This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Ever notice how hunger makes you snappy, or how certain people instantly put you on edge? That’s self-awareness in action—your ability to recognize emotions as they happen and understand your behavioral patterns over time.
In Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves argue that this recognition forms the foundation of emotional intelligence, because you can’t manage an emotion you haven’t noticed. Keep reading to learn more about self-awareness and tactics for developing it.
Originally Published: December 29, 2020
Last Updated: January 3, 2026
Emotional Intelligence & Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is your ability to recognize your emotions as they’re happening and understand your behavioral patterns over time. Bradberry and Greaves explain that when you have strong self-awareness, you know that criticism tends to make you defensive, or that hunger makes you irritable, or that stress causes you to withdraw from others. You’re conscious of your triggers—the specific people, situations, or behaviors that provoke your strong emotional reactions. The authors contend that this recognition is the foundation for everything else that contributes to EQ, because you can’t manage an emotion you haven’t noticed.
| How Self-Awareness Varies Across Individuals While Bradberry and Greaves see self-awareness as a skill everyone can develop to a similar degree, research reveals variation in how people experience and express emotional self-awareness. These differences are part of normal neurological diversity, but can create challenges in workplaces and social settings that assume everyone processes emotions similarly—for example, expecting people to articulate their feelings in real-time. Some people can easily identify and label their feelings, whereas others experience emotions less distinctly, a trait called alexithymia: They may feel emotional and physical responses strongly but struggle to identify specific emotions or put them into words. Neurodivergent individuals may also experience self-awareness differently. Many people with autism or ADHD report highly sensitive interoception—the ability to detect internal body signals like heart rate, muscle tension, or feelings of discomfort. They often recognize when they’re becoming overwhelmed or when a situation feels wrong much more quickly than neurotypical people do. However, they may not describe these experiences using the same emotion labels that are conventional among neurotypical people, or they may see little value in verbalizing their internal states to others. This can make them appear to lack self-awareness when they’re actually acutely aware of their physical and emotional states. Research shows that these patterns are distinct: About 50% of autistic people also experience alexithymia, but 50% don’t—and when researchers control for alexithymia, many supposed autism-related difficulties with understanding emotions disappear. This suggests that challenges with emotional awareness aren’t inherent to neurodivergence itself. While Bradberry and Greaves’s strategies for sharpening your self-awareness assume neurotypical emotional processing, neurodivergent individuals often need different approaches that work with their specific patterns—such as taking longer breaks for emotional regulation or looking at emotions through analytical observation rather than immediately trying to label them. |
People with high levels of self-awareness:
- Notice patterns of behavior in specific situations
- Take time to decipher the reasons behind their emotional responses
- Know what they do well, and what they don’t
- Understand what motivates, angers, and upsets them
Tactics to Develop Self-Awareness
Tactic #1: Understand the physical effects of your emotions. Close your eyes and examine different physical factors such as your heartbeat, breath, and muscle tension. Then, recall a memory that elicits a strong emotional response. Notice the way your body changes based upon that emotion. Recognizing physical responses allows you to quickly identify your emotions in your day-to-day life.
Tactic #2: Find the reason behind your emotion. Emotions act as a guide, pointing out things in your psyche or surroundings that you may not recognize otherwise. Assess why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. This helps you resolve any problems or tensions that are causing unwanted feelings.
Tactic #3: Embrace discomfort. Avoiding painful feelings only creates a short-term solution and exacerbates problems further down the line. When an uncomfortable emotion emerges, dive into your feeling and work through it. Once you understand why you’re uncomfortable, you can handle the uncomfortable emotion more effectively.
Tactic #4: Don’t identify your emotions as “good” or “bad.” Emotions aren’t “good” or “bad.” Judging a feeling only puts more emotions (such as shame or pride) on top of that feeling. This keeps your original emotion from developing and muddies your current emotional state.
Tactic #5: Know your triggers. Everyone has people and behaviors that push their buttons. Knowing what triggers you allows you to strategize for those situations. Be specific when noting your triggers. Identify people, activities, and environments that irk you. Then, mentally prepare yourself for the situation.
Tactic #6: Be specific about the message you send to the world. The clothes you wear, your physical demeanor, and your facial expressions all send specific messages and usually reflect your internal emotions. Understand the message your demeanor and appearance sends. This will help you understand why people interact with you the way that they do.
Tactic #7: Invite feedback. When it comes to examining your behavior, you’re inherently biased. Reach out to other people to get a truly objective picture of yourself and the ways you respond to certain situations or people.
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