This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man" by Steve Harvey. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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What are the most important questions to ask before getting married? How do you know if you’re ready to say “I do”? Are you and your future husband on the same page?
According to Steve Harvey in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, there are ten questions you should ask before getting married. If you and your future husband have different ideas about what it means to be married and different goals for the future, then maybe you should re-think sealing the deal.
Keep reading for Steve Harvey’s ten questions to ask before getting married.
Are You Really Ready for “I Do”?
You’ve been with your man for a couple of years now, and he’s been the gift from God you asked for. He’s proven himself worthy of you by respecting your standards. He knows the answers to the three important questions and has followed through with the Three P’s of Love. Now, he’s offered up what you’ve waited your whole life for—the engagement ring. You’re excited, but are you really ready to say “I do”?
Before you flaunt your ring or hire a caterer, make sure you’re clear about what a marriage really is and that you and your man are on the same page regarding yours by asking yourself these ten questions to ask before you get married.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married
Below are the top 10 questions to ask before the trip down the aisle:
Question 1: How do you fit into the vision of his life?
Get clarity on what your mutual ideas are regarding your lives, dreams, and ambitions. Make sure your future selves are as compatible as your current selves before taking the plunge. If he struggles to envision a future with you, he’s not ready to get married.
Question 2: Can you handle a full-time husband?
You’ve run your own show for so long, are you ready to share the stage with a man? Do you have the capacity to compromise on your home environment and how you spend your time at home? You may have envisioned your future a million times before, but now you have to envision it with this specific man by your side.
Question 3: Do you fully respect and understand his career?
His busy schedule and nights putting in overtime may have suited your lifestyle when you were dating, but is that the type of husband you want? Take an honest look at his career and how it will impact your marriage to ensure you’re 100% on board.
Question 4: How do you work through the hard stuff together?
If your relationship hasn’t been put through the ringer at least once, consider whether you’re ready to make the ultimate commitment. If you’re not 100% confident that you’re able to get through arguments and hard times together in a constructive way, you aren’t ready for marriage.
Question 5: Are you in sync regarding your finances?
Who will be responsible for taking care of the bills? How will you decide who contributes what to those expenses? Will you save your money, invest it, blow it on lavish vacations? Do you have to ask permission before making a large purchase? Money is a stressful topic, but you can reduce the stress if you’re both clear on how you will manage your joint finances.
Question 6: What are your plans for a family?
Bringing children into a marriage is a significant decision and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. You need to be real about if and when you want children and how you envision nurturing and raising them.
Question 7: Do you have a plan for each other’s current children?
You may have different expectations for your children than he has for his. Make sure you’re clear about what the rules will be for your blended family regarding curfews, punishment, boundaries, and quality time.
Question 8: Can you stand each other’s families forever?
Families play a large role in marriages. Parents get old and require caregiving. Siblings need a place to crash or to borrow money. Holiday traditions conflict. Talk about these scenarios and how you will handle them together in the future.
Question 9: Can you live with his friends?
Your man will still want to have that annual boys’ trip, invite his friends over to watch football, and spend time with his female friends by himself. You need to be positive you can handle these things now because you can’t expect him to give up his life or the people important to it. And you wouldn’t want him to expect you to either.
Question 10: Can you really abide by your vows?
Can you be the kind of wife your man needs when life spins out of control? Has he proven that he can be the husband you need through thick and thin? You will both take massive blows that threaten to knock you over. You want to make sure the person you’re asking to stand by your side is willing and able to catch you when you fall.
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- How to navigate the adult dating scene
- What men need, how they think, and how they behave when it comes to relationships
- How women can gain an advantage and find the right man to fulfill their desires