9 Habits That Will Change Your Life: The Best Expert Advice I’m Using This Year
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, experts discuss several key aspects of personal development and well-being. The conversation examines why people often feel stuck in life, exploring how this relates to grieving past versions of ourselves, and presents hope as an active practice rather than just an emotion. The episode also addresses the natural evolution of adult friendships and how men's emotional expression is often limited by societal expectations.
The discussion extends to physical and emotional health, with insights about how women's bodies respond differently to exercise compared to men's, particularly in areas like fasted training and strength conditioning. The episode rounds out with an examination of how childhood experiences shape adult emotional patterns and relationships, offering context for personal healing and self-compassion.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Dec 25, 2025 episode of the The Mel Robbins Podcast
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1-Page Summary
Personal Growth and Self-Improvement
Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty explore the concept of feeling "stuck" in life. Shetty explains that this feeling often stems from grieving a past version of ourselves. Robbins adds that letting go of past identities and behaviors can help create forward momentum. The discussion emphasizes that hope is not just a passive emotion - Bryan Stevenson describes it as an "orientation of the spirit" that requires active cultivation, like building a muscle.
Relationships and Social Connections
The podcast delves into the dynamics of adult friendships. Danielle Bayard Jackson shares research showing that about half of our friendships change every seven years, and 40% of adults don't have a best friend. This natural evolution of friendships is presented as normal and healthy. The discussion also explores men's emotional expression, with Jason Wilson noting that societal pressures often limit men to expressing mainly anger, while other emotions remain unexpressed.
Health and Wellness
Dr. Stacy Sims highlights how women's bodies require different approaches to fitness than men's, particularly cautioning against fasted training for women. Dr. Vonda Wright emphasizes the importance of strength and mobility training for aging women. The conversation then shifts to childhood experiences, where Gabor Maté explains how early life experiences uniquely shape each person's emotional patterns and relationships, even among siblings in the same family. Understanding these childhood influences, according to Robbins, can foster self-compassion and personal healing in adulthood.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While letting go of past identities can create momentum, it's also true that some individuals find strength and purpose in their past experiences, and integrating these into their current identity can be equally beneficial.
- Hope as an active orientation may not resonate with everyone; some individuals might view hope as a byproduct of circumstances rather than something that can be actively cultivated.
- The statistic that about half of adult friendships change every seven years could be misleading without context; some might argue that the quality of friendships is more important than their duration or frequency of change.
- The claim that 40% of adults do not have a best friend could be seen as an oversimplification of complex social relationships, where the definition of a "best friend" can vary greatly among individuals.
- While societal pressures can limit emotional expression in men, it's also important to recognize that individual differences play a significant role, and not all men may feel limited in this way.
- The advice against fasted training for women might not apply universally; some women may find fasted training beneficial and should consult with a healthcare provider for personalized advice.
- The emphasis on strength and mobility training for aging women could be expanded to include aging men, as these practices are beneficial for all older adults.
- The idea that early life experiences uniquely shape each person's emotional patterns could be complemented by acknowledging the role of genetic factors and the potential for change and growth throughout life, not just in response to childhood experiences.
- The concept of self-compassion and personal healing being fostered by understanding childhood influences might not address the need for professional therapy or support in some cases, where self-understanding alone is insufficient for healing.
Actionables
- You can write a "goodbye letter" to your past self to acknowledge the growth and changes you've experienced, which can help in letting go of who you used to be. Start by reflecting on your past identities, what they've taught you, and how they no longer serve your current goals. Then, write a heartfelt letter to this version of yourself, thanking it for its role in your life and saying goodbye to make room for the new you.
- Create a "hope journal" where you actively record daily actions or thoughts that contribute to a hopeful outlook. Each day, jot down at least one thing that you're looking forward to or a step you've taken towards a goal. This practice can help reinforce the muscle of hope by making you more conscious of your progress and the positive aspects of your future.
- Initiate a "friendship evolution" conversation with a close acquaintance or friend to embrace the natural changes in relationships. During a casual meet-up, steer the conversation towards how each of you has evolved over time and discuss the ways your friendship can adapt to these changes. This can help normalize the evolution of friendships and create a shared understanding of how to support each other's growth.
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Personal Growth and Self-Improvement
The podcast explores strategies for getting unstuck and cultivating hope as key aspects of living a fulfilling life.
Overcoming Feeling "Stuck" in Life
Mel Robbins addresses a common struggle many face: feeling stuck. Jay Shetty shares an insight that resonates with many—the notion that feeling "stuck" often reflects grieving a past version of ourselves.
Recognizing That Being "Stuck" Often Means Grieving Your Past Self; Letting Go Of That Identity Unlocks Momentum
Jay Shetty explains that what often holds individuals back is a part of their identity, mindset, behavior, or attitude. Letting go of these aspects can free a person to move forward. Robbins suggests that holding onto the past prevents us from being present and thinking about what comes next. When listeners identify specifically what they are holding to that prevents progress, they can start to move forward.
Robbins resonates with listeners who may feel they are the ones holding everything together in their family but are starting to come undone themselves. She reflects on a moment from the year when many realized they did not know what to do next in life. For a lot of people, there was fear or reluctance to admit that a chapter of their life was over. Recognizing this has helped many see their lives with more clarity and begin moving forward.
Maintaining Hope and Optimism During Difficult Times
Hope and the practice of cultivating it are fundamental themes discussed by the podcast's special guests, stressing their importance in self-improvement and facing challenges.
Cultivating Hope and Learning From Hopeful Stories Empowers Forward Movement
Dr. Dawn Musalem shares powerful insights about cancer, embracing the power and lived experience, while Bryan Stevenson talks about how hope sustains us, especially in the pursuit of justice. Stevenson suggests that educating ourselves about stories of hope prepares and trains our mind ...
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Personal Growth and Self-Improvement
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- Feeling "stuck" might not always be about grieving the past; it could also be due to current circumstances or anxiety about the future.
- Some individuals may find that embracing aspects of their past identity is crucial for their sense of self and continuity, rather than something that holds them back.
- The concept of being present and planning for the future might not be universally applicable; some cultures value a strong connection to the past.
- The idea that recognizing the end of a life chapter helps people move forward may not resonate with everyone; some may find that gradual transitions rather than clear-cut endings are more reflective of their experiences.
- While hopeful stories can be empowering, they might also set unrealistic expectations or lead to comparisons that diminish personal achievements or struggles.
- The belief in proactive health steps based on the body's ability to heal might not take into account chronic conditions or disabilities that cannot be improved by mindset alone.
- Describing hope as a discipline could be seen as oversimplifying the complex emotional states that people navigate, especially in times of trauma or depression.
- The notion that hope is a ch ...
Actionables
- You can create a "Letting Go" journal where each day you write about one aspect of your past identity that you're releasing and one step you're taking towards your future self. This practice helps you to consciously acknowledge the transition from who you were to who you are becoming, making it easier to embrace change and move forward.
- Develop a "Hope Ritual" by setting aside a few minutes each morning to read or listen to an inspiring story, then reflect on how you can apply its lessons to your day. This habit can train your brain to seek out and expect positive outcomes, reinforcing the muscle of hope in your daily life.
- Start a "Family Anchor" pr ...
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Relationships and Social Connections
The podcast explores the nuances of adult friendships and the emotional range of men, highlighting societal pressures and the importance of understanding evolving social connections.
Navigating Adult Friendships
Throughout the discussion, Robbins and guests delve into the realities and challenges of making friends as an adult.
Normalizing Friendship Changes and Building New Connections
Danielle Bayard Jackson and Robbins discuss how adult life necessitates constant evolution of friendships. Research finds that approximately half our friends are replaced every seven years—a normal process that should alleviate any guilt associated with friendships dissolving. Jackson adds that 40% of adults do not have a best friend, suggesting that it's common to lack a close friend or singular best friend in adulthood.
The conversation underscores the need to be proactive in seeking new friendships, embracing this natural cycle of change. It advises focusing on the collective offerings of friends rather than finding one person who meets all needs. Robbins and Jackson also address deeply relatable feelings of loneliness that can occur during this transition.
Most Adults Don’t Retain Early-Life Friendships
Robbins notes the audience's strong reactions to discussions on the loss of friends, indicating that friendships from earlier life stages often shift, and it's unrealistic to expect to maintain all of them as values and circumstances evolve. As people grow, they make room for those who fit into the current chapter of life and shed relationships that no longer align with their current path. This change, while at times challenging, is an essential part of growth.
Accessing a Man's Full Emotional Range
The episode also delves into the complexities surrounding male emotional expression and its impact on relationships.
Men's Emotional Expression Limited by Societal Pressures
The episode reveals that societal expectations often constrict men's emotional range. Robbins shares personal observations regarding the stoicism or quiet anger presented by many men, which Jason Wilson notes may stem from societal pressures to appear strong. Anger is often the only emotion men feel permitte ...
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Relationships and Social Connections
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While it's noted that about half of our friends are replaced every seven years, this statistic may not account for individual differences in how people maintain relationships, and some may find they keep long-term friendships well beyond this timeframe.
- The idea that 40% of adults do not have a best friend could be seen as a reflection of a broader and more diverse social network rather than a lack of close relationships.
- Proactively seeking new friendships is beneficial, but it's also important to acknowledge that for some individuals, this may be a significant challenge due to social anxiety, introversion, or life circumstances.
- The concept that most adults do not retain early-life friendships might overlook the value and strength of long-term friendships that do endure and the unique support they can provide.
- The notion that societal expectations limit men's emotional expression could be complemented by acknowledging that individual personality traits and personal experiences also play a significant role in how emotions are expressed.
- Encouraging a broader range of emotional expression in men is positive, but it's also important to respect individual comfort levels and personal boundaries in emotional sharing.
- The crayon box metaphor suggests a limited emotional range for men, b ...
Actionables
- You can diversify your social circle by joining interest-based online communities where you can form new friendships with people who share your current passions and values. For example, if you're into photography, join a photography forum or a Facebook group and actively participate in discussions and meet-ups. This aligns with your evolving interests and helps you connect with individuals who are more likely to be in sync with your current life chapter.
- Create a "friendship audit" every few months where you reflect on your relationships and consider which ones are mutually beneficial and which might be holding you back. Use a simple spreadsheet to track how you feel after interactions with different friends, noting positive and negative feelings. This can help you identify which friendships to nurture and which to let go, facilitating personal growth and making room for new connections.
- Encourage open emotional expression in your social circles by initiatin ...
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Health and Wellness
Health and wellness experts discuss the importance of women's specific nutritional and exercise needs and the lifelong impact of childhood experiences on adult life.
Women's Unique Nutritional and Exercise Needs
It's noted that general guidelines for exercise and mental health are mostly based on data from men, ignoring the differences necessary for women’s health. Experts urge women to be critical of fitness and medical trends while considering whether they are appropriate for their phase of life.
Women's Bodies Need Tailored Fitness Approaches; Fasted Training Affects Them Differently
Dr. Stacy Sims emphasizes that women's bodies require tailored approaches to fitness. She points out that when women follow the same training program as men, they often feel worse and don't see the same benefits. Sims highlights that fasted training—exercising without eating beforehand—can be particularly harmful for women, leading to muscle being used for fuel. She recommends women have a small amount of food, like protein coffee or half a banana, to raise blood sugar levels and ensure effective training.
Strength and Mobility Training Boost Women's Health With Age
Dr. Vonda Wright, an expert on aging and long-term health, speaks on the necessity of strength and mobility training for aging women to prevent painful conditions and enhance health with age. Wright's perspective is to train for aging, rather than seeing it as a decline, emphasizing the need for women to care for themselves, particularly as they get older.
Lifelong Impact of Childhood Experiences
Parental and Sibling Relationships Shape Adult Lives
Gabor Maté suggests that childhood experiences and trauma deeply shape a person's emotional patterns, relationships, and physical health throughout their lifetime. Maté’s concept is that no two siblings have the same family or childhood ...
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Health and Wellness
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While tailored fitness approaches for women are important, it's also true that individual differences within genders can be as significant as the differences between genders. Personalized fitness plans should consider individual needs regardless of gender.
- Some women may find that fasted training works well for them, depending on their personal health goals and body responses. It's not a one-size-fits-all issue.
- The emphasis on strength and mobility training for aging women is important, but it should not overshadow the importance of cardiovascular health, which is also crucial for long-term wellness.
- While childhood experiences can have a profound impact on adult life, it's also important to acknowledge the role of personal agency and the ability of individuals to overcome their past through various means, not just self-compassion and understanding of family dynamics.
- The idea that no two siblings have the same family experience can be nuanced by considering that there are shared environmental factors and cultural influences that can create commonalities in sibling experiences.
- The focus on the negative impact of childhood trauma might underemphasize the resilience many individuals display and the positive experiences i ...
Actionables
- You can create a personalized exercise journal to track how different workouts affect your mood and physical well-being, noting any changes in energy levels or emotional states after various types of exercises and times of eating. For example, if you try a new yoga routine or weightlifting session, write down how you felt during and after the workout, and whether you ate beforehand. This will help you identify patterns and tailor your fitness regimen to your unique needs as a woman.
- Start a reflective writing practice to explore your childhood experiences, focusing on how they may have shaped your current emotional patterns and relationships. Set aside a few minutes each day to write about memories, feelings, and any new insights you have about your upbringing. This could involve writing about a specific event from different family members' perspectives or exploring how your birth order might have influenced your personality.
- Engage in regular strength and mobility exercises that are d ...
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