Why does fighting against life’s unpredictability feel so exhausting? What if embracing the unexpected could lead to more meaningful experiences?
Oliver Burkeman’s Meditations for Mortals explores how to go with the flow and find peace in life’s inherent randomness. He reveals the transformative power of embracing resonance, which is a state of meaningful engagement with our environment that turns life’s uncertainties into growth.
Discover how to release control and find deeper connections in the most unexpected moments of your daily life.
Releasing Control of Life’s Uncertainties
One of Burkeman’s strategies for letting go of control is embracing resonance. He explains that embracing resonance means engaging meaningfully and reciprocally with your environment, relationships, or activities—taking all you can from your experiences, and seeing the unpredictability of life (including its good and bad parts) as a gift rather than an inconvenience.
(Shortform note: In addition to helping us let go of control, embracing resonance may be important for our mental health. Experts explain that if resonance is a state of connection to ourselves and the world around us, then a lack of resonance is a state of alienation where we feel incapable of relating to the world or getting in touch with our inner experiences. Psychologists explain that people living in this state of alienation often may also experience mental health struggles such as depression, anxiety, trauma, and substance abuse.)
Burkeman explains that learning how to go with the flow helps us release our desire to control the uncontrollable. When we constantly attempt to exert control over life, we end up creating unnecessary anxiety for ourselves and others. We also fail to recognize how random, sometimes inconvenient situations can bring meaning to our existence. Embracing resonance helps us overcome such short-sightedness. For example, it helps you see that it might have been inconvenient for your car to break down in the middle of the street, but if it didn’t happen, you wouldn’t have made friends with the person who pulled over to help out—an event that held significant meaning for you.
(Shortform note: In You Are Not So Smart, David McRaney suggests that the sense of meaning we find in resonant moments is made up. Our brains dislike randomness, so we create narratives that bring order to the chaos of life. While this can make our lives more fulfilling, as Burkeman says, McRaney cautions that we need to be careful not to let this tendency influence us to make bad choices. For example, if the new friend who helped with your car ends up treating you poorly, don’t keep them around just because you think it was your fate to meet them. Instead, base your decision on the facts of the situation, weighing their positive and negative behaviors.)
To embrace resonance, Burkeman recommends doing what you can to achieve your goals (working within your realm of control), but rolling with the punches when setbacks or distractions occur (not resisting what you can’t control). On a typical day, this might look like doing your best to stick to your schedule but engaging with interruptions that arise, such as a surprise guest visiting your office. You never know—the interruption might even give you a burst of inspiration.
(Shortform note: In Seeking Wisdom, Julia Cameron reiterates the importance of handling life as it comes, without resistance, noting that doing is key to boosting creativity. One way Cameron says you can take the unexpected in stride, and even benefit from it, is by actively looking for inspiration, even in situations that seem like setbacks. She explains that reflecting on lessons and inspirations from a situation could help you notice that a higher power is guiding you toward your purpose. For example, an interruption from a friend might initially seem meaningless, but maybe something from the conversation will inspire your work.)
