Emilie Kiser EXCLUSIVE: The Loss That Changed Her Forever
In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Emilie Kiser shares her experience of losing her son Trig in a preventable drowning accident. Kiser discusses the permanent nature of grief after child loss, explaining how it doesn't follow predictable stages but instead becomes a constant presence that parents learn to live with. She addresses the complexity of experiencing multiple emotions simultaneously—finding moments of joy with her surviving son while deeply mourning Trig—and the overwhelming guilt that follows preventable tragedy.
Kiser also explores the challenges of grieving publicly, including how her family's private crisis became a public spectacle and the difficult decisions she's made about social media boundaries. The conversation covers the strain on her marriage, the heightened vigilance she feels as a parent, and the types of comments that help or harm grieving families. Throughout, Kiser emphasizes her commitment to honoring Trig's memory through drowning prevention advocacy, detailing specific safety measures like pool fencing, swim instruction, and emergency training.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jun 17, 2026 episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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1-Page Summary
Understanding Child Loss and the Nature of Grief
Emilie Kiser reflects on the overwhelming heartbreak of losing a child, describing it as pain that fundamentally changes a person. No amount of previous exposure to grief can prepare a parent for the shock and complexity of losing a child, and the reality inevitably surprises even those who thought they understood.
Grief Is a Lifelong Process, Not a Condition With Predictable Stages
Kiser emphasizes that grief after losing a child doesn't follow predictable stages—a model developed for people preparing for their own end-of-life, not for bereaved parents. Dr. Joanne Caccatori, who runs a care farm for bereaved parents, clarifies that stages don't apply to this kind of loss. Instead, grief remains constant, though its intensity may change over time. Kiser notes that recognizing this permanence allows parents to stop waiting for impossible closure and instead focus on learning to coexist with their feelings.
Multiple Emotions Coexist, Letting Parents Feel Joy and Sadness Simultaneously
Kiser explains that she can experience joy with her surviving child while deeply mourning Trig, feeling multiple emotions at once. With time and support—including therapy and guidance from health professionals—parents become more comfortable accepting this complexity and permitting themselves to feel whatever arises. Living fully while honoring a lost child means integrating grief with life's other feelings.
Profound Personal Guilt and Self-Blame After Preventable Childhood Accidents
After losing a child to a preventable accident, the sense of personal guilt can be overwhelming. Kiser describes the relentless process of re-examining every detail, constantly asking "Where did I go wrong?" She stresses that no external judgment can equal the pain and self-blame felt by grieving parents. Kiser believes the only way to honor her lost child is to care for her surviving child, spread awareness, and help prevent similar tragedies, though full acceptance of the tragedy may never come.
Navigating Grief While Living Publicly
Tragedy on a Public Platform Turns Private Crisis Into Public Spectacle
Kiser describes how her family's private tragedy abruptly became public when news crews and helicopters gathered near their home, turning their crisis into a public spectacle. She recounts staying inside while strangers drove by to film their home, creating a secondary layer of trauma. Online commentators, fueled by incomplete information, felt entitled to deliver verdicts about her parenting. Kiser acknowledges that such responses stem from the public's need to make sense of tragedy, even when based only on assumptions.
Setting Boundaries on Social Media Protects Mental Health and Privacy
The experience forced Kiser to dramatically reevaluate her relationship with social media. She no longer shares images of her younger son, Teddy, or of Trig, recognizing that social media engagement compromises family privacy and emotional safety. She observes that when she shares selectively, some interpret it as "not grieving enough," creating a no-win situation. Kiser chooses to share only as much as she's comfortable with, prioritizing those closest to her over public opinion.
Balancing Work, Creativity, and Grief
Returning to work acts as both a distraction and a creative outlet for Kiser. However, she clarifies that visible happiness or productivity in her public-facing content doesn't reflect her day as a whole or her true emotional state. She repeatedly emphasizes that only she can determine the boundaries that safeguard her family and mental health.
Maintaining Family Relationships Through Grief
Spouse Relationship Strained yet Vital as Only Partners Fully Understand Shared Child Loss
Kiser explains that her husband Brady is the only person who truly understands the depth of her grief because he shares the same loss. This naturally fosters the most genuine conversations between them as they process memories and emotions together.
Initial Anger and the Path to Empathy and Forgiveness
Kiser describes feeling immense anger at Brady after the accident, though logically, the incident could have happened to either parent. Accepting this shifted her perspective, replacing resentment with empathy. Through therapy, they learned that each partner experiences grief differently, but their job is to let each other feel what they need without trying to fix the other's emotions. This acceptance deepened their mutual support while recognizing the validity of separate grieving processes.
Grieving One Child While Parenting Another Intensifies Parental Vigilance
Losing a child makes parents acutely aware of life's fragility. Kiser describes heightened protective instincts toward Teddy, fueled by fear of another loss. While preventative measures are always taken, she acknowledges that some incidents aren't preventable despite best efforts. Jay Shetty observes that round-the-clock vigilance is neither possible nor healthy, and Kiser finds herself balancing the desire for prevention with acceptance. In her grief, she made a promise to Trig to take care of Teddy—a commitment that motivates her daily.
Comments Like "Meant to Be" Harm Grieving Parents
Kiser identifies comments such as "he's in a better place" or "it was meant to be" as particularly hurtful because they imply Trig's death was inevitable or beneficial, when it was a preventable accident. She emphasizes that the most comforting responses involve simple acknowledgment and validation—statements like "I'm so sorry" or "I wish you weren't going through this"—without trying to assign cosmic meaning or minimize their grief.
Using Personal Loss For Prevention and Awareness
Honoring a Child's Memory By Preventing Similar Tragedies
Kiser is candid about drowning being the leading cause of death in children under three, yet discussions about it are often lacking. She describes her mission to use her platform to educate others, ensuring that what happened to Trig can be prevented for other families. For her, honoring her child's memory means spreading awareness so fewer families have to endure similar heartbreak.
Layers of Pool Safety: Barriers, Instruction, Supervision, Emergency Training
Kiser passionately advocates for comprehensive pool safety, insisting that all pool-owning parents install a pool fence and additional safety measures like door alarms, automatic closers, and pool sensors. She urges parents to enroll children in survival-focused infant swim lessons like ISR, which teach floating and self-rescue skills. Every added barrier, she argues, increases the chance that any lapse won't be fatal.
Shifting Focus to Practical Risk Reduction
Kiser speaks openly about the unrealistic expectation that parents can supervise children every second. She explains that every parent will face distractions, and accepting this reality should motivate practical risk reduction through proactive safeguards rather than inspire shame. Her message is clear: use every tool available to turn vulnerability into vigilance and prevention.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- The traditional grief stages, like denial and acceptance, were developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to describe how terminally ill patients cope with their own impending death. These stages assume a process leading to eventual acceptance and closure. Parental grief after child loss is different because it involves an unexpected, traumatic loss without the chance to prepare or say goodbye. Therefore, grief in this context is ongoing and does not follow a linear or predictable path.
- A care farm is a therapeutic environment where people engage in farming activities to support mental health and well-being. For bereaved parents, it offers a peaceful space to process grief through nature, routine, and community. Activities like gardening, animal care, and outdoor work help reduce stress and foster healing. It provides emotional support outside traditional clinical settings.
- ISR stands for Infant Survival Swimming or Infant Swim Resource, a specialized program teaching babies and toddlers self-rescue skills in water. Unlike regular swim lessons focused on swimming techniques, ISR trains infants to roll onto their backs and float to breathe if they fall into water. It emphasizes survival skills to reduce drowning risk rather than swimming proficiency. ISR is designed for very young children, often starting as early as six months old.
- Door alarms alert caregivers when a door leading to a pool area is opened, providing immediate warning of potential access. Automatic closers ensure doors close and latch securely without needing manual effort, reducing the chance of accidental entry. Pool sensors detect movement or disturbances in the water, triggering alarms to alert adults of possible drowning incidents. Together, these measures create multiple layers of protection beyond physical barriers.
- After a child's death, parents often experience "ambiguous loss," where conflicting emotions coexist because their love and attachment remain for both the lost and surviving child. Therapy helps by providing a safe space to explore and validate these mixed feelings without judgment. Techniques like mindfulness and emotion-focused therapy teach parents to tolerate emotional complexity and reduce internal conflict. This process fosters emotional integration, allowing parents to live with grief while still experiencing joy.
- Secondary trauma occurs when individuals experience additional emotional distress from external sources related to their original trauma. Media presence can amplify this by invading privacy, causing feelings of vulnerability and helplessness. Public scrutiny often leads to judgment and misinformation, intensifying stress and isolation. This added trauma complicates healing by creating ongoing psychological pressure beyond the initial loss.
- After a shared traumatic loss, spouses may initially direct anger at each other as a way to express overwhelming pain and helplessness. Therapy provides tools to recognize that grief manifests uniquely in each person, preventing misunderstandings. It encourages empathy by helping partners accept and respect each other's emotional responses without judgment. This process fosters communication and mutual support, strengthening the relationship amid grief.
- Practical risk reduction means using safety measures to minimize dangers when constant supervision isn't possible. It acknowledges that parents cannot watch their children every moment due to normal distractions. Instead of relying solely on vigilance, parents implement barriers, alarms, and training to prevent accidents. This approach reduces risk realistically without inducing guilt over inevitable lapses in attention.
- Comments like "meant to be" or "he's in a better place" can feel dismissive because they suggest the loss was predetermined or beneficial, which can invalidate the parent's pain. These phrases may unintentionally minimize the reality of the tragedy and the parent's feelings of grief and loss. They can also imply that the parent's suffering should be accepted without question, which can hinder emotional processing. Grieving parents often need acknowledgment of their pain rather than explanations that assign meaning to the loss.
- During family tragedies, people seek explanations to reduce uncertainty and regain a sense of control. Public judgment often arises from a psychological need to assign blame, which helps individuals process fear and anxiety about similar risks. Social media amplifies this by enabling rapid, widespread opinions without full information. This dynamic can lead to unfair assumptions and increased distress for those directly affected.
Counterarguments
- While losing a child is often described as fundamentally life-changing, some individuals may eventually find ways to rebuild their sense of self and purpose, even if the loss remains deeply significant.
- Some bereaved parents do report experiencing aspects of the traditional grief stages, suggesting that models like Kübler-Ross can still offer useful frameworks for certain individuals, even if imperfect.
- The permanence of grief is not universal; some people find that their grief lessens substantially over time and does not remain a constant presence.
- Not all parents experience profound guilt or self-blame after a preventable accident; some are able to accept that accidents can happen despite best efforts.
- Public sharing of grief can be empowering or healing for some individuals, and not everyone experiences negative consequences from media attention or online commentary.
- Selective sharing on social media may sometimes foster misunderstanding, but it can also help educate the public about the realities of grief and loss.
- Returning to work or engaging in creative outlets may, for some, genuinely reflect a positive step toward healing rather than merely serving as a distraction.
- Some couples find that shared loss strains their relationship irreparably, and not all are able to reach mutual understanding or support through therapy.
- While heightened vigilance is a common response, some parents consciously choose not to let fear dominate their parenting of surviving children.
- Comments like "meant to be" or "in a better place" are sometimes intended as comfort and may be genuinely helpful to some grieving individuals, depending on personal beliefs.
- Not all bereaved parents feel compelled to use their loss for public advocacy or prevention efforts; some prefer private remembrance.
- While drowning is a leading cause of death in young children, the relative risk may vary by region, and other hazards may be more pressing in different contexts.
- Some experts question the efficacy or safety of certain infant swim programs, and not all agree that survival-focused lessons are appropriate for every child.
- Emphasizing multiple layers of pool safety may not be feasible for all families due to financial or logistical constraints.
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Understanding Child Loss and the Nature of Grief
Child loss brings a grief that is indescribable in its intensity and permanence. Emilie Kiser reflects on the overwhelming heartbreak, the sense of missing, and the enduring love that comes with losing a child, describing it as pain that feels unbearable and fundamentally changes a person. No amount of empathy or previous exposure to grief—for either oneself or others—can prepare a parent for the shock and complexity of losing a child. The journey through this grief defies theoretical plans or expectations; no one can know in advance how they will react, and the reality of child loss inevitably surprises even those who thought they understood.
Grief Is a Lifelong Process, Not a Condition With Predictable Stages
Emilie Kiser emphasizes that grief after losing a child is not a finite condition, nor does it follow predictable stages as many people believe. The popular notion of grief stages comes from models developed for people preparing for their own end-of-life—not for parents mourning a child. Dr. Joanne Caccatori, who runs a care farm for bereaved parents, clarifies that the idea of stages is not applicable to this kind of loss. Parents must accept that their grief will never fully end. Instead of following a sequential process with a finish line, grief remains a constant—its intensity may change over time, but it does not disappear.
Kiser notes that this realization can be both daunting and liberating. Early guidance from grief experts at the care farm provided her with realistic expectations: the pain and heartbreak will always exist, but they will hopefully become somewhat more manageable. Recognizing and accepting the permanence of grief allows parents to stop waiting for an impossible closure and instead focus on learning how to coexist with their feelings, using the best tools and support available to them.
Multiple Emotions Coexist, Letting Parents Feel Joy and Sadness, Support and Guilt, Love and Devastation Simultaneously
Grieving parents discover that profound emotional complexity is both unavoidable and normal. Emilie Kiser explains that she can experience joy and happiness with her surviving child while deeply mourning Trig, feeling emptiness and sadness at the same time. This coexistence extends to other emotions: parents can feel gratitude for support while also struggling with guilt or shame, and can cherish loving memories alongside devastation.
Kiser observes that with time and support—such as therapy, animal therapy at the care farm, and the guidance of health professionals—parents become more comfortable accepting this emotional complexity and permitting themselves and their families to feel whatever arises. Living fully while honoring a lost child means integrating grief with life’s other feelings, understanding that the grief will always be present, but that it does not preclude the experience of joy, love, or even hope for the future.
Profound Personal Guilt and Self-Blame After Preventable Childhood Accidents
After losing a child to a preventable accident, the sense of personal guilt and self-blame can be overwhelming, often exc ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Understanding Child Loss and the Nature of Grief
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- The concept of "grief stages" originates from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's model, which outlines five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model was initially developed to describe the emotional process of people facing their own terminal illness, not the grief of losing a loved one. Parents mourning a child experience grief that is more complex, non-linear, and enduring, making the stage model insufficient to capture their ongoing emotional reality. Therefore, their grief does not follow a predictable sequence or end with acceptance as the model suggests.
- A care farm is a therapeutic environment where people engage in farming activities to support mental health and well-being. For bereaved parents, it offers a peaceful, natural setting to process grief through hands-on work with animals and plants. This approach helps reduce stress, fosters connection, and provides a sense of purpose. Care farms combine emotional support with physical activity to aid healing.
- Grief for one's own impending death involves preparing for a personal, finite end, often with a focus on acceptance and closure. In contrast, grief for losing a child is about coping with an unexpected, profound loss that disrupts a parent's identity and future. The latter lacks a clear endpoint and involves ongoing emotional complexity, as the parent must live on without the child. This difference makes child loss grief more unpredictable and enduring than anticipatory grief for oneself.
- Grief after losing a child is unique because it reshapes a parent's identity and daily life permanently. Unlike temporary illnesses, grief does not have a natural endpoint because the relationship and love for the child continue indefinitely. Closure implies a final resolution, but in this context, it means learning to live with ongoing pain rather than eliminating it. This lifelong process involves adapting to loss while maintaining the child's memory as part of one's life.
- Experiencing contradictory feelings simultaneously is called emotional ambivalence. It occurs because human emotions are complex and not mutually exclusive, allowing joy and sadness to coexist. This reflects the brain's ability to hold multiple, nuanced responses to different aspects of a situation. Accepting this complexity helps individuals process grief more realistically and compassionately.
- Preventable childhood accidents often trigger intense parental guilt because parents feel responsible for their child's safety. This guilt is amplified by the belief that the tragedy could have been avoided with different actions. Psychologically, this can lead to obsessive rumination, where parents repeatedly analyze the event to find fault in themselves. Such self-blame complicates grief, making emotional healing more difficult and prolonged.
- Internal self-blame is deeply personal and tied to a parent's sense of responsibility and love, making it more intense than external opinions. External judgment often lacks the intimate knowledge of the parent's feelings and circumstances. Grieving parents may feel isolated in their pain, amplifying self-criticism beyond what others perceive. This in ...
Counterarguments
- While many parents experience grief as permanent and life-altering, some individuals may eventually find a sense of peace or meaning that allows them to feel less defined by their loss over time.
- The stage-based models of grief, though originally developed for end-of-life scenarios, have been found helpful by some bereaved parents as a framework for understanding their emotions, even if imperfect.
- Some parents report that prior experiences with loss or trauma, or strong support systems, can provide partial preparation or coping skills that help them navigate child loss, even if the pain is still profound.
- Not all grieving parents experience overwhelming guilt or self-blame, especially in cases where the loss was clearly unpreventable or where they have received effective counseling.
- For so ...
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Navigating Grief While Living Publicly
Tragedy on a Public Platform Turns Private Crisis Into Public Spectacle Demanding Strangers' Judgment
Emilie Kiser describes how her family's private tragedy abruptly became public when her son Trig fell into the pool and was hospitalized. Initially, her focus was entirely on her son’s needs, and she was not concerned with public perception. However, the arrival of news cars and helicopters near her home, along with social media speculation, made the situation visible to outsiders before Kiser had even processed the events herself. Viewers matched news video footage with personal details to identify her family, turning their crisis into a public spectacle.
During this time, Kiser and her family were subjected to intense media scrutiny. She recounts staying inside, unable to return to any routine, while news crews gathered outside, helicopters hovered overhead, and strangers drove by to film their home. These invasions compounded their trauma, creating a secondary layer of distress. Kiser now experiences PTSD at the sound of helicopters, fearing renewed exposure, surveillance, and public judgment tied to those initial days.
The speculation and conclusions made by those who had no facts were deeply hurtful. Online commentators, fueled by incomplete information, felt entitled to deliver verdicts about her husband Brady and her parenting. Kiser explains that the public’s urge to assign blame came from a human need to make sense of the tragedy, even though it was based only on assumptions. She acknowledges her own anger at the dehumanizing commentary, recognizing that such responses stem from the public’s distance from the truth. The spectacle made their suffering simultaneously invisible and exposed, further intensifying the pain.
Setting Boundaries on Social Media Protects Mental Health and Privacy During Grief, Despite Potential Judgment
The experience forced Kiser to dramatically reevaluate her relationship with social media. She no longer shares images or videos of her younger son, Teddy, or of Trig, setting strict boundaries that reflect her understanding that social media engagement, while it offers community, also compromises family privacy and emotional safety. She notes that followers can never truly know her real life or inner experience, regardless of the content she shares.
Navigating these boundaries brings its own challenges. Kiser observes that when she shares selectively, some interpret it as moving on too quickly or “not grieving enough,” leading to judgment no matter what she does. She finds herself in a no-win situation, as social media users believe they are intimately familiar with her grief based on curated snippets, when in reality, these are only what she chooses to disclose. Kiser stresses that unless someone has a 24-hour window into her life, they can never fully understand the reality of her loss.
Faced with constant misinterpretations, she chooses to share only as much as she is comfortable with, accepting that she would rather be criticized for too little than expose her family’s full ...
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Navigating Grief While Living Publicly
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Emilie Kiser is a public figure known for her work as a content creator and social media personality. Her story is significant because it highlights the challenges of experiencing personal tragedy under intense public scrutiny. She provides insight into the emotional toll of navigating grief while maintaining a public presence. Her experience sheds light on the broader issues of privacy, mental health, and social media in times of crisis.
- Media coverage involving helicopters and news crews typically occurs when an event is considered newsworthy due to its emotional impact, public interest, or potential controversy. Such coverage aims to provide live updates and visual footage to a wide audience quickly. The presence of media can escalate a private incident into a public spectacle, often intensifying the affected individuals' distress. This intense scrutiny can lead to invasive reporting and speculation by the public and commentators.
- PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. It causes symptoms like flashbacks, anxiety, and heightened reactions to reminders of the trauma. In this context, helicopter sounds remind Emilie Kiser of the media presence during her son's accident, triggering distress. Such sounds act as sensory cues that bring back intense emotional memories linked to the crisis.
- Social media speculation often spreads rapidly without verified facts, leading to misinformation and judgment. Grieving individuals face public scrutiny that can amplify their pain and hinder private healing. The constant exposure pressures them to manage others' perceptions while coping with loss. This dynamic creates a conflict between personal grief and public narrative control.
- A "public spectacle" occurs when a private event becomes widely visible and subject to public attention and judgment. In cases of grief, this means personal pain is exposed beyond the family, often through media and social platforms. This exposure can lead to unwanted scrutiny, assumptions, and loss of privacy. It transforms intimate suffering into a performance for an audience, complicating the healing process.
- Social media connects people by allowing them to share experiences and receive support from others facing similar challenges. However, sharing personal moments publicly exposes private details to a wide audience, including strangers. This exposure can lead to unwanted scrutiny, judgment, or misuse of information. Thus, while social media fosters community, it also risks eroding personal privacy and emotional safety.
- "Curated snippets" are carefully chosen pieces of information or moments that a person decides to share publicly, often highlighting certain ...
Counterarguments
- While media coverage can be invasive, public interest in high-profile incidents is a longstanding aspect of news reporting, and some argue that it serves a broader societal function by raising awareness about safety issues (such as pool safety for children).
- As a public figure and content creator, Kiser may have previously benefited from sharing aspects of her family life online, which can blur the boundaries between public and private events and make it more difficult to control privacy during crises.
- Some might contend that setting boundaries on social media, while important, does not fully address the risks of public exposure that come with a career based on sharing personal content.
- The perception that followers cannot truly understand a creator’s life is valid, but it is also true that audiences form connections and empathy based on what is shared, and their reactions—while sometimes misguided—are a natural part of public engagement.
- Selective sharing can lead to misunderstandings, but it is also a creator’s prerogative to curate their narrative, and audiences may reasona ...
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Maintaining Family Relationships Through Grief
Navigating grief after the loss of a child challenges every aspect of family relationships. Emilie Kiser and Brady, after losing their son Trig, exemplify how spouses, parenting, and surrounding support are tested and redefined by tragedy.
Spouse Relationship Strained yet Vital as Only Partners Fully Understand Shared Child Loss
Emilie Kiser explains that her husband Brady is the only person—apart from licensed professionals—who truly understands the depth of her grief, because he shares the same loss. The bond between parents who have lost a child is unique; they alone know the profound love and heartbreak of raising and then losing that child. This naturally fosters the most genuine and vulnerable conversations between them, as they process memories and conflicting emotions together. Both act as each other’s primary support, confiding in one another daily in ways they do not with anyone else.
Initial Anger Toward a Partner at an Accident, Though They’re Not At Fault, Needs Empathy Since Circumstances Could Reverse
Kiser describes the early aftermath, when she felt immense anger at Brady after the accident, unsure if she could ever forgive him—even though, logically, the incident could have happened to either parent. She recalls that Brady was caring for their newborn Teddy, tending to routines that any parent could have been responsible for. Accepting that either of them could have been in that position shifted her perspective, replacing resentment with empathy, and helping her recognize her own potential for error.
Empathy and Forgiveness Transform Resentment Into Support
Realizing this, Emilie chose empathy and forgiveness, wanting for Brady the same grace she would want if roles were reversed. Over time, and through deep self-reflection, she developed greater love and pride for how they grieved—together and individually. She credits their therapy with equipping them with tools to navigate grief as a couple. Therapy taught them each partner experiences grief differently, but it is their job to let each other feel what they need without trying to fix or balance the other's emotions. This acceptance deepened their mutual support: being present for one another, allowing space for individual grief while still coming together through shared pain.
Couples Therapy Helps Partners Recognize Each Other As Primary Emotional Resources During Differing Grief Processes
Kiser and Brady communicated openly with their families, insisting their loss not become a taboo or avoided topic—especially for Teddy, their surviving son. They want their home to acknowledge the reality of Trig’s loss, fostering honest conversations as Teddy grows and inevitably asks questions. Their therapeutic journey reinforces the importance of prioritizing each other as primary resources, while recognizing the validity of separate grieving processes and unified support.
Grieving one Child While Parenting Another Intensifies Parental Vigilance
Losing a child makes parents acutely aware of life's fragility. Kiser describes feeling heightened protective instincts toward Teddy, fueled by the fear of another sudden loss. This experience often leads parents to become overprotective and anxious, especially during moments of separation from their surviving child.
Awareness of Life's Fragility Leads To Overprotectiveness and Anxiety During Parental Separation
Kiser admits to feeling scared after losing Trig—realizing how quickly life can change or be taken away. This anxiety often surfaces in daily parenting, making it tempting to never leave Teddy’s side. While preventative measures are always taken, she acknowledges that some incidents are simply not preventable, despite the best efforts.
Balancing Prevention and Acceptance In Grieving Parents
Jay Shetty observes that, while understandable, round-the-clock vigilance is neither possible nor healthy. Kiser finds herself constantly balancing the ...
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Maintaining Family Relationships Through Grief
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While spouses may share a unique bond in grief, some individuals find equal or greater comfort and understanding from friends, extended family, or support groups who have experienced similar losses.
- Not all couples are able to process grief together; for some, the loss of a child can lead to emotional distance or even separation, rather than increased intimacy or mutual support.
- The idea that each grieving parent acts as the primary support for the other may not apply in situations where one or both partners are unable or unwilling to communicate openly about their grief.
- Couples therapy is not universally accessible or effective for all grieving parents due to financial, cultural, or personal barriers.
- Open communication about loss may not be possible or desirable in all families, especially in cultures or communities where discussing death is considered inappropriate or harmful.
- Some parents may find comfort in spiritual or religious explanations, such as believing their child is "in a better place," and may not perceive such comments as minimizing their grief.
- The assertion that ...
Actionables
- you can create a shared memory journal with your partner where you both write down memories, feelings, and even conflicting emotions about your child, then read each other's entries privately to foster empathy and understanding without the pressure of face-to-face conversation; this helps deepen your bond and allows for honest, vulnerable sharing at your own pace.
- a practical way to support each other as primary emotional resources is to set aside a specific time each week for a “grief check-in,” where you each share one thing you’re struggling with and one thing you’re proud of in your grieving process, focusing on listening rather than problem-solving; this ritual builds trust and mutual support.
- you ...
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Using Personal Loss For Prevention and Awareness
Emilie Kiser channels her personal grief into proactive advocacy, determined to prevent further tragedies by increasing awareness about childhood drownings and effective safety measures.
Honoring a Child's Memory By Preventing Similar Tragedies
Emilie Kiser is candid about the pain of losing her son Trig, emphasizing that drowning remains the leading cause of death in children under three, yet discussions about it are often lacking. She describes her mission to use her platform and her journey through grief to educate others, ensuring that what happened to Trig can be prevented for other families. For her, honoring her child’s memory means taking care of her living son Teddy and spreading awareness, so fewer families have to endure similar heartbreak. Kiser consistently underscores that drowning is preventable and that widespread understanding of this fact is vital for saving lives.
Layers of Pool Safety: Barriers, Instruction, Supervision, Emergency Training
Emilie Kiser passionately advocates for comprehensive pool safety, repeating that multiple layers of protection are vital. She insists that all pool-owning parents of young children install a pool fence, stressing that a physical barrier like a permanent fence is more effective than a net cover, based on her own regretful choice. Kiser also encourages parents to equip their homes with additional safety measures: door alarms, automatic door closers, high handles on doors, and pool sensors, all working together to address the inevitability of supervision lapses.
Swim instruction is another pillar of her prevention message. She urges parents to enroll children in survival-focused infant swim lessons, like ISR (Infant Swimming Resource), which teach skills such as floating and self-rescue even while clothed—skills that buy precious time for rescue. She emphasizes that these lessons don’t replace supervision or other barriers but provide children with vital life-saving skills. Every added barrier, she argues, increases the chance that any lapse won’t be fatal, and gives parents and caregivers time to respond before a tragedy unfolds.
Shifting Focus to Practical Risk Reduction By Letting Go Of Self-Blame
Kiser speaks openly about the unrealistic expectation that parents can supervise their children every second: “There is no possible way for me to always have my eye on them.” S ...
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Using Personal Loss For Prevention and Awareness
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- ISR (Infant Swimming Resource) is a specialized swim program teaching infants and toddlers survival skills in water. It focuses on self-rescue techniques like floating and turning to breathe if they fall into water. The lessons are designed to build muscle memory and confidence in young children. ISR is recognized for its effectiveness in reducing drowning risks in young children.
- A permanent pool fence provides a rigid, physical barrier that is difficult for children to bypass or accidentally open. Net covers can sag, be lifted, or have gaps, allowing easier access to the water. Permanent fences are typically built to specific safety standards, including height and gate self-closing features. This reduces the risk of unsupervised access more reliably than removable or flexible net covers.
- Door alarms alert caregivers immediately if a door leading to the pool area is opened, helping prevent unsupervised access. Automatic door closers ensure doors close securely behind someone, reducing the chance a child can wander outside unnoticed. High door handles are installed out of young children’s reach to prevent them from opening doors to the pool area on their own. Pool sensors detect movement or disturbances in the water, providing early warning of potential drowning incidents.
- "Multiple layers of protection" means using several different safety measures together to reduce drowning risk. Each layer acts as a backup if another fails, creating a stronger overall safety net. Examples include physical barriers, swim lessons, supervision, and emergency preparedness. This approach acknowledges no single method is foolproof, so combining them maximizes child safety.
- Swim lessons teach children skills to survive if they fall into water but cannot guarantee complete safety. Young children can still get into dangerous situations quickly, even if they know how to swim. Physical barriers like fences prevent children from accessing water unsupervised, reducing risk before it starts. Supervision ensures immediate adult response, which swim skills alone cannot replace.
- Self-blame after a tragedy can cause overwhelming guilt and hinder healing. Letting go of self-blame helps individuals focus on actionable steps rather than emotional paralysis. This shift enables clearer thinking and motivates implementing safety measures to reduce future risks. Accepting that accidents can happen despite best efforts fosters resilience and proactive prevention.
- Transforming grief into prevention advocacy involves channeling emotional pain into purposeful action. Individuals use their personal loss to raise awareness and promote safety measures to prevent similar tragedies. This process often includes sharing their story publicly to educate others and influence policy or behavior change. It helps create meaning from loss and ...
Counterarguments
- While drowning prevention is important, focusing primarily on pool safety may overlook other significant causes of childhood injury and death, potentially diverting attention and resources from broader child safety initiatives.
- The recommendation for multiple layers of pool safety (such as permanent fences, alarms, and sensors) may not be financially or logistically feasible for all families, particularly those with limited resources or renters who cannot make structural changes.
- Survival-focused infant swim lessons like ISR are not universally endorsed by all pediatric or swimming organizations, and some experts question their effectiveness or raise concerns about giving parents a false sense of security.
- Emphasizing individual responsibility for prevention may underplay the role of broader community, regulatory, or governmental interventions, such as mandatory pool fencing laws or public ed ...
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