Do you wish you were more authentic as a woman? Do you have needs that you’re too afraid to ask for?
Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak encourages women to channel their desires by making bold, unconventional requests that challenge boundaries and create new possibilities. Urbaniak suggests that by fully accepting our boldest wishes and asking for what seems impossible, we can unleash our fullest capabilities.
Let’s look at how to communicate your needs without shame.
Accessing Authentic Energy
Urbaniak encourages the harnessing of powerful forces derived from our authentic, unmasked desires–those fundamental wishes and needs that infuse us with vigor and a feeling of being alive. Our true potential and genuine identity are often hidden by hidden desires, a result of the societal norms and conditioning linked to the ideal of the “Pleasant Female.”
Urbaniak introduces a technique which prompts people to imagine fully embracing their most lavish, unlikely, and occasionally taboo desires. Learning how to communicate your needs can lead to a profound sense of freedom by piercing through multiple levels of self-imposed limitations, uncovering desires and necessities that we may have previously overlooked or not acknowledged. By cultivating awareness of these desires, we can then begin to explore how they might manifest in the real world.
Practical Tips
- You can identify your authentic desires by keeping a “desire diary” where you jot down moments when you feel genuinely excited or passionate about something. This could be as simple as feeling energized when discussing a favorite topic or as significant as realizing you want to change careers. Over time, patterns in your diary entries can reveal your true desires, which you can then actively pursue.
- Create a personal “identity map” by drawing a web of your interests, values, and aspirations that seem disconnected from societal norms. On a large sheet of paper, write down aspects of your identity that you feel are most authentic to you, regardless of what is considered normal. Connect these aspects with lines to visualize how they interrelate, and use this map as a guide to make decisions that align more closely with your genuine self.
- Engage in a monthly “Taboo Challenge” where you commit to doing something that breaks a small societal norm or personal boundary. This could be as simple as wearing an unconventional outfit to a public place or dining alone at a fancy restaurant. The key is to step out of your comfort zone in a controlled way, which can help you grow more comfortable with larger desires over time.
- Create a “Yes Day” once a month where you say yes to new experiences that are outside your normal routine. This could mean trying a new food, starting a conversation with a stranger, or attending a community event that you would typically not consider. The key is to approach these activities with a sense of playfulness and without any expectations. Notice how these experiences affect your mood and your sense of freedom.
- Create a ‘swap challenge’ with friends or family where you exchange a task or item for a week to explore new needs or wants. For example, swap your car for public transportation, your smartphone for a basic phone, or your usual cooking ingredients for something you’ve never used. This exercise can help you discover dependencies and desires that only become apparent when your usual resources are unavailable.
- Use a mind-mapping app to visually explore the potential pathways your desires could take. Begin with a central idea, which is a desire you’ve identified, and branch out with nodes representing different ways you could achieve or explore that desire. This can include steps you might take, people who could help, or resources you could use. The visual layout helps you see multiple possibilities at once and can spark creative thinking about how to manifest your desires.
Making Transformative Requests
Urbaniak motivates us to confidently articulate our needs by making requests that stretch limits, defy conventional thinking, and pave the way for fresh opportunities. At first glance, these requests may seem extravagant or impossible, but they serve as powerful catalysts for transformation, influencing not only our personal development but also the progression of individuals in our social circle.
For example, picture an up-and-coming artist who envisions establishing a large-scale community art project. She courageously seeks the support of a distinguished affluent patron to fund the entire project, rather than just seeking minor donations. Posing this inquiry might seem audacious, but it can spark conversations that unlock doors to extraordinary opportunities. Financial contributions from the sponsor could nonetheless pave the way for the creation of valuable connections, enhanced exposure, and further support that may have remained undiscovered.
Practical Tips
- Implement a “Curiosity Alarm” on your phone that goes off at a random time each day, prompting you to ask a daring question in whatever context you find yourself. It could be asking a coworker about their approach to a common problem or inquiring about a stranger’s reading material in a coffee shop. This random prompt ensures that practicing bold inquiries becomes a regular part of your day, regardless of the situation.
- Create a “Stretch Goal” group with friends or colleagues where each member commits to making a bold request in their personal or professional life. Meet monthly to share experiences and outcomes. This peer support can encourage you to take risks you might not take alone. For instance, one member might ask a local gym for a group discount, while another might request a mentorship session with a leader in their field.
- Engage in conversations with people who have different perspectives. Reach out to someone from a different background or with a different viewpoint and have an open discussion. This can challenge your existing beliefs and potentially lead to significant personal growth and transformation.
- Implement a “Curiosity Swap” with a colleague or peer where you exchange one thought-provoking question each month and then discuss your insights over coffee or a virtual meet-up. For example, you might ask, “What’s one belief you’ve changed your mind about recently?” or “In what ways do you think our field of work will evolve, and how can we prepare for it?” This can lead to deeper understanding and collaborative growth.
- Start a micro-crowdfunding campaign with a specific, tangible goal related to your art project. This allows you to engage a broader audience and gives potential high-end patrons a glimpse of public interest and support. For instance, if you need a particular piece of equipment or material, set that as your crowdfunding goal and share the story behind its necessity for your project.
- Create an “Opportunity Deck” of cards, each featuring a different audacious inquiry or challenge. Shuffle the deck and draw a card when you’re feeling stuck or in need of inspiration. This random element can help you break out of routine thinking and approach problems from fresh angles.
- Host a small, informal gathering at your home or a local venue to showcase your work, project, or cause to friends, family, and colleagues. During the event, present a clear and concise pitch explaining how financial contributions will not only support your endeavors but also provide networking opportunities and exposure for the contributors. Encourage attendees to spread the word within their own circles, effectively multiplying your reach.
