If You Feel Lost in Life, Listen to This One Conversation to Find Purpose & Meaning

Ocean Vuong shares his insights into how language and perspective shape our experiences, especially when faced with poverty and marginalization.

Language Can Humiliate, but It Can Also Be Reclaimed to Affirm Dignity

Vuong opens by recounting a personal story regarding the shame of poverty, where his mother had to put back tomatoes at a grocery store because she couldn’t afford them, and the dignity displayed by a cashier who respectfully looked away.

Language Is Used by Corporations, Politicians, and the Powerful to Manipulate and Degrade People

Vuong states that language in our culture, through means like advertisements and political campaigns, is often captured to humiliate people, making them feel inadequate. Ocean Vuong discusses the role of poetry and language arts in reclaiming the strangeness and beauty of language, asserting the wonder and awe at the heart of language can be recycled for everyday use. He emphasizes language as a strategy historically used to control people and suggests that by using language with intention, individuals can reclaim dignity.

Using Language Intentionally Can Help Communities Regain Dignity

Vuong speaks to the power of disrupting linguistic patterns, as poetry and novels do, leading to new learning and different perspectives. He emphasizes that by changing the questions we ask, we can enter a new linguistic space that dignifies communities and individuals.

Reframe to Turn Shame Into Motivation

Vuong discusses the two types of shame he experienced: the shame of being poor and queer, which he could not control, and the shame of action, such as working hard but feeling it wasn't enough to escape poverty.

From Shame and Self-Doubt to Growth and Understanding

Vuong used the shame he felt as a propulsive force to drive himself to unde ...

Ocean Vuong and Mel Robbins delve into what makes a meaningful life, touching on the value of community, the importance of maintaining interpersonal relationships, and the transformative power of kindness.

Meaning Comes From Relationships and Communities, Not Achievements

Vuong explains that meaning in life comes from recognizing one’s own value within their current circumstances rather than using life to prove their worth. He reflects on his experiences moving through class systems and the persistent feeling that his words might be outside the understanding of certain audiences.

Career Success or Social Status as Hollow Validation

Vuong critiques the capitalist promise of the American Dream and the expectation of upward mobility, discussing the contradictions between this ideal and his, and his community's, economic realities. He argues that achievements and the metaphorical climb "up the mountain" to success won't necessarily heal everything, as one can encounter bitterness, envy, jealousy, and hatred at higher levels, which don't provide the expected fulfillment.

Purpose in Family and Community Support Brings Fulfillment

Despite economic struggles, Vuong finds it meaningful to stay close to his family and community. He takes pride in being able to support his family, highlighting the importance of connections among characters who support each other in his book. Vuong emphasizes collaboration with one's younger self and suggests that one's past aspirations are important to creating meaning in life, even before achieving professional success.

Kindness, Attention, and Presence Are Meaningful

Vuong advocates for changing the way people interact, proposing more meaningful questions like "what’s the last thing that made you joyful?" Rather than focusing on oneself, the shift should be toward attending to others' needs.

Shifting Focus From Self-Centeredness to Others' Needs

Mel Robbins speaks about shifting from self-centered thoughts to wishing well for others, which expands one’s own sense of well-being. Vuong discusses living with care and obligation to his family and community, in contrast to a self-centered YOLO mentality. He stresses the importance of being present for ...

Ocean Vuong and Mel Robbins address the importance of acknowledging failures and embracing our flaws to lead a purposeful and authentic life. They discuss how vulnerability, struggle, and imperfections are not only inevitable aspects of the human experience but also necessary components for growth, innovation, and finding value in the mundane.

Failure and Vulnerability Are Essential for Growth and Innovation

Embracing Failure and Imperfection Crucial for Creative and Personal Growth

Ocean Vuong shares his own narrative of perceived failure when he attempted to become the "superhero" of his family through business and instead transitioned to writing as a result of leaving school. This experience, filled with shame and vulnerability as he contemplated returning to his family without fulfilling the expected achievements, helped pave a different creative path for him.

Vuong encapsulates this sentiment by describing the classroom as a "laboratory of failure," a space where embarrassment and failure are essential parts of the learning process. He sees evidence of transformation when students free themselves from the fear of failure, while his own journey of failure, shame, and rejection illustrates the shift from fearing imperfection to leveraging it for growth and expression.

Normalizing Struggle Frees Us From Shame and Self-Judgment

Vuong suggests that by normalizing the idea of failure and embracing our struggles, one can grow as a human being. He pushes against the stigmatization of failure, advocating for its recognition as a necessary component of creative struggle and innovation. He believes owning all parts of oneself, including those parts others may see as failures, is pivotal for genuine growth.

Beauty and Value in Imperfection and Mundanity

Value Small Moments and Relationships for Deeper Purpose

Ocean Vuong and Mel Robbins highlight the deep significance found in everyday moments and the importance of grounding in the present. Vuong recounts the value in little acts of human kindness and respect as pivotal experiences of shared humanity. For instance, he sees beauty in the present situation, even if it wasn't the originally envisioned success.

From working in a nail salon with his mother to being homeless in New York, Vuong illustrates how each chapter, however imperfect, adds value and meaning to life. He encourages students to express gratitude for their past selves, acknowledging the strength that led them to where ...