Jay & Radhi Talk About Why People Feel the Need to Overshare
In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty and Radhi Devlukia examine the effects of oversharing on personal energy and psychological well-being. Drawing from both Ayurvedic principles and modern perspectives, they explore how sharing personal information—especially on social media and in large groups—can impact motivation, drain energy, and affect personal boundaries.
The hosts discuss the distinction between vulnerability and authenticity, noting that authentic sharing involves careful consideration of what to share, with whom, and when. They also explore how the fear of judgment influences sharing patterns, particularly online, where people often feel more comfortable sharing with strangers than with their close connections due to the validation that distant audiences provide.
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The Energetic and Psychological Impact Of Oversharing
In this episode, Radhi Devlukia and Jay Shetty explore how oversharing affects personal energy and psychological well-being, drawing from both Ayurvedic wisdom and modern perspectives.
Energy and Motivation
According to Devlukia, Ayurvedic principles suggest that excessive sharing, particularly with untrustworthy individuals or through online platforms, can drain one's energy and weaken personal boundaries. She notes that sharing in large groups can be especially draining due to the various perspectives that must be processed.
Shetty, drawing from his monastery experience, warns that prematurely sharing ideas can diminish the motivation to complete them. He explains that telling others about an idea before its completion can reduce its value by half and that seeking validation too early can deplete the energy needed for execution.
Vulnerability versus Authenticity
Both hosts emphasize that authentic sharing doesn't mean sharing everything. Shetty explains that authenticity involves sharing the right information with the right person at the right time. Devlukia shares her personal experience of finding greater happiness by being more selective in her sharing, particularly on social media.
The Impact of Judgment
The conversation turns to how judgment affects sharing patterns. Shetty uses an analogy comparing social media glimpses to watching brief movie clips, explaining how partial information leads to incomplete understanding. Devlukia discusses the challenge of being misunderstood online and the tension between sharing authentically and maintaining privacy. Shetty adds that the fear of judgment often leads people to share more comfortably with strangers online than with their inner circle, as distant audiences tend to offer readier validation.
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Clarifications
- Ayurveda is an ancient Indian system of medicine focused on balancing the body's energies, called doshas, to maintain health. It views energy as a vital force that can be influenced by lifestyle, diet, and mental habits. Sharing personal information is seen as an exchange of energy, which can either nourish or deplete one's vitality depending on the context. Maintaining strong personal boundaries helps preserve this energy and supports overall well-being.
- Sharing with untrustworthy individuals drains energy because it creates emotional stress and anxiety about potential misuse or betrayal. This stress triggers a heightened state of alertness, consuming mental and emotional resources. Additionally, it forces one to constantly monitor and manage the information shared, which is mentally exhausting. Over time, this depletes overall personal energy and weakens emotional resilience.
- In Ayurveda, "energy" refers to the vital life force (prana) that sustains physical and mental health. Psychologically, energy relates to mental focus, emotional resilience, and motivation. Both views see energy as a limited resource that can be depleted by stress, negative interactions, or overexertion. Maintaining balanced energy involves protecting personal boundaries and managing how and with whom one shares thoughts and emotions.
- The idea that sharing an idea prematurely reduces its value by half is a psychological concept, not a precise measurement. It suggests that revealing an idea too early can lessen motivation and excitement to develop it fully. This happens because external validation or criticism can shift focus away from personal commitment. The "half value" is metaphorical, emphasizing diminished drive rather than a quantifiable loss.
- Vulnerability involves openly exposing personal feelings or experiences, often without filters, which can risk emotional harm. Authenticity means being true to oneself while thoughtfully choosing what and how much to share. Authentic sharing balances honesty with discretion, ensuring communication is appropriate and meaningful. Thus, authenticity is selective and intentional, whereas vulnerability is more about openness regardless of context.
- Social media posts show only small parts of a person's life, like short movie clips rather than the full story. This limited view can cause people to form incomplete or inaccurate opinions. Without context, viewers may misunderstand intentions or emotions behind the posts. As a result, judgments based on these glimpses often miss the deeper reality.
- People often feel safer sharing with strangers online because there is less risk of long-term consequences or personal judgment affecting close relationships. Anonymity or distance reduces vulnerability, making it easier to express thoughts without fear of damaging trust. Close contacts may have emotional history and expectations, increasing pressure and fear of misunderstanding. This dynamic creates a sense of freedom and validation when sharing with strangers.
- Seeking validation activates the brain's reward system, creating a temporary sense of pleasure and approval. This external dependence can lead to anxiety and self-doubt when validation is absent or negative. Constantly monitoring others' reactions consumes mental resources, reducing focus and motivation. Over time, this cycle drains emotional energy, impairing productivity and well-being.
- In this context, privacy means controlling what personal information you reveal and to whom. Authentic sharing involves being honest and open but still setting boundaries to protect sensitive details. The tension arises because sharing openly can risk exposing private aspects that might be misunderstood or judged. Maintaining privacy helps preserve emotional safety and personal dignity while being genuine.
Counterarguments
- While Ayurvedic principles may suggest that oversharing drains energy, this is not universally accepted and lacks empirical evidence; different individuals may have varying responses to sharing.
- Sharing in large groups can sometimes energize individuals, especially extroverts who thrive on social interaction.
- Prematurely sharing ideas can sometimes increase motivation due to the support and feedback received, which can refine the idea and increase commitment.
- Seeking validation can be a part of a healthy feedback process, helping to align ideas with the needs and interests of others, which can be energizing and constructive.
- Authentic sharing might not always involve selectivity; for some, authenticity could mean being open and transparent about most aspects of their lives.
- Selective sharing on social media does not guarantee greater happiness for everyone; some individuals may find joy and fulfillment in sharing their experiences more openly.
- While partial information can lead to misjudgment, sharing snippets of life on social media can also foster community and support when the audience understands the context.
- The fear of judgment might not always lead to more comfortable sharing with strangers; some individuals may find it easier to share with close contacts who understand them better.
- Online validation from strangers is not always easier or more desirable; some people may value and seek out the deeper, more meaningful validation that comes from close personal relationships.
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The Energetic and Psychological Impact Of Oversharing
Radhi Devlukia and Jay Shetty explore how oversharing can affect one’s energy and psychological state, suggesting that Ayurvedic principles and mindfulness in self-expression can preserve personal boundaries, motivation, and focus.
Oversharing Can Drain Energy and Diffuse Words
Radhi Devlukia discusses the energetic implications of oversharing according to Ayurvedic wisdom. She explains that sharing excessively, especially with individuals who do not feel safe or through online platforms, can drain one's aura and weaken energetic boundaries. Devlukia notes that each word carries intention and sharing too much can cause words to lose power, scatter energy, and reduce focus.
Ayurveda Advises Against Oversharing With Untrustworthy Individuals to Protect Boundaries and Focus
Ayurvedic principles caution against oversharing with untrustworthy individuals to protect one's energetic boundaries and maintain focus. Devlukia points out that oversharing, especially about personal decisions in large groups such as a 30-person group chat, can be confusing and draining due to the diverse perspectives and insights that must be processed.
Repetition Can Hinder Action
Prematurely divulging ideas or plans can lessen the drive to turn them into reality.
Prematurely Sharing Ideas Can Diminish Motivation
Devlukia raises concern about sharing too much before things have happened, leading to an energy leak. Discussing achievements before they are accomplished can trick the brain into releasing chemicals associated with success, potentially reducing the motivation to complete the goal. Jay Shetty, sharing wisdom from his time in a monastery, states that telling others about an idea before it's complete can cause the concept to lose half of its inherent value.
Oversharing Can Magnify Problems and Hinder Processing
Shetty elaborates on the spiritual teachings he received during his time in the monastery, indicating that sharing prematurely can deplete the energy and discipline require ...
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The Energetic and Psychological Impact Of Oversharing
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Energetic boundaries refer to the invisible limits that protect a person's emotional and spiritual energy from being drained or overwhelmed by others. They help maintain a sense of self and prevent external negativity or stress from affecting one's inner balance. In Ayurveda and similar traditions, strong energetic boundaries support mental clarity, emotional stability, and overall well-being. Weak boundaries can lead to feeling exhausted, distracted, or emotionally unsettled.
- In spiritual and holistic traditions, an "aura" is considered an invisible energy field surrounding a person, reflecting their emotional and physical state. It is believed that negative interactions or excessive sharing can weaken this energy field, making one feel drained or vulnerable. Oversharing may expose personal energy to others who do not respect boundaries, leading to energetic depletion. Protecting the aura involves maintaining clear personal boundaries and mindful communication.
- Ayurveda is an ancient Indian system of medicine focused on balancing the body's energies, called doshas, to maintain health. It emphasizes harmony between mind, body, and environment, including managing how energy flows in interactions. In communication, Ayurveda advises protecting one's energy by setting boundaries and sharing mindfully to avoid depletion. This helps preserve mental clarity, emotional stability, and overall well-being.
- Words are believed to carry intention because they reflect the speaker's focus, emotions, and energy at the moment of expression. In many spiritual and philosophical traditions, intentional speech is thought to influence both the speaker's and listener's mental and emotional states. Oversharing dilutes this intention by scattering attention across too many topics or details, reducing the impact and clarity of each word. This scattering weakens communication effectiveness and can drain personal energy.
- When you talk about achievements before completing them, your brain releases dopamine, a chemical linked to pleasure and reward. This premature dopamine release can create a false sense of accomplishment. As a result, your brain may reduce motivation to work toward the actual goal. This phenomenon is sometimes called the "reward prediction error."
- Jay Shetty spent time as a monk, where he learned the value of discipline, focus, and conserving energy for personal growth. Monastic teachings emphasize internal reflection and restraint in sharing thoughts prematurely to maintain mental clarity and motivation. This approach helps prevent external distractions and preserves the energy needed to achieve goals. Thus, oversharing is seen as dissipating vital energy that should be directed inward for success.
- Friends without experience in a speci ...
Counterarguments
- Sharing experiences and ideas with others can provide valuable feedback that may improve the outcome or refine the idea.
- Oversharing can sometimes create a sense of community and support, especially in online platforms where people find others with similar experiences.
- The act of sharing, even prematurely, can be a form of accountability that motivates some individuals to follow through on their plans.
- Discussing achievements before they are completed can be a way to visualize success and build momentum towards achieving goals.
- Sharing personal problems with others can be therapeutic and provide a sense of relief, which is a fundamental aspect of many psychological therapies.
- The idea that words lose power when shared excessively is not universally accepted and may not hold true in all contexts, such as activism or awareness campaigns where repetition is key.
- The concept of an "energy leak" is not scientifically proven and may not resonate with individuals who prefer evidence-based approaches to psychology and personal development.
- The advice against oversharing with untrustw ...
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The Difference Between Vulnerability and Authenticity In Sharing
Radhi Devlukia and Jay Shetty explore the nuanced difference between vulnerability and authenticity in sharing, underscoring the need for mindfulness and intentionality in personal disclosures.
Authenticity Is Sharing Selectively, Not Sharing Everything
Authenticity Involves Sharing Wisely, Not Over-Exposure
Both Radhi and Jay reflect on the idea that sharing every moment of one's life does not equate to offering true insight into their heart and mind. Devlukia and Shetty discuss how oversharing, particularly in social situations, can create a false sense of closeness with others. They argue that authenticity comes from being selective and intentional in what to share and with whom.
Jay Shetty emphasizes that authenticity doesn’t mean one has to be vulnerable with everyone; rather, it's about intentional and selective sharing. Devlukia shares that her happiness has increased since she began sharing less with friends, embodying the philosophy of sharing selectively to maintain authenticity.
Jay notes that authenticity involves sharing the right thing with the right person at the right time. He describes it as being true online while keeping certain matters private to oneself or shared only within a close circle.
Courage In Sharing Struggles to Connect and Support Others
Avoid Performative Vulnerability For Attention
Radhi Devlukia has accepted sharing images of herself when she's upset, attempting to cultivate an environment where people can express genuine emotions wit ...
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The Difference Between Vulnerability and Authenticity In Sharing
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Counterarguments
- Authenticity and vulnerability can be subjective and context-dependent, and what feels authentic or vulnerable to one person may not feel the same to another.
- The concept of selective sharing might not align with everyone's values or personality; some individuals may find that sharing more openly and without as much selectivity is more authentic to their way of being.
- The idea that oversharing creates a false sense of closeness could be challenged by the perspective that sharing openly can sometimes lead to genuine connections and deeper relationships.
- The notion that sharing less with friends can increase personal happiness might not hold true for everyone, as some people may find that sharing more leads to a greater sense of community and support.
- The emphasis on intentionality in sharing could be seen as overly strategic or calculated, which might conflict with some individuals' desire for spontaneity and organic interactions.
- The advice to share the right thing with the right person at the right time could be criticized for potentially leading to overthinking ...
Actionables
- You can create a personal sharing filter by listing topics you're comfortable discussing publicly and those you prefer to keep private. This helps you maintain authenticity while being mindful of your boundaries. For example, you might decide that work achievements are public material, but family matters are reserved for close friends.
- Develop a habit of pausing before sharing by setting a reminder on your phone to take a moment to reflect on your intentions. This ensures that when you share personal experiences, it's for genuine connection rather than attention-seeking. Imagine you're about to post a story about a recent challenge; the reminder pops up, prompting you to consider if this share will help others or if it's purely for validation.
- Start a small, pr ...
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Influence of Perceptions and Judgments On Sharing
Radhi Devlukia and Jay Shetty delve into how quick judgments and the fear of judgment affect people's willingness to share aspects of their lives with others. Through their discussion, they suggest embracing authenticity to foster healing and growth.
Snap Judgments Made On Limited Information
Radhi Devlukia speaks on the commonality of forming judgments about people, including celebrities, based on brief glimpses into their lives, which might not reflect the full picture. Jay Shetty concurs, insisting that small samples of information are inadequate for substantial assessments and that refraining from hasty judgments is key to a tranquil life.
Jay Shetty draws an analogy between understanding the entirety of a subject and the limited view provided by just three minutes of various films, similar to how we experience people's lives on social media. He notes that someone would need to listen to every episode he's ever recorded to fully comprehend his teachings, which is unlikely, therefore partial conclusions drawn from his podcasts can be misleading.
Fear of Judgment Hinders Openness and Vulnerability
Jay and Radhi discuss the fear of being judged based on what they share online. They express concerns about being perceived based on these shares, such as the misconception about their relationship due to their selective online presence, which is often dictated by work travel and a conscious decision to spend time apart.
Jay Shetty observes that people may feel more comfortable sharing personal emotions with strangers on the internet rather than with those closest to them. The further from one's inner circle, the less likely the genuineness is questioned, and online strangers more readily offer validation.
Radhi Devlukia expresses concerns about the perplexity of being misunderstood online and the struggle between choosing to share and keeping personal life private. She conveys the futility of seeking universal understanding, which hints that fear of judgment from online audiences can impede sincere sharing.
Jay and Radhi address the fact that the fear of judgment might prompt individuals to share a less honest version of themselves, preventing complete vulnerability and the ability to connect deeply. Radhi refers to receiving messages about appearing sad when sharing personal struggles, showcasing the fear of judgment and its potential to deter openness.
...
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Influence of Perceptions and Judgments On Sharing
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Clarifications
- Radhi Devlukia is a licensed clinical psychologist known for her work on mental health and emotional well-being. Jay Shetty is a former monk turned motivational speaker and author, focusing on mindfulness and personal growth. Their opinions matter because they combine professional expertise and practical experience in psychology and self-improvement. Both have large followings and influence in the fields of mental health and personal development.
- Jay Shetty's analogy compares watching only three minutes of different films to seeing brief social media posts. Just as a short clip can't reveal a film's full story or message, brief social media glimpses don't capture a person's complete life or character. This highlights how judgments based on limited online content are often incomplete or misleading. It emphasizes the need for deeper understanding beyond surface-level impressions.
- "Selective online presence" means choosing what parts of one's life to share on social media, often highlighting positive or relevant moments while omitting others. Work travel can limit opportunities to share everyday personal experiences, leading to gaps or a curated portrayal of life. This selective sharing can create misunderstandings about relationships or lifestyle. It reflects a conscious decision to manage privacy and public image.
- People may feel safer sharing with strangers online because there is less risk of immediate personal consequences or judgment from their close social circle. Anonymity or distance reduces fear of damaging relationships or facing direct criticism. Strangers often provide non-judgmental validation without the emotional complexity of close ties. This dynamic allows individuals to express feelings they might suppress around family or friends.
- Radhi receives messages from people who interpret her shared personal struggles as signs of sadness or weakness. These messages reflect how audiences often project their own judgments onto vulnerable expressions. This reaction can discourage authentic sharing by making individuals feel misunderstood or judged. It highlights the challenge of being open without being mischaracterized.
- Sharing "from a place of healing and growth" means expressing oneself to process emotions and foster personal development. It focuses on self-awareness and genuine connection rather than seeking external validation. Sharing for "sympathy or attention" aims to elicit pity or gain approval from ...
Counterarguments
- While it's true that quick judgments can be based on limited information, it's also a natural human cognitive process to make inferences and judgments to navigate social environments efficiently.
- Some argue that small samples of information, if representative, can sometimes offer valuable insights into a person's character or situation.
- The idea that refraining from judgments leads to tranquility might be too simplistic, as some level of judgment is necessary for personal boundaries and moral decision-making.
- Social media can indeed provide partial glimpses into people's lives, but it can also be a platform for individuals to express their identities and connect with communities in meaningful ways.
- While fear of judgment can hinder openness, some people may find that a certain level of privacy and discretion is healthier for their personal well-being.
- Sharing personal emotions with strangers online can be therapeutic, but it can also expose individuals to risks such as cyberbullying or exploitation.
- The notion that strangers offer validation more readily might not always hold true, as online interactions can also be superficial or disingenuous.
- The struggle between privacy and openness online is complex, and some individuals may find that maintaining a private online presence is more conducive to their mental health.
- While sharing less honest versions of oneself can limit vulnerability, it can also serve as a protective mechanism against potential negative feedback or exploitation.
- Authentic sharing is important, but individuals must also navigate the potential consequences of sharing sensitive personal information in public forums.
- Sharing f ...
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