The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading.

Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here .

Words are incredibly powerful tools. They possess the ability to be used for immense good or to deeply hurt others and ourselves. Don Miguel Ruiz suggests we think of them as either White Magic or Black Magic. In The Four Agreements, Ruiz says the first agreement is “Be impeccable with your word.”

Keep reading to learn how words are like seeds planted in the fertile ground of the human mind—and you can choose to plant seeds of goodness or seeds of fear.

Originally Published: June 18, 2019
Last Updated: December 29, 2025

Be Impeccable With Your Word

The first agreement, “Be impeccable with your word,” is the foundation upon which all other agreements rest. Ruiz argues that abiding by this single agreement can fundamentally change your life. But what does it actually mean?

Say exactly what you mean: Speak with honesty and clarity.
Speak with integrity: Ensure your words align with your values.
Avoid “sinning” against yourself: The literal meaning of “impeccable” is to be “without sin.” In this context, it means not using your words to judge, blame, or harm yourself or those around you.

While it sounds simple, being impeccable is often the hardest agreement to honor because we have been conditioned to do the exact opposite.

How We Use “Black Magic”

We are often careless with our words, forgetting the weight they carry. Ruiz notes that, while we rarely set out to intentionally cause harm, an offhand, cruel comment can leave a lasting scar.

(Shortform note: In The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman also discusses the power of language, particularly for people whose “love language” is words of affirmation. Chapman points out that even when you need to express anger or hurt, you can still use a gentle, kind tone to communicate it in a loving way. Similarly, in Crucial Conversations, the authors note that it’s easy to say things we’ll regret in high-stakes, emotional conversations where there’s disagreement. To avoid this, they recommend ensuring that both people have a shared purpose for the conversation and that the conditions are safe for everyone to contribute.)

The Power of Small Comments

Ruiz writes that the things we say become part of us, forming the basis of our internal agreements. Consider these examples of how “spells” are cast:

The workplace: Imagine a young graphic designer pitching bold, unconventional ideas. Her manager, stressed by deadlines, snaps, “Let’s stay realistic. We don’t need wild ideas right now.” This single moment might cause the designer to form a new agreement: “Being imaginative is risky; safe ideas are the only acceptable ones.”
Childhood: A harried mother tells her singing daughter to be quiet because she has a headache. The child may adopt a new agreement—that her voice is annoying or that she must repress her joy to be loved.
Self-Image: A child told they are “ugly” or “dumb” begins to believe it. Once they accept that opinion, it becomes an agreement, and they live as if under a spell that no amount of outside praise can easily break.

(Shortform note: Although words can impact us deeply at any age, research suggests that this is particularly true during childhood, when criticism from adults can lead to long-term negative effects like depression, lower academic performance, and lower self-worth.)

The Poison of Gossip

The most pervasive form of “Black Magic” is gossip. Ruiz compares gossip to a computer virus. Once the malware is introduced, your mind—the computer—no longer functions correctly. You become infected with someone else’s biased point of view, and you then become a conduit to spread the virus further.

Gossip creates what the Toltecs called the mitote: a chaos of a thousand voices all talking at once in the mind, making it impossible to see the world clearly or neutrally.

Embracing “White Magic”

To stop using words as a toxin and start using them as a force for good, you must commit to being impeccable with your words. According to Ruiz, this entails:

Saying only what you mean.
Stopping internal negative self-talk (e.g., “I’m a disaster,” “I’m bad at math”).
Refraining from gossip.

The First Agreement and Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication (Marshall B. Rosenberg) may be a helpful framework for implementing Ruiz’s advice about how to use language carefully. Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a nonjudgmental and compassionate way of speaking that includes four steps: observe, identify and state feelings, identify and state needs, then make a request. Here, we’ll break down Ruiz’s key points and how nonviolent communication can help with each:

Say only what you mean: By taking a beat to accurately identify your emotions and needs, you might be less likely to say something impulsive that you don’t really mean.

Stop your internal negative self-talk: Over time, critical self-talk can evolve into debilitating shame that prevents us from showing up authentically for others. Rosenberg notes that NVC can be used as a way to approach your own self-talk. To create a more compassionate internal dialogue, focus on feelings and needs rather than self-judgment. Instead of thinking, “I’m so stupid,” practice thinking, “What unmet need prompted me to act that way?”

Refrain from gossiping: Rosenberg also writes that making moralistic judgments of others is really a roundabout way of expressing our own values and needs. A key part of NVC is focusing on the self (by using “I” statements) and avoiding the types of judgments that typically come up when gossiping. Statements like, “She’s a rude person,” might become, “I feel underappreciated when she doesn’t thank me for my work.” Furthermore, the compassionate, nonviolent approach would be to communicate something like this directly to the other person.

The Benefits of Impeccability

When you practice the first agreement, you experience two major shifts:

Internal protection: Your mind is no longer fertile ground for the “Black Magic” of others. You become immune to the negative opinions and “spells” people try to cast on you.
External impact: You stop sending out negativity. Instead, you use “White Magic” to bolster others. Telling a child they are hard-working or telling a stranger their voice is lovely can actually break old, negative agreements they were carrying.

By changing the way you deal with yourself through your words, the way you deal with others follows naturally. You replace seeds of fear with seeds of love, leading to a life of peace and freedom.