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What does it mean to become a “superior man,” according to David Deida? What advice does the book on learning to be yourself?
In The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, he gives advice on how to live authentically and follow your purpose. Deida rebels against the traditional views of masculinity and says that it’s okay for men to admit fear, accept and give love, seek purpose, and more.
Keep reading for a brief overview of how to live with authenticity and purpose from The Way of the Superior Man.
The Way of the Superior Man Overview
David Deida, an expert in sexual and spiritual growth, teaches you to become a Superior Man by learning to be authentic. In the process, you’ll find and prioritize your purpose, understand and fulfill the needs of your woman, discipline your desires and insist on growth, and embrace and channel your attraction to the feminine. Here is a brief overview of the tips in The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
Be Who You Are
The first key to becoming a Superior Man is authenticity, and the Superior Man knows there’s no better time to live authentically than right now. He doesn’t wait for his finances to be more secure, for his children to move out, or for his woman to change—he’s willing to do what’s necessary to give his fullest gift in every moment.
You have a unique gift to share, and you can’t fulfill your greatest potential if you never try. In this section, you’ll learn how to embrace and embody your true, masculine self, so you can channel your energy into giving your greatest gift, today.
Maintain Your Fullest Consciousness
Approach everything openly, wholeheartedly, and lovingly; this is how you give your fullest gifts without regret. It’s satisfying to give your best, and that satisfaction lets you engage more fully because you’re not distracted by a feeling that you’re wasting your time. Being open allows you to discover your deepest truth.
Stay conscious and open at all times, especially when faced with pain. When you retreat into your shell, you become blind to the subtle clues and nuances of a situation and are unable to act with your fullest intelligence. The Superior Man stays open to ensure he can respond with wisdom, humor, and love, instead of fear and defensiveness. Remain open by standing straight and breathing deep into your belly, opening the front of your body and making unguarded eye contact.
Accept and Face Your Fears
The Superior Man is trustworthy and inspirational because he knows what he fears and leans into it, sharing his gift anyway. His freedom comes from acknowledging, sharing, and facing his fear. Your greatest opportunity for growth lies at the edge of your fear. Speak your fear, describe your limit aloud, and proceed regardless of your fear and uncertainty. When others see you retreat from your fears and hide them, they lose trust in you. They know a man who lies to himself is likely to lie to them, too.
Ask your friends to challenge you; be open and honest with them about your fears, your struggles, and your situation. Have them identify specific ways in which you could improve, and take their criticism as guidance.
Release Your Inhibitions
The Superior Man prioritizes his own purpose; he does not allow the expectations of others to sway him from his path. Shame, guilt, and expectation limit you, burdening you with feelings of fear and unworthiness.
Many men find that their deepest shame arises from the suppression of their sexual desire. As a masculine man, your natural desire is to ravish. You derive pleasure from releasing your woman from everything that blocks her ability to surrender fully to your love; from “taking” and filling her, body and soul.
This is your role in the polarity of sex, and when you suppress this desire you become unable to fulfill it lovingly. You turn to violent pornography and fantasies of rape, and your shame prevents you from fully engaging in your woman’s sexual surrender. Instead, give up your ego—release your inhibitions and, focusing on what your woman is feeling, give her everything you want to give. Ravish her with abandon, and give her the space to let her desires take you places you’d never have gone otherwise.
Live With Purpose
The Superior Man knows his priorities and pursues his purpose. In this section, you’ll learn the difference in priority between feminine and masculine, why you need a purpose and how to find it, and why you should prioritize it.
Seek Release, Let Her Seek Fullness
As men, we’re driven to pursue freedom—to push through all forms of constraint, release ourselves, and experience the total freedom of complete emptiness. Our deepest motivation is to face death and overcome it.
To be free, break your attachment to comfort and security. Your fear of surrendering your independent self is the death you must face to achieve the freedom of total one-ness.
Women are driven to pursue love—their path to fullness is surrender, rather than release. In sex, their desire is to be filled, connected, unified, and made whole. That’s why they’re disappointed when you stop holding them after your orgasm; you’ve achieved the freedom of release, but she’s achieved the fullness of surrender and wants to remain One.
Your truest release and her greatest fullness rest at the cores of your being. In discovering and embodying your truest selves, you attain your greatest freedom and she achieves her greatest love. Until you relax into your cores, she’ll always seek to fill herself and you’ll always seek release.
Be True to Yourself
The Superior Man’s focus is on growth—he charts the course so others can follow, trusting the stability of his wisdom and the openness of his heart.
The journey of life is about constantly discovering deeper truths and consistently re-evaluating and reorganizing yourself around them. Live from the stable internal core of your being instead of focusing yourself around your daily tasks and responsibilities.
It’s good to be disciplined and purposeful in daily life, but when it disconnects you from your larger purpose you lose your freedom and perspective. When you know your core and are aligned with it, everything you do becomes an expression of your purpose. Your work and your intimacy become opportunities to give your fullest gifts and to enjoy the act of giving.
Your priority at all times should be to be who you are at your deepest level; you’ll only have the energy to love fully if you’re not wasting it by struggling with dissatisfaction.
How to find your core:
- Feel the source of your attention and where it comes from.
- Spend your time with inspirational people who reflect that source to you.
- Read books that remind you of the truth of who you are.
- Contemplate, meditate, or pray daily.
Instead of simply acting, practice being fully conscious in every moment. Breathe deeply, stay open, and consult your deepest truth. Weigh the pressures that drive you to act against your internal compass, and then act in the way you know is right. Whether you’re right or wrong, learn from the outcome and deepen your understanding of yourself.
Understand That Purpose Is a Cycle of Fulfillment
The journey of life is a process of fully living one obligation, mission, or purpose at a time until it is finished and the next one can begin. When you fulfill a purpose, you grow closer to the truth of your heart—your deepest purpose—and open yourself to more fulfilling opportunities. When you lose interest in a purpose because you’ve learned all you can from it, make a clean break and find your next purpose, again and again, growing closer to your deepest truth each time.
Put Your Purpose First
There’s more to your life than loving your woman. You have a purpose that drives you, a gift to share with the world. When you put that aside, your life becomes directionless and empty.
The Superior Man understands that his life satisfaction comes from fulfilling his purpose; he knows that dissatisfaction will only impede his ability to engage fully with other things. He knows his woman wants him to be his best self, so he prioritizes his growth, even over his family.
Put your purpose first; dedicate yourself to becoming the best man you can be. Find and share your greatest gift and your deepest love in every moment. You’ll be able to give your purpose and family your full attention, instead of doing neither wholeheartedly and being frustrated with both.
Don’t make your woman take charge of your life; do that yourself so she can focus on her own. When she sees you living fully, openly, and lovingly, you give her the confidence to do the same.
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Way Of The Superior Man summary :
- How to reclaim the passion in your relationship and enjoy true intimacy
- Why authenticity is the first key in becoming a superior man
- Why you should embrace your sexual polarity