degree in English and double minors in Professional Writing and Creative Writing. She grew up reading books like Harry Potter and His Dark Materials and has always carried a passion for fiction. However, Hannah transitioned to non-fiction writing when she started her travel website in 2018 and now enjoys sharing travel guides and trying to inspire others to see the world.

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