Relationships Archives

Sexual Monogamy: Why Do We Value It So Much?

What is monogamy and why do we value it? Are humans naturally monogamous? Where does our obsession with sexual monogamy stem from? According to couples therapist Esther Perel, our values for sexual monogamy were instilled in childhood. As babies, our parents were utterly devoted to us, and monogamy is our way of recreating this connection. People who didn’t have a connection like this with their mothers as children often want this connection even more than those who did experience it. In this article, we’ll discuss how our views on monogamy changed throughout history, and why we value it so much.

Sexual Infidelity: Why Do People Cheat?

Why do people cheat in relationships? Do you think a relationship can still work after one of the partners cheated on the other? People are unfaithful for many disparate reasons, ranging from revenge to healing. However, according to couples therapist Esther Perel, unfaithfulness doesn’t necessarily mean that a relationship has deeper problems. Lots of cheaters are happy with their relationships. In this article, we’ll explore why people in monogamous relationships cheat, and how to handle the possibility of sexual infidelity that exists in every relationship.

Esther Perel: Violent Sexual Fantasies Are Normal

Is it common to fantasize about violent sex? What do violent sexual fantasies tell us about ourselves? Sexual fantasies are a natural, healthy part of adult sexuality. And it’s not actually uncommon to fantasize about sexual aggression. Yet, we feel like there’s something wrong with us for coming up with (and enjoying) these scenarios. Here is what aggressive sexual fantasies tell us about ourselves, according to couples therapist Esther Perel.

Why Sexual Equality Doesn’t Apply to Sex

Think and Grow Rich: Sexual Transmutation Demystified

Are egalitarianism and sexual desire mutually exclusive? How do they contradict each other? How can we foster sexual equality when the act of sex itself is a power play? According to Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, egalitarianism and sexual desire are inherently at odds with each other. Egalitarianism is all about fairness and respect, while sexual desire is driven by aggression and power play. However, this doesn’t mean that egalitarianism and desire have to be a balancing act. Here’s what couples therapist Esther Perel has to say about sexual equality.

The Psychology Behind Your Sexual Imagination

What do sexual fantasies tell us about ourselves? What do they symbolize? And why do we keep them to ourselves? Our sexual imagination is a gateway to our sexuality—erotic fantasies reveal a lot about our inner sexual worlds. According to psychotherapist Esther Perel, sexual fantasies are unlike regular fantasies in the sense that they are symbolic, not literal. Further, sexual fantasies are often in contradiction with our self-image which is why people tend to keep them to themselves. Keep reading learn about the psychology behind sexual fantasy and what your sexual thoughts reveal about you.

Untruth #3: The Untruth of Us Versus Them

Why is the “us versus them” mindset so destructive? How has intersectionality contributed to the problem? In what ways have these problems contributed to call-out culture? Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff, co-authors of The Coddling of the American Mind, discuss the three “Great Untruths” in modern society. The first of those untruths is the untruth of “us versus them.” In their book, they discuss where this mindset originated from and what the implications are. Keep reading to learn what Haidt and Lukianoff have to say about the dangers of the “us versus them” mindset.

How to Protect Yourself from Negative Influences

What are some negative influences in life? How do you protect yourself from bad influences? Negative opinions, thoughts, or attitudes that come from outside or within will have a bad influence on you. You can protect yourself from negative influences by closing your mind against anyone or anything that discourages you and focusing your mind on your goals. Read more about the major negative influences in life and how to protect yourself from them.

Cultural Views on Sex & Their Implications for Desire

Why is sex such a contentious topic? How do the mixed views on sex influence sexual desire? American culture has mixed feelings about sex, and when this culture pervades our relationships, it can impair our desire. American culture tends to look at sex from two extreme points of view, hedonism and Puritanism⁠—sometimes even at the same time. In this article, we’ll consider the clash between the two and its implications for the way we approach our own sex lives.

The 2 Intimacy Languages: Verbal and Nonverbal

What exactly is intimacy? What’s your preferred way of expressing intimacy—verbal or nonverbal? In modern times, our concept of intimacy has become more precise⁠—we consider it to be achieved mainly through verbal communication. But talking isn’t the only intimacy language, intimacy can also be fostered through nonverbal communication. Keep reading to learn about the two languages of intimacy, how and why they sometimes clash, and what can be done about it.

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel: Book Overview

What is Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity about? What is the key message of the book? Mating in Captivity looks at what makes up our individual sense of desire and our desire for our partners. According to author Esther Perel, although desire and love may have some fundamental contradictions, there are ways to balance the clashes, and ways to manage extra-relationship stresses. Below is a brief overview of Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.