Riz Ahmed: How to Silence Your Inner Critic (And Build REAL Self Worth)

Perceived Vs. True Self Distance Causes Shame, Affecting Wellbeing and Identity

Jay Shetty and Riz Ahmed candidly explore the chasm between how individuals present themselves publicly and who they truly are. Shetty articulates the exhausting and damaging effects of constantly performing an idealized version of oneself, likening the feeling to a straitjacket: “the gap between your public and private self can feel like a straitjacket.” He notes that everyone, not just public figures, feels pressure to perform at work, in families, and online. The inability to ever step “off stage” and the tendency to conflate performance with self-worth can lead to deep feelings of shame, as one’s true value comes to depend on external validation.

Performing versions of oneself, whether on LinkedIn, social media, or even family gatherings, often creates a profound disconnect from authenticity. Shetty discusses how the quest for approval can morph from wanting to be liked for who you genuinely are, to the more painful territory of seeking validation for a completely constructed persona. This was also at the core of his inspiration for creating the show "Bait"—exploring the spot between different versions of oneself, and how shame grows larger the more those versions diverge.

The internal critic is dramatized in "Bait" as a severed pig’s head—a racist attack that becomes a persistent symbol of internalized criticism and prejudice. Shetty discusses his own history with this voice of shame and its lethal power, emphasizing the need to collapse the distance between public and private selves for true well-being.

Collapsing this gap by openly sharing personal neuroses, insecurities, and contradictions is liberating. Ahmed notes that making a show by laughing at his own vulnerabilities helps free both himself and viewers from feelings of shame and isolation: “Now more and more, I think like, I want to share the messy contradiction of myself… taking off the mask.” Shetty agrees, highlighting that embracing all paradoxical parts of oneself and refusing to fit into simplistic labels is not only more human but also fosters liberation and solidarity.

Code-Switching: Fragmented Identity and Self-Understanding

Both Ahmed and Shetty reflect on the experience of code-switching, adjusting accent, style, and behavior to fit into different social environments. Outside expectations led Ahmed to literally change costumes—wearing school uniforms at school, traditional attire at home, and trendy streetwear with friends, alongside accent and demeanor shifts. Shetty, too, recounts the pressure to become someone else in the corporate world after leaving the monastery, fearing he could spend decades performing a role far removed from his truth.

The process of code-switching reveals both the fragmentation and multifaceted nature of identity. Ahmed describes how warnings from a casting director about his expressive eyes made him self-conscious, leading him to act differently for years. He and Shetty now strive to bring all sides of themselves together. Rather than editing or censoring their identities to meet the perceived expectations of every room, they attempt to integrate all aspects—allowing complexity, contradiction, and playfulness to coexist. For Ahmed, this means his artistic work, like "Bait," now unites these different aspects, rather than forcing him to adopt a single, inauthentic persona.

Shetty concludes that healthy identity means appreciating the collection and connection of stories, roles, and contradictions within oneself. He believes everyone harbors paradoxes, and the goal is to become comfortable embracing them rather than suppressing parts of one’s identity to appear coherent or fit into narrow definitions.

Life as an Audition: Performing For Approval Over Authentic Living in the Social Media Attention Economy

Shetty draws parallels between the acting profession and everyday existence in the age of social media, describing it as a constant audition. He observes that, especially due to the visibility and attention economy, people equate their value with how they are viewed by others. This pressure to present an idealized self—curated, successful, put-together—extends into every aspect of life, from LinkedIn bios to Zoom calls and Instagram feeds.

Ahmed and Shetty discuss how this affects something as simple as choosing what to wear. Both recall moments when they censored their authentic style to meet the presumed expectations of an audience, only to realize the impulse to people-please is deeply ingrained, even in small choices.

While the visibility economy may incline individuals to edit themsel ...

Jay Shetty and Riz Ahmed explore the profound ways internal conflict, criticism, and shame can shape not just emotional experience but also physical health, and how facing severe health crises becomes an unexpected entry to deeper gratitude, humility, and spiritual connection. They also interrogate the cultural barriers that keep high achievers from sharing these battles, resulting in isolation, and discuss how openness about suffering can help others feel less alone.

Internal Conflict Manifests as Illness

Ahmed recounts a life-altering health crisis during the filming of "Star Wars," when, at his professional peak, he suddenly lost the ability to walk and was hospitalized for two and a half months. He describes an intense internal war—believing a critical, shaming inner voice was so dominant that it contributed to an autoimmune crisis: “My body had turned on itself.” He connects this attack by the body to the psychological effect of chronic self-criticism and shame, identifying it as not just an emotional burden, but something with the real power to “kill you,” as relentless internal attacks mirror the body’s literal attack on itself.

This internal critic, Ahmed and Shetty agree, is a powerful engine behind achievement but can become deeply destructive. Many high achievers—athletes, artists, leaders—report an inner voice that pushes them ruthlessly to the top but leaves little space for joy, flow, or balance. Shetty suggests that high performers must learn to toggle between the critic and the inner cheerleader, as too much self-attack leads to exhaustion and collapse rather than sustainable excellence.

Further showing the mind-body link, Shetty describes developing vocal cord polyps while living as a monk, a physical ailment that he attributes in part to both vocal strain and to suppressed emotional expression. The loss of speech—a core identity and calling—brought a striking awareness of how blocked or inauthentic expression manifests in the body. The ailment forced him into silence and deepened his understanding that gifts can become vulnerabilities, and that the ability to communicate extends far beyond mere words.

Facing Mortality and Loss of Control Through Health Crises Opens Paths to Gratitude, Humility, and Spiritual Awakening

Both Ahmed and Shetty describe the humbling confrontation with mortality and loss of control that severe health crises bring. When Ahmed was hospitalized, he faced the reality that he might never return to acting, walk again, or even survive. The gap between how others perceived him—friends texting excitedly about his Star Wars role—and his own desperate, night-bound reality in hospital forced him to reckon with loss, grief, and surrender. This reckoning with rock bottom prompted a spiritual turn: feeling brought to his knees, Ahmed began to pray, asking simply for another chance to give his gifts.

In these moments of profound vulnerability, ordinary experiences—a pigeon visiting a hospital window—became meditations on beauty, humility, and the sheer grace of being alive. Ahmed describes this as realizing, “if I don’t even control my own body, then maybe everything I do have is a gift,” and found intense gratitude in the smallest wonders, believing “it’s when you’re brought to your knees that you’re halfway towards praying.” Reminders of mortality, such as Steve Jobs’ final speech, also underscore the importance of clarity, honesty, and love.

The health crisis became not just an ordeal, but an awakening: it deepened gratitude for basic abilities, fostered humility, and offered a gateway to spiritual connection.

Shame of Vulnerability Keeps Achievers From Sharing Health Crises, Isolating Them and Preventing Others From Knowing They're ...

Riz Ahmed and Jay Shetty explore the limitations of external validation and the deeper fulfillment found in flow, purpose, and spiritual devotion. Their reflections move beyond achievement, advocating for an existence aligned with authenticity, curiosity, and nourishment of the soul.

External Markers Like Awards, Applause, and Accolades Offer Fleeting [restricted term] Hits, Creating an Unsustainable Treadmill

Both Ahmed and Shetty emphasize that external markers such as awards, applause, or career milestones rarely bring lasting satisfaction. Ahmed describes how, despite external success—like the rush from winning an Oscar or receiving applause—the feeling is always fleeting, comparing it to the short-lived pleasure of a child earning praise and an extra glass of Coca-Cola. These moments supply only a quick [restricted term] hit and don't nourish the soul.

After significant recognition, like Shetty’s show receiving 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, the satisfaction is immediately shadowed by a sense of hollowness, as if validation itself is a trap. Shetty even admits to feeling a surge of self-criticism amid triumph, recalling that while holding the Oscar he was met not with peace but a harsh inner voice urging him not to become complacent.

This cycle of striving for praise and then discounting it creates a constant oscillation between self-doubt and disregard for feedback. Ahmed describes swinging between extremes—Googling himself for validation or, conversely, dismissing all external praise as meaningless. The ongoing pursuit turns into a treadmill, with critics and one’s inner self always setting the next distant milestone, rarely permitting enjoyment of the moment. Ultimately, both agree that true reward comes not from validation, but from the courage and vulnerability of the work itself.

Flow States—Complete Absorption Moments Where We Lose Ourselves—Are the True Target Over Achievement Milestones

Ahmed identifies flow—a state where self-consciousness dissolves—as the real object of his pursuit, far more nourishing than awards or public validation. He notes that in moments of deep absorption, whether performing, playing with a child, or even during an engrossing conversation, time and ego disappear. These moments bring a sense of connection to all things, and Ahmed actively seeks to live as close to this state as possible, both in art and daily life.

Shetty expands on the idea of flow, distinguishing it from relentless goal-chasing. He observes that children, who marvel at simple things and remain unattached to timelines, embody this state of wonder and curiosity. As adults, by contrast, we become obsessed with objectives and often lose our sense of play, causing time to feel compressed and robbing life of its richness.

Shetty insists that flow cannot be manufactured or forced. Instead, it arises naturally when we allow ourselves space and rest. The best ideas, he says, come not during deliberate work but in moments of idleness—‘on the toilet seat’ or during a long drive, when the mind is still and inspiration can surface like a fish in calm water. Play, marvel, and curiosity—often modeled by children—are vital teachers, reminding adults of the expansive present moment.

Ironically, it is in these flow states that people often create their most meaningful work, making the pursuit of flow far more valuable than the pursuit of success itself.

Spiritual and Purposeful Work Focused On Giving Offers Deeper Nourishment Than External Achievement

For Ahmed and Shetty, fulfillment is found in aligning creativity with a sense of purpose and offering. The shift happens when artistic and professional endeavors cease to be about personal gain and validation, and instead become an offering to others—a contribution anchored in honesty and truth.

Ahmed describes a profound prayer during a moment of vulnerability, promising to use his talents for good if given more life—an intention to empty himself and share whatever gifts he has been given. Shetty echoes this, discussing how devotion to craft becomes a kind of spiritual practice—a prayer rooted in gratitude, health, purpose, and service to others.

Shetty’s approach to success involves intentions beyond external markers. He prays for people’s health, their ability to provide with digni ...

Experiencing Racism Young Creates Lifelong Awareness, Internalized As Shame or Transformed Into Creative Fuel and Empathy

For many creative individuals and people of color, early encounters with racism or difference leave a deep imprint. One guest recounts being eight years old when he and his brother were cornered by skinheads, with a knife pressed to his brother’s throat—an early, shocking realization of being different in a way that meant living with danger and vigilance. He reflects that this moment began a lifelong journey to understand and reconcile his identity.

Such early experiences of othering often lead to code-switching—adapting behavior, speech, or outward persona to fit different environments. One guest describes attending a predominantly white, upper-class school, which required code-switching there, and then adjusting again in his home neighborhood, regarding this constant adjustment as a form of performance that sparked his future as an actor. The guest sees these experiences not only as sources of challenge or pain, but also as the origins of depth and perspective, fueling artistry and empathy. Jay Shetty shares his own memories, including playful moments of being called “Gulu” at community gatherings and performing for the aunties—experiences of being different but also being celebrated.

The pain, trauma, and internalized shame that stems from such experiences are real and justified, but both Jay and his guest emphasize the possibility and power of reframing: transforming painful beginnings into fuel for creativity and a greater capacity for empathy. They speak to the benefit of leaning into these origins—to draw nuance, complexity, and a unique voice for their creative work.

Marginalization: An Obstacle and Unique Creative Power

Marginalization presents both hurdles and unique sources of creative power. The guest notes the reality that people of color, women, and differently abled individuals often have to work “twice as hard to get half as far.” This resistance and friction are not to be bypassed or minimized—“the bitterness, the pain, the rejection... it’s real, it’s justified.” Yet, this very friction can give an individual’s journey and creative life more meaning.

Jay Shetty references the Stoic idea that “the obstacle is the way,” suggesting the specifics of one's difference—whether race, background, or any form of otherness—can become keys to opportunity. They argue the experience of being blocked or excluded, when embraced, can unlock new narrative power and specificity. For creatives, leaning into what sets them apart, rather than minimizing it, brings vitality to their art and allows their work to resonate with more depth and authenticity.

Reframe Not Belonging As Advantage: Gain Perspective, Freedom, and Influence

Instead of seeing discomfort and not belonging as a weakness, both hosts propose reframing these feelings as advantages. Jay Shetty remarks that he has felt like an outsider in every space he entered, whether at Oxford University or elsewhere, and he has learned to appreciate the observant, analytic distance that comes from not fitting in. Feeling like a fish out of water, he says, signals growth and being in the right place—referencing David Bowie’s belief that one should never feel the bottom of the pool in ord ...

Riz Ahmed and Jay Shetty discuss how authentic self-expression fuels both creative potency and personal fulfillment. Their conversation highlights that genuine connection and resonance come from embracing vulnerability and living without pretense.

From Acting With Masks To Sharing Vulnerable Truths

In the early stages of a creative career, acting is often perceived as playing different characters—each new mask or role signals success and an artist’s range. Riz Ahmed reflects that early in his journey, inhabiting various personas felt like a measure of achievement. Yet, as his artistry evolved, he realized that profound work originates from exploring personal neuroses, contradictions, and lived experience. Instead of hiding behind masks, the challenge becomes to unmask one’s true self. Ahmed notes that this unmasking process, though daunting, establishes deeper and more honest connections with audiences. It is the raw, specific truths of one’s life—rather than vague universality or performance for approval—that create the most powerful art.

Bridging Public and Private Self Through Vulnerable Creativity as Healing and Spiritual Offering

Riz Ahmed describes making his show "Bait" by directly drawing from his own insecurities and life events. He includes real incidents such as having a panic attack during a concert, even recreating it at the same venue as part of the show. By openly mining his shame and vulnerabilities, Ahmed transforms the private into the public, using creativity as both personal healing and a spiritual act. He acknowledges that sharing his struggles—such as those depicted in "Sound of Metal" and "Mogul Mowgli"—turns his personal experience into a kind of “medicine” for others. For Ahmed, the act of offering up his vulnerabilities invites audiences into a universal space where individual pain is recognized, shared, and ultimately transcended.

Maintaining Authenticity By Defying Public Expectations

Jay Shetty explains that public figures often feel pressure to uphold a constructed image—whether it’s being perpetually wise as a mentor or relentlessly funny as a comedian. He shares that people frequently expect him to deliver profound insights at every turn, creating a burden of always being “on.” To prevent himself from becoming a caricature, Shetty makes a point of talking a ...