This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man" by Steve Harvey. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Have you noticed a lack of sex drive in your boyfriend or husband? Want tips on how to raise his libido again?
According to Steve Harvey in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, there are ten great ways to re-stoke dampened fires in your relationship. We’ll go over them here and discuss the possible reasons behind your man’s lack of sex drive.
Continue on for Steve Harvey’s advice on how to increase your man’s sex drive.
Stoking Dampened Fires
There will always be a point in any long-term relationship where the bedroom fires seem to extinguish. Despite everything you have together, the piles of ash start to feel bigger than the rest of your love. Before you panic and tell your girlfriends he has a lack of sex drive for you, see what you can do to try to reignite the spark.
10 Ways to Raise His Libido
The following are the top 10 ways to approach a low libido in your man:
1. Investigate the root cause.
The influence of stress should not be taken lightly. Stress at work, stress within his family, or stress involving the joint custody of his children are enough to ruin your man’s mood. Try to talk to him about what’s going on outside of your world to see if something is truly bothering him. Sometimes, just being able to express his frustrations and fears is enough to reopen the gates to sex.
2. Give him space.
You know what four words will make your man run for the hills (“we need to talk”). Before you let your man know that you need to talk, take a step back and assess whether a conversation is really necessary. Sometimes men need to work on their lack of sex drive on their own, and what they really need is space to get back on track.
3. Be there for him.
Knowing that you’re there for him if and when he needs you can boost a man’s ego more than a strip tease. If you can tell something is bothering your man, show him you support him. Do what you can to make his life easier, and your efforts may be just what he needs to ignite his desire.
4. Check his health.
Your man may be dealing with a physical ailment he’s uncomfortable talking about. If you suspect his health is the issue, find a sensitive way to broach the topic, or reach out to one of his friends to do it. Let him know you care about his well-being and are concerned about him. If he’s been thinking the same thing, he may open up about any physical problems.
5. Work out together.
A good workout not only makes you both sweaty but also produces endorphins that lift your spirits. Getting down and dirty in the gym may be just the thing that helps you do the same in the bedroom.
6. Add some spice to your routine.
When every Saturday night ends with you falling asleep on the couch in front of the television, it might be time to try something new. Get out of the house and have a new experience. Be active or do something romantic. Add some spice to your life, and the heat may follow you into the bedroom.
7. Dress the part.
You may not understand the power of lingerie, but your man does. Not only does he appreciate the way you look in a sexy outfit, but he also appreciates the effort you put in to look sexy for him. Send him a sneak peek of what’s waiting for him at home, and he’ll be blazing a trail from the office to the bedroom in no time.
8. Have impromptu sex.
You always used to have sex before bed, but what would happen if you decided to have an afternoon delight? A shift in the sex schedule can be enough to make it fresh and exciting. If you can take a long lunch, skip the cafeteria and head home or to a hotel for an hour of passion.
9. Change locations.
A weekend away or a night at a fancy hotel can be just enough to shake things up. And if you can’t afford a getaway, change the environment of your home. Turn off the electronics, and light some candles. Throw a scarf over the bedside lamp, and set the mood in a new way. Make time to take a break from reality with your man to focus on each other without distractions.
10. Leave the outside world outside.
Find ways to decompress from your busy days before you walk through the front door. Don’t bring your stress, crazy boss, or failed meeting home. You’re both tired and overworked, but if your home is your sanctuary, the mood will be right for connection.
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Here's what you'll find in our full Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man summary:
- How to navigate the adult dating scene
- What men need, how they think, and how they behave when it comes to relationships
- How women can gain an advantage and find the right man to fulfill their desires