Learn how to go down on a woman, picture of a woman stretching in bed

Do you know how to go down on a woman? What do women like?

To go down on a woman, you need to start slowly to build anticipation and then keep a consistent rhythm with your tongue. You can also use your hand to add extra stimulation.

Learn best practices for oral sex with this guide.

How to Go Down on Her

For many women, sexual pleasure hinges on whether their partner goes down on them. So, learning how to go down on a woman can be very valuable for dating. Many women can achieve orgasm more easily (or only) through oral stimulation rather than penetrative sex. Men should learn about and become comfortable with going down on their partner regularly.

How to Go Down On Her

Ian Kerner’s approach to cunnilingus in She Comes First can be summarized in four steps geared toward building arousal and ultimately, leading a woman to orgasm through oral stimulation. Kerner’s steps are as follows:

Step #1: First ContactKerner begins by stressing the importance of a comfortable and practical position with the woman on her back, legs slightly bent, and a pillow for support. The buildup to “the first kiss” includes teasing the area around her vulva with pursed lips, heightening anticipation. First contact with the clitoris should be a measured, gentle lick from the vaginal entrance over the clitoral head, pausing to apply light pressure with the tip of the tongue.

Step #2: RhythmCreating a rhythm with your tongue strokes is crucial, alternating between motion and stillness to amplify arousal without overstimulating. Kerner says that after establishing the basic rhythm, you should avoid direct clitoral stimulation at times to let anticipation build, focusing instead on surrounding areas. When returning to the clitoral head, gentle pressure can be applied with the tongue’s tip.

Step #3: Manual StimulationAs arousal continues to mount, Kerner advises the introduction of manual stimulation. Begin with light touches around the labia and gradually move to more involved techniques, such as inserting a finger into the vagina and employing a “come hither” motion to stimulate the G-spot, while the other hand can be used for added support and stimulation.

Step #4: Approaching OrgasmTo guide her toward orgasm, Kerner recommends increasing pressure on the clitoral head with consistent tongue sweeps while providing points of resistance, such as pressing against her front commissure. Keeping one hand under her buttocks can aid in this. As the orgasm approaches, indicators include rapid breathing, heightened muscle tension, and physiological responses indicating climax. Maintaining continuous stimulation through her orgasm ensures a more complete and satisfying experience.

Pay Attention to Physical and Verbal Cues

When you’re engaging in foreplay, going down on your partner, or having penetrative sex, pay attention to her body language and verbal cues. Note her breath—if it becomes faster or heavier, it’s a good sign she’s enjoying what you’re doing. Watch her physical responses—her body might arch or move in rhythm with your touch if she’s aroused. Her facial expressions can also provide valuable feedback. Verbal cues, such as moans or words of encouragement, are also important indicators of her pleasure. And always, if you don’t know if she likes something, or what she wants, just ask.

(Shortform: Women’s physical and verbal cues don’t always accurately represent their pleasure experience. As Meg Ryan famously demonstrates in the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally, a woman can easily fake an orgasm. A study by British researchers found that 80% of women reported having faked orgasms during sex. Interestingly, the act of faking orgasms isn’t solely confined to heterosexual relationships. One study noted women in same-sex relationships also admitted to periodically faking orgasms. Faking orgasms can be motivated by complicated emotional and psychological factors, including the desire to protect a partner’s feelings, address self-consciousness, or reduce personal discomfort during sex.)

How to Go Down on a Woman to Achieve an Orgasm

Becca King

Becca’s love for reading began with mysteries and historical fiction, and it grew into a love for nonfiction history and more. Becca studied journalism as a graduate student at Ohio University while getting their feet wet writing at local newspapers, and now enjoys blogging about all things nonfiction, from science to history to practical advice for daily living.

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