These days, many of us feel more disconnected than ever. Scott Shigeoka’s 2023 book Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, offers a timely antidote, arguing that the basic curiosity we use to scroll through headlines isn’t enough to heal our divides. Instead, Shigeoka introduces the concept of true curiosity—a deep, intentional practice of outward and inward exploration that moves beyond surface-level facts to foster genuine human connection and personal growth.
Our overview of the book breaks down the four essential tenets of true curiosity—letting go of preconceptions, practicing intentionality, recognizing inherent worth, and leaning into difficulty. Read more to learn how to turn curiosity into a superpower for social and individual change.
Overview of Scott Shigeoka’s Book Seek
While curiosity is an innate human quality, Scott Shigeoka argues that modern society’s lack of it has become a serious problem. In his 2023 book Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, he says that rather than practicing true curiosity—connecting with ourselves and others to pursue stories and experiences that uncover life’s nuances—people simply gather surface information and form incomplete judgments about the world around them. This has created an era of polarization and loneliness that Shigeoka contends we can only overcome if we practice true curiosity, moving beyond basic exchanges toward a more profound understanding of ourselves and other people. This not only fosters connection and empathy, but it transforms how we view and interact with the world.
Scott Shigeoka is a curiosity expert, speaker, and educator who has worked with organizations including Google, Pixar, and UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. He teaches at the University of Texas at Austin’s Bridging Differences Program and has been featured in media outlets such as The New York Times, BBC, and NPR. Shigeoka has dedicated his career to studying how curiosity can bridge divides and foster connections. His work focuses on helping individuals and organizations cultivate curiosity as a tool for building stronger relationships and navigating an increasingly polarized world.
In this overview of the book, we’ll first explain the difference between basic curiosity and true curiosity. Then, we’ll discuss Shigeoka’s four tenets of true curiosity—letting go of preconceptions, being intentional about curiosity, recognizing everyone’s worth, and engaging with difficulty. Finally, we’ll explore how to apply true curiosity in real life.
Part 1: The Nature of Curiosity
Shigeoka explains that curiosity is hardwired into human biology as a survival tool. For millennia, it’s what’s driven us to explore new territories, develop language, and adapt to challenges—making it fundamental to our species’ development. However, many people underestimate the crucial role that curiosity still plays in human development, attributing its importance primarily to childhood development. Shigeoka says that in reality, curiosity remains essential throughout adulthood, fueling lifelong learning and serving as the foundation for creativity, innovation, and discovery.
Despite curiosity’s importance, Shigeoka argues that we’ve settled for a diminished version. Instead of practicing true curiosity—the type that drives genuine development—most people default to basic curiosity. Basic curiosity collects standard information for managing daily life: For example, we exhibit basic curiosity when we learn someone’s job to make small talk with them easier, or when we identify what makes us uncomfortable so we can avoid it. While this kind of curiosity helps us get by, it doesn’t push us toward growth.
True curiosity, by contrast, is a people-based approach that helps us understand ourselves, others, and the world at a deeper level. It gets to the root of things—for example, not just what we’re feeling, but why and what to do about it. Or, not just what someone does for work, but what their dreams are. This deeper exploration drives both individual and collective development, unlocking higher potentials for growth that basic curiosity never reaches.
What Does True Curiosity Entail?
Shigeoka contends that practicing true curiosity requires both breadth and authenticity.
“Breadth” means extending curiosity in three directions: internally (understanding your emotions, wants, beliefs, and values), externally (understanding others, nature, cultures, and societies), and existentially (connecting with something larger like spirituality or consciousness).
“Authenticity” means practicing curiosity to genuinely connect and develop relationships—never to manipulate, control, or persuade. For example, when engaging someone with different views, ask questions to seek a broader understanding of their perspective rather than to change their mind. You’ll learn more, and your genuine interest will make them more open to listening to you, creating a connection that otherwise wouldn’t exist.
Shigeoka elaborates that while true curiosity seems straightforward, practicing it triggers four significant barriers: fear, trauma, time, and isolation. First, curiosity demands vulnerability, exposing us to fears like rejection, failure, and the unknown. Second, engaging in curiosity can be triggering for those with trauma, activating survival responses that close us off. Third, overcommitment often leaves most people too depleted of the time and energy necessary to engage in true curiosity. Finally, our society segregates us into different groups—generations, political affiliations, relationship statuses—making it difficult to connect with and learn from those with different experiences and perspectives.
Part 2: Developing True Curiosity
Shigeoka explains that working through these barriers and developing true curiosity requires four abilities: letting go of preconceptions, being intentional with your curiosity, recognizing everyone’s worth, and confronting and overcoming challenges rather than running from them. In the following section, we’ll explore each of these abilities and how you can practice them.
Let Go of Preconceptions
To practice true curiosity, Shigeoka says we must first release our preconceptions—the assumptions, prejudices, and convictions that act as mental shortcuts for processing information. While these shortcuts help us navigate daily life efficiently, they prevent genuine understanding of ourselves and others. When our minds are full of fixed ideas, we can’t absorb new perspectives or ask meaningful questions—we’ve already decided what we know. Releasing preconceptions makes room for us to genuinely explore rather than merely confirm existing beliefs—this doesn’t require us to abandon core values, but rather to gradually loosen our grip on certainty.
Let’s explore three practices Shigeoka recommends to help free up space in your mind for curiosity and learning.
Practice 1: Test Assumptions
Shigeoka explains that assumptions are conclusions we accept without evidence. While they enable quick decisions, unchallenged assumptions often damage relationships. For example, assuming you know everything about your younger sibling prevents you from maintaining your connection with them as they mature into adulthood.
To test your assumptions, Shigeoka makes two specific recommendations. First, verify your assumptions by meeting people and asking questions rather than relying on secondhand information or stereotypes. For example, ask your younger sibling about their recent interests, and interact with people of other religions before forming assumptions about them.
Second, don’t assume that others perceive you negatively. According to Shigeoka, research reveals we typically imagine that others dislike us twice as much as they actually do. To counter this, identify these negative beliefs, recognize they’re likely exaggerated, and balance them with more positive possibilities.
Practice 2: Recognize Prejudices
According to Shigeoka, prejudices are clusters of assumptions that unconsciously shape our behavior through nonverbal cues and snap judgments—like averting your gaze when someone of another race joins a conversation.
Shigeoka suggests two strategies for countering prejudice. First, view people as unique individuals with distinct preferences rather than as representatives of a group. For instance, when meeting someone of an opposing political affiliation, imagine their preferred pasta shape. This individualization reduces fear responses and promotes fairer treatment.
Second, pinpoint shared identities that transcend divisive categories—recognizing you’re both spaghetti fans, for example. This commonality reduces prejudice and increases cooperation. Both strategies help us see people as complete humans rather than stereotypes.
Practice 3: Embrace Uncertainty
Shigeoka says we should embrace uncertainty because clinging to conviction creates an illusion of control while actually preventing growth and learning. Conviction is a way of avoiding the discomfort of ambiguity, but ambiguity is where change and possibility exist.
To embrace uncertainty, Shigeoka advocates acknowledging that our beliefs might be incorrect. This directly enables curiosity by creating openness to new information. While we think being wrong makes us seem less competent, people who admit wrongness actually appear more approachable without losing competence and report greater happiness—suggesting that releasing certainty benefits both curiosity and well-being.
Be Intentional
The second aspect of practicing true curiosity is being intentional. Shigeoka defines this as adequately preparing to explore something new rather than acting spontaneously, whether you’re examining your own experiences or engaging with others. For example, you must consider how to phrase a sensitive question instead of blurting out something insensitive, and choose a peaceful environment for introspection rather than a loud and distracting one.
Intentionality is crucial because without preparing our mental approach and physical environment, we take on major risks. With others, we risk having defensive conversations, asking superficial questions, or creating uncomfortable dynamics that shut down exchanges. In our internal explorations, lack of preparation can lead us to avoid difficult emotions entirely, become overwhelmed by what we discover, or lose the emotional safety needed to confront painful truths about ourselves. Preparation prevents this by aligning our intentions with our actions and creating conditions where we and others feel safe exploring difficult topics.
Shigeoka specifies two practices to help you approach curiosity with intentionality.
Practice 1: Frame Your Mind for Curiosity
Shigeoka makes three recommendations for how to frame your mind for curiosity. First, write down specific intentions—when, where, and how you’ll practice curiosity. This primes your mind to follow through on intentions while recognizing useful information and ignoring distractions. Second, develop thoughtful questions in advance that are open-ended, genuinely interesting, and original. If engaging with others, make sure your questions are also relationship-appropriate. Third, mentally rehearse how you’ll pursue your curiosity—research shows that visualization improves performance nearly as much as physical practice.
Practice 2: Prepare Your Environment
Next, Shigeoka suggests being intentional by preparing your physical and social environment to support curiosity. First, for self-exploration, gather objects—photos, mementos, music—that trigger memories and spark reflection.
Second, Shigeoka says to prepare your environment by establishing explicit agreements about behavior when engaging with others: Challenge ideas rather than people, listen without distractions, and create space for honest expression. In casual settings, frame these simply: “I need you to listen without offering solutions—can you do that?” Finally, seek environments promoting growth: places inspiring productive nervousness rather than panic, gatherings of people with diverse backgrounds, and conversations tackling substantial questions.
Recognize Everyone’s Worth
According to Shigeoka, the third aspect of practicing true curiosity is recognizing everyone’s worth—acknowledging the fundamental humanity and complexity of every person, including ourselves. This entails, for example, seeing a political opponent as a complete individual with values and experiences rather than reducing them to their voting record. Looking inward, this would include honoring your struggles rather than dismissing them as weaknesses.
Shigeoka argues that recognition is vital because dismissing or diminishing people—by ignoring them, reducing them to single traits, or treating them as obstacles—prevents genuine understanding. When we strip away someone’s humanity, we stop considering their emotions and perspectives, making curiosity impossible. Conversely, acknowledging someone’s complete humanity creates the foundation for meaningful connection. Shigeoka emphasizes that this recognition must extend to yourself as well: Without honoring your own worth, including the parts of yourself you dislike, you remain closed off from both self-understanding and connection with others.
Shigeoka provides two practices to help you recognize everyone’s worth.
Practice 1: Recognize Your Own Worth
Shigeoka makes two recommendations for recognizing your worth. First, listen to the negative thoughts and emotions you typically push away—anger, doubt, self-criticism. Then, ask where these thoughts come from, what past experiences created them, and what they’re trying to communicate. This exploration often reveals that negative thoughts echo past hurts rather than present truths.
Second, make requests without immediately softening them. When sharing a desire or need, resist filling silence with disclaimers like “But no pressure!” Avoiding this kind of ambiguity not only demonstrates that you consider yourself worthy of a genuine response, but it honors your curiosity—when you use disclaimers, you’re essentially saying “I’m curious, but not that much, so don’t worry.”
Practice 2: Recognize Others’ Worth
Shigeoka says to recognize others’ worth by actively acknowledging the people around you. First, respond to others’ attempts at connection—their questions, observations, or requests—rather than ignoring them, even when they’re inconvenient. Doing this consistently strengthens your interpersonal bonds more than the content of any single conversation can. Second, consider power dynamics before speaking. When you hold more social authority in a situation, prioritize listening over sharing your perspective. When those with more power listen to those with less, attitudes shift and understanding grows—but when those with power dominate conversations, nothing changes for anyone.
Engage With Difficulty
According to Shigeoka, the fourth aspect of practicing true curiosity is engaging with difficulty—moving toward life’s challenging moments rather than avoiding them. For example, this would entail having honest conversations about a struggling relationship instead of pretending everything is fine, or exploring grief after loss instead of burying emotions to “stay strong.”
Engagement is important because difficult moments—illness, loss, conflict, and transitions—inevitably arise, and avoiding them through distraction or denial only prolongs suffering and prevents growth. When we refuse to face hardship, we miss opportunities for understanding ourselves and others more deeply. In challenging times, we often protect ourselves with false certainties or shut down curiosity entirely, yet these moments contain potential for profound transformation. By learning to be with difficulty rather than fighting or fleeing it, we create space for curiosity to guide us through adversity toward new perspectives and stronger connections.
Shigeoka specifies two practices to help you engage with difficulty.
Practice 1: Slow Down and Stabilize Yourself
First, Shigeoka advises engaging with difficulty by deliberately slowing down when facing crises or overwhelm. In these situations, our instinct is to give up or make frantic decisions—but both can worsen the situation. Instead, Shigeoka suggests slowing down through intentional breathing or deliberate movement like yoga or stretching, which shifts your attention from racing thoughts to physical sensations. This creates stability and clarity while reducing stress hormones, improving decision-making, and deepening your capacity to make connections.
Practice 2: Build Resilience
Second, Shigeoka observes that developing resilience provides us with the emotional resources we often lack in crises. Building resilience helps us engage with difficulty by creating an internal foundation so that we can stay calm and endure rather than becoming paralyzed or acting impulsively.
To foster resilience, Shigeoka suggests you start by writing down personal commitments: how you’ll treat yourself during challenges, how you’ll stay attuned to your needs, and how you’ll care for yourself. These written promises create clarity and fortitude while facing uncertainty. Second, approach difficulties with compassion, not judgment, and acknowledge that suffering is natural. Do this by focusing on witnessing and listening—to yourself and others—rather than immediately trying to fix or solve a problem. Further, avoid dismissing negative emotions with forced positivity; instead, honor all feelings while remaining open to positive emotional change.
Part 3: Applying True Curiosity to Real Life
Now that we’ve explored the tenets of true curiosity, let’s discuss how to apply them. First, Shigeoka says that acknowledging curiosity’s constraints and boundaries will ensure you behave appropriately and safely. Second, understand that spreading curiosity requires not only practicing it, but actively advocating for it as both a value and part of your identity.
Acknowledge Constraints and Boundaries
According to Shigeoka, the first factor in applying true curiosity is acknowledging its constraints and boundaries—recognizing when, where, and how to practice curiosity appropriately. Just as attempting advanced athletics without preparation risks injury, diving into curiosity without assessing your readiness risks emotional overwhelm or damaged relationships. For example, you must understand when you’re too emotionally drained to engage, or when someone has asked not to discuss a topic. If you don’t, your curiosity can cause panic, burnout, or harm.
Shigeoka presents three questions to help you assess the situation to ensure curiosity is a thoughtful practice that respects everyone’s well-being.
Question 1: Am I The Right Person?
The first question to ask when following your curiosity is whether you’re the right person to do so—Shigeoka warns that engaging when you’re not could be inappropriate or even harmful. For example, confronting an abusive misogynist as a woman could cause you physical harm. To determine whether you’re the appropriate person to broach an issue, Shigeoka suggests assessing four factors: safety (don’t engage with those who threaten your well-being), relationship boundaries (honor requests for you not to be involved), cultural boundaries (ensure that your curiosity doesn’t exploit others’ identities without their consent), and skill limitations (some situations require expertise you lack).
Question 2: Is This The Right Time?
Second, Shigeoka explains that timing matters significantly when engaging in curiosity, especially with sensitive topics. To ensure the timing is right, Shigeoka recommends evaluating three factors. First, measure your and others emotional resources—exhaustion leads to snapping or rushing rather than listening. Second, consider unhealed trauma—discussing processed experiences is fine, but exploring unaddressed trauma risks reactivating pain for you or others. Third, take into account how much you’ve established trust—vulnerability requires a foundation, and pushing too soon can backfire.
Question 3: When Should I Slow Down or Stop?
Third, Shigeoka notes that practicing curiosity requires you to read the room. Understanding when conversations become too intense lets you slow down or stop to prevent negative consequences. He advises stopping an interaction entirely if continuing would cause burnout, self-sacrifice, codependency, threats, or consistent relationship harm—for example, if someone makes a threat. On the other hand, slow down and reassess if you find yourself trying to persuade rather than understand, or if you’re experiencing fear or other obstacles.
Advocate Curiosity
Shigeoka’s second factor in applying true curiosity is spreading curiosity to others by promoting it as a personal value and shared practice. Spreading curiosity is important because individual curiosity can’t address widespread disconnection and polarization—we need collective cultural change. While curiosity naturally spreads through social influence, deliberately promoting it can accelerate its spread. By intentionally modeling and advocating for curiosity, you create conditions where others adopt it, reshaping cultures toward greater understanding and connection.
Shigeoka specifies two practices to help you spread true curiosity.
Practice 1: Demonstrate Curiosity as a Core Value
Shigeoka says to demonstrate curiosity as a core value by practicing it consistently—asking questions, acknowledging what you don’t know, and showing genuine interest in learning. Further, you can establish rituals that normalize curiosity: During regular gatherings, invite participants to share something they’re puzzling over, organize activities where exploration matters more than outcomes, and expose yourself and your companions to unfamiliar perspectives or experiences.
This visible practice matters because society equates knowledge with capability and uncertainty with inadequacy, causing people to hide gaps in their understanding. However, when people observe that curiosity is normal and acceptable, they’re more likely to practice it themselves. By openly identifying yourself as curious in professional, civic, and social settings, you normalize the behavior and encourage broader adoption.
Practice 2: Integrate Curiosity Into Your Environments
Finally, Shigeoka recommends incorporating curiosity into spaces you already frequent—including workplaces, homes, schools, and online platforms—rather than creating new venues. This approach requires fewer resources than building new spaces and reaches more people where they already spend time. Further, most cultural progress comes from weaving curiosity into everyday interactions, not specialized spaces. For example, you could start using your Instagram to share what you learned this week instead of posting a selfie.
