This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Better Small Talk" by Patrick King. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do people consider you a sparkling conversationalist? Would you like to make your exchanges less predictable and boring?
For a long time, orators have known that storytelling in speeches goes a long way. Stories hold people’s attention, and they powerfully convey messages. The same is true in basic conversation. However, your conversations will feel a lot less basic once you start telling engaging stories when you talk with others.
Keep reading to learn how to use stories in conversation to powerful effect.
Using Stories in Conversation
In his book Better Small Talk, social interaction specialist Patrick King helps you master the basics of small talk and sustaining a dialogue. Then, he shows how you can “level up” to being an engaging conversationalist who’s fun to talk to. King asserts that being engaging in conversation simply means being good at telling stories. People would rather hear an interesting story that doesn’t have much to do with what you were talking about than have a predictable exchange.
(Shortform note: Author and story consultant Robert McKee explains why humans are so drawn to stories: Stories add meaning to our lives by showing us important truths about the world. Even a short story told in a conversation can be meaningful to someone else: Telling someone about a terrible date you had speaks to the universal truth that finding a true connection with others can be hard and might resonate especially with people in a similar situation.)
King adds that another benefit of using stories in conversation is that it helps you share details that will resonate with others or paint a picture of who you are. This, in turn, makes people feel more invested in your story and in you. For instance, if you describe feeling “like Homer Simpson” while driving home from work, a fan of The Simpsons might find this particularly funny and feel a stronger connection to you because of the reference. Telling the story in this way also creates a vivid image in the listener’s mind, which makes the story more engaging and reveals something about you (in this case, that you don’t take yourself too seriously and that you might have road rage).
(Shortform note: Sharing details about yourself requires you to be vulnerable. You can’t predict how the other person will react when you put something about yourself out there, and it’s possible they’ll disapprove of what you say. To make it easier to be vulnerable in conversation, try to free yourself from others’ expectations and talk and behave only in ways that feel authentic. Brené Brown writes that you can work toward this goal by developing a mantra, a phrase you say to yourself when you feel uncomfortable or in doubt. A conversational mantra you might use if you sense your conversation partner isn’t receptive might be: “The only thing that matters is that I’m being myself.”)
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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best book summary and analysis of Patrick King's "Better Small Talk" at Shortform.
Here's what you'll find in our full Better Small Talk summary:
- Why small talk is a critical part of any conversation
- How mastering small talk can help you have more meaningful conversations
- How to become a better conversationalist, storyteller, and listener
