Your Body Language Is Telling You You're Not Safe | Amy Cuddy

Amy Cuddy and Lewis Howes explore the foundational elements of personal power, confidence, and self-affirmation. They discuss why regaining a sense of personal power is essential for thriving, how authentic self-affirmation works, and what it takes to feel deserving and overcome unworthiness.

Defining Personal Power and Its Importance to Well-Being

Personal power is the ability to control one’s life, face challenges, and enact meaningful change. Amy Cuddy emphasizes its necessity for resilience, noting that after periods of intense stress—when people’s nervous systems are depleted and they experience a loss of control—many tend to regress or shut down, losing agency over their own lives. This feeling is not about exerting power over others; rather, it is an internal sense of agency—being in control of one's internal resources, capable of bringing skills and abilities to the fore, and being the most generous and open-minded version of oneself.

Personal power enables individuals to see challenges as opportunities instead of threats and view others as potential allies rather than adversaries. It activates creativity, optimism, collaboration, and risk-taking, in contrast to powerlessness, which narrows thinking, increases fear, and inhibits action. Cuddy points out that personal power is more than feeling happy or reducing stress; it is about feeling capable, in control, and able to access and build new competencies. As individuals reveal and develop their skills, personal power becomes self-reinforcing.

Understanding Self-Affirmation As a Core Practice

Self-affirmation is at the heart of building authentic confidence. Cuddy clarifies that self-affirmation does not mean repeating empty self-praise or unrealistic achievements. Instead, it means affirming the core values that define one’s identity. People are encouraged to list the top three values that are essential to who they are—values that, if taken away, would deeply alter their sense of self. The process involves ranking these values, writing a paragraph about why the most important value matters, and then recalling a time when they expressed this value.

This practice roots one's worth in who they truly are, not in external outcomes or performance. Cuddy and Howes agree that self-affirmation maintains worth regardless of wins or failures. Research shows self-affirmation boosts performance—college students who practice it do better academically and have lower stress hormones. It helps individuals feel grounded, present, and less anxious, knowing their value is intrinsic and stable no matter the external circumstance. This shift allows for better stress management and more effective personal growth.

Recognizing Deserving and Overcoming Unworthiness

A major barrier to personal power is the belief that one does not deserve it, a sense of unworthiness that often ...

Evolutionary Roots of Social Fear and Rejection Sensitivity

Amy Cuddy explains that the roots of fear, anxiety, and imposter syndrome lie deep in human evolution, especially in how people perceive social rejection and criticism. She emphasizes that people are often more afraid of social rejection than physical injury. This fear is primarily about how others perceive us—the fear of being ridiculed, shamed, or excluded from the group, which for much of human history could mean losing the safety of the "tribe." The instinct to detect social rejection remains strong and even surpasses the response to physical danger in modern life.

Cuddy points out that putting oneself out there, such as posting a TikTok video or speaking in public, exposes people to forms of social rejection. She distinguishes between mild rejection, like a video not going viral, and more severe rejection, such as being on the receiving end of nasty comments and trolls. Whether the arena is online or in person, the emotional response comes from this primal drive to belong.

She notes that today, people experience a mismatch between evolutionary instincts and current situations. Physically, our fight, flight, or faint responses evolved to keep us safe from physical threats—like wild animals—not from social criticism or embarrassment, such as being pointed out online, receiving criticism, or facing social disapproval. Yet, our bodies and brains react to internet criticism and embarrassment as though they are literal threats to survival. While genuine bullying and abuse can cause real harm, the fear from standard criticism is often not physically dangerous, but our nervous systems interpret it as potentially deadly.

Reframing Anxiety and Managing Fear In High-Stakes Moments

Cuddy discusses ways to manage anxiety and fear in high-pressure settings by reframing how we interpret high-arousal emotions. She shares Allison Woodbrookes's research showing that the physiological sensation before high-stakes moments, like singing or public speaking, is similar whether we name it "anxiety" or "excitement." Experiments demonstrated that instructing participants to say "I am excited" before stressful tasks improved their performance compared to those who stated or dwelled in anxiety. Reframing anxiety as excitement helps harness arousal positively rather than letting dread and fear take over.

Cuddy describes a typical cycle she calls "dread-anxiety-regret." Before the event, people feel dread by imagining failure. During the event, they focus excessively on others’ judgments instead of the present moment, fueling anxiety. Afterward, they ruminate about what went wrong and regret not showing their "true self," carrying this emotional baggage into future similar situations, which increases pressure the next time.

Instead, Cuddy advocates for approaching challenges with composure and calm confidence, prioritizing authenticity and focusing on showing up as oneself rather than obsessing over the outcome. Even if the result is not ideal, feeling genuine and knowing you've done your best prevents accumulating emotional baggage.

Assuming positive intent in others also helps reduce social anxiety. Cuddy suggests, for example, that instead of assuming a grumpy grocery clerk is unfriendly, it’s better to consider they may simply be having a bad day. She recommends making eye contact, thanking them, and attempting a gentle connection, which benefits both parties. In evaluation situations like job interviews or public talks, she encourages remembering that most people actually want others to do well. Viewing others as supportive rather than critical decreases anxiety and pressure.

Cuddy also emphasizes embracing embarrassment and awkwardness—making mistakes, acting silly in public, or speaking to strangers. Surviving these moments affirms that embarrassment is not fatal, modeling resilience for others, i ...

Amy Cuddy and Lewis Howes discuss how body language, posture, and physical presence profoundly influence psychological state, confidence, and interpersonal trust. The way we carry ourselves shapes not only how others perceive us but also how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with the world.

Physical Position's Impact on Mental State & Nervous System

Cuddy explains that the physical way in which we move and hold ourselves directly informs our psychological experience. Posture isn’t just outward communication; it’s internal communication to the self.

Expansive Positioning Activates Approach System, Boosting Optimism, Creativity, Risk-Taking, and Ally Perception

Expansive postures—stretching out, standing or sitting openly, arms and chest open—prime the behavioral approach system. This system supports optimism, creativity, risk-taking, and an openness to collaboration by encouraging us to see challenges as opportunities and others as potential allies. Cuddy notes, “When we expand, we tend to feel more confident, more powerful, more calm.”

Contracted Body Positioning Activates Inhibition, Leading To Pessimism, Narrow Thinking, Fear, Reduced Pain Tolerance, and Perceived Hostility

Conversely, contracted body positions—crossing arms, hunching, shrinking in—activate the behavioral inhibition system. This system heightens pessimism, narrows thinking, increases fear, encourages risk aversion, and leads us to perceive others as threats. Contracted postures also physically reduce pain tolerance. These effects aren’t just psychological; they register in the nervous system, creating a feedback loop of insecurity and apprehension.

Meta-Analyses Show Posture Creates Psychological Effects; Expansion Yields More Benefits Than Contraction, but Both Matter Significantly

Cuddy cites recent meta-analyses reviewing many studies on posture and psychological effects. These analyses confirm that posture reliably influences our feelings: expanding makes us feel more powerful and confident, while contracting diminishes those feelings. One analysis finds the most dramatic effects when comparing neutral to expansive postures; another finds the biggest difference between neutral and contracted. Both, however, show posture is significant—moving even from contraction to neutral matters. “Neutral is better than contractive,” Cuddy emphasizes.

Impact of Body Language on Nervous System

Cuddy refers to postural feedback: our bodies send signals of safety or threat to our nervous system depending on how we carry ourselves. Expansive postures signal “I’m safe,” while contraction signals the opposite. Chronic phone and device use, which encourages stooped, closed postures, can therefore negatively affect not just our musculoskeletal health but also our mood.

Practical Postural Techniques For Confidence and Calm

Cuddy emphasizes that while posture influences confidence and mental calm, integrating breathing, grounding, and movement techniques enhances these effects.

Preparation for High-Stakes Situations: Adopt Expanded Posture Privately For 2-5 Minutes

Before high-stress events, such as public speaking or interviews, Cuddy advises retreating to a private space—bathroom stall, office, empty room—to adopt an expansive posture for 2-5 minutes. Stand tall, open the arms, and settle into a pose that feels comfortably “big.” This should be done in private to avoid cultural misunderstandings of dominance. Brief periods are optimal, as longer durations can become uncomfortable or stiff.

4-7-8 Breathing Activates Relaxation, Pairing With Expansive Posture for Calm Confidence

To enhance posture’s effects, Cuddy recommends combining them with relaxation techniques such as 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds, repeating three times. This activates the body’s relaxation response, shifting from fight-or-flight to “rest and digest,” and can quickly calm anxiety. Both posture and breath work best together—attempting only one (especially with contracted posture) is less effective.

Grounded Foot Positioning Enhances Stability, Performance, and Resilience

Grounding is vital for calm and confidence. Cuddy notes that feeling the feet connected to the floor brings a sense of safety and stability. Avoid crossing ankles or losing balance; instead, feel physically rooted. Techniques from ballet (such as sensing a string from the crown of the head and awareness of both ceiling and floor connection) emphasize energy, openness, flexibility, and groundedness—qualities that boost confidence while promoting physical readiness. Being expansive shouldn’t mean rigidity: movement, flexibility, and looseness foster relaxation and peak performance, as highlighted by Howes’ football training experiences.

Using Ballet and Movement Techniques to Enhance Confidence Through Energy, Openness, and Flexibility

Movement techniques, borrowed from disciplines like ballet, teach energy and openness. For example, imagining making eye contact with people in a theater balcony during a presentation opens the posture and increases audience connection, diminishing loneliness and building chemistry through mutua ...

Amy Cuddy emphasizes the intertwined roles of authenticity, trust, and vulnerability, demonstrating how these qualities foster meaningful connections, encourage courage and kindness, and allow for individuality.

Power Of Extending Trust and Assuming Positive Intent

Cuddy describes daily interactions where she chooses to assume positive intent, such as interpreting a grocery store employee’s mood as situational, not personal, and making efforts to create small moments of connection. She brings this mindset into professional settings, deciding to enter spaces—including her first teaching experience—with “blind trust” in her audience. Instead of cultivating a false, intimidating persona, she believes in being herself and trusting that others want her to succeed. She notes that if you extend trust to others, they often reciprocate, building stronger relationships and improving outcomes.

Cuddy argues that when facing the choice between over-trusting or under-trusting others, over-trusting is almost always the better error, as not trusting precludes any chance for connection regardless of the other’s trustworthiness. She illustrates this through her transparent approach in the classroom, openly sharing her nervousness and inviting students into a shared collaborative experience, thus transforming potentially adversarial dynamics into cooperative relationships.

She also connects trust and power to bystander intervention, explaining that studies show a sense of power increases the likelihood of intervening in bullying. Cuddy stresses the collective responsibility to stand up for others, especially when victims of bullying or mistreatment can’t defend themselves, and highlights the difficulty of engaging bystanders who failed to act.

Being Authentic Rather Than Performing a False Persona

Cuddy advocates for genuine self-presentation, emphasizing that building real connections requires authenticity, not feigned invulnerability. She distinguishes between “faking it till you make it”—which she associates with endless inauthenticity—and her preferred “fake it till you become it.” In her interpretation, this is about taking courageous incremental actions and eventually embodying the version of oneself that one aspires to be, filling oneself with growing confidence and authenticity rather than hollow performance.

Cuddy recounts how the best teachers and performers stop focusing on how the audience perceives them and instead prioritize what the audience is thinking and feeling. She tells of a renowned teacher who realized greatness came from shifting attention away from self-protection toward service, asking, “Are my students confused? How can I help them?” This audience-centric approach transforms the energy of a room and deepens impact.

Cuddy also points out that peak performances—on stage or in other public arenas—are memorable because they are unscripted and real, often marked by mistakes like forgotten lyrics or lost guitar picks. She shares that The Grateful Dead embody this philosophy, never playing the same show twice and embracing the unpredictability of live moments. Such authenticity makes the performer seem more relatable and present, forging a stronger connection with the audience.

She warns that not believing in what one is selling, or presenting oneself inauthentically, will undermine both credibility and performance. Genuine enthusiasm is ...