7 Things to Tell Yourself Every Day
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Robbins discusses the delicate balance between maintaining healthy boundaries and showing kindness to others. She explains how to distinguish between genuine kindness and people-pleasing behavior, emphasizing that setting boundaries involves both what we communicate to others and what we tell ourselves about our own limits.
The episode explores the relationship between stress, energy management, and self-perception, with Robbins sharing insights about replacing self-criticism with self-compassion. She addresses how to recognize personal growth while navigating life's challenges, and offers perspective on maintaining empathy for others' struggles while protecting your own well-being. The discussion provides context for understanding how to prioritize what matters most while maintaining healthy relationships with yourself and others.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jan 5, 2026 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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1-Page Summary
Maintaining Healthy Boundaries and Self-Care
Mel Robbins discusses how to balance kindness with self-preservation when setting boundaries. She emphasizes that being kind doesn't mean being a doormat, and encourages listeners to say "no" when situations demand more than they can give. Robbins explains that boundaries aren't just what we communicate to others, but what we say to ourselves about our limits. She notes that while many people people-please to be liked, it's essential to make choices based on what's important to you rather than responding to everyone else's emergencies.
Cultivating Self-Compassion and Perspective
Drawing from her therapy experiences, Robbins shares a powerful reminder: feeling lazy isn't about actual laziness, but about having limited energy that's being used for survival. She explains that during challenging times, it's normal and healthy if all your energy goes toward handling obstacles. Stress can hijack brain function, putting the body in survival mode, and Robbins emphasizes that being critical of yourself when you're already giving your all is counterproductive. Instead, she advocates for replacing self-criticism with self-compassion.
Embracing Change and Personal Growth
Robbins encourages listeners to celebrate their progress rather than focusing solely on unmet goals. She points out the importance of recognizing growth, whether it's outgrowing certain people and habits or surviving new challenges. According to Robbins, becoming your best self often requires letting go of anything that no longer serves you, including outdated habits or unhelpful relationships, to make room for new opportunities that support personal growth.
Prioritizing What Matters Most In Life
Robbins emphasizes the importance of responding with compassion to others' unspoken struggles, reminding listeners that "everyone is going through a tough time right now." She explains that simple acts of kindness, like opening doors for strangers or offering compliments, can affirm our compassionate identity while acknowledging that everyone faces their own challenges. Importantly, Robbins clarifies that being kind doesn't mean always saying yes – it's about empathizing with the broader human experience while maintaining healthy boundaries.
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Counterarguments
- While Robbins emphasizes the importance of saying "no" and setting boundaries, it's also important to recognize that sometimes saying "yes" can lead to unexpected opportunities and growth, and that a balance between the two is often necessary.
- The idea that people-pleasing is solely for being liked might be an oversimplification; some individuals may people-please due to deeper psychological reasons such as fear of conflict, low self-esteem, or past trauma.
- Robbins suggests that feeling lazy is a sign of limited energy for survival, but it's also possible that laziness can stem from a lack of motivation or uninspiring goals, and addressing these root causes might be necessary for some individuals.
- While self-compassion is important, there is also a place for constructive self-criticism that can drive self-improvement and personal growth without leading to negative self-perception.
- Celebrating progress is crucial, but it's also important to maintain a clear vision of one's goals to ensure that celebrating doesn't lead to complacency.
- Letting go of things that no longer serve you is valuable advice, but it's also important to consider the potential benefits of perseverance and working through difficulties in relationships or habits before deciding to let go.
- Acts of kindness are important, but they should not be performed with the expectation of affirming one's compassionate identity; rather, they should be genuine expressions of empathy and care for others.
- While Robbins advocates for empathy towards others' unspoken struggles, it's also important to recognize that not everyone may be going through a tough time, and assuming so could lead to misinterpretations or patronizing behavior.
Actionables
- Create a "Boundary Blueprint" by writing down situations where you've felt overextended in the past month, then draft simple scripts for saying no or negotiating your involvement for future similar scenarios. For example, if you've been asked to work late repeatedly, your script might be, "I understand the urgency of this project, but I need to balance my work and personal life. Can we discuss how to manage this project within working hours?"
- Develop a "Compassion Card" system where you carry small cards with positive affirmations or offers of help that you can hand out to people you encounter who might be struggling. This could be as simple as a card that says, "You're doing great, and your efforts don't go unnoticed," which can be a small but meaningful gesture of support.
- Start a "Growth Journal" where you dedicate a few minutes each evening to reflect on and write about one aspect of personal growth you've experienced that day, no matter how small. This could include recognizing when you've successfully maintained a boundary or noting a moment where you chose self-compassion over self-criticism.
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Maintaining Healthy Boundaries and Self-Care
Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Needs
Setting Boundaries With a Kind Heart
Mel Robbins discusses the essential balance between kindness and self-preservation, teaching listeners that it's both possible and necessary to maintain kind-heartedness while setting personal boundaries. Robbins drives home the point with her frank statement: "You can be a kind person with a really good heart and still tell people to fuck off when you need to. It's called boundaries." She emphasizes that being kind shouldn't entail being a human doormat. To avoid overcommitting oneself, Robbins encourages saying "no" when situations demand more than one can give or when tasks may lead to personal misery.
Avoiding People-Pleasing at the Expense of Your Well-Being
"Saying 'No' Protects Your Peace and Self-Respect"
Robbins explains that setting boundaries occasionally involves saying "no" to protect one's peace and self-respect. She clarifies that boundaries are what you say to yourself, recognizing your limits, and not just what you communicate to others. Robbins argues against the misconception that you must always respond affirmatively to please others or to be considered kind. She posits, "Every time you get asked to do something that you just don't have the energy to do... being kind to yourself means a lot of times you gotta be horrible to everybody else an ...
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Maintaining Healthy Boundaries and Self-Care
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Counterarguments
- While setting boundaries is important, it's also crucial to maintain a balance between self-care and fulfilling responsibilities to others, especially in close relationships or professional settings where collaboration and compromise are necessary.
- The concept of telling people to "fuck off" might be seen as too aggressive or inappropriate in many social contexts, and there are often more diplomatic ways to assert one's boundaries.
- Saying "no" can indeed protect one's peace and self-respect, but it's also important to consider the impact of our refusals on others and to communicate our boundaries in a way that is clear and respectful.
- While Robbins emphasizes the importance of not being a people-pleaser, there are situations where being accommodating can foster goodwill and strengthen relationships, provided it doesn't lead to self-neglect.
- The advice to prioritize one's own needs might not be universally applicable, as cultural differences can influence how people view the balance between individual needs and group harmony.
- Robbins' approach may not fully acknowledge the complexity of certain relationships where power dynamics make it difficult for one party to simply say "no" without facing significant consequences.
- The recommendation to reflect on the urgency of tasks and prioritize accordingly is sound, but in practice, it can be challenging to determine what is truly urgent or important, especially in fast-paced or high-pressure environments.
- Robbins' advice might not address the needs of people who struggle with assertiveness d ...
Actionables
- Create a personal boundary statement template to articulate your limits clearly and kindly when you need to say "no." Start by writing down common situations where you feel pressured to say "yes," and draft a polite but firm statement for each scenario. For example, if you're often asked to take on extra work, your template might be, "I appreciate your confidence in me, but I need to focus on my current commitments to maintain the quality of my work."
- Develop a "priority matrix" to help you decide when to say "yes" or "no" to requests. Draw a simple four-quadrant grid on a piece of paper, labeling the axes "Urgency" and "Importance." Place incoming requests in the appropriate quadrant to visually assess which tasks align with your priorities and which you can decline. For instance, a friend's last-minute request for a favor might land in the "Not Urgent/Not Important" quadrant, signaling it's okay to say "no."
- Schedule a weekly "boundary audit" where you review ...
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Cultivating Self-Compassion and Perspective
Mel Robbins shares valuable insights from therapy aimed at cultivating self-compassion and a healthy perspective amidst life's challenges.
Acknowledging the Mental and Emotional Toll of Challenges
You're Not Lazy - You're Using Energy to Survive
Robbins starts with a powerful reminder from her therapist: "You're not lazy. You only have a certain amount of energy right now and you're using it all to survive." She acknowledges that everyone has a finite amount of energy, and during challenging times, it's completely understandable if all of their energy goes toward handling the obstacles they face. Robbins emphasizes that if you're overwhelmed and exhausted, this is a mentally healthy response to your current situation, indicating that you're doing a lot, and simply getting through the day can be an accomplishment.
Reframing Self-Criticism As Unproductive and Replacing With Self-Understanding
Beating Yourself Up When Giving 100% Hinders Progress
Stress has the ability to hijack brain function, putting the body in survival mode, Robbins explains. In this mode, people may feel lazy or that they're not doing enough, but in reality, they're just experiencing a normal biological response to overwhelming life events. If you're giving whatever percentage you have in the tank, despite it being less than your usual capacity, Robbins asserts that you're doing the best you can. Recognizing this can alleviate guilt and help in seeing things more clearly.
Robbins advises not to be too hard on yourself when trying to cope with life's demands. Acknowledging the mental and emotional toll these challenges take is crucial. Replacing self-criticism with compassion is important — if you're exhausted and depleted, you're not being lazy; you're conserving your energy to survive.
She reinfo ...
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Cultivating Self-Compassion and Perspective
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Actionables
- Create a "Best Effort" journal where you document daily achievements, no matter how small, to visually acknowledge your efforts. By writing down even the simplest tasks you've completed, you create a tangible record of your productivity, which can help combat feelings of inadequacy. For example, if you managed to pay a bill or simply take a shower on a tough day, jot it down and recognize it as a victory.
- Develop a self-compassion mantra that you can repeat during moments of self-criticism. This could be a simple phrase like "I am doing enough, and I am enough," which serves as a mental reset button when you're being too hard on yourself. Use this mantra when you catch yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk, perhaps while taking deep breaths to enhance the calming effect.
- Set up a progress bar for ongoing tasks or goals, filling it in ...
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Embracing Change and Personal Growth
Change and personal growth are integral parts of life. Embracing them can lead to a fulfilling journey of self-improvement.
Celebrate Progress, Even if Goals Aren't Met Yet
Recognizing You've Grown Significantly Compared To two Years ago, Even if You're Not yet Everything You Want to Be
Robbins highlights a critical mindset in the podcast, urging listeners to celebrate how far they've come rather than focusing solely on what they have not achieved. The podcast serves as a reminder that although you may not be everything you want to be, it’s essential to recognize you're already a lot of things you wanted to be two years ago. This significant realization should be a reason to celebrate.
Acknowledgement of growth involves recognizing all forms of progress, which could include outgrowing people and habits, surviving new challenges, or even creating and building new things. Robbins stresses that it’s not about waiting for a "ta-da" moment of perfection but valuing incremental wins and learning along the way.
The sentiment is supported with the idea that life is an ongoing journey and that the concept of "arriving" at a final destination where no further growth is needed is misleading. Robbins propels this narrative by encouraging listeners to acknowledge the positive changes and accomplishments along the way, from personal victories like weight loss and meditation to professional strides such as learning new skills or updating your resume.
Letting Go Of the Past For Positive Change
Becoming Your Best Self Means Letting Go Of What's No Longer Serving You
One of the pillars of personal growth is the ability to let go of the past, especially the aspects that hinder progress. Robbins motivates listeners to release anything that is holding them back, whether it be outdated habits, unhelpful people, or past situations that limit potential grow ...
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Embracing Change and Personal Growth
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Counterarguments
- While celebrating progress is important, it's also crucial to maintain a balance between self-congratulation and motivation for continued effort, as excessive self-celebration can lead to complacency.
- Recognizing growth is beneficial, but it's also important to critically assess whether the changes align with one's core values and long-term goals.
- Valuing incremental wins is key, but it's also necessary to keep sight of the bigger picture to ensure that these small wins are contributing to overall life objectives.
- Letting go of the past is often advised, but sometimes past experiences can offer valuable lessons and should not be entirely discarded; integrating these lessons can be part of growth.
- The idea of continuous growth is aspirational, but it's also important to acknowledge and accept periods of stagnation or regression as natural parts of the human experience.
- The concept of becoming your best self can sometimes lead to an unattainable ideal, which may cause frustration or a sense of inadequacy; it's important to foster self-acceptance alongside ...
Actionables
- You can create a "Growth Timeline" by drawing a line on a large sheet of paper and marking significant personal milestones from the past year. Add notes on what you've learned or how you've changed at each point. This visual representation can help you see your progress and appreciate the journey, not just the destination.
- Start a "Letting Go" ritual where you write down habits, people, or situations that no longer serve you on small pieces of paper. Once a month, safely burn these papers in a fireproof container to symbolize releasing the past and making room for new growth.
- Implement ...
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Prioritizing What Matters Most In Life
Mel Robbins explores the importance of responding with compassion to others' unspoken struggles and the urgency of cherishing time and relationships in our lives.
Broader Perspective on Challenges Faced by Others
Respond With Kindness, Not Personally, During Tough Times
Robbins emphasizes that everyone is facing challenges, some visible and many invisible. She reminds listeners to adopt a perspective that prioritizes kindness, highlighting, "You know who's going through a tough time right now? Everyone. Be kind." This approach allows us to see past our own troubles and understand that the woman at the grocery store, the angry driver, the quiet coworker, or the rude family member may all be carrying unseen burdens. Acknowledging that listeners might also be struggling with their own worries, Robbins counsels that kindness is a reflection of one's values and inner strength.
Robbins elaborates on the transformative power of kindness, sharing that being considerate amid personal hardships can confirm that our core kindness remains intact. Simple acts, like opening doors fo ...
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Prioritizing What Matters Most In Life
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Counterarguments
- While kindness is important, it is also necessary to recognize that not all negative behavior can or should be met with kindness; there are situations where assertiveness or setting firm boundaries is more appropriate for one's mental health and safety.
- The idea that everyone is going through a tough time can sometimes lead to the minimization of the unique and severe struggles some individuals face; not all challenges are equal in severity or impact.
- Responding with kindness consistently requires a level of emotional resources that not everyone may have at all times, especially those dealing with their own mental health issues.
- The emphasis on kindness as a reflection of inner strength might inadvertently suggest that those who struggle to always respond kindly are lacking in character, which may not be a fair assessment of complex human behavior.
- The notion that simple acts of kindness can affirm one's compassionate identity might not account for the complexities of identity formation, which involves a broader range of thoughts, actions, and experiences.
- Robbins' advice to maintain personal boundaries while being kind could be challenging to implement in practice, as the line between kindness and acquiescence can sometimes be blurry.
- The assumption that empathy for the universal human experience is essential for genuine kindness may overlook cultural, social, and ...
Actionables
- You can create a "kindness journal" to actively reflect on your daily interactions and the invisible struggles of others. Start by dedicating a few minutes each evening to write down instances where you could have responded with more kindness or where you successfully showed compassion. This practice will help you become more aware of your reactions and encourage a habit of kindness.
- Develop a habit of performing one anonymous act of kindness each week to strengthen your compassionate identity without seeking recognition. This could be anything from paying for a stranger's coffee to leaving a positive note on someone's car windshield. The key is to do it without any expectation of acknowledgment, which reinforces the value of kindness as its own reward.
- Initiate a "boundary buddy" system with a friend or famil ...
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