Brené Brown: How to Stop Betraying Yourself to Be Accepted

The conversation between Lewis Howes and Brene Brown delves into the intricacies of their personal struggles with belonging and identity, revealing a universal complexity in the human experience.

Brene Brown's Struggle to Find Belonging and Identity

Brene Brown’s origins and personal journey are rooted in challenges that have shaped her views on belonging and identity.

Youngest of Four, Brene Felt Alone, Bullied, and Excluded, Shaping Her Journey

Despite being the youngest of four and dealing with feelings of exclusion and bullying, Brown's childhood experience was one of chaos. As the oldest of four, fitting in and being considered "cool" was highly valued in her household. This dynamic significantly influenced her path toward understanding belonging.

Despite Success, Brene Grapples With Loneliness and a Desire to Belong, Highlighting Human Experience Complexity

Brown discusses an impactful moment in eighth grade when she failed to make the drill team and felt alienated from her family. This profound sense of loneliness persisted into her adulthood, although she achieved a successful career, authored books, and accumulated many fans. Her admission underscores belonging as a complex human experience not solely dependent on external accolades or achievements.

Brown contrasts fitting in with true belonging, stating that the latter demands that we be authentic rather than modifying ourselves to appease others. Adjusting oneself to fit in equates to identity betrayal and is not sustainable. The challenge of belonging comes with never betraying oneself even amidst the pressure to conform, a sentiment she shares with Howes, who also speaks on his journey to define himself beyond societal expectations.

The Identity Paradox and Courage to Self-Belong

Brown’s public persona mixes with her private nature in a balance of introversion and engagement.

Brene Admits Her Introverted yet Public-Speaking Nature

Despite tending toward introversion, Brown finds joy in public speaking. Throughout her discussions on ...

Lewis Howes and Brene Brown unpack the complex cultural expectations around masculinity and the often discouraged practice of men showing vulnerability.

Pressure on Men to Hide Vulnerability and Appear "Strong"

Brown touches on the entrenched narrative that equates vulnerability with weakness in men.

Brene's Research: Vulnerability Seen As Male Weakness, Leading To Unhealthy Coping

Brene Brown's research indicates that the cultural view of vulnerability as a weakness in men leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as aggression or avoidance. Men often disengage or change the subject when confronted with topics of vulnerability and shame, indicating discomfort due to cultural pressures.

The "Toughness" Narrative's Emotional Toll on Men

Both Howes and Brown discuss the emotional toll the "toughness" narrative takes on men. Howes recounts his personal struggles with emotional pain, which he could only express through physical aggression on the football field. Brown shares anecdotes from men who turned fear into rage due to a lack of proper coping mechanisms for dealing with fear. This narrative of toughness was even present in her family, where showing signs of vulnerability were strongly discouraged.

Importance of Men Embracing Vulnerability and Emotional Expression

Howes and Brown make a case for embracing vulnerability as a necessity for healthy emotional expression and personal development.

Vulnerability Is Courage, Embracing Uncertainty and Emotional Exposure

Both experts agree that vulnerability is not a weakness but rather the ...

Brene Brown discusses the therapeutic power of storytelling and the moral responsibility of leaders in addressing societal issues related to power, race, and privilege.

Transformative Experience Of Speaking About Traumas and Vulnerabilities

Brene Brown shares the deeply personal experience of being sexually abused as a child and how speaking out has been key in reclaiming her story and overcoming associated shame. This act of vocalizing traumas and vulnerabilities can be transformative.

Brene's Journey Of Sharing Her Sexual Abuse Experience Reclaimed Her Story and Released Shame

Brown highlights the importance of sharing one's sexual abuse experience as a way of reclaiming their story and releasing the shame associated with it, emphasizing the power in owning one's experiences.

Speaking Vulnerability With Empathy Diminishes Its Power

Brown also notes that many current crises are linked to an avoidance of pain. She advises speaking about vulnerability with empathy, as this can help to reduce its hold over us. By addressing and speaking about these vulnerabilities, she has learned to minimize the power of shame, suggesting the act of reflecting empathy towards oneself can be as transformative as offering it to others.

Role of Privileged Groups Like White Men In Addressing Societal Issues

Brene Highlights the Need for White Leaders to Speak Against Injustice and Racism

Brown engages with the idea that white leaders have a critical role to play in addressing issues of race and privilege. Brown's Facebook live discussing race exemplifies the courage required to tackle these difficult subjects, and she emphasizes the necessity of doing so.

Silence on Moral Issues Is Complicity; Leaders Must Address Difficult Topics

Brown points out the importance of power dynamics in the context of racial issues and underlines the flawed belief that power is zero-sum. Particularly in light of events like Charlottesville, she emphasizes the role po ...