How to Become the Most Confident Version of Yourself & Step Into Your Power

Sarah Jakes Roberts and Mel Robbins illuminate the path to healing by urging a shift from self-condemnation to self-compassion and integration. Together, they argue that punishing oneself for past mistakes reinforces shame and blocks the possibility of healing and growth. Instead, they advocate for compassionate self-reflection and embracing one’s entire life story as part of a valuable, evolving identity.

Acknowledging That Punishment and Healing Can't Coexist, Needing a Shift From Self-Condemnation to Compassion

Sarah Jakes Roberts shares her own experience of sitting with herself for ten years but recognizes the difference between punishment and healing. She reveals the harm in replaying mistakes and harsh words—her own and others’—that reinforce a sense of being unworthy or defined by a single failure. Echoing this, Mel Robbins admits that she once believed punishing herself would prevent future mistakes and rejection but ultimately saw how this approach traps people in the past.

They stress that it is impossible to heal while punishing oneself: the two cannot coexist. Negative self-talk, especially echoing voices from childhood, only fortifies internal wounds. Sarah notes that the impulse to “keep this from happening again by constantly living with it right in front of me” is actually how people prepare themselves for rejection and shield themselves from hope. This mindset makes people believe they must always keep their mistakes in their line of sight, as though remembering their shame can guarantee it won’t recur.

Both women urge intentional self-reflection approached with compassion rather than judgment. Healing requires stretching into new, loving ways of speaking to oneself—replacing old, critical voices with messages of understanding and acceptance. Sarah emphasizes that true self-love can only follow when we sit with ourselves for the purpose of compassion, embracing discomfort as part of growth. She describes her own process of sitting with her earlier self until shame faded and only compassion for her journey remained.

View Your Life Story As a Movie, Not Just Regretful Scenes

The hosts warn against fixating on the most shameful moments, which leads to a loss of perspective and keeps people trapped in cycles of guilt. Sarah likens this to watching a movie by repeatedly replaying one painful scene and judging the whole story by it. She urges listeners to “look at your whole movie in totality,” suggesting that considering the full arc of one’s life reveals how every part fits into the journey.

Reflecting on her adolescence and teen pregnancy, Sarah illustrates the transformative effect of compassionate perspective. As a young girl, messages of condemnation—from others and herself—confirmed her sense of not fitting in and having little value. Over time, however, she learned to revisit these moments not with a judgemental cringe, but with true empathy for her past self’s isolation, longing, and lack of support. “Given what you had to work with,” she says, “you did the best you could.”

By seeing herself as doing the best she could with the resources and maturity she had at the time, Sarah feels compassion and understanding, not condemnation. Mel Robbins affirms this outlook, saying that everything—no matter how messy—can become a source of wisdom and strength if one views their life story with open arms and an open heart. They contend that regret lingers when people refuse to sit honestly with their entire story, shutting away painful experiences instead of facing and integrating them.

They also urge listeners to recognize that the present self is no longer the old self, and that wisdom and growth often make different choices possible today. No matter where one is in their story, every scene—and every earlier self—deserves a moment of recognition, gratitude, and love for surviving and contributing to the person one is now.

Integrating all Parts of Your Identity, Including Mis ...

Sarah Jakes Roberts explores how true power originates not in external trappings or a manufactured image but from an inner alignment with authenticity, resilience, and humility. Her experiences and insights challenge conventional notions of confidence, showing that embracing imperfection and vulnerability is what genuinely empowers and liberates both the self and others.

Balanced Power: Integrating Three Essential Qualities for Fluid Life Force

Authenticity Is Being Genuine, Embracing Vulnerability, Struggle, and Uncertainty, Rather Than Hiding Your Humanity Behind a Polished Facade

Sarah Jakes Roberts describes her journey, likening it to Cinderella trying on countless shoes, searching for a fit until she decided to be “barefoot”—to stand in her truth as a country girl from West Virginia, even if that meant isolation or not fitting into any mold except her own. She recounts moments when she openly embraced struggle and uncertainty and stopped hiding her humanity behind performance. This willingness to say, “this is who I am and you’re going to have to meet me here,” became a source of strength. She notes people are hungry for this kind of truth—one that doesn’t gloss over pain or awkwardness.

A defining moment comes as she’s preaching to a large streaming audience and her wig begins to slip due to sweat and heat. Rather than escaping the embarrassment or hiding behind her appearance, she removes her wig on stage and continues in her wig cap. She feels exposed yet liberated, experiencing an outpouring of solidarity from women who also dropped their wigs, saying they were “tired of pretending to have it all together.” This act deepens her message: true authenticity is accepting all parts of ourselves, both the “beast on stage” and the mother or friend who sometimes needs nurturing.

Resilience Means Persisting Through Challenges, While True Power Involves Recognizing Its Impact on Relationships and Being Humble About Limitations

Roberts emphasizes that power is often mistaken for sheer resilience—the ability to get back up no matter what. But true resilience includes an honest reckoning with how our response to hardship may affect those around us. Admitting vulnerability, needing care, or being the “strong friend” who sometimes also needs support, are expressions of real power. She elaborates that power is incomplete without humility and reflection on one's impact.

Humility: Owning Mistakes, Learning From Failures, Recognizing You Don't Have all the Answers, and Becoming Stronger to Help Others

Humility, Roberts says, is about owning mistakes, learning lessons, and recognizing we don’t have all the answers. She attributes her healing and sense of restoration to embracing the possibility of being radically loved and forgiven, even when her journey to faith didn't make sense to anyone else. Humility transforms pain and failure into tools for helping others, rather than sources of shame.

Recognizing Power as a Flow, Not a Destination, Aligned With Authenticity, Resilience, and Humility

"Power: Embodying, Not Achieving, For True Success"

Roberts and Mel Robbins discuss how power is not a static achievement but a dynamic state—something you embody, letting authenticity, resilience, and humility flow through you. It's a "cocktail" that brings wholeness and ensures your power is available wherever you are. Whether navigating career changes, personal transitions, or moments of uncertainty, tapping into this flow allows for adaptation and growth.

Cultivated Power Persists, Adapting To New Contexts

Roberts explains that she once feared her sense of power and confidence would vanish after moving from Los Angeles to Dallas. The pivotal moment of vulnerability—removing her wig—became proof that power isn’t tied to a place or circumstance but flows with authentic being. No matter the stage of life, power takes on different forms yet remains accessible when one stays aligned with truth and presence.

Trusting Power's Fluidity Eases Anxiety, Ensuring Authentic Expression in New Situations

Accepting that power is fluid eases a ...

Sarah Jakes Roberts and Mel Robbins explore the profound transformation that occurs when we speak our truths and share both our dreams and our struggles. Their perspectives reveal that vulnerability not only liberates individuals but also spreads encouragement, connection, and healing within communities.

Confining Your Dreams, Struggles, and Authentic Self Hinders Growth

Holding in emotions, dreams, and personal experiences is exhausting and unsustainable. Sarah Jakes Roberts describes the suffocating pressure of suppressing your truth, saying, "It's hard to breathe. It's hard to believe. It's hard to show up in your world. But when you let it live outside of you, you get to exhale that." Concealing one’s true self demands constant energy to maintain a façade, making it difficult to function fully in life.

Roberts explains that unexpressed thoughts and dreams accumulate like a weight inside of us, becoming burdensome. However, when shared, these burdens are lightened and transformed. She illustrates this with her own story: writing a blog to process her life, she was surprised by the response—her vulnerabilities connected with others, who found solidarity in her openness. She recounts, "All of a sudden those things that I thought disqualified me, those things that I thought I could never use, are the things that people actually had a taste for."

Roberts recounts a moment of vulnerability—removing her wig on stage—expecting ridicule but receiving appreciation and connection instead. This not only freed her but gave others permission to express their authenticity. Mel Robbins adds that keeping your true self locked away is like closing a cupboard, leaving it dark. Every act of sharing opens the doors, letting in light and making space for growth and healing. Speaking your truth lets you breathe freely and allows space for new possibilities.

Recognizing Your Environment's Flexibility and Openness, People Are Supportive and Excited When You Share Your Authentic Self and Aspirations

Many people silence themselves out of fear that revealing their dreams or struggles will alienate friends or damage relationships. Sarah Jakes Roberts challenges this fear, asserting, "Nine times out of ten, there is more flexibility in your environment than you are aware of." Most people, she finds, are supportive and even excited to see you grow or become more authentic. She acknowledges that while sharing your true self might cost you some relationships, “for the most part, people were excited to go on this journey with me.”

Roberts gives practical examples: sharing aspirations like returning to school and finding that friends offer encouragement, prayer, or help with family obligations. She describes, “Most people have more flexibility than we give them credit for.” Sharing struggles and dreams not only connects you with support but expands relationships—new layers of community and solidarity emerge as people share more of their authentic selves. Roberts' candidness led others—such as a woman in the audience who also took off her wig in solidarity—to reveal their own truths, validating that authenticity inspires and connects rather than isolates.

Mel Robbins encourages daily acts of opening up, noting the transformative "ma ...

Rest and Restoration: Foundations For Authenticity, Compassion, and Purpose in Relationships

Sarah Jakes Roberts emphasizes that rest is fundamental for accessing one's best self and for showing compassion in relationships. When running on fumes, she finds herself making poorer choices and feeling irritation even toward people she cares about. Spiritual rest, gratitude, prayer, meditation, and reflection are all part of her process of restoration. Roberts explains that she regularly reconciles with herself, reassessing her well-being much like balancing accounts—she will stop and recognize her need for a break if she finds herself unusually irritable.

Mel Robbins agrees, saying that exhaustion leads her to dislike the version of herself that shows up when she is tired. This overwhelmed self emerges when there’s constant over-extension, most often stemming from the urge to say yes to everything, particularly among women. Roberts notes that when family, community, or colleagues repeatedly request things she’s set a precedent for, and her default response becomes resentment or annoyance, it’s a sign she needs rest or a renegotiation of her commitments.

Recognizing over-extension means honestly identifying the signals—such as irritation or depletion—and deciding whether to rest or to adjust roles and boundaries. Communicating those changes is crucial but requires thoughtful language. Rather than bluntly announcing a withdrawal, Roberts suggests recollecting and regrouping first: reflecting on what commitments are still true, what are no longer sustainable, and then gently letting others know so they can adapt to and accept this new version of you. Mel Robbins affirms this approach, noting that she needs reminders to choose a nap and a precedent change over cycling through resentment and overwork.

Transformation Occurs Through Incremental Dares Expanding Your Sense of Possibility

Roberts describes transformation as a series of small dares—micro-commitments to courage, vulnerability, or authenticity—that, though subtle at first, accumulate into life changes that feel surprising in retrospect. She advocates for beginning with the vision of the person you wish to become and then gradually introducing that version through manageable steps. Transformation does not require an overnight overhaul; rather, it’s about consistent, incremental acts that allow latent parts of the self to be expressed outwardly and fully.

Over time, these small dares create evidence that buoys confidence and motivation, sparking further growth. For Roberts, embracing each little dare results in realizing she has already transformed, and she anticipates many more versions of herself emerging in the future. The unfolding of change is about fully owning where you are now and allowing genuine expression, rather than forcibly divorcing yourself from your past identity.

Recognizing That Changing Patterns Requires Clear Communication With Those Adapted To Your Old Version

Both Roberts and Robbins highlight that consistently showing up in a certain way builds expectations in relationships. When these patterns are outgrown ...

Sarah Jakes Roberts and Mel Robbins explore the deep truth that every individual’s life holds intrinsic value and purpose, independent of external achievements, status, or perfection. They invite us to embrace our unique journeys—celebrating the entirety of our experiences, struggles, gifts, and perspectives—and to trust that each part of our story is essential to the impact we make in the world.

Believing Your Existence Is Meant to Improve the World Through Your Unique Gifts and Journey

Sarah Jakes Roberts affirms the belief that every person is here to make the world better, equipped with unique contributions arising from personal gifts and journeys. She shares that her achievements are only a part of her story and refuses to be solely defined by them, noting the pressure and arrogance that can come from tying self-worth to external success. Instead, she strives to be a beautiful blend—a “tapestry of a girl on a journey and a woman owning her power.”

Everyone's Intrinsic Value in the World Exists Regardless of Achievements, Appearance, or Status

She passionately challenges the notion that value comes from societal standards, accomplishments, or appearances. “Your value is not set by these experiences you have gone through. They are not set by society standard. I don't care what they call beautiful. I don't care what they call powerful. Your value is an inside job.”

Sarah underscores the intentionality of existence as reflected in nature; every element works together for a reason, and humanity is no exception. Just as the sun and ocean serve their irreplaceable roles, so too does every life.

Unique Experiences, Struggles, Gifts, and Perspectives Enable Your Unique Contribution to the World

Sarah’s journey, shaped in part by becoming a mother at fourteen within a highly visible faith-based family, illustrates how unique struggles form the groundwork for greater wisdom and service to others. She recognizes that healing from difficulties is vital not just for self, but for the impact one has on loved ones and the world.

She encourages everyone to examine their lives through love and compassion, pointing out how harsh self-judgment leads to lack of kindness for others. Sarah believes the incremental, everyday acts of kindness and healing—each “Christmas light size moment”—are what slowly transform us and those around us.

Necessity Shifts Value: Impact of Well-Being and Growth

For Sarah, valuing your existence means taking your well-being, thoughts, and healing seriously. When you understand how necessary your existence is, you no longer live on “discount,” giving yourself away cheaply. Instead, you show up with intention and sensitivity to your role in every space you enter. Your breath, your influence—when used purposefully—can make the world, starting from your immediate circle, a better place.

Realizing Painful and Shameful Experiences Benefit Your Future Purpose

Sarah Jakes Roberts’s story exemplifies how embracing hardship leads to greater purpose. She candidly discusses her early pregnancy and how such experiences, once a source of pain and shame, became a foundation for the wisdom she now shares. She observes that our most difficult moments often make us more confident, courageous, and relatable.

Struggles and Hardships Equip You to Guide Others Through Similar Challenges

Instead of viewing painful events as punishment or waste, Sarah urges trusting that difficult experiences are intentionally woven into our lives. This perspective shift transforms pain into preparation, equipping us to guide and comfort others who feel alone.

Owning Your Story and Speaking Your Truth Is a Gift to Others Who Feel Alone

When Sarah began to share her truth—the facts of her life including becoming a teen mother, dropping out of college, and going through divorce—she discovered that her authenticity resonated powerfully with people who felt isolated in their struggles. Owning and speaking one’s truth, she maintains, offers light to others and builds a sense of community.

Trusting Difficult Experiences Are Intentionally Woven Into Your Life Allows You to Find Gifts in the Pain Rather Than Viewing It As Waste or Punishment

Sarah and Mel Robbins explain that difficult pasts, when accepted and shared, become lights along the way for others. Instead of waiting for grand moments to shine, each flicker—each moment of shared authenticity and resilience—joins into an [restricted term] of hope and possibility for those still walking through darkness.

Recognizing Your Call to Use all Cupboard Ingredients to Create Something Authentic and Beautiful That Serves Yo ...