Podcasts > The Mel Robbins Podcast > Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

By Stitcher

In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Robbins examines how practicing gratitude can counteract the mind's tendency toward negativity in today's stressful world. She presents research showing how gratitude practices help people think more clearly, recognize the good in their current circumstances, and achieve better emotional and physical well-being.

The episode covers several practical gratitude exercises supported by scientific studies, including writing unsent gratitude letters, maintaining a night journal, and incorporating gratitude into daily text conversations. Drawing on insights from experts like Dr. Joel Wong and Dr. Aditi Narukar, Robbins explains how these practices can reduce depression and anxiety, improve sleep quality, and create lasting positive changes in the brain over time.

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Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

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Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

1-Page Summary

Need For Gratitude to Counter Negative Mental Programming

In today's world of constant negativity and stress, Robbins explains that our minds can become rewired towards negativity. He suggests that practicing gratitude can serve as a powerful tool to reset both mind and body, helping to shift focus toward what's positive and functioning in the present moment. Through gratitude, people can learn to calm down faster, think more clearly, and recognize the sufficiency in their current circumstances.

Gratitude Practices and Tools Backed by Research

Research supports several effective gratitude practices. Dr. Joel Wong's study at Indiana University found that writing unsent one-page gratitude letters weekly reduced depression and anxiety, with effects lasting beyond the writing period.

Robbins introduces the "Three-Minute Night Journal," where writing three gratitudes before bed can enhance sleep quality, lower inflammation, and improve heart rate variability. Tara Swart Bieber complements this with a morning gratitude routine, starting each day by appreciating simple things like a silk pillowcase or morning quietness.

For a social approach, Robbins recommends incorporating gratitude into text conversations. Psychologist Shelley Kerr's research with 122 participants demonstrated that expressing gratitude and kindness significantly improved well-being.

Benefits Of Regularly Practicing Gratitude

Robbins and Dr. Aditi Narukar explain that regular gratitude practice effectively rewires the brain to focus on positives, reducing the "stickiness" of negative experiences. The practice yields numerous benefits, including enhanced mood, reduced stress and burnout, and improved sleep quality. When integrated into daily routines through techniques like unsent letters or journaling, gratitude can create lasting positive changes in emotional and physical well-being over periods of 30, 60, or 90 days.

1-Page Summary

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Counterarguments

  • While gratitude practices are beneficial, they may not be a one-size-fits-all solution; individual differences in personality, culture, and personal values can influence how effective these practices are for different people.
  • The impact of gratitude on mental health might be overstated without considering other essential factors such as social support, economic stability, and access to healthcare.
  • Some studies on gratitude may suffer from self-reporting biases, as individuals who choose to participate in gratitude studies might already be more inclined towards positive thinking.
  • The long-term effects of gratitude practices are not as well-documented as short-term effects, and more longitudinal research may be needed to support the claim of lasting changes.
  • The emphasis on gratitude could potentially lead to a dismissal of valid negative emotions and experiences, which are also important to acknowledge and process for mental health.
  • The effectiveness of gratitude interventions may diminish over time as the novelty wears off, suggesting that they might need to be part of a broader strategy for managing mental health.
  • There may be a risk of oversimplifying complex mental health issues by suggesting that gratitude alone can counteract negative mental programming.
  • The research might not adequately account for the placebo effect, where the belief that a practice should make one feel better could contribute to reported improvements in well-being.
  • The benefits of gratitude might be context-dependent, with some environments or situations making it more difficult to practice or benefit from gratitude.
  • The studies mentioned may not represent diverse populations, and the findings might not generalize across different cultural or socioeconomic contexts.

Actionables

  • You can create a gratitude scavenger hunt for yourself, where each day you find a new object, person, or moment to express gratitude for and document it with a photo or a note. This turns the act of gratitude into a fun and engaging activity, encouraging you to look for the positive in unexpected places and situations, like appreciating the warmth of the sun on a chilly day or the smile from a stranger.
  • Develop a habit of sending a weekly 'gratitude text' to a different friend or family member, highlighting something specific you appreciate about them. This not only spreads positivity but also strengthens your relationships and provides a written record of positive social interactions that you can look back on when you need a boost.
  • Introduce a 'gratitude challenge' with friends or colleagues where you collectively aim to perform a small act of kindness or express thanks to someone every day for a month. This could be as simple as thanking the bus driver, leaving a positive note for a coworker, or paying for the next person's coffee. Sharing these experiences with others can create a sense of community and accountability, making the practice more enjoyable and likely to stick.

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Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

Need For Gratitude to Counter Negative Mental Programming

In an age where chaos and negativity often dominate the narrative, there is a critical need for gratitude to reset the mind and body. Gratitude is not just a polite 'thank you' but a powerful tool to combat the mental rewiring towards negativity.

Reset Mind and Body With Gratitude Amid Chaos and Negativity

"Rewiring For Negativity: Regain Control With Gratitude"

Daily exposure to stressful situations and negative information can lead to the mind and body being rewired for negativity. Robbins discusses the pervasive issue of the world training the mind to veer in a negative direction. He suggests that practicing gratitude can be a potent method to counteract this troubling trend by intentionally changing the mental settings to focus on what's positive and functioning in the present moment.

Gratitude Calms the Mind, Improves Thinking, and Enhances Personal Sufficiency Despite Circumstances

By incorporating gratitude into daily practice, you can use cognitive reframing to shift your focus away from the negative aspects of any circumstance. Robbins emphasizes that beyond the immediate emotional benefits, gratitude can help you calm down faster when upset, think more clearly, improve your sleep, and recognize that what you have ...

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Need For Gratitude to Counter Negative Mental Programming

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Counterarguments

  • While gratitude can be beneficial, it is not a panacea for all forms of mental health issues, and some individuals may require professional therapy or medical intervention.
  • The effectiveness of gratitude practices can vary from person to person, and what works for one individual may not work for another.
  • The claim that gratitude can rewire the brain may be overstated without sufficient empirical evidence to support the extent of such neural changes.
  • The idea that recognizing sufficiency through gratitude always attracts more positivity could be challenged by the argument that external circumstances often play a significant role in one's life experiences, regardless of their mental outlook.
  • The concept of gratitude improving sleep quality may not address underlying sleep disorders that require medical attention.
  • The assertion that gratitude can help calm the mind faster when upset might not take into account complex emotional states or psychological conditions where more comprehensive strategies are needed.
  • The suggestion that gratitude alone can transform one's overall life outlook may overlook the multifaceted nature of human psychology and the influence of ...

Actionables

  • You can create a gratitude map on your wall using sticky notes to visually reinforce positive aspects of your life. Start by placing a central sticky note with a broad theme you're grateful for, like 'family' or 'health', and each day add new notes around it with specific details that you appreciate, such as 'my sister's encouraging text' or 'a refreshing walk in the park'. This growing visual representation will serve as a daily reminder and a way to track the abundance in your life.
  • Develop a habit of sending one 'gratitude message' to a different person each day. Whether it's a text, email, or handwritten note, express your appreciation for something specific they've done or the positive impact they've had on your life. This practice not only spreads positivity but also strengthens your relationships and continually redirects your focus to the positive contributions ...

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Gratitude Practices and Tools Backed by Research

Gratitude practices are an excellent way for people to change their perspective and enhance their mental health. Research-backed methods demonstrate significant benefits for those who integrate these practices into their daily routines.

Unsent Gratitude: Writing a One-page Letter Without Sending

Writing the Letter Changes the Writer's Perspective, Even if Never Delivered

Mel Robbins highlights the power of writing an unsent one-page gratitude letter to someone. This act of expressing gratitude can shift the writer's perspective and help recenter them, fostering a sense of connection and appreciation for what they have.

Research Shows This Practice Reduces Depression and Anxiety

Research from Indiana University led by Dr. Joel Wong showed that participants in a study who wrote a one-page letter of gratitude every week experienced reductions in depression and anxiety. These effects lasted beyond the writing period, affirming the longevity of the practice's benefits. The study’s participants felt less depressed and experienced more positive emotions even a month after practicing daily gratitude.

"3-Minute Journal" - Reflect On 3 Gratitudes Before Bed

Nightly Ritual Enhances Sleep, Lowers Inflammation, Reduces Stress, Boosts Heart Rate Variability

Robbins discusses the Three-Minute Night Journal, a practice where individuals write down three things they are grateful for each night. This habit can lead to enhancements in sleep quality, lowering inflammation, reducing stress, and increasing heart rate variability. Robbins herself has trained her brain to default to gratitude with this nightly exercise.

Adopt a Morning Gratitude Routine for a Positive Mindset

Tara Swart Bieber begins her day by expressing gratitude for things as simple as her silk pillowcase and the quietness of the room. By focusing on gratitude upon waking, she sets a positive tone for the day, preventing the brain from engaging with negative or stressful ...

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Gratitude Practices and Tools Backed by Research

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While gratitude practices have been shown to have positive effects, they may not be a one-size-fits-all solution; individual differences in personality, life circumstances, and mental health status can influence their effectiveness.
  • The long-term sustainability of the benefits from gratitude practices is not fully understood, and more longitudinal research may be needed to assess their lasting impact.
  • Some individuals may find writing unsent letters or keeping gratitude journals to be time-consuming or may not enjoy writing, which could reduce the likelihood of them engaging in these practices consistently.
  • The act of expressing gratitude could potentially become a rote exercise, losing its meaning and effectiveness if it is not done with genuine feeling.
  • There may be cultural differences in how gratitude is expressed and experienced, and what works in one cultural context may not be as effective in another.
  • The research on gratitude practices often relies on self-report measures, which can be subject to biases such as social desirability bias or recall bias.
  • There could be other confounding factors contributing to the improvements in mental health beyond gratitude practices, such as concurrent therapeutic interventions or natural fluctuations in mood and well-being.
  • The emphasis on positive thinking inherent in ...

Actionables

  • You can create a gratitude jar where you drop a note of something you're grateful for each day, then read them all at the end of the month to reflect on the positive aspects of your life. This tangible collection of positive thoughts can serve as a powerful visual reminder of the good in your life, especially on challenging days.
  • Incorporate gratitude into your exercise routine by thinking of one thing you're grateful for with each step or rep, turning physical activity into a dual mental health boost. For example, if you're on a walk or run, with each step, think of a person, experience, or thing that you appreciate, effectively combining the benefits of exercise with gratitude practice.
  • Use technology to your advantage by setting up a gratitude remi ...

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Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

Benefits Of Regularly Practicing Gratitude

Robbins and Dr. Aditi Narukar highlight the profound impact of gratitude on the mind and overall wellbeing.

Gratitude "Rewires" Brain to Focus On Positives, Not Negatives

Reframing Reduces "Stickiness" of Negative Experiences

The practice of expressing gratitude assists in rewiring the brain to focus more on life's positives. Robbins suggests that this intentional focus on gratitude can reduce the "stickiness" of negative experiences, making them less likely to linger. By adopting a regular gratitude practice, the mind is trained to scan for positives amidst negative emotions. Robbins underscores that engaging in gratitude acts as a means to defend against the prolonged impact of negative experiences.

Gratitude Boosts Mood, Reduces Stress and Burnout, and Improves Sleep

Benefits: Reduced Inflammation, Improved Heart Health, Greater Resilience

Robbins outlines several benefits of a gratitude practice, including an enhanced mood, reduced stress and burnout, and improved sleep. While not discussed directly in the provided content, these implications suggest wider health benefits such as reduced inflammation and improved heart health. Robbins points out that the quality of sleep can be elevated through reflections on positive aspects of the day. Moreover, gratitude journaling has led to improvements in heart rate variability, a marker for general health and resilience.

Gratitude As a Habit Leads To Lasting Positive Changes In Wellbeing

By integrating gratitude into one's routine, Robbins states that individuals can experience healing, enhanced moods, and ...

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Benefits Of Regularly Practicing Gratitude

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Clarifications

  • The brain "rewiring" refers to neuroplasticity, where repeated thoughts and behaviors create new neural pathways. Practicing gratitude strengthens connections in brain areas linked to positive emotions, like the prefrontal cortex. This reduces activity in regions associated with stress and negative emotions, such as the amygdala. Over time, these changes make positive thinking more automatic and reduce the impact of negative experiences.
  • "Stickiness" of negative experiences refers to how long and intensely negative emotions or memories remain in the mind. It matters because persistent negative thoughts can increase stress and harm mental health. Reducing this "stickiness" helps people recover faster from setbacks and maintain a more positive outlook. Gratitude practices can weaken these lingering negative effects by shifting focus to positive aspects.
  • Heart rate variability (HRV) measures the variation in time between each heartbeat. It reflects the balance and flexibility of the autonomic nervous system, which controls stress responses and relaxation. Higher HRV indicates better cardiovascular fitness and greater ability to adapt to stress. Low HRV is linked to increased risk of heart disease and reduced resilience to physical and emotional challenges.
  • Chronic stress increases inflammation and harms heart health by raising blood pressure and damaging blood vessels. Practicing gratitude reduces stress hormones, which lowers inflammation and supports cardiovascular function. Improved mood and reduced stress from gratitude enhance heart rate variability, a sign of heart health. These physiological changes link gratitude to better heart health and less inflammation.
  • Gratitude improves sleep quality by reducing pre-sleep worry and negative thoughts, which lowers stress hormones like cortisol. This calming effect helps the brain transition more easily into restful sleep. Additionally, focusing on positive memories or feelings before bed promotes relaxation and emotional balance. These changes create a mental environment conducive to deeper, more restorative sleep.
  • Unsent letters of gratitude involve writing a detailed letter to someone expressing thanks without sending it. This practice helps clarify and deepen feelings of appreciation privately. It allows emotional release and reflection, promoting positive mental states. The technique strengthens gratitude by focusing attention on meaningful relationships.
  • A three-minute journal is a brief daily writing practice focused on quickly noting things you are grateful for and positive experiences. It typically involves answering prompts like "What went well today?" and "What am I grateful for?" in just a few minutes each day. This method differs from traditional journaling by being more structured and time-efficient, emphasizing gratitude and positivity rather than detailed daily events. Its simplicity helps maintain consistency and fosters a habit of regular reflection.
  • Resea ...

Counterarguments

  • While gratitude can rewire the brain to focus on positives, it is not a panacea and may not be as effective for individuals with certain mental health conditions, such as severe depression or anxiety, where professional treatment is necessary.
  • The concept of reducing the "stickiness" of negative experiences through gratitude may oversimplify the complexity of emotional processing and trauma recovery.
  • The idea that gratitude can train the mind to scan for positives could potentially lead to avoidance of addressing legitimate negative feelings or issues that need attention.
  • Suggesting that gratitude acts as a defense against negative experiences might imply that those who struggle with negativity simply aren't practicing enough gratitude, which can be an oversimplification and potentially invalidating.
  • While gratitude practice has been associated with mood boosts and stress reduction, it is not a substitute for other stress management techniques or therapies that might be more effective for some individuals.
  • The claim that gratitude improves sleep quality may not hold true for everyone, especially for those with sleep disorders that require medical or therapeutic intervention.
  • The link between gratitude journaling and improved heart rate variability may not imply causation and could be influenced by other factors such as lifestyle changes or concurrent interventions.
  • The assertion that gratitude practice may lead to reduced inflammation and improved heart health could benefit from more robust scientific evidence to support its direct impact.
  • The idea of integrating gratitude into daily routines leading to healing and enhanced moods may not account for the complexities of individual psychological differences and external life circumstances.
  • Tech ...

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