What Is Codependent Behavior? Well, It's Complicated

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here .

What is codependent behavior? Why is it so difficult to properly define codependency?

The definition of codependency is constantly changing as the study of psychology evolves. Some doctors say that codependency is a situational response, while others go so far as to say it’s a disease.

Below, we will explore the history of codependency and its many definitions.

What Is Codependency?

Inthe book Codependent No More, Melody Beattie explores codependency and how it affects people. She draws on her own experience as a codependent, addict, and councilor to present a realistic yet compassionate image of codependents and their struggles. Furthermore, she shows how codependency can ruin lives just like addiction, and how, just like addiction, it can be overcome.

In Part 1, we’ll look at what codependency is and how it forms; we’ll discuss how to overcome it in Part 2. In this chapter, we’ll cover the definition of codependency, its characteristics, and its causes.

The Evolving Definition of Codependency

So, what is codependent behavior? According to Beattie, codependency is a stress-induced pattern of behavior that dictates how a person treats another and how she allows that other person to influence her. The codependent obsesses over the other person and seeks to control them.

Beattie cautions readers, though, that hers is not the definitive definition. Codependency occupies a nebulous place in the psychological field. Many definitions of codependency exist, all capturing an aspect of the condition. These definitions vary between doctors, clinics, and individuals. Some experts maintain that codependency is a disease, becoming worse over time, while others argue that codependent behavior is a normal response to an unhealthy situation.

Though many of these descriptions are outdated, they are useful for getting a better understanding of codependency. Let’s look at a few of the major definitions and discoveries that led to Beattie’s understanding of codependency.

The Difficulty in Defining Codependency

Defining codependency is a difficult task, even decades after Beattie’s work first brought widespread attention to the condition. Part of this difficulty is that codependency is not technically a mental illness according to the DSM-5, which provides information for diagnosing mental illnesses. There is no single, clear definition agreed upon by experts. The American Psychiatric Association denied codependency its own entry in the DSM-5 because it has too many overlapping symptoms with other diagnoses, such as dependent personality disorder (DPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).

However, codependency has a few prominent traits that do not fit a DPD or BPD diagnosis: most notably the tendency to assume too much responsibility, as opposed to the shirking of responsibility defined in DPD and BPD. This points to codependency deserving its own diagnosis, and the issue is still debated among experts.

Currently, codependency is generally defined as a dysfunctional relationship where Person A needs Person B, and Person B needs to be needed. Beattie’s definition remains one of the most comprehensive, as she addresses the cause of codependency as well as its symptoms.

The History of Codependency

According to Beattie, codependency was initially defined as having unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with a loved one’s alcoholism. This definition remained until experts discovered that codependent people act like alcoholics, as if the codependents themselves have an addiction. The definition then focused more on the codependent’s loss of control in their life, rather than on the family member’s problems.

What Is Codependent Behavior? Well, It’s Complicated