Feel Behind in Your Career, Relationship or Life? THIS Is the Episode You Need To Stop Comparing Yourself
In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty examines why comparing ourselves to others can impede personal growth and happiness. He explores how social media intensifies our natural tendency to measure ourselves against peers, and explains why material accomplishments often fail to provide lasting satisfaction. Using research and real-world examples, Shetty discusses the concept of the hedonic treadmill and its role in our pursuit of external validation.
The episode delves into how facing adversity can build psychological resilience and enhance problem-solving abilities. Through the metaphor of building deep foundations, Shetty illustrates the importance of invisible groundwork in achieving success. He draws on scientific research and case studies to demonstrate how dedicated practice and persistence contribute to expertise, and how progress often compounds over time rather than following a linear path.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Oct 10, 2025 episode of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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1-Page Summary
Focus On Your Path, Not Comparing To Others
Jay Shetty explores how comparing ourselves to others can hinder personal growth and happiness. He explains that while humans naturally gauge their worth through peer comparison, this tendency is intensified by social media use, often leading to increased feelings of inadequacy. Shetty emphasizes that success doesn't follow a universal timeline, likening life to a relay race where each person moves at their own pace rather than a competition against others.
Success Doesn't Equal Inner Happiness
Drawing on the concept of the hedonic treadmill, Shetty explains why material accomplishments often fail to provide lasting fulfillment. He notes that humans quickly adapt to positive changes, causing initial happiness from achievements to fade into a new normal. Despite outward appearances of success, individuals can still experience a profound sense of emptiness when pursuing external validation.
Overcoming Challenges Builds Resilience for Future Success
Shetty references psychological research showing that people who face and overcome adversity often report better mental health and life satisfaction than those who haven't experienced challenges. He cites a Harvard Business School study indicating that entrepreneurs who initially failed were more likely to succeed in future ventures compared to those who never experienced failure. According to Shetty, these struggles develop crucial psychological resilience and problem-solving skills, with neuroscience showing how our brains physically adapt to better handle future challenges.
Building Invisible Foundations Crucial to Growth and Achievement
Using the metaphor of tall buildings requiring deep foundations, Shetty illustrates how visible success is built on invisible foundational work. He references Anders Ericsson's research on deliberate practice, noting that expertise often requires around 10,000 hours of dedicated effort. Shetty uses J.K. Rowling's story to demonstrate how years of struggle can develop essential attributes like persistence and grit, which become the foundation for later success. He explains that while progress may feel slow initially, skills compound over time, leading to accelerated growth after reaching certain thresholds.
1-Page Summary
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Clarifications
- The hedonic treadmill concept suggests that humans tend to return to a stable level of happiness despite significant life changes. As people experience positive events like making more money, their expectations rise, leading to no lasting increase in happiness. This phenomenon highlights how individuals adapt to new circumstances, maintaining a consistent level of happiness over time.
- Anders Ericsson's research on deliberate practice focuses on the idea that expertise is primarily developed through purposeful and structured efforts to improve performance. He proposed that around 10,000 hours of deliberate practice are typically needed to achieve mastery in a specific domain. Deliberate practice involves targeted activities designed to enhance skills, receive immediate feedback, and push beyond one's comfort zone. This concept has been influential in understanding how individuals can systematically improve their abilities and achieve high levels of proficiency in various fields.
- J.K. Rowling's story is often cited as an example of persistence and grit because she faced numerous rejections before finding success with the Harry Potter series. Despite facing setbacks and challenges, Rowling continued to persevere in her writing career, showcasing resilience and determination. Her journey highlights the importance of not giving up in the face of adversity and the transformative power of persistence over time. Rowling's experience serves as inspiration for many aspiring individuals, emphasizing the value of hard work and dedication in achieving long-term goals.
Counterarguments
- While comparing ourselves to others can be detrimental, it can also serve as motivation and provide benchmarks for setting personal goals.
- Social media can also be a source of inspiration and positive social support, not just a platform for negative comparison.
- Some degree of comparison to others is natural and can be constructive if it encourages self-improvement without fostering envy or feelings of inadequacy.
- Success may not follow a universal timeline, but societal structures and norms can create expectations that influence individual timelines and opportunities for success.
- Material accomplishments can contribute to lasting fulfillment if they align with an individual's values and are part of a balanced life that also includes relationships, personal growth, and other non-material achievements.
- The concept of the hedonic treadmill suggests that adaptation to positive changes is inevitable, but this does not mean that all individuals will cease to derive any happiness from their achievements over time.
- While overcoming adversity can build resilience, not all forms of adversity are equally beneficial, and some can cause lasting trauma or disadvantage without the proper support and resources.
- The idea that entrepreneurs who failed initially are more likely to succeed later may not account for survivorship bias, where only the success stories are visible and failures are overlooked or forgotten.
- The 10,000-hour rule for expertise has been contested, with some researchers suggesting that the quality of practice and individual differences play a significant role in developing expertise.
- The metaphor of building invisible foundations may oversimplify the complex and non-linear nature of personal growth and achievement.
- The notion that skills compound over time and lead to accelerated growth after reaching certain thresholds may not account for plateaus or declines in performance that can occur due to various factors, including burnout or changing life circumstances.
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Focus On Your Path, Not Comparing To Others
Jay Shetty urges individuals to stay grounded in their own progress and not to get caught up in the achievements of others, highlighting the negative impact that such comparisons can have on personal growth and happiness.
Avoid Comparing Your Progress To Others' Achievements
Humans Gauge Self-Worth by Peer Comparison, Intensified by Social Media
Shetty discusses the innate human behavior of comparing ourselves with peers as a means to gauge our own success. He illustrates this tendency with social comparison theory, which asserts that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others. This behavior, Shetty notes, is exacerbated by social media use—a study shows that more time on social media correlates with increased feelings of inadequacy. Shetty advises against comparison, reminding listeners that their value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see their worth.
No Universal Timeline For Life and Success
Acknowledge That Everyone Has a Unique Timeline For Success
Shetty underscores that life is not a race but more closely resembles a relay, where each person has their own pace and timing. He advocates for the acknowledgment that success does not follow a universal timeline, and what may feel like lateness is often just a different path. Life, according to Shetty, is about finding one's own rhythm rather than keeping pace with others. He encourages listeners to appreciate that while some sprint early, others build their skills at a different pace, and this preparation is as critical to success as the achievements that follow.
Stop Obsessing Over Comparisons That Don't Serve You
Don't Let Others' Successes Make You Feel Inadequate or "Behind," As This Robs You Of Appreciating Your Unique Journey
Shetty impresses upon listeners not to let the suc ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Focus On Your Path, Not Comparing To Others
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While it's important not to obsess over comparisons, some level of comparison can be motivational and provide a benchmark for personal and professional growth.
- Peer comparison, when approached healthily, can foster a sense of community and shared goals, rather than just feelings of inadequacy.
- A universal timeline for success might not exist, but societal and biological milestones can provide useful structure and expectations for individuals.
- Life may not be a race, but competition can sometimes spur innovation and improvement, which can be beneficial in moderation.
- Completely avoiding comparisons might not be realistic or even desirable, as they can sometimes offer valuable insights and drive.
- Feeling "behind" can sometimes be a valid emotional response that motivates individuals to r ...
Actionables
- Create a "My Milestones" journal to document and celebrate your personal achievements, no matter how small. By regularly writing down what you've accomplished, you shift focus from others to your own growth. For example, if you've managed to read a book within a month, note it down and reflect on what you've learned or how you've improved.
- Set up a "Comparison-Free" challenge with friends or family, where you commit to not discussing or focusing on each other's achievements for a set period, like a month. Instead, encourage conversations about hobbies, well-being, and personal insights. This can help create an environment that values individuality over competition.
- Develop a personalized "Growth T ...
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Success Doesn't Equal Inner Happiness
Jay Shetty discusses the commonly misunderstood relationship between material success and personal fulfillment.
Material Accomplishments and Status Symbols Don't Guarantee Fulfillment
People Adapt Quickly To Positive Changes, Causing Initial Happiness to Fade
Shetty introduces the concept of the hedonic treadmill to explain why material accomplishments, such as promotions, new cars, or dream houses, fail to guarantee lasting happiness. He states that humans have a remarkable capacity to adapt to both positive and negative changes in their lives. This adaptation means the initial surge of happiness we experience from these achievements quickly fades, and what was once a source of joy becomes just the new normal. As a result, sustained happiness remains elusive, and despite appearing successful on paper, individuals can still feel a profound sense of emptiness. It's this never-ending pursuit of more that can leave people feeling like satisfaction is constantly out of reach.
"Future Lives May Involve Hidden Costs and Sacrifices"
Envy May Overlook the Personal Price of Success
Although not directly provided in the notes, based on the context we c ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Success Doesn't Equal Inner Happiness
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- The hedonic treadmill, or hedonic adaptation, suggests that humans tend to return to a stable level of happiness despite significant life changes. As individuals experience positive events like financial gains, their expectations rise, leading to no lasting increase in happiness. This concept explains why material achievements may not bring sustained fulfillment as people adapt to new circumstances over time. Hedonic adaptation involves cognitive shifts and neurochemical processes that help individuals maintain a relatively constant level of happiness throughout their lives.
- Envy overlooking personal sacrifices for success: Envy can make individuals focus solely on the outward appearance of success without considering the personal costs and sacrifices made behind the scenes. This can lead to a skewed perception where the achievements of others seem glamorous and desirable, without ack ...
Counterarguments
- Material success can provide the means for personal growth and opportunities that may lead to inner happiness for some individuals.
- The concept of the hedonic treadmill might not apply universally; some people may derive lasting satisfaction from their achievements and possessions.
- Adaptation to positive changes can also lead to personal development and resilience, which can be a source of long-term happiness.
- The pursuit of material success can be fulfilling if aligned with one's values and if it involves a balance with other life domains.
- Envy can sometimes serve as a motivator for individuals to improve their own lives, which can lead to fulfillment if approached healthily.
- The sacrifices made for success can be seen as worthwhile and fulfilling if they are in service of a person's goals and lead to a sense of accomplishment.
- Material success and status symbols might not guarantee happiness, bu ...
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Overcoming Challenges Builds Resilience for Future Success
In the pursuit of success, encountering and overcoming adversity not only is inevitable but, as Jay Shetty explains, it serves as a critical aspect of personal growth and resilience building.
Overcoming Adversity Strengthens Coping and Problem-Solving Abilities
Adversity Can Boost Mental Health and Life Satisfaction
Jay Shetty references a study in psychological science that underscores the paradoxical benefits of adversity. The study found that people with a history of some adversity reported better mental health and higher life satisfaction than those who had no such experiences. Shetty suggests that confronting challenges head-on effectively conditions the brain and body to manage greater difficulties. It’s this exposure to challenges that precedes adaptability in future crises, signaling the brain’s remarkable ability to grow and adapt in response to struggles.
Struggles and Failures Show You're in the "Arena" of Life
Shetty speaks vividly about the price of actively engaging in life, which includes unavoidable setbacks. He articulates that these experiences shouldn't be interpreted as failures or signs of defeat. Rather, they are evidence of participation and effort in life’s arena. Scars from past struggles stand as proof of showing up to the challenges life presents.
Achievers Take Risks, Face Failure, Learn From Mistakes
Taking risks and facing failures is a demonstration of one's commitment to personal growth and the pursuit of success. Shetty posits that failure often serves a greater purpose than comfort can, as it prompts alertness and prevents stagnation. In contrast, comfort zones breed complacency and can halt progress. Shetty reassures that early setbacks don't preclude a successful finale; a tough start or a slow decade is not determinative of one's end point.
Moreover, Shetty advises individuals to interpret struggles as an indication that they are truly engaging with life and ...
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Overcoming Challenges Builds Resilience for Future Success
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Clarifications
- Jay Shetty is a popular motivational speaker and former monk known for his insights on personal development and mindfulness. In his teachings, Shetty often emphasizes the importance of facing challenges and adversity as opportunities for growth and resilience. He frequently cites scientific studies and examples to support his ideas, highlighting how overcoming struggles can lead to mental strength, problem-solving skills, and ultimately, success in life. Shetty encourages individuals to embrace failures as learning experiences and to view setbacks as stepping stones towards personal and professional growth.
- "The Man in the Arena" is a famous excerpt from a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt in 1910. In this speech, Roosevelt emphasizes the courage and resilience of those who actively engage in life, even if they face criticism or failure. The central message is about the honor and importance of striving valiantly, regardless of the outcome, as opposed to being a passive spectator. The speech encourages individuals to embrace challenges and take risks in pursuit of their goals, highlighting the significance of effort and perseverance in the face of adversity.
- Neuroscience validates the concept of developing resilience through struggles by showing how the brain rewires in response to difficult ...
Counterarguments
- While overcoming challenges can build resilience, not all individuals have the same capacity for resilience, and some may be overwhelmed by adversity rather than strengthened by it.
- The relationship between adversity and mental health is complex; excessive or chronic adversity can lead to mental health issues rather than boost it.
- The idea that adversity can boost life satisfaction might not account for the nuanced experiences of those who face systemic barriers and may not have the resources to overcome certain challenges.
- Suggesting that struggles and failures are merely signs of participation in life can overlook the real pain and hardship that these experiences can cause.
- The notion that taking risks is a demonstration of commitment to personal growth may not resonate with individuals who are risk-averse due to past traumas or who have dependents and responsibilities that limit their ability to take risks.
- The assertion that failure prevents stagnation doesn't consider that repeated failures can also lead to discouragement and a sense of futility for some individuals.
- The claim that early setbacks don't determine the final outcome may be overly optimistic and not take into account the long-term consequences of early life adversity, especially when it comes to socioeconomic status and educational opportunities.
- The idea that struggles indicate engagemen ...
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Building Invisible Foundations Crucial to Growth and Achievement
Shetty illuminates the idea that impressive accomplishments are often the result of invisible foundational work, likening the growth and development of personal skills to the construction of tall buildings, which require deep and unseen foundations for stability.
Impressive Accomplishments Are Built On Invisible Foundational Work
Tall Buildings Need Deep Foundations, and So Do Your Skills for Future Success
Shetty discusses the unrecognized foundational work that underlies visible success. He uses the example of J.K. Rowling, whose years of struggle before her success with Harry Potter developed her persistence, empathy, and grit. These invisible attributes became the foundation of her success, much as the hidden foundations of a building are crucial to its structure. He explains that while the edifice — or the accomplishment — is admired, the foundations are essential yet often overlooked. Like a tall building, one's skills for future success require extensive and unseen grounding.
Progress Can Accelerate as Abilities Compound Over Time
Skills Grow With Sustained, Deliberate Practice, Despite Gradual Progress
Shetty talks about "latent learning"—skills and knowledge gained that don't seem immediately useful but emerge later under the right conditions—through the lens of deliberate practice. He refers to Anders Ericsson's research that expertise is the result of prolonged effort and deliberate practice, often requiring around 10,000 hours before a significant breakthrough.
He notes that people tend to underestimate the way their skills compound over time, explaining that progress can initially feel ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Building Invisible Foundations Crucial to Growth and Achievement
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Anders Ericsson's research focused on expertise development through deliberate practice, emphasizing the importance of intentional, focused efforts to improve skills. He proposed that around 10,000 hours of deliberate practice are typically needed to achieve mastery in a specific domain. This concept challenges the notion of innate talent and highlights the significance of ...
Counterarguments
- The 10,000-hour rule for expertise has been contested; some argue that quality of practice is more important than quantity, and that innate talent and personal circumstances can also play significant roles in one's success.
- The analogy of building foundations may oversimplify the complexity of human skill development, which can be non-linear and influenced by a multitude of factors beyond just foundational work.
- The focus on individual struggle and persistence may underplay the role of external support, resources, and opportunities in achieving success.
- The narrative that endings define a story more than beginnings might overlook the importance of the journey and the lessons learned throughout, which can be just as valuable as the outcome.
- The idea that skills like resilience and persistence are always indicative of potential long-term success may not account for situations where persistence can lead to burnout or where resilience is not enough to overcome systemic barriers.
- The emphasis on unseen work as the bedrock of success might inadvertently minimize the val ...
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