CAMILA MENDES: "Perfectionism Was Ruining My Life"
In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Camila Mendes shares her journey through perfectionism, burnout, and ultimately transformation. She discusses how the relentless demands of starring in "Riverdale" and a family pattern of perfectionism led to a breaking point where she realized her life was driven by obligation rather than joy. This crisis prompted her to seek support through the Hoffman Institute and therapy, where she learned practical tools for emotional regulation and discovered a personal form of spirituality.
Mendes opens up about navigating the intense pressures of her career, including learning to set boundaries and trust her own resilience. She also reflects on her relationship with Rudy, exploring how real love requires confronting wounds and accepting each other's imperfections. Throughout the conversation, she addresses her evolving relationship with her Brazilian-American identity, her recovery from disordered eating, and her shift from people-pleasing to embracing authentic self-expression, even when it means not being universally liked.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jul 27, 2026 episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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1-Page Summary
Growth and Healing Through Therapy and Spiritual Practices
Breaking Point Prompted Seeking Support and Transformation
[restricted term] Mendes describes hitting a breaking point when she realized her inability to say no, rooted in family patterns of perfectionism, prevented her from experiencing genuine joy. After returning from Coachella feeling empty despite what should have been a fun trip, she confided in her partner Rudy that her life had become defined by relentless obligation rather than happiness. A heated argument with her mother became the catalyst for change, prompting her to attend the Hoffman Institute on a friend's recommendation. Despite initial resistance about taking a week away, [restricted term] discovered that the world continued in her absence and emerged able to show up more authentically in her life.
Tools For Self-Understanding and Emotional Processing at Hoffman Institute
At Hoffman, [restricted term] gained practical tools for emotional regulation and self-care that became part of her daily routine. A significant breakthrough came when her teacher confronted her desire for parental rescue, pointing out that adulthood means taking responsibility for herself. This wasn't a rebuke of her loving mother, but an invitation to self-empowerment. While years of talk therapy helped her rationalize her feelings about a period in her teens when her mother moved to Brazil, only at Hoffman did she find true emotional release and forgiveness. [restricted term] learned that one can be deeply loved and still have wounds needing healing, fostering empathy and liberating her from demanding flawlessness from herself and her family.
Therapy Laid the Foundation, Spirituality Completed It
After a decade of therapy, [restricted term] found that rational understanding alone couldn't facilitate the transformation she sought. At Hoffman, she was introduced to a form of spirituality centered on connecting to a "higher self"—a non-dogmatic sense of inner wisdom that became her accessible version of God. Though raised in a household without religion and previously identifying as an atheist, [restricted term] opened up to spirituality through hitting rock bottom. She now embraces an individualized belief in her own spiritual best self, valuing faith even without certainty. This openness shapes her relationships as well, as shared spiritual practices with Rudy create a shared language that fosters deeper connection.
Releasing Standards By Understanding Family Pattern of Perfectionism
[restricted term] recognizes that family perfectionism has cost her the ability to simply be, leading to anxiety and burnout. By accepting that not everything can or should be perfect, she allows herself to be imperfect as a parent, partner, and person. She adopts the Hoffman metaphor of the pendulum: it's natural to swing between spiritual connection and disconnection, between self-acceptance and self-criticism. This reframing helps [restricted term] see her growth not as linear or absolute but as an ongoing process that doesn't require perfection, only presence and self-compassion.
Career Demands, Burnout, and Learning to Set Boundaries
Riverdale Shows how Intensive Production Creates Unsustainable Pressure
[restricted term] describes her time on "Riverdale" as more than just a job—it was a consuming lifestyle. The show shot for ten months each year with extremely long hours, leaving no room for life outside of work. Missing a day could cost thousands of dollars, creating enormous stress with no space to call in sick or address personal crises. When [restricted term] held in her emotions, the bottled-up energy created a "pressure cooker" effect inside her, leading to chronic stress and panic attacks she'd never experienced before. The pressure to always be camera-ready, especially while wearing revealing costumes, exacerbated insecurities around her appearance and contributed to unhealthy cycles around body image and food.
24-hour Cycle For Managing Overwhelming Commitments
[restricted term] learned to cope with overwhelming demands by living in 24-hour cycles. Instead of planning far into the future, she focused her energy on the next day only. This method allowed her to be fully present with current commitments without feeling stressed by the cumulative weight of upcoming obligations, making enormous demands seem more manageable.
Prioritizing Personal Needs Before Work Reversed Defaults
After stepping away from the relentless pace, [restricted term] made a conscious effort to prioritize soul-nourishing activities over externally driven commitments. After a press tour, she took a full week off for a wedding in Italy, then chose activities that nourished her before scheduling meetings around those. This inversion of typical scheduling gave her agency, making her feel empowered rather than depleted.
Trusting Her Resilience Eased Pressure to Accept Every Opportunity
[restricted term] describes a shift in mindset about career momentum. Rather than feeling obligated to say yes to every opportunity out of fear, she learned to trust in her own resilience to create further opportunities when ready. Prioritizing her own longevity and satisfaction over relentless pursuit of short-term momentum allowed her to rest without guilt, viewing these periods as vital investments rather than obstacles.
Love and Relationships
Meeting Rudy Felt Effortless and Compatible
[restricted term] shares that finding a life partner has always been central to her, and meeting Rudy felt like coming home. Her previous relationship required constant struggle, influenced by her parents' divorce and a belief she had to work extra hard not to give up. Her father pointed out that while relationships require effort, they should also feel somewhat natural. Meeting Rudy felt effortlessly right—their connection blossomed through working on his directorial debut, a rom-com about Brazilian-American culture. Their shared cultural background created immediate comfort and mutual understanding, with emotional intimacy growing as they infused their real lives into the script before ever meeting in person.
Loving Requires Confronting Wounds That Emerge In Connection
[restricted term] reflects that falling in love after heartbreak made her aware of unhealed wounds that only surfaced by entering a new partnership. While solo healing is important, she believes certain emotional patterns and trust issues can only be addressed within the context of new intimacy. Her relationship with Rudy became a mirror, highlighting patterns and areas for growth that wouldn't have surfaced in isolation.
Real Love Means Accepting Each Other's Ugliest Versions
[restricted term] believes real love is about witnessing each other's shadow sides and choosing to stay committed. In her relationship with Rudy, encountering obstacles has always presented a choice to leave or work through it. Consistently choosing to work through challenges has built greater intimacy and trust. She emphasizes that love is not static—it involves ongoing maintenance and evolution as both people grow and change.
Both Partners' Healing Key For Relationship Breakthrough
[restricted term] explains that her own journey through therapy and spiritual work revealed areas where Rudy needed to do his own healing. When he started individual therapy and later attended the Hoffman Process, many of their recurring problems began to resolve. Rudy's transformation led to enhanced presence, communication, and authenticity—the kind of partnership [restricted term] always wanted. Their shared spiritual practices, like meditating together, have deepened their bond, giving them a spiritual language unique to their relationship.
Identity and Self-Acceptance
Resisting Brazilian Heritage in Young Adults Due to Career Viability Fears
Growing up in Miami with Brazilian parents, [restricted term] describes her childhood as deeply rooted in Brazilian culture. Yet during high school, she felt resistance toward fully identifying with her heritage, worried that embracing her Brazilian identity would hinder her acting ambitions in an industry that promoted palatable whiteness. Striving to be as ambiguous and marketable as possible, she downplayed her Brazilian roots, sacrificing a genuine part of herself in pursuit of perceived career viability.
Heritage as a Superpower: Transforming Professional and Personal Identity
A turning point arrived when [restricted term] recognized her Brazilian-American identity as a unique asset rather than a liability. She began leaning into her distinct cultural background, discovering that embracing her heritage allowed her to bring authenticity to her roles. Meeting Rudy, who shared her rare Brazilian-American background in Hollywood, strengthened this transformation and deepened her connection to her roots.
Cyclical Cultural Identity: Returning To Roots With Insight
[restricted term] describes a cyclical approach to identity: growing up immersed in Brazilian culture, stepping away in her teens to assimilate, and gradually returning to her roots with agency and conviction. As she matured, her American individualism waned, replaced by a stronger pull toward Brazilian communal and familial values, allowing her to embrace a fuller picture that blended all parts of herself.
Overcoming Eating Disorders: Control and Body Acceptance
During "Riverdale," [restricted term] faced a resurgence of an eating disorder that began in high school. The lack of personal and professional control triggered internal perfectionism and insecurities. Therapy and working with a nutritionist were crucial to her recovery, helping her reestablish a healthy relationship with food. By giving herself unconditional permission to eat foods she once forbade, she discovered their allure faded, freeing her from compulsive patterns and allowing her to transition to intuitive eating.
Healing Her Body Image: Distinguishing Maintenance and Self-Worth
[restricted term]'s perspective on body image shifted profoundly after therapy. Where she once equated self-worth with body size, she learned to view changes as temporary "life edits" rather than crises threatening her value. She credits her supportive relationship for allowing guilt-free enjoyment and encouraging choices rooted in self-care rather than punishment. [restricted term] now trusts her body and herself, embracing an approach that doesn't let insecurities overwhelm her.
Her Authenticity Was Limited by People-Pleasing Until She Accepted Not Everyone Would Like Her
[restricted term] acknowledges spending years trying to please everyone, believing it would make her more likable and successful. Recently, she has surrendered the unattainable goal of being universally palatable. She now prioritizes being truly known over being universally liked, recognizing that real freedom lies in unapologetic authenticity. Her willingness to be herself—despite criticism or indifference from others—has become a source of both strength and liberation.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While [restricted term] found the Hoffman Institute transformative, some critics argue that such intensive retreats may not be accessible or effective for everyone, and their methods are not universally endorsed by mental health professionals.
- The emphasis on spirituality and connecting to a "higher self" may not resonate with individuals who prefer secular or evidence-based approaches to mental health and personal growth.
- Prioritizing personal needs and rest over work commitments, while beneficial for some, may not be feasible for individuals with less financial security or fewer career opportunities.
- The idea that true healing or relationship breakthroughs require both partners to engage in therapy or spiritual work may not apply to all couples, as some relationships thrive without formal therapeutic intervention.
- Viewing cultural identity as a "superpower" or unique asset may not reflect the experiences of others who continue to face discrimination or barriers despite embracing their heritage.
- The strategy of focusing only on 24-hour cycles to manage stress may not address underlying systemic issues in demanding industries like entertainment, where structural change may be needed.
- While [restricted term]'s approach to intuitive eating and body acceptance worked for her, eating disorder recovery is highly individual, and not all methods are effective or appropriate for everyone.
- The narrative of embracing imperfection and authenticity may overlook the real-world consequences some people face for not conforming to social or professional expectations.
Actionables
- you can create a weekly “permission slip” ritual where you write down one thing you’ll say no to and one thing you’ll do just for yourself, helping you practice boundaries and prioritize authentic joy; for example, decline an unnecessary meeting and schedule a solo walk in nature.
- a practical way to foster self-acceptance and reduce perfectionism is to keep a “flaws and wins” journal, where each day you jot down one imperfection you noticed and one thing you did well, then reflect on how both contribute to your growth and humanity.
- you can strengthen relationships by inventing a shared mini-ritual with a partner or close friend, such as a nightly gratitude exchange or a weekly check-in question about emotional well-being, to build a unique language of connection and support.
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Growth and Healing Through Therapy and Spiritual Practices
Breaking Point Prompted Seeking Support and Transformation
[restricted term] Mendes describes reaching a breaking point due to her inability to say no, rooted in deep family patterns of perfectionism. She finds herself constantly striving to excel in every aspect of her life, unable to simply enjoy experiences for their own sake. Even joyful occasions like concerts become pressure-filled performances—she focuses on knowing all the lyrics, wearing the perfect outfit, and posting on social media, rather than enjoying the moment. After a supposedly fun trip to Coachella, [restricted term] returns home feeling empty and overwhelmed. She confides in her partner Rudy about her inability to experience joy, realizing that her life is not just temporarily busy but defined by relentless obligation, stress, and a lack of genuine happiness.
Shortly after, a heated argument with her mother, in which she completely loses control, serves as the catalyst for change. Recognizing her burnout and hypersensitivity, [restricted term] decides she needs help and chooses to attend the Hoffman Institute, following the recommendation of a friend who described the profound impact it made. Despite initial resistance—believing that her absence for a single week would upend her tightly managed obligations—she is encouraged by her friend to prioritize her own wellbeing. Even the decision to book her retreat marks the beginning of asserting her needs and happiness.
Attending Hoffman becomes transformative. Communicating her unavailability for a week, she discovers that people accept her boundary and that the world continues in her absence. This experience shifts her mindset: life does not collapse when she chooses herself, and she emerges able to show up more authentically and grounded in her life.
Tools For Self-Understanding and Emotional Processing at Hoffman Institute
At the Hoffman Institute, [restricted term] gains tangible tools for emotional regulation and self-care, which become part of her daily routine, including meditation and grounding exercises on set. The program offers her practical ways to look after herself in stressful environments, fulfilling a long quest for effective tools she had felt lacking.
A significant breakthrough during Hoffman is the recognition that she must become her own mother. In a personal moment, [restricted term]’s teacher confronts her desire for parental rescue, pointing out that adulthood means taking responsibility for herself—"mommy ain't coming." This is not a rebuke of her loving mother, but an invitation to self-empowerment. [restricted term] acknowledges that while her mother was present and loving for much of her life, there was a specific period in her teens when she acutely felt abandoned—a time her mother moved to Brazil and [restricted term], devastated by heartbreak, needed maternal comfort she could not access. Years of talk therapy helped her rationalize and discuss these feelings, but only at Hoffman does she find emotional release and true forgiveness, allowing her to integrate the wound rather than remain defined by it. She learns to lovingly "mother" her inner child, reframing her story not as one of loss but of growth and self-compassion.
A core lesson from Hoffman is the ability to hold multiple truths: one can be deeply loved and also have experienced wounds needing healing. Encountering participants with a wide range of parental backgrounds—some suffocated by too much love, others afflicted by absence—she observes that nobody emerges from childhood unscathed or perfect. This realization fosters empathy and liberates her from the demand for flawlessness, both from herself and her family.
Therapy Laid the Foundation, Spirituality Completed It
After a decade of therapy, [restricted term] finds that rational understanding alone cannot facilitate the transformation she seeks. She requires something deeper—a way to move beyond intellectualization and find true healing. At Hoffman, she is introduced to a form of spirituality centered on connecting to a "higher self," a non-dogmatic sense of inner wisdom and support that becomes her accessible version of God. Though raised in a household without religion—her father’s family being staunch atheists and her mother’s side practicing Catholicism and spiritism—she had long identified as an atheist, proud of her rationalist perspective.
Through hitting rock bottom and the Hoffman process, [restricted term] opens up to spirituality for the first time. Rather than turning to inst ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Growth and Healing Through Therapy and Spiritual Practices
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The effectiveness of programs like the Hoffman Institute is largely anecdotal and not universally supported by empirical research; some may find traditional therapy or other modalities equally or more effective.
- Emphasizing individual responsibility for healing (e.g., "becoming your own mother") may overlook the importance of social support systems and the role of community or external resources in recovery.
- The focus on personal transformation through spiritual practices may not resonate with those who prefer secular or evidence-based approaches to mental health.
- The narrative centers on privilege, as not everyone has the financial means or flexibility to attend week-long retreats or access specialized therapeutic programs.
- The idea that setting boundaries will always be accepted by others may not reflect the reality for individuals in less supportive or more demanding environments.
- The conc ...
Actionables
- you can create a weekly “permission slip” ritual where you write down one thing you’ll intentionally do imperfectly or say no to, then reflect on how it felt to let go of perfection or obligation, helping you practice self-compassion and boundary-setting in real time.
- a practical way to nurture your inner child is to set aside ten minutes each week to do something you enjoyed as a child—like drawing, singing, or playing a simple game—while consciously reassuring yourself that joy and play are valuable, not just productivity.
- you can track your em ...
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Career Demands, Burnout, and Learning to Set Boundaries
Riverdale Shows how Intensive Production Creates Unsustainable Pressure
Television Show's Demanding Lifestyle
[restricted term] Mendes describes her time on "Riverdale" as more than just a job—it was a consuming lifestyle. The show shot for ten months each year, with extremely long hours, unlike film productions, which typically last only a couple of months and allow for time off. The relentless pace of filming, often shooting many scenes in a day, left no room for life outside of work. [restricted term] explains, "you wake up, you get to work, you're like, all right, let's go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You're just like running around like a madman." There was no time for human error, and any personal crisis had profound implications for the production, making her feel responsible for costly delays.
Pressure Cooker Production Schedule
Mendes points out that the unyielding nature of the show's schedule created enormous stress. Missing a day or even being late could cost the production thousands of dollars, and there was no space for her to call in sick or easily fix issues if she was not in the right state to work. She confesses that when she held in her emotions, particularly when stressed and unable to cry or vent, the bottled-up energy created a "pressure cooker" effect inside her. Over time, this led to chronic stress, resulting in the development of panic attacks—something she had not experienced before working on the show.
Chronic Stress Triggered Panic Attacks and Contributed To an Eating Disorder Through Perfectionism's Obsessive Control Over Body and Food
The pressure to always perform and be camera-ready, especially while wearing revealing costumes, exacerbated insecurities around her appearance. [restricted term]'s perfectionism meant she was always striving to be "on," both emotionally and physically. The lack of downtime and incessant scrutiny led to panic attacks and increasing stress over her body image. She felt a lack of control over both her schedule and her life, contributing to unhealthy cycles and, at times, requiring medication just to manage the daily grind.
24-hour Cycle For Managing Overwhelming Commitments
Rather Than Planning far Ahead, [restricted term] Focused On the Next 24 Hours
[restricted term] Mendes describes how she learned to cope with the overwhelming demands by living in 24-hour cycles. Instead of planning far into the future or worrying about what was coming weeks or months ahead, she focused her energy and attention on the next day only. This method allowed her to be fully present with her current commitments.
Method Helps Her Focus on Present Engagements
By compartmentalizing her attention and concentrating on just the next 24 hours, [restricted term] was able to give her best energy to the engagements at hand without feeling stressed by the cumulative weight of upcoming obligations. She emphasizes that being present and dealing with one day at a time made enormous demands seem more manageable and less daunting.
Prioritizing Personal Needs Before Work Reversed Defaults
After stepping away from the typical relentless pace, [restricted term] made a conscious effort to prioritize soul-nourishing activities over meetings and externally driven commitments. For example, after a hectic press tour, she took a full week off to attend a wedding in ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Career Demands, Burnout, and Learning to Set Boundaries
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While the "Riverdale" production schedule was demanding, such intensive work environments are not unique to television and are common in many high-pressure industries, suggesting that the challenges faced are part of broader systemic issues rather than specific to this show.
- Some actors and crew members thrive under high-pressure, fast-paced environments and may find such schedules energizing or creatively fulfilling, indicating that individual experiences can vary widely.
- The expectation to be "camera-ready" and maintain a certain appearance is a well-known aspect of the entertainment industry, and some professionals develop effective coping mechanisms or support systems to manage these pressures.
- Focusing only on the next 24 hours, while helpful for some, may not be practical or effective for everyone, especially those who need to plan ahead for family, financial, or health reasons.
- Prioritizing personal needs over work commitments is not always feasible for individuals in less privileged positions or those with fewer resources, making this approach ...
Actionables
- you can create a daily “energy audit” by setting a timer three times a day to jot down what’s draining or fueling you, then use this info to adjust tomorrow’s schedule so you protect your most restorative activities and minimize unnecessary drains
- For example, if you notice that checking emails first thing in the morning leaves you tense, try moving that task to later and start your day with something that grounds you, like a walk or music.
- a practical way to regain a sense of control is to set a recurring “boundary check-in” alarm on your phone, prompting you to review your commitments for the next week and cancel or reschedule at least one non-essential obligation
- This helps you practice saying no and ensures your calendar reflects your priorities, not just others’ demands.
- you can design a “rest ritu ...
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Love and Relationships
Meeting Rudy Felt Effortless and Compatible
[restricted term] Mendes shares that finding a life partner has always been central to her—someone who is not only a romantic companion but also her best friend. Despite searching from a young age, it wasn’t until she met Rudy that she felt she had truly found this connection. With Rudy, [restricted term] envisions a lifelong partnership, enjoying his company deeply and feeling that her feelings remain steadfast even through dark times. She believes Rudy shares her commitment to choosing each other no matter what.
Reflecting on her previous relationship, [restricted term] realized she had been struggling to make it work, influenced by her parents’ divorce and a belief that she had to work extra hard not to give up. Her father pointed out that while relationships require effort, they should also feel natural and somewhat easy. This insight helped her recognize the incompatibility with her ex, where the relationship was a constant struggle reminiscent of her parents' challenges.
Meeting Rudy, in contrast, felt effortlessly right to [restricted term]—like coming home. Their relationship started as a professional collaboration: his team approached her in 2022 for his directorial debut, a rom-com called "Moesica," which revolved around Brazilian-American culture. Initially skeptical, [restricted term] agreed to meet Rudy because they shared Brazilian roots, making him feel familiar from their first interaction. Their connection blossomed as they worked on character development, sharing intimate personal stories over Zoom. Through this creative process—infusing their real lives into the script—an emotional intimacy grew before they met in person.
When they finally met, the chemistry was immediate and unmistakable, captured in footage from their first meeting on set. [restricted term] describes the experience as feeling like she’d known Rudy her whole life, a sensation amplified by their shared cultural background and the dual navigation of Brazilian-American identity and Hollywood. This instant comfort and mutual understanding marked a stark contrast to her previous, effortful relationship.
Loving Requires Confronting Wounds That Emerge In Connection
[restricted term] reflects that falling in love after heartbreak made her aware of unhealed wounds from her previous relationship—issues that only surfaced by entering a new partnership. She recounts the challenge of witnessing her ex move on, especially in the public eye, which brought humiliation and forced her to confront her self-worth and other unresolved emotions. While solo healing is important, she believes that certain emotional patterns and trust issues can only be addressed within the context of new intimacy. Loving again exposed old trust issues and vulnerabilities that would not have surfaced in isolation, teaching her more about herself.
Her relationship with Rudy became a mirror, highlighting patterns and areas for growth. [restricted term] notes that relationships teach us about ourselves, holding up a mirror so we can see our issues more deeply. This process of confronting wounds and learning together has become a core element of how she experiences love and personal growth.
Real Love Means Accepting Each Other's Ugliest Versions
[restricted term] believes that real love is about witnessing each other’s shadow sides and deciding to stay committed. She shares how, in her relationship with Rudy, encountering obstacles has always presented a choice: to leave or work through it. Consistently choosing to work through challenges has built greater intimacy, trust, and knowledge of one another. Each conflict has deepened their understanding, making their bond stronger and more resilient. She admires couples who openly discuss having weathered hard times and believes that transparency about imperfection is key.
[restricted term] and Rudy are also known for their public affection, a trait rooted in their Brazilian cultural background and family histories. They are often lovingly demonstrative in public, sometimes to the annoyance of friends unused to such displays. For them, being affectionate and open about their relationship is natural and an authentic expression of their love and roots.
She emphasizes that love is not static—it involves ongoing maintenance and evolution as both people grow and change. The couple continually works to nurture their relationship, adapt communication styles, and ad ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Love and Relationships
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The idea that relationships should feel "effortless" or "like coming home" may set unrealistic expectations, as many healthy relationships require ongoing effort and do not always feel easy or natural, especially during challenging periods.
- Emphasizing the importance of shared cultural background as a foundation for connection may overlook the value and success of relationships between people from different backgrounds.
- The belief that certain emotional wounds can only be healed within a new relationship could be challenged by the perspective that individual healing and self-work outside of relationships can also be effective and, for some, preferable.
- Public displays of affection, while authentic for some, may be uncomfortable or inappropriate in certain social or cultural contexts, and not all couples feel the need to express love publicly.
- The narrative that both partners must engage in therapy or spiritual practices for a relationship to thrive may not apply to all couples, as some people find other methods of growth and communication effect ...
Actionables
- you can create a shared “relationship logbook” with your partner to document moments when you both felt especially connected, challenged, or vulnerable, then review it together monthly to spot patterns and celebrate growth; this helps you both track how you navigate challenges and deepen intimacy over time.
- a practical way to nurture a sense of “coming home” in your relationship is to set aside a weekly hour to intentionally share stories from your childhoods, family traditions, or cultural roots, and then brainstorm small rituals or habits you can adopt together that honor both backgrounds.
- you can set up a “challenge choice” con ...
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Identity and Self-Acceptance
Resisting Brazilian Heritage in Young Adults Due to Career Viability Fears
Growing up in Miami with Brazilian parents, [restricted term] Mendes describes her upbringing as deeply rooted in Brazilian culture, with Portuguese spoken at home and Brazilian customs shaping her childhood. Yet, during high school, she felt a resistance toward fully identifying with her heritage. Surrounded by Latin peers, she worried that embracing her Brazilian identity would hinder her ambitions in an acting industry that promoted a palatable whiteness and offered few successful models who looked like her. Striving to be as ambiguous and marketable as possible, Mendes found herself downplaying her Brazilian roots to fit in and maximize her opportunities. This denial, driven by a scarcity mindset and fear that authenticity would limit her, led to sacrificing a genuine part of herself in pursuit of acceptance and perceived career viability.
Heritage as a Superpower: Transforming Professional and Personal Identity
A turning point in Mendes’s career arrived when she recognized her Brazilian-American identity as a unique asset rather than a liability. She began to lean into her distinct cultural background, discovering that embracing her heritage allowed her to bring authenticity and groundedness to her roles. This shift helped her feel more fully herself, both professionally and personally.
Meeting Rudy, a Brazilian-Italian American, strengthened this transformation. Their shared Brazilian-American background, rare in Hollywood, created a powerful bond and deepened Mendes’s connection to her roots. Through Rudy, Mendes found comfort and validation in a relationship grounded in bicultural understanding.
Cyclical Cultural Identity: Returning To Roots With Insight
Reflecting on her journey, Mendes describes a cyclical approach to identity: growing up immersed in Brazilian culture, stepping away in her teens to assimilate, and gradually returning to her roots with a sense of agency and conviction. As she matured, she noticed her American individualism waning, replaced by a stronger pull toward Brazilian communal and familial values. The process of redefining her cultural identity allowed her to choose how to express her heritage authentically, embracing a fuller picture that blended all parts of herself rather than choosing one over another.
Overcoming Eating Disorders: Control and Body Acceptance
During her time on “Riverdale,” Mendes faced a resurgence of an eating disorder that had begun in high school. The lack of personal and professional control—accentuated by being required to wear revealing costumes irrespective of how she felt about her body—triggered internal perfectionism and insecurities that sometimes led to panic attacks. Even though external criticism did not impact her, Mendes struggled with her own impossible standards and the anxiety of her changing body in her early 20s.
Therapy and working with a nutritionist were crucial to her recovery. With professional support, she reestablished a healthy relationship with food, overcoming severe carb restrictions that were fueling binge-and-purge cycles. By giving herself unconditional permission to eat foods she once forbade, Mendes discovered that their allure faded, freeing her from compulsive patterns. She credits the collaborative work between her therapist and nutritionist—addressing both mental and physical aspects of disordered eating—for her healing, which allowed her to transition to intuitive eating and a far h ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Identity and Self-Acceptance
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Mendes perceived the acting industry as favoring "palatable whiteness," there have been notable Latinx and Brazilian actors who have achieved success in Hollywood, suggesting that opportunities, though limited, have existed and are gradually increasing.
- The idea that embracing one's heritage is always a professional asset may not apply universally; some individuals may still face typecasting or stereotyping when foregrounding their cultural background in certain industries.
- Mendes’s experience of distancing from her heritage to assimilate is not unique, and some may argue that cultural adaptation or code-switching can be a pragmatic strategy for navigating diverse environments, rather than solely a denial of authenticity.
- The narrative frames American individualism and Brazilian communal values as oppositional, but many people successfully integrate both sets of values without feeling a need to choose or shift between them.
- While therapy and nu ...
Actionables
- you can create a personal timeline that maps out your relationship with your cultural identity, noting periods of connection, distancing, and rediscovery, then use this visual to identify patterns and set intentions for how you want to engage with your heritage moving forward; for example, you might notice you felt most grounded when participating in family traditions and decide to reintroduce those practices into your routine.
- a practical way to challenge perfectionism and body image pressures is to keep a daily log where you write down moments when you feel the urge to control your appearance or please others, then jot down a small act of self-kindness or self-acceptance you can do instead, such as wearing something comfortable or eating a favorite snack without guilt.
- you can set up a week ...
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