The Auschwitz Survivor Who Chose Freedom | Dr. Edith Eger

Edith Eger and Lewis Howes discuss approaches to emotional healing, focusing on the importance of confronting and releasing repressed emotions, the necessity of revisiting traumas to reclaim personal power, and the value of curiosity and present-focused thinking in overcoming suffering.

Repressed Emotions Intensify, Causing More Harm Than the Original Trauma

Eger shares that unprocessed emotions trapped in the body can cause more suffering than the original traumatic event. She emphasizes that pathologizing sadness or fear as clinical depression is often a misdiagnosis; these feelings are part of an existential vacuum described by Victor Frankl. Eger recommends using direct language to express emotions—acknowledging sadness, anger, and fear without necessarily labeling them as medical conditions. She stresses not to minimize or ignore these emotions.

Avoided Emotions Manifest As Depression and Mental Health Issues

Eger explains that avoiding or repressing emotions often turns into depression or other mental health struggles. The energy of suppressed feelings manifests as problems like sadness or fear, rather than being released.

Release Through Tears, Screams, and Movement Frees Trapped Energy

Healthy outlets for emotion are essential. Eger encourages crying, screaming—such as into a pillow—and even laughing intensely to release trapped emotional energy. She insists that what comes out of the body will not harm you, but what stays inside does. However, she warns against becoming addicted to any excess—whether rage, drinking, or even religious theater.

Emotions Mask Fears; Anger Conceals Anxieties of Discovery or Rejection

Eger describes anger as a mask for deeper fears. Beneath anger often lies the terror of being unlovable, not enough, or at risk of rejection. She suggests writing down all personal fears from least to most anxiety-provoking and systematically addressing them, reminding that people are born with love, joy, and passion, not with fear. She notes the greatest fear for a child is abandonment.

Revisiting Traumas to Reclaim Power

Eger shares her personal experience of revisiting Auschwitz decades later. She urges individuals to return, in some way, to the sites of past suffering to transform their relationship to trauma—not as a repetition, but as a new beginning.

Revisiting Trauma Sites Transforms Past Suffering

She recounts holding clients’ hands—figuratively or literally—as they revisit rooms, homes, or hallways linked to trauma, guiding them to reclaim their lost innocence and to assign guilt or shame back to the perpetrator, not the victim. Eger's journey back to Auschwitz exemplified this approach, enabling her to look at the “lion” of her trauma and reclaim her power.

Gestalt Therapy Techniques: Externalizing and Processing Internalized Rage Through Imaginary Chair Exercises

Eger and Howes describe the use of Gestalt therapy techniques such as chair exercises, where a person visualizes the perpetrator in an empty chair and externalizes their anger—screaming and demanding answers as if the abuser were present. This pra ...

Edith Eger explores how moving beyond a victim identity can transform suffering into empowerment and resilience, offering insights rooted in her own survival and psychological expertise.

Victim Identity Traps in Harmful Cycle

Eger warns that holding onto a victim identity leads to a chronic pattern: "every time you are a victim, you're going to find a victimizer." This dynamic perpetuates itself, as victims seek out perpetrators to reaffirm their own sense of victimhood. She notes that, psychologically, some victims may even begin to identify with their aggressors—a phenomenon akin to Stockholm syndrome—because "victims are weak, and victimizers are strong." This identification can cause individuals to fluctuate between being a victim and becoming a perpetrator themselves, sustaining the cycle of trauma across generations. Eger stresses the importance of distinguishing between being victimized—a circumstance—and adopting a victim identity, which can prevent empowerment. She emphasizes, "I was victimized. It's not who I am. It's what was done to me. Very different." By refusing to define herself through her suffering, she disrupts the cycle and asserts the necessity of making conscious choices to move beyond victimhood.

Transforming Suffering Into Opportunity Unlocks Growth

Eger believes that suffering can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth: "you have power the way you choose to take the negative and turn it into positive." She encourages viewing painful experiences not as defining, but as lessons and opportunities for transformation. She refers to her trauma from Auschwitz as her "cherished wound," describing how she has come to terms with what happened rather than trying to overcome or forget it. By finding meaning in suffering, Eger echoes Viktor Frankl’s idea of the "existential vacuum," distinguishing this process from clinical depression. The cherished wound becomes a source of insight and strength. She says, "suffering makes you stronger," and learning from history fosters wisdom to avoid repeating destructive cycles. "You learn from history, so you won’t repeat it." Through accepting suffering and creating meaning from it, individuals build res ...

Edith Eger and Lewis Howes discuss the transformative process of self-parenting—becoming a nurturing internal parent to meet emotional needs, and making conscious choices that empower personal growth and well-being.

Becoming a Nurturing Internal Parent to Meet Emotional Needs Requires Identifying the Wounded Inner Child and Providing Missing Caregiving

Understanding and Addressing Unmet Developmental Needs By Locating the Hurt Inner Child

Edith Eger encourages finding the wounded inner child—the little boy or girl inside who is still crying and longing for care. She advises having a talk with yourself, visualizing the child within who is still looking for a loving parent, and offering nurturing gestures, like "buying him an ice cream cone." Lewis Howes shares that he keeps a childhood photo and revisits it in his mind to have conversations with his younger self, seeking to understand and heal past wounds. Both emphasize allowing the inner child to feel emotions fully rather than just talking about them.

Self-Parenting Heals Developmental Wounds and Builds Self-Worth

Eger asks, "Are you a good parent to you?" and admits it took her years to answer yes, just as Howes found peace through the ongoing work of self-nurture. Being a "good mommy" or "good parent" to yourself involves daily acts of self-care, such as "eat your spinach"—making healthy, loving choices for your well-being. Eger notes the importance of giving yourself permission to let go of the pain from the past and to embrace self-love, clarifying that "love yourself is not narcissistic." Self-love is self-care, not selfishness or narcissism. Howes echoes that permission is key to healing: allow yourself to replace old pain with self-love.

Clarifying Self-Love vs. Narcissism: Healthy Self-Care Vs. Selfishness

Eger underlines that embracing self-love through caring actions is not narcissism. It is about providing healthy attention to your needs and growth, distinguishing it from self-centered selfishness.

Breathing Before Reacting Enables Wise Responses Over Impulsive Ones

Deep Breaths Create Space For Choice Over Reactivity

Eger recommends using deep breathing as a practical tool: "Take a deep breath, and if that doesn't work, take another." Pausing to breathe gives you the space to respond instead of react, allowing for thoughtful, conscious choices rather than automatic, impulsive reactions.

Turning Negative Stimuli Into Positive Opportunities Shifts Emotions

She further suggests that you can choose to transform negative stimuli into positive ones: "The longer they talk, the more relaxed I become." This cognitive shift, turning suffering and challenge into sources of strength, empowers you to grow from adversity.

Reactions Are Unthinking; Res ...

Dr. Edith Eger emphasizes that authentic living requires individuals to give up faking, self-deception, and the pursuit of others’ approval. She advocates for embracing one’s true self, regardless of external validation, as the core of psychological freedom and personal fulfillment.

Releasing the Need For Approval Unlocks Authentic Self-Expression

Eger stresses the importance of not lying to oneself or seeking to please others. She regards giving up the need for others’ approval as essential to living authentically. “If you like me, fine. If you don’t, that’s okay.” She reframes rejection, saying it is merely an invented word for when one does not get what one wants and urges people to abandon the concept and accompanying drama—it is not real power over the self.

This shift became critical for her at age sixteen, amid the horrors of the Auschwitz concentration camp. She describes how she developed a cherished inner resource: the ability to relinquish any dependence on others’ approval. This capacity allowed her to preserve her core identity and psychological autonomy in the midst of unimaginable adversity.

Distinguishing Living For Perception From Living From Conviction Prevents Self-Abandonment and Exhaustion

Eger distinguishes between living to impress others and living according to one’s convictions. She notes, “Seeking validation makes one dependent on others’ judgments.” Instead, those who ask, “How can I contribute?” and give from authentic values sustain their own power and fulfillment. She urges people to empower one another by honoring differences: “You do it your way, I do it my way.”

Eger also counsels being your own “good mommy,” prioritizing self-compassion and self-serving actions over continual self-blame or the urge to impress others. She acknowledges the trap of constantly pushing oneself for more and more, encouraging acceptance that doing one’s best is sufficient. “Good enough is good enough,” she often repeats, highlighting the value of embracing sufficiency over endless striving.

Embracing Imperfection ...

Honest, Vulnerable Communication Requires Risking Truth Over Protective Silence

Open and vulnerable communication forms the foundation of deep connection and authentic partnership. Edith Eger emphasizes that silent partners who avoid expressing their feelings to prevent conflict may also diminish the connection and passion within a relationship. She stresses the importance of clear communication to ensure mutual understanding and urges both partners to create an environment in which all emotions are safe to express. This openness fosters authentic partnerships where individuals feel seen and heard rather than suppressed by protective silence.

Eger highlights the significance of role modeling within families, especially for fathers. She insists that a father should never raise his voice with the mother—demonstrating respect brings security to the family dynamic. Additionally, Eger points out the damaging effect of starting sentences with "you" when angry, as such phrasing often leads to defensiveness and feelings of being attacked, dampening emotional safety.

Resolve Conflict By Moving Beyond Blame to Understanding and Learning

When conflict arises, moving beyond blame to a place of mutual understanding and learning is essential. Eger advocates for the principle of agreeing to disagree in order to preserve dignity and relationships. She insists on ...