Do you often care about what other people think about you? How can you stop wasting time on other people’s opinions?
Mel Robbins’s Let Them Theory works when it’s what other people think and say, rather than what they do, that stresses you out. You can’t change what people say, but you can change how you react to them.
Continue reading to learn how to not care about what others think so you can finally feel free.
Stop Being Stressed Out by Other People’s Opinions
Inevitably, people will have and express negative opinions about you. But if you let their opinions influence your decisions, then you give up control over what you do with your life. Robbins points out that just as we can’t change what thoughts pop into our own heads, it’s impossible to control what other people think. As part of her advice on how to not care about what others think, she recommends expecting that other people will think negative thoughts about you—and resolving to follow your own path anyway. Instead of letting your fear of other people’s negative opinions constrain you, you can make decisions you’re proud of and live according to your own values.
(Shortform note: Robbins’s advice to avoid stress over others’ opinions aligns with research on how malleable human opinions actually are. Studies reveal that people’s opinions change far more often than they realize: Thanks to the protection of our “psychological immune system,” we unconsciously adjust our opinions to make peace with circumstances we can’t change. We even revise our memories to align with our new beliefs, like smokers who remembered doing less public smoking than they’d previously reported after a ban was implemented. This means the opinions that cause you stress today may naturally shift tomorrow, making your efforts to manage those perceptions largely wasted energy.)
Navigating other people’s opinions can be especially difficult when those other people are your family since they’re with you for the long haul. Robbins explains that it’s important to think about why someone might have the opinion they do of you or your choices. That way, you can see things from their point of view—not so you can change their mind. (You probably won’t.) Rather, it’s so you can respect their perspectives, which were formed by their life experiences, and accept them as their imperfect (and perhaps judgmental) selves. This serves to deepen your relationship.
| 5 Ways to Handle Judgmental Family Members When dealing with family members who express negative opinions about your choices, communication experts recommend using these practical strategies: 1. Use boundary-setting “I” statements: Rather than defending your choices, simply state your position with phrases like “I want to focus on other priorities right now,” or “It’s important to me to take the time I need.” These statements are harder to argue with because they’re about your preferences, not debatable facts. 2. Deploy a strategic “thank you”: When unsolicited advice comes your way, a firm “thank you” serves as both polite acknowledgment and a signal that the conversation should turn to a different topic. You can say, “I appreciate your advice. Thank you” to signal that you’ve heard their opinion, while still ending the discussion. 3. Redirect the conversation: Take control by changing the subject, especially to something your opinionated relative enjoys discussing. This technique respects their desire to engage with you while shifting away from judgments about you and your choices. 4. Enlist an ally: Before family gatherings, arrange with an understanding relative to help redirect conversations when judgment arises. For example, when your judgmental aunt starts criticizing your career choices, your ally can smoothly introduce a new topic. 5. Create physical distance: Sometimes the most effective response is simply removing yourself from the interaction. Take a break in another room, help in the kitchen, or spend time with more supportive family members. |
