Stop Faking Confidence: Master These Cues Instead
In this episode of The School of Greatness, nonverbal communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards and Lewis Howes explore how body language, facial expressions, and vocal patterns affect social interactions. From the mechanics of genuine smiles to the significance of hand gestures, Van Edwards explains how specific physical cues convey different messages in social situations.
The discussion delves into research about how successful leaders balance warmth and competence through their nonverbal communication. Van Edwards outlines practical techniques for more effective communication, including strategic pauses and vocal control, while emphasizing that these tools work best when used authentically rather than manipulatively.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Dec 29, 2025 episode of the The School of Greatness
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1-Page Summary
The Science and Psychology of Nonverbal Communication
In a conversation with Lewis Howes, nonverbal communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards explores how body language, facial expressions, and vocal patterns influence social interactions and personal effectiveness.
Understanding Nonverbal Cues
Van Edwards explains that genuine smiles, which engage upper cheek muscles and create eye crinkles, can positively affect others' moods. She describes how our eyes respond to emotions: widening with fear to take in more information, and squinting to focus on details. These physiological responses, including pupil dilation and blink rates, can reveal emotional states and even indicate deception, with liars typically showing increased blink rates.
The Power of Body Language
According to Van Edwards, specific gestures and postures communicate distinct messages. Open palms and visible hands signal trustworthiness, while crossed arms might suggest closed-off behavior. She notes that even subtle adjustments, like Barack Obama's shift from pointing to using a "thumb pinch," can significantly impact how others perceive authority and approachability.
Mastering Nonverbal Communication for Leadership
Van Edwards shares insights from Dr. Susan Fisk's research, which shows that highly charismatic people successfully balance warmth and competence in their nonverbal communication. She emphasizes the importance of strategic pauses, vocal control, and authentic body language in building influence. For instance, the "power pause" before key points can create anticipation and enhance message memorability.
While these techniques can be powerful tools for communication, Van Edwards cautions against using them manipulatively, stressing that genuine warmth and competence should be the foundation of all nonverbal communication.
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Clarifications
- The "upper cheek muscles" refer to the orbicularis oculi muscles around the eyes. When these muscles contract, they cause the eyes to crinkle, creating "crow's feet." This muscle activity is involuntary and indicates a genuine, heartfelt smile, known as a Duchenne smile. It contrasts with fake smiles, which typically involve only the mouth muscles.
- Pupil dilation occurs because the autonomic nervous system reacts to emotional arousal, causing the iris muscles to expand or contract. Increased blink rates can signal cognitive load or stress, as the brain processes complex or uncomfortable information. During deception, heightened anxiety triggers these physiological responses, making pupils dilate and blinks become more frequent. These subtle changes are involuntary, providing clues to a person's true emotional state.
- A "thumb pinch" involves touching the thumb and fingers together, often signaling precision, control, or calm authority. Pointing uses an extended index finger to direct attention or emphasize, but can feel aggressive or confrontational. The thumb pinch is subtler and perceived as more approachable and thoughtful. It conveys confidence without intimidation.
- Balancing "warmth and competence" means showing both friendliness and ability through body language. Warmth is conveyed by open gestures, smiling, and eye contact, signaling approachability and kindness. Competence is shown through confident posture, steady voice, and controlled movements, indicating skill and reliability. Together, they create trust and respect, essential for effective leadership.
- A "power pause" is a deliberate silence used just before or after an important statement. It draws the listener's attention and creates a sense of anticipation. This pause allows the message to sink in, making it more memorable. Speakers use it to emphasize key points and convey confidence.
- Dr. Susan Fisk's research focuses on how charisma combines warmth and competence through nonverbal signals. Her work identifies specific body language and vocal patterns that make leaders appear both approachable and capable. This balance helps build trust and influence in social and professional settings. Fisk's findings guide effective leadership communication strategies.
- Increased blink rates during lying occur because deception often causes cognitive load and stress. The brain works harder to fabricate information, leading to physiological responses like more frequent blinking. This heightened mental effort triggers the autonomic nervous system, which controls involuntary actions such as blinking. Therefore, increased blinking can be an unconscious sign of the stress involved in lying.
- Subtle body language changes, like shifting from pointing to a "thumb pinch," alter how others interpret confidence and openness. Pointing can seem aggressive or commanding, while a thumb pinch appears more controlled and approachable. These nuances influence whether a leader is seen as authoritative yet relatable. Small gestures shape emotional responses and trust in social interactions.
Counterarguments
- Genuine smiles are generally seen as positive, but cultural differences can affect how smiles and other facial expressions are interpreted.
- While eyes may respond to emotions in certain ways, individual differences and context can greatly influence these reactions, making them not universally reliable indicators of emotional states.
- Physiological responses like pupil dilation and blink rates can be influenced by numerous factors other than emotional states or deception, such as lighting conditions, cognitive load, or medical conditions.
- The assertion that liars typically show increased blink rates is an oversimplification, as skilled liars may control their blinking, and nervousness can cause increased blinking in truthful individuals.
- Gestures and postures can be interpreted in various ways depending on cultural norms, personal habits, and situational context, which means they do not always convey the same messages universally.
- The interpretation of crossed arms as closed-off behavior can be too simplistic, as some people might cross their arms for comfort or as a habit without intending to be defensive.
- The impact of subtle body language adjustments, such as Obama's shift in gestures, may vary among different audiences and may not always lead to the intended perception.
- The idea that charismatic people balance warmth and competence may not account for different leadership styles that can also be effective, even if they do not fit this specific balance.
- Strategic pauses and vocal control can be effective, but overuse or misuse can come across as artificial or manipulative, potentially undermining the speaker's authenticity.
- The concept of a "power pause" enhancing message memorability can be contingent on the audience's engagement level and the content of the message itself.
- The recommendation to use nonverbal communication techniques genuinely is sound, but it can be challenging to discern genuine from strategic nonverbal cues, and some individuals may struggle to express warmth and competence naturally.
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The Science and Psychology of Nonverbal Communication
Vanessa Van Edwards, alongside Lewis Howes, delves into the intricate world of nonverbal communication, revealing its influence on social perception and the immense power it holds in dictating emotional and cognitive processes, as well as the charisma and influence one can command.
Nonverbal Cues Shape Our Social Perceptions and Responses
Nonverbal Cues Reveal Emotions, Confidence, and Trustworthiness
Van Edwards emphasizes the significance of genuine smiles, which utilize the upper cheek muscles and create eye crinkles, in making others feel happier, unlike fake smiles that fail to alter an observer's mood. She explains how fear causes our eyes to widen to absorb more of the environment, while squinting helps us focus on details by reducing the intensity of light. Flexed lids, which often signal scrutiny and interest, are perceived as attractive traits. She further establishes the connection between nonverbal cues and trust-building, highlighting the importance of LinkedIn profile pictures or book covers in signaling both trust and competence at a glance.
Physiological Responses, Such as Pupil Dilation and Blink Rate Changes, Reveal Emotional and Cognitive Processes
Van Edwards and Howes explore physiological responses like pupil dilation and blink rate changes. For instance, when individuals perceive social rejection, their field of vision broadens, and their pupils dilate, improving their ability to see more. Liars often exhibit higher blink rates due to nervousness and a need to block out external stimuli. These involuntary responses mirror one's emotional and cognitive states, with the potential to reveal truthfulness or deception.
Mastering Nonverbal Skills Enhances Charisma and Influence
Interpreting Nonverbal Cues to Build Trust and Credibility
Van Edwards stresses the power of properly labeling and interpreting nonverbal cues to process and understand them. This understanding helps individuals react affirmingly to others, watching for facial expressions and voice tones to build trust and credibility. She underscores the necessity of respecting personal space by maintaining a social zone distance, enabling approachability without invasion of privacy.
Controlling Nonverbal Behaviors Boosts Confidence and Social Control
Controlling one's own nonverbal behaviors ...
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The Science and Psychology of Nonverbal Communication
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Counterarguments
- Genuine smiles are generally associated with positive feelings, but the impact on observers' moods can vary based on context and individual differences.
- While fear can cause eyes to widen, not all wide-eyed expressions are due to fear, and other factors can influence this response.
- The attractiveness of flexed eyelids or any other trait is subjective and can be influenced by cultural norms and personal preferences.
- Nonverbal cues in images may suggest trustworthiness and competence, but they can be manipulated, and reliance on them can lead to superficial judgments.
- Physiological responses like pupil dilation and blink rate changes can be indicative of emotional states, but they are not foolproof indicators of specific emotions or intentions.
- The interpretation of nonverbal cues is complex and can be prone to misinterpretation, especially across different cultures or in individuals with atypical expressions of emotion.
- Personal space preferences can vary greatly among individuals and cultures, and what is considered appropriate can differ.
- Controlling nonverbal behavior to influence perception can sometimes backfire if perceived as inauthentic or manipulative.
- Lowering voice tone may not always be perceived positively and could be interpreted as aggressive or domineering in some contexts.
- Question inflection is not universally ind ...
Actionables
- You can practice mirroring genuine smiles in daily interactions to enhance others' moods by smiling at yourself in the mirror while focusing on engaging your upper cheek muscles and creating eye crinkles. This exercise will help you internalize the feeling of a genuine smile, making it easier to replicate in social situations, potentially leading to a more positive atmosphere around you.
- Enhance your ability to interpret physiological responses by observing your own reactions in emotionally charged situations, such as watching a suspenseful movie or during a competitive game. Pay attention to changes in your pupil dilation and blink rate, and note how these correlate with your feelings. This self-awareness can improve your understanding of others' nonverbal cues in similar situations.
- Increase your vocal influence by recording your spee ...
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Specific Nonverbal Cues and Their Meanings
Nonverbal Signals Project Warmth, Openness, Competence, Authority
Nonverbal communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards and others provide insight into how certain physical gestures and signals can communicate a wide range of characteristics from approachability to dominance.
Open Posture and Palms-Up Gestures Communicate Approachability and Willingness to Connect
Vanessa Van Edwards highlights the importance of managing space and using visible hands as indicators of trustworthiness, supported by Lewis Howes, who mentions his practice of non-tightly clenched hands and casual waves to project approachability. Shark Tank pitchers signal their openness as soon as they enter the room, often with a hand gesture. This kind of physical openness includes gestures that add emphasis to speech, such as saying "it's heavy" while using an upward palm gesture, and nodding upward to acknowledge someone to show trust. Open palms in general are universal indicators of openness, whether asking for or offering something.
Handing something over, high-fiving, or touching someone's elbow are examples of what Van Edwards calls a "nonverbal bridge," which helps form bonds by entering someone's intimate space in a non-threatening way. She also suggests using chairs with armrests to assist in maintaining an open posture with shoulders grounded.
Postures Like Crossed Arms and Palm-Down Hands Suggest Dominance
Crossing arms, while a natural response when thinking or processing, can appear closed off and potentially inhibit creative thinking. Vanessa Van Edwards describes this as a "bad nonverbal habit," even though it can also be a comfort gesture. A palm-down gesture, however, is seen as a high competence cue, demonstrating dominance and directiveness.
Barack Obama's initial gesture of pointing with his finger, which may be perceived as domineering, was adjusted to the less aggressive 'thumb pinch.' This subtle change reflects a move towards gestures that communicate strength without aggressiveness.
Interpreting Nonverbal Cues for Effective Communication
Van Edwards offers strategies and thoughts on how to read and manage nonverbal communicati ...
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Specific Nonverbal Cues and Their Meanings
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Counterarguments
- Nonverbal cues can be culturally specific, and what signals openness or dominance in one culture may not have the same meaning in another.
- The interpretation of nonverbal signals can be highly subjective and context-dependent; what one person perceives as a sign of approachability, another might see as a sign of insecurity or lack of professionalism.
- Crossed arms can sometimes be misinterpreted; they might indicate self-comfort, concentration, or simply a comfortable resting position for the individual, rather than a closed-off attitude.
- The effectiveness of displacement tactics like holding a coffee mug or pen to mitigate signals of discomfort may vary from person to person and could potentially be seen as a sign of nervousness or distraction.
- The suggestion that sitting in chairs with armrests helps maintain an open posture might not take into account personal preferences or comfort levels, which can also affect nonverbal communication.
- The idea that recognizing and labeling negative nonverbal cues can calm the amygdala might not apply to everyone, as individuals can have different stress responses and coping mechanisms.
- The assu ...
Actionables
- You can practice mirroring body language during conversations to build rapport and trust with others. When you're interacting with someone, subtly adopt a similar posture or gesture. If they lean forward, you might lean forward slightly as well. This can create a sense of harmony and understanding without being overt or invasive.
- Create a personal feedback loop by recording your own video calls to observe and adjust your nonverbal communication. Watch the recordings to identify any nonverbal habits you might want to change, such as crossing arms or slouching. Seeing yourself from an outside perspective can be eye-opening and provide a clear path to improvement.
- Use role-playing exercises with a friend to practi ...
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Using Nonverbal Communication to Improve Influence and Impact
Vanessa Van Edwards and Lewis Howes examine the critical role of nonverbal communication in leadership and influence, emphasizing the importance of balancing warmth and competence, the strategic use of pauses and tonality, and the ethical application of these techniques.
Warmth and Competence Balance Is Key for Charisma in Leadership
Vanessa Van Edwards discusses a study by Dr. Susan Fisk showing that highly charismatic people balance warmth and competence. Displaying too much competence can make someone appear cold, while excessive warmth might undermine credibility. Edwards highlights that this balance is pivotal for openness to a leader's competence.
Friendly Body Language and Confident Cues in Communication
Edwards emphasizes that friendly body language and confident communication cues build charisma and influence. Lewis Howes mentions that having open hands and not hiding them can project charisma. Hand gestures are compared to a body language highlighter, emphasizing key points in speech, while Van Edwards notes that professional voiceover artists use whole body gestures to energetically engage with their material.
Adjustments to Posture, Gestures, and Vocal Inflection Enhance Trustworthiness and Capability Perceptions
Adjustments in posture, like the significant distance between the earlobe and shoulder, can convey confidence. The use of voices, gestures, and body language like the "steeple" gesture can underscore one's message and improve perceptions of trustworthiness and capability.
Timing and Pacing Nonverbal Behaviors For Drama
Vanessa Van Edwards introduces the 'power pause,' a strategic pause before key points that creates anticipation and enhances memorability. She advises avoiding unnecessary pauses after promising something significant, as it creates uncertainty.
Volume, Tone, and Pacing Enhance Speaker Presence
Van Edwards and Howes discuss the critical role of vocal power involving tonal control and pacing, which are fundamental to enhancing a speaker's presence. Howes mentions that tonality is taught early on at Toastmasters as part of becoming a competent communicator.
Nonverbal Communication Ethics: Avoid Manipulation
...
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Using Nonverbal Communication to Improve Influence and Impact
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Counterarguments
- While balancing warmth and competence is important, some leadership situations may require a leader to prioritize one over the other depending on the context and the needs of the team or organization.
- There are cultural differences in how warmth and competence are perceived and valued, and what is considered charismatic in one culture may not be in another.
- Overemphasis on body language and nonverbal cues can sometimes lead to misinterpretation, as these signals can vary greatly between individuals and contexts.
- The effectiveness of gestures like the "steeple" may not be universal and could be perceived negatively in some situations or cultures.
- The concept of "power pauses" might not always be effective, as some audiences may interpret pauses as hesitation or lack of confidence.
- Vocal power and tonality might not be as influential in some communication mediums, such as written communication, where these elements cannot be conveyed.
- The focus on nonverbal communication might overshadow the importance of content quality; even with excellent nonverbal skills, poor content cannot be compensated for.
- The idea that genuine warmth and competence ...
Actionables
- You can practice mirroring exercises with a friend to balance warmth and competence in your interactions. Pair up with someone and take turns discussing various topics. The listener should consciously mirror the speaker's body language, aiming to match their level of warmth and competence. This exercise helps you become more aware of how you're perceived and allows you to adjust your behavior in real-time.
- Start a gesture journal to develop a repertoire of confident communication cues. Each day, note down one gesture or body language cue you observed in someone else that conveyed confidence or warmth. Practice this gesture in front of a mirror, and then try to incorporate it into your conversations throughout the day. This method helps you to expand your nonverbal vocabulary and use it more naturally.
- Create a "pause prompt" system for ...
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