Do you want to become more comfortable with who you are? Do you struggle to speak up, even if it’s the right thing to do?
In her book Professional Troublemaker, Luvvi Ajayi Jones argues that challenging the status quo is scary. Still, it’s worth doing because it’s a powerful way to improve our lives and the lives of others.
Read more in our overview of Professional Troublemaker.
Overview of Professional Troublemaker
In her New York Times best-selling book Professional Troublemaker, Luvvie Ajayi Jones provides a how-to guide for becoming a changemaker, or “troublemaker”: a person who isn’t afraid to speak up and take action to create positive change in their own lives and the lives of others.
Jones is a Nigerian-American speaker, podcast host, and author of four New York Times best sellers, including I’m Judging You. She is also known for her large social media following and her popular blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com.
Jones defines a “professional troublemaker” as someone who:
- Is comfortable with who they are, so they have a foundation for saying and doing things that challenge the status quo
- Speaks the truth and advocates for what they believe in, even (and especially) when it’s difficult or unpopular
- Takes action to make the world a better place
Part 1: How to Be Comfortable With Who You Are
Jones asserts that you need to be comfortable with who you are if you’re going to challenge the status quo. Speaking up and taking action for what you believe in isn’t easy, so you need a strong foundation to fall back on when you inevitably encounter challenges.
Know Where You Come From
Jones says that to know yourself, you first have to know where you come from. Who are the people and communities that made you? Jones gives the example of the oríki, a praise poem sung to or about a person in the Nigerian Yorubá culture to remind them of their ancestors and the larger collective of which they’re a part. Jones suggests writing your own oríki, in which you include your name, your family name, and the personal qualities or accomplishments you’re proud of.
Define What’s Important to You
Jones also suggests creating a personal identity manifesto, which you can use when the going gets tough to remind you of who you are. She recommends that you write a statement that includes: what you care about most, the values that define you, what makes you happy, what you love about yourself, what you believe is worth fighting for, and what you want people to say at your funeral.
Know That You’re Not “Too Much”
Jones says that people will often tell you that you’re “too much” in some way (too fat, too thin, too emotional, too bossy, and so on). Ironically, these statements are often meant to make you feel “less than.” But, Jones writes, the aspect of your personality people criticize as “too much” is often central to your identity and should be celebrated, rather than suppressed.
Jones gives the example of being made to feel like she was “too Nigerian” when she came to the US as an immigrant at the age of nine. She felt like everything about her was different, from her name (Ifeowula) to the food she ate. But when she went to college at the University of Illinois, she met other people like her and realized that her culture was an important part of who she was and how she saw the world; it was a strength, not a weakness.
Jones’s approach when she is accused of being “too much” of anything is to be more of that thing. She recognizes that this can be hard to do in the work context, where conformity may be required, but she suggests thinking twice before you alter your personality to make it more palatable to others. She advises doing whatever you can to be your full self.
Dream Big
Jones observes that life is full of challenges and obstacles, especially if you’re not born privileged. If you’ve experienced racism, sexism, xenophobia, poverty, or other inequities, it can be hard to dream big because your life experience has taught you that the odds are stacked against you. You might have to work harder than other people (such as wealthy, white men) to accomplish the same thing.
However, Jones argues that failing to dream big can be a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you place limitations on yourself, you’ll live within those limitations. If you’re afraid of failure, you’ll never even try. But, if you have big dreams, you set yourself up to make them come true. It’s not a matter of “manifestation” or magic—it’s that acknowledging your dreams allows you to see all the possibilities for your life. With hard work, those possibilities can become a reality.
Jones uses her own life as an example: While studying medicine and organizational psychology in college, she started writing a blog. She loved writing, but was afraid to dream big by calling herself a writer—in part because the only models for Black women writers she had were towering literary figures like Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. Instead of pursuing a career as a writer, Jones worked in various marketing jobs after graduation.
Nonetheless, she kept writing, and began to be recognized for it. She finally got over her fear of calling herself a writer. She had two big writing dreams: To write a New York Times best seller, and to help her mom retire. Calling herself a writer and stating her dreams to herself allowed her to sit down and write her first book. Within a week, her book hit the New York Times best seller list. She soon made enough money to help her mom retire.
Be Less Humble
Jones notes that women in particular have been taught that humility is a virtue. Many women deflect when people compliment them and shy away from sharing their successes. Meanwhile, there are plenty of mediocre men who are always bragging about themselves and can’t seem to function without constant praise. While Jones doesn’t advise that women become that arrogant, she writes that women who are afraid to recognize their value—or afraid that others will judge them if they do—could benefit from being less humble. If people have a problem with you being proud of who you are, maybe they’re not the people you want in your life.
Jones suggests some ways to drop the humility and step into your worth:
- Accept praise. Learn to simply say “thank you” when someone compliments you, rather than minimizing yourself or immediately turning the compliment back on them.
- Share your accomplishments. Let others know about your achievements and successes.
- Don’t apologize for who you are. Stop saying you’re sorry for things you don’t need to be sorry about, like what you look like.
Ditch Imposter Syndrome
Jones says that imposter syndrome—the feeling that you don’t deserve your success—is a type of fear. It makes you think that you don’t belong and that everyone else is better than you.
Jones gives the example of being asked to give a TED talk (something she’d always wanted to do), but then sabotaging herself repeatedly because imposter syndrome made her afraid she didn’t belong on the TED stage. She did everything from declining the initial invitation to not spending sufficient time on the first draft of her talk. Finally, she buckled down, rewrote her talk, and presented it from memory, despite her fears. She received a standing ovation, and millions of people have since watched the talk.
Jones says she is often given opportunities like the TED talk that trigger her imposter syndrome. To combat this syndrome, she suggests that you:
- Know that you don’t need to be perfect. Thinking you need to be perfect can prevent you from doing anything because you’re afraid of failure. Remember that you don’t need to be the best at everything you do.
- Remember how hard you’ve worked. You’ve worked hard to get where you are. That, in itself, entitles you to opportunities you’re given.
- Believe that it’s not an accident. Even if you’ve received an opportunity out of pure luck, once you have it, it’s yours to make the most of. You belong in a space simply by virtue of the fact that you’re in it.
Part 2: How to Speak Up for What’s Right
Jones argues that if we want to be a changemaker, we have to speak up honestly for what we believe in, even if it’s risky, scary, and difficult.
Be Honest Even When It’s Risky
Jones argues that we need to tell the truth, even when it’s risky. She defines truth-telling as everything from being honest with your friend about her unflattering haircut to challenging a misguided idea in a corporate meeting to protesting injustice. Jones acknowledges that speaking the truth is risky because it could cause serious consequences like the loss of a friendship or a job.
Because telling the truth is risky, people lie a lot, from little white lies to big, damaging lies. Jones cites a University of Massachusetts study that found that most people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation. She argues that this is because people are afraid of the truth. Deceiving ourselves and others protects us from having to deal with the hard truths of reality.
But Jones says that while telling the truth can be risky and difficult, it also has important benefits. Speaking up about challenges in a relationship can strengthen the relationship. If you’re known for telling the truth and challenging the status quo, people may be less likely to lie or try to get away with bad behavior when you’re around. They might be more likely to give their best if they know that you’re expecting it (and that you’ll challenge them if they don’t). And telling the truth about injustice or wrongdoing can result in positive change and make the world a better place.
Learn From Your Failures
Jones writes that you’re bound to make mistakes when you speak up. Failure is inevitable. But failure is also necessary for success. It’s an opportunity to learn, take accountability, grow, and become a better person.
Jones gives the example of a time she said something on Twitter that could be construed as offensive to a musical artist. In response, the entire Internet seemed to go wild with criticism for Jones—she even received death threats. Initially, Jones defended herself, but this only fanned the flames. She felt so awful about the situation that she took a year-long break from writing on her blog. She finally realized that she couldn’t let the criticism silence her.
Failure can make you afraid to speak. To prevent this from happening, examine where you went wrong and learn from your failures. When Jones took a hard look at her Twitter failure, she learned valuable lessons:
- Take accountability for your mistakes. If you offended people or hurt their feelings, apologize. Jones realized that one of her mistakes was failing to simply apologize for her tweet, rather than going on the defensive.
- Punch up, not down. Reserve your critiques for those who have more power or privilege than you. If you make fun of or criticize people who are less powerful than you, you can reinforce damaging stereotypes. And realize that as you become more successful, what constitutes “up” and “down” changes: If you have a large platform, you’re no longer the “little guy.”
- It’s impossible to grow without failure. Failure helps you become a better and more successful person. Jones has an even larger audience now because her failure taught her to use her words more responsibly.
Ask for What You Want or Need
Jones notes that many of us take pride in not needing other people and not asking for anything. There are valid reasons for this—maybe we learned early on that we couldn’t rely on our parents or friends, or maybe we have negative experiences with asking for help and being denied. But Jones says that not asking for what we want or need is holding us back in life.
Jones says that if you’re afraid of asking for what you want because you think the answer will be “no,” you’re essentially guaranteeing that the answer is “no.” If you ask, the answer might be “yes.” Asking for what you want opens up a world of opportunities: You might get a promotion, form closer bonds with your friends, or allow your partner to feel more needed.
Jones writes that people who don’t ask others for anything are often very generous themselves. They’re constantly giving to others, but they don’t know how to receive. While generosity is admirable, Jones says that there’s actually an element of egotism in this approach: It allows you never to show vulnerability, and you get the satisfaction of helping others without allowing them the satisfaction of helping you. Part of learning to ask for something is learning how to receive with grace and gratitude.
Ask to Be Paid What You’re Worth
Jones notes that women and people of color make significantly less money than white men for the same work. In addition, employers and society at large discourage workers from talking about how much they make, which is especially damaging to women and people of color. Women are also expected to do lower-paying service work; they are overrepresented in nonprofits.
Jones argues that to combat this, women and people of color need to do two things: Always negotiate their job offers, and never undervalue themselves when it comes to setting their fees and pricing.
Maintain Boundaries
Jones says that we need to set boundaries—limits for the type of behavior we accept in our relationships. Setting boundaries can include everything from telling people when they’re doing something that makes us uncomfortable to establishing rules for the way people interact with us online.
Setting boundaries can be scary because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, come across as rude or unlikable, or face rejection. Many of us have been taught to accommodate others even at the expense of our own sanity, integrity, and safety. But if we accommodate others without setting healthy boundaries, says Jones, we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of and mistreated.
Jones points out that you can’t blame someone for violating your boundary if they don’t know it exists. You need to tell them what it is. Not telling someone how you feel can make you resentful and punishing, without giving the other person a chance to fix the problem. However, if someone continues to violate a boundary that they’re well aware of, it shows that they don’t care about your needs. Jones advocates removing those people from your life.
Part 3: How to Take Action to Make the World a Better Place
While making the world a better place can seem like an overwhelming task, Jones provides a handful of tips that can make your actions more effective, powerful, and just. She advises that you constantly work to improve yourself; learn to delegate; be kind, not nice; and create a community of friends.
Always Be Evolving
Jones contends that it’s our responsibility, as flawed humans, to do what we can to change ourselves for the better. Sometimes people will make us feel guilty for changing, but often that’s because they feel bad about their own stagnancy.
Learn to Delegate
A major benefit of self-sufficiency is that we can ensure everything is done to our own exacting standards. However, Jones contends that if we always do everything ourselves, we’ll inevitably become overworked and exhausted—making it impossible to meet those very standards. We’ll start making mistakes, and we’ll be unpleasant to be around.
Jones says to be successful in our personal and professional lives, we need to learn how to delegate. She provides some tips for how to do so:
- Look for good people. You can’t delegate to just anyone. Look for competent and trustworthy people.
- Understand and accept that other people will make mistakes. . Keep in mind that you’d also make mistakes if you try to do everything yourself—and getting things done is more important than being perfect.
- Know how to deal with mistakes. When others make mistakes, resist the urge to resume doing everything yourself. Some small mistakes aren’t worth getting worked up over, especially in your personal life. Big mistakes or repeated mistakes may merit firing (or retraining, if the person takes accountability).
- Don’t feel guilty. You don’t have to feel bad for not being able to do it all. While some people seem to be able to do it all, you don’t know how miserable (or unhealthy, or exhausted) they might feel.
Be Kind, Not Nice
Jones argues that being “nice” all the time amounts to unhealthy people-pleasing. She advocates for being kind, rather than nice. This means being thoughtful and caring toward others, but not letting them take advantage of you.
In particular, Jones doesn’t believe in the common admonition to “take the high road.” She says that it doesn’t do any good to be polite in the face of injustice or wrongdoing. If someone is hurting you (or other people), they don’t care about you; taking the high road isn’t going to change their mind. Being civil won’t stop harmful behavior. Instead, argues Jones, we need to fight injustice, even if it means offending people or being loud and obnoxious. Fighting for people who have fewer advantages than you is a form of kindness.
Create a Community of Friends
Humans are social creatures, says Jones, but we sometimes avoid forming close bonds out of fear of being betrayed. We don’t want other people to have control over us. Jones says that it’s impossible to avoid rejection—everyone experiences it—but it’s worth taking the risk to find true friends.
She explains that when others have control over us because of our love for them, we can become better people. For example, we’re likely to accomplish more or hold ourselves to higher standards if we see our friends excelling. Real friends will also hold you accountable when you make mistakes, and will prevent you from looking like a fool.
Jones offers the following advice for forming and maintaining a community of friends:
1. Set realistic expectations. Jones notes that no one friend or type of friend can fulfill all your friendship needs—and expecting them to is more likely to result in the breakdown of the friendship. She says there are various types of friends: childhood or longtime friends, work/professional friends, mentors, friends you have fun with, and best friends. While some people may fit into multiple categories, it helps to recognize that some people only fit into one category in our lives and we can’t expect more of them.
2. Know how to handle conflict. When conflict inevitably arises, Jones advises always making the effort to communicate and try to work it out. She says that feeling challenged or uncomfortable is no reason to leave a friendship, but if someone consistently makes you feel bad, you might want to consider cutting ties.
3. Show up and be vulnerable. Jones says friendship is about action more than words. We need to be there for those we love, especially when they’re going through a hard time. This includes being vulnerable and sharing ourselves. It also includes celebrating our friends’ successes.
4. Make a Nigerian friend. While Jones’s advice that everyone make a Nigerian friend is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, it highlights aspects of Nigerian culture that would be desirable in any friendship. For example, Jones explains that Nigerians are fiercely loyal and passionate, and will go out of their way to celebrate you and make you feel good about yourself.
