Do you have doubts about your deepest desires? What’s the Legitimacy Exercise?
In Unbound, Kasia Urbaniak addresses a common obstacle many women face: feeling as though their desires are considered illegitimate. She underscores the importance of establishing a deep bond with our deepest desires and fostering a steadfast belief in our right to pursue them.
Check out how to be self-assured by embracing your desires and validating yourself.
The Importance of Expressing Clear Desires
Urbaniak emphasizes the importance of learning how to be self-assured by accepting your desires. Vague yearnings, like the ones for acknowledgment or enhanced romantic encounters, often result in disappointment due to their broad nature and the likelihood of misinterpretation they introduce. To fulfill your aspirations, a lucid and exact comprehension of your objectives is crucial.
Rather than hinting for your partner to be more romantic, explicitly state the particular behaviors that would make you feel cherished and appreciated. How would you feel about receiving flowers every week? How about organizing an unexpected evening out? Shall I craft a romantic message on your behalf? Articulating your genuine desires clearly and accurately reduces the risk of miscommunication and increases the chances of meeting your real needs.
Practical Tips
- You can refine your goal-setting by writing down your desires in a SMART format, ensuring they are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For instance, instead of saying “I want to be healthier,” specify “I aim to jog for 30 minutes three times a week for the next two months.”
- Practice expressing your needs and wants in clear terms with friends or family. For example, if you’re seeking a more romantic connection with your partner, specify that you’d like to have a date night every week rather than just wishing for “more romance.” This helps you communicate effectively and set the stage for fulfilling your desires.
- Schedule a monthly “relationship review” where you discuss what behaviors have made each of you feel most loved and which ones you might want to experience more often. During these sessions, take turns giving feedback on what specific actions were most impactful. Perhaps you realized that when your partner surprised you with your favorite snack, it made your day, and you’d like that to happen more often.
Understanding the Legitimacy Exercise
Kasia Urbaniak presents the Legitimacy Exercise as a powerful technique to overcome self-doubt and strengthen confidence in one’s personal ambitions. This technique entails continuously navigating through the physical feelings, emotional responses, and mental processes linked to the fulfillment of a particular desire. This method fosters a deep bond with our aspirations, affirming their significance across our physical, mental, and emotional existence.
Envision yourself contemplating a shift in your professional path to follow your enthusiasm for the craft of writing. Regularly participate in a practice designed to help you vividly envision the successes of your emerging career in writing, savor the joy and fulfillment it brings, and consider its positive impact on your life. By regularly demonstrating your commitment to your aspirations, you fortify your conviction in them and boost your self-assurance in pursuing them, thereby becoming more impervious to self-doubt and the cynicism of others.
Practical Tips
- Volunteer for roles that require public speaking, like community announcements or leading meetings. This puts you in situations where you must assert yourself, which can improve your confidence in your abilities. Begin with small groups and scale up as you grow more comfortable.
- Practice mindfulness meditation focusing on desires. Set aside a few minutes each day to meditate, but instead of clearing your mind, focus on a current desire. Observe without judgment the physical sensations in your body and the emotions that arise. Then, shift your focus to your thoughts and notice how they interact with your emotions and physical state. This practice can enhance your awareness of the interplay between body, emotions, and mind in the context of your desires, leading to more mindful decision-making.
- Engage in “role-play writing” by crafting short stories or essays from the perspective of a confident writer you admire. This exercise allows you to ‘act’ as a successful writer, which can help internalize the confidence needed for your career shift.
- Start a success journal dedicated to your writing journey. Each day, write down what success looks like for you, including the feelings and outcomes you associate with achieving your writing aspirations. This practice helps to internalize your vision of success, making it more vivid and attainable in your mind.
- Create a visual commitment board in a prominent place in your home. Use it to post your goals, the steps you’re taking to achieve them, and daily affirmations that reinforce your commitment. Seeing your aspirations every day can serve as a constant reminder and motivator, and updating your board with each small success can boost your self-assurance.
- Create a “Resilience Playlist” of songs that evoke strength and determination. Music can influence emotions and behaviors, so listening to a curated playlist during moments of doubt can provide an emotional boost. When you encounter skepticism or negativity, play your resilience playlist to help shift your mindset to one of perseverance.
