Self-Sabotage: Definition and Why We Do It

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Mountain Is You" by Brianna Wiest. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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What is the definition of self-sabotage? How can you overcome this toxic behavior?

To sabotage yourself means destroying yourself physically, emotionally, or mentally, and preventing yourself from achieving success. In The Mountain Is You, Brianna Wiest goes into more detail about the definition of self-sabotage and why we do it.

Read more for the detailed self-sabotage definition.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Wiest argues that the definition of self-sabotage is the avoidance tactics your brain develops in an attempt to protect you from your fears. For example, if you fear being alone, you may avoid this fear with the self-sabotaging tactic of staying in abusive relationships. If you fear failure, you may avoid this fear with the self-sabotaging tactic of never applying for the jobs you truly want. If you fear being disliked, you may avoid this fear with the self-sabotaging tactic of pretending to be someone you’re not.

(Shortform note: While Wiest argues that self-sabotage is your mind’s effort to help you avoid situations you’re afraid of, Jocko Willink has a harsher view on the matter. In Discipline Equals Freedom, Willink agrees that self-sabotaging behaviors stem from fears; however, he believes that these fears aren’t of situations, as Wiest says, but rather are fears of the work it takes to succeed in those situations. So, in Willink’s view, self-sabotage is a form of laziness and a way to avoid doing scary, painful, or hard work.)

You tend to develop unhealthy fears when you lack the mental or emotional skills (ME skills) necessary to handle difficult situations—Wiest refers to ME skills as emotional intelligence and mental strength. For example, you may fear being alone if you lack the ME skills to independently satisfy your emotional needs. You may fear failure if you lack the ME skill of self-confidence. You may fear being disliked if you lack the ME skill of self-love and consequently desire external validation.

(Shortform note: Other experts agree with Wiest that self-sabotage often happens when your emotions hijack your thinking and you lack the emotional intelligence skills (or ME skills) necessary to regain control. They add that the skills most helpful in avoiding emotional hijacking and self-sabotage are empathy, awareness, and compassion. These skills are important in overcoming self-sabotage because they allow us to accurately understand ourselves and others.)

Wiest explains that ME skill deficiencies usually develop because of life circumstances that prevented you from developing certain skills. For example, having an absent parent who denied you love and encouragement might have prevented you from developing ME skills like self-confidence and self-love. You’re then likely to fear being in a similar situation in future relationships.

Self-Sabotage: Definition and Why We Do It

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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best book summary and analysis of Brianna Wiest's "The Mountain Is You" at Shortform.

Here's what you'll find in our full The Mountain Is You summary:

  • Why the only thing standing in your way of achieving your goals is you
  • How to achieve your life purpose and become your ideal self
  • How to identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and stop them

Katie Doll

Somehow, Katie was able to pull off her childhood dream of creating a career around books after graduating with a degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. Her preferred genre of books has changed drastically over the years, from fantasy/dystopian young-adult to moving novels and non-fiction books on the human experience. Katie especially enjoys reading and writing about all things television, good and bad.

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