Constantly Overthinking or Doubting Yourself? (Do THIS 5-Minute Reset to Break Your Negative Spiral!)

Self-criticism might feel like a way to keep oneself in line, but Jay Shetty discusses how it actually operates as a form of self-sabotage that can disrupt focus and rhythm.

Self-Criticism Feels Like Control but Is Actually Self-Sabotage

Shetty compares self-criticism to a tennis player who berates themselves after every missed shot. This self-criticism destroys their game focus, much like relentless self-judgment can ruin our concentration and demotivate us.

Self-Criticism Disrupts Focus, Like Criticizing Others Demotivates

Shetty cites Roger Federer's example of staying present and not dwelling on missed points, whether in the past or potentially in the future, as an exemplary approach to avoid self-criticism and maintain focus.

Research: Self-Forgiveness, Self-Compassion Beat Harsh Self-Criticism

Referencing Kristin Neff's research from 2005, Shetty underscores that self-forgiveness and self-compassion lead to better focus and forward movement. For example, students who forgave themselves for procrastinating were more effective in studying for subsequent exams.

Talking To Ourselves With Compassion Instead of Criticism

Shetty encourages a compassionate inner dialogue, noting that harsh self-criticism is much more severe than how we might speak to a friend.

We Wouldn't Criticize a Friend as Harshly as Ourselves

By understanding that our past mistakes were based on ...

Jay Shetty discusses the natural tendency of the brain to focus more on mistakes than on successes, a phenomenon known as the negativity bias, and proposes methods for rewiring this instinct towards a more positive focus.

Brain Focuses More on Mistakes Than Successes

Negative Events Trump Positive Ones Psychologically

Shetty cites a study that reveals negative events weigh three to five times more heavily in our minds than positive events. This psychological pattern, where we place greater emphasis on negative occurrences, is referred to as the negativity bias and it is part of the brain’s natural wiring.

"Negativity Bias" Causes Excessive Rumination on Failures

Shetty discusses the negativity bias without explicitly naming it, pointing out how it leads to self-criticism. He illustrates the bias with examples of how an individual might dwell on a single negative comment despite receiving mostly positive feedback, or might ruminate on the few people who did not attend a party rather than appreciating those who did.

Sharing Positive Experiences Can Rewire This Pattern

Gratitude and Appreciation Help Train the Brain to Focus On Positives

To combat this natural inclination, Shetty suggests the act of sharing positive experiences and discussing them as a way to train the brain to focus on the positive. He relates this to gratitude, emphasizing that just as expressing gratitude can make people more aware of the positives in life, regular discussion and acknowledgment of positiv ...

Understanding that progress is non-linear and that rest is just as essential as action can foster a more healthy approach to goals and self-improvement.

Setbacks and Relapses Are Part of Behavior Change, Not Failures

The journey towards lasting behavior change is rarely a straight path. Setbacks and relapses are not indicators of failure; rather, they are part of the process. A study on the stages of change model supports this view, showing that relapses are normal during significant behavior changes. Thomas Edison's experience with creating over 1,000 prototypes before successfully inventing the light bulb is a prime example of how setbacks may lead to eventual success.

Healing and progress are often described as a dance—taking a few steps forward and sometimes a few steps back. Individuals should remember that bad days are part of the journey when they slip up in their habits. Instead of succumbing to self-defeat, acknowledging these moments can lead to actual healing and progress.

Perfectionism Leads To Self-Defeat When Slip-Ups Occur

Perfectionism can lead to self-defeat when inevitable slip-ups occur. Recognizing that nonlinear progress is part of any meaningful journey can foster self-compassion and persistence, replacing the harmful tendencies of perfectionism with a more balanced and kind approach to personal development.

Recognizing Progress as a Journey Fosters Self-Compassion and Persistence

Understanding that progress is a journey, not a sprint, helps in cultivating self-compassion and persistence. Healing involves moving forward while also occasionally taking steps back, and this pattern is natural during the process of change.

Rest and Recovery Are Essential for Peak Performance

For peak performance, rest and recovery are just as critical as training and work. Elite athletes, aware of this fact, intentionally schedule rest days to complement their training routines. Serena Williams, for instance, is known for taking naps before matches, recognizing that rest is a deliberate part of her strategy for peak performance.

Athletes Schedule Rest In Training

Just as they schedule rigorous training sessions, athletes make sure to incorporate recovery time into their ...

Building resilience may be better achieved through self-kindness and positive self-talk rather than self-critique, which suggests a significant shift in how individuals might approach challenging situations.

Self-Compassion Meditation and Encouraging Self-Talk Boost Mental Toughness

Seals Using Self-Kindness More Likely to Complete Training

Research into self-talk among athletes implies that positive self-talk, which can be viewed as a form of self-kindness, significantly improves performance and could potentially increase the likelihood of completing challenging training. Shetty cites that Navy SEALs in training who engage in encouraging self-talk have a much higher chance of enduring and completing the arduous 'hell week' than those who are self-critical.

Self-Criticism Creates a Spiral, While Self-Kindness Fosters Momentum

Shetty expands this concept by suggesting that self-criticism initiates a debilitating spiral of self-doubt. Conversely, self-kindness and encouraging self-talk can counteract this spiral, building mental toughness and momentum to move forward. He contends that while self-criticism leads to shame, which tends to breed secrecy and withdrawal, guilt, on the other hand, can inspire change without embedding the toxic belief that one is inherently bad.

Shetty advises against shaming oneself since it won’t lead to positive change. He promotes practicing compassion, accountability, affirmative action, and meeting challenges head-on rather than resorting to self-punishment.

Self-Compassion For Resilience Strength ...