Public Speaking Is a Skill, Not a Personality | Vinh Giang

Vinh Giang and Lewis Howes discuss how communication is not a fixed personality trait but a set of learned behaviors that can be observed, practiced, and improved. Their insights emphasize that anyone can learn to communicate more effectively by adjusting habits, increasing self-awareness, and adapting to audiences and contexts.

Communication Is Based On Habits, Not Personality

Vinh Giang explains that judgments we make about our communication style—such as thinking we’re uncharismatic or boring—are not permanent aspects of our personality. Instead, the way we communicate is just a collection of habitual behaviors that are all temporary and changeable. Lewis Howes clarifies that communication is not personality, and Giang agrees, insisting that our speech and body language are merely behaviors, not innate traits.

Voice and Communication Style Are Flexible and Changeable

Giang points out that the voice is formed through how we maneuver our tongue, lips, palate, and teeth, which are all controllable behaviors. He likens communication to playing an instrument: “Your voice is an instrument with 88 keys, like a piano, but most people only use five.” This metaphor emphasizes that our habitual voice is not our natural voice—we all have a much broader range available if we explore it. Even if trying out new tones or styles feels “fake,” Giang encourages reframing that discomfort as unfamiliarity rather than inauthenticity.

Confusing Habitual Speech and Body Language With Innate Traits Can Trap People

Many people mistakenly believe that how they currently communicate is “just who they are.” This belief traps them into consistently repeating habits formed long ago. Giang asserts that these habitual behaviors become automatic and subconscious, making them invisible to us. He highlights that when people adopt negative self-judgments about communication, they often stem from habits, not entrenched personality.

Children Model Communication Patterns From Those Around Them, Which Become Automatic and Invisible Over Time

Giang notes that children pick up communication habits from their environments, mimicking what they see and hear in parents and peers. Over years, these learned behaviors become automatic and invisible. Even fraternal twins raised together model different communication behaviors, which contribute to developing their personalities. The communication style a person now exhibits is simply the product of what they modeled repeatedly over time.

Self-Awareness Through Observation Reveals Communication Patterns

Giang emphasizes the importance of deliberate observation in uncovering one’s ingrained communication behaviors. He asserts that communication habits, once repeated over years, become subconscious and invisible, but can be brought to light with intentional self-observation.

Reviewing Your Recorded Speech In Three Ways Reveals Invisible Non-functional Behaviors

Both Giang and Howes describe a three-step self-awareness technique. First, record yourself speaking for five minutes on an improvised topic. Review the video in three distinct ways:

1. Listen without watching – Focus only on your voice and tone. Determine if it’s off-putting, lacks excitement, seems too fast, jittery, or insincere.
2. Watch without sound – Concentrate on visual elements such as body language, facial expressions, fidgeting, or other habits that might undermine your message.
3. Read the transcript – Observe if your thoughts are well-structured or if you ramble, repeat filler words or lack clear organization.

This method helps isolate non-functional habits that are otherwise invisible. Many are surprised by their own repeated use of filler words or distracting body language once they observe themselves critically.

Analyzing Communication Involves Examining Tone, Pace, Authenticity, Visual Habits, Fidgeting, and Issues Like Rambling, Filler Words, and Unclear Organization

Giang advises making note of one area to improve for each aspect: auditory (voice), visual (body language), and written (organization/clarity). Simple improvements, like fewer filler words, more deliberate gestures, or increased vocal variety, can significantly alter how others perceive competence and confidence.

Feedback From Others and Self-Review Accelerate Improvement By Providing Perspectives On Communication Perceptions

Howes explains that self-assessment is vital, but external feedback (such as from a coach, audience, or peers) is equally critical. Tools like Toastmasters, group feedback, or a coach offer an outside perspective and constructive critique, which speeds up progress. Multiple reviewers often spot different things, from unnecessary pacing to timid eye contact, giving targeted and actionable input.

Enhancing Perceptions of Competence and Confidence Through Targeted Improvem ...

Confidence and presence are essential for impactful communication, whether for public speaking, job interviews, or everyday interactions. Vinh Giang and Lewis Howes discuss actionable ways to manage body, voice, and mindset to project confidence and connect authentically with others.

Confidence Requires Managing Body and Voice First

Vinh Giang frames confidence as the interplay of how you look, feel, and sound. He notes that the hardest aspect to control is how you feel, as mastering emotions is difficult. By contrast, physical appearance and voice are easier to manage. Giang suggests focusing first on posture—shoulders down and back, standing tall, maintaining good eye contact, and having a smile. A simple smile changes not only how others perceive you but also how you perceive yourself, sending non-threatening, confident signals to your brain.

The way you shape your face impacts your sense of confidence; looking confident leads to feeling confident. Similarly, sounding confident—projecting your voice with volume and melody—reinforces this internal shift. Controlling the way you look and sound gradually affects how you feel internally, building a foundation of confidence. Giang refers to Coach John Wooden’s principle: focusing on uncontrollable feelings causes you to lose control of things you can control, such as body language and voice. Emphasizing controllable factors like posture, facial expression, and vocal traits makes it easier to maintain confidence in high-pressure situations.

Physical Techniques Reduce Nervousness and Stabilize Performance

Giang explains that the connection between body and voice is direct—the reason your voice shakes is that your body is shaking due to adrenaline from the fight or flight response. To manage adrenaline, he recommends brisk exercise before speaking engagements. Techniques include star jumps (jumping jacks), pushups, or brisk walking, similar to what great speakers like Tony Robbins do before taking the stage. Exercise uses up excess adrenaline and encourages deep breathing, oxygenating the body, calming nerves, and reducing shakiness, which leads to a steadier voice.

Rehearsing is also vital; Giang notes that many people feel nervous simply because they haven't practiced enough. Preparation reduces uncertainty and anxiety about forgetting lines or making mistakes. However, he warns against perfectionism—rehearsing excessively or focusing on not making errors increases self-consciousness. When consumed by the fear of mistakes, you focus on yourself rather than your audience.

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A Three-Part Structure Makes Stories Memorable and Purposeful

Vinh Giang outlines a three-part framework for effective storytelling. First is the Spark: an emotionally moving moment that forms the foundation of a story worth sharing. To capture the spark, note who was involved, what happened, where it took place, and when. This simple documentation ensures that the story’s most potent elements remain vivid and accessible for conversational storytelling.

Next is the Point: the story’s meaning, lesson, or insight. The transition from recounting the event to sharing its significance is marked by introducing, “the reason I’m sharing this is because...”. This phrase cues listeners that information will soon become insight, increasing their attention and the story’s impact. Giang emphasizes that the point can range from humorous (“don’t drink two black coffees before a van ride”) to profound (realizing that shifting focus away from oneself reduces self-consciousness), depending on how the storyteller wishes to adapt the story for the audience.

The third part, the Link, involves adapting the story for various contexts to draw diverse conclusions. Giang explains that a story can be linked to multiple lessons depending on the situation, making a single story relevant across many circumstances. Professional speakers often leverage this technique, using the same story to illustrate a range of points for different audiences.

Start Stories at Peak Moments For Impact

For maximum engagement, Giang recommends beginning stories at the peak moment: the high point of action, emotion, or insight. This approach captures the audience’s attention quickly and cuts out unnecessary background details. In his example, he starts his story with the urgency of needing a bathroom after drinking two black coffees on a van ride—an immediate, relatable point of tension. By focusing on the who, what, where, and when during the peak moment, the storyteller delivers essential information that piques interest and prevents rambling.

Both Giang and Howes agree that reading the room is critical—choosing the right story for the right context ensures it lands effectively. Impactful stories don’t need to be grand; even daily, humorous, or mundane moments can be meaningful if they are delivered with focus and intent. “The little moments in every day can actually be a great story,” Giang asserts, so long as they’re told with clarity and with an eye toward the lesson or point.

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Reconnecting With Childlike Authenticity Creates Genuine Connection

Lewis Howes and Vinh Giang discuss the innate authenticity and free expression that children bring into the world. Observing his own daughter’s uninhibited use of voice and movement, Vinh Giang notes that children naturally explore their voice and body without self-consciousness or fear of judgment. Giang describes his daughter dancing around the house using every note and volume, completely unrestrained.

As people grow, they lose those notes in their communication, becoming smaller, quieter, and restricting their expression out of embarrassment and a learned sense of insecurity. Howes observes that social expectations often dim this internal light, causing loss of self-confidence. Giang reflects that leaders and creators who are most followed retain a beautiful connection to this inner child, blending joy and skill in their self-expression. He admires those who have maintained or reclaimed that childlike freedom, as it allows for powerful, genuine connection with others.

Playing Songs Requires Facing Fear of Vulnerable Expression

Both speakers acknowledge the difficulty of expressing vulnerability, especially around pain, loss, or grief. Many endure silent struggles, holding back stories of trauma and unshared emotions because the feelings are overwhelming or the fear of judgment is too great. Vinh Giang describes being afraid to play certain "songs"—personal stories that represent pain or loss—because the emotions remain strong. He finds sharing these stories, even with a therapist, coach, or partner, functions as a release valve and brings a sense of healing, though it is rarely easy.

Howes relates, referencing his book "The Mask of Masculinity," that society encourages emotional restraint in men especially, causing pain when people suppress vulnerability. He notes the ongoing nature of healing—the journey never really ends, but opening up creates freedom and deeper connection. Giang agrees, estimating there are about a dozen significant experiences and feelings, around 10-15% of himself, that he only shares with his wife or not at all due to fear and pain. Both emphasize that stories that scare you to tell often have the power to heal and connect, but the risk of being misunderstood or emotionally overwhelmed holds people back.

Howes recalls feeling terrified before sharing his own stories of abuse and trauma, fearing rejection and isolation. He ultimately decided the potential for peace and impact was worth the risk, and by letting go of hidden pain, he found greater freedom and healing.

Reframe Painful Stories to Play Them Without Shame

Vinh Giang emphasizes the possibility of transforming the meaning assigned to shameful, painful, or traumatic experiences. He illustrates this by recounting a family story involving his uncle, who captained a dangerous escape from Vietnam to lead the family to safety. While his family tends not to talk about this loss due to the pain, Giang reframes his uncle’s decision—leaving behind his true love for the safety of others—not as a story of loss and suffering, but as a story of heroism and love. Giang encourages reconnecting difficult stories to meaningful themes, such as courage, authenticity, or sacrifice, changing their impact on identity. Even when his family cannot talk about such stories, writing them down allowed him to process and honor their meaning.

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Visibility Fear Stops True Self-Sharing

Vinh Giang describes how fixed personality traits become reinforced in social situations, making it difficult to break out of old patterns. He shares how at age 14, he was so dissatisfied with his identity as "Quang"—the shy, awkward "fobby kid"—that he asked his parents to let him change his name to "Vin," the middle name of all his uncles, so he could break the mold and move toward the person he aspired to be. Lewis Howes relates by recounting his own experience of leaving home at 13 to attend a new school in a different state, which allowed him to start fresh, since no one there knew his old self. Both emphasize that such a change, whether by name or environment, offers a unique chance to explore a new identity without the baggage of others' fixed perceptions.

Giang explains that attempting to show up differently around people who have known you for years is often met with resistance—they expect you to behave as you always have and may react negatively if you try to break the mold. To practice authenticity without fear of negative feedback, he suggests leveraging "neutral ears"—people like clerks, rideshare drivers, or strangers at the store—who have no preconceived notions about you. In encounters with neutral ears, you can experiment and “play” with new ways of being and communicating, free from the expectations of familiar observers.

Connection Stems From Care, Not Perfection

The hosts stress that deep human connection comes not from perfection or credentials, but from authentic care. Giang cites a saying: "People don’t care about your content until they know you care about them." Howes echoes this, recalling that realizing people respond to care gave him hope, even when he doubted his own abilities. Genuine connection is communicated through the sound of care—softness and melody in one's voice, openness in body language, and the time invested in others. Giang gives examples like taking time to individually greet people, learn about them, or follow up on details from previous conversations. These gestures create a tangible feeling of care, which is the real bridge to connection.

Presence, the commitment to be with someone in the moment, is key. Howes notes that being present, caring, and connecting—even while making mistakes—matters far more than flawless performance. The willingness to genuinely engage with others, whether in person or through other means, is what allows people to make a real difference.

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