Jared Freid & Jordana Abraham: Dating App Burnout? Do THIS 30-Day Challenge to Stop Wasting Time and FINALLY Meet the Right Person
In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham explore the role of dating apps in modern relationships. They compare dating apps to fast food—convenient but best used in moderation—and discuss how taking breaks from these apps while engaging in face-to-face social activities can lead to more meaningful connections.
The hosts examine how attitudes and mindsets affect dating success, and they unpack the different approaches men and women take to finding potential partners. Freid and Abraham address common concerns about dating app burnout and suggest practical strategies for maintaining a balanced dating life, including a three-month "summer challenge" that encourages users to delete their dating apps and focus on in-person social interactions.
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1-Page Summary
Dating Apps' Role in Modern Romance
Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid compare dating apps to fast food—both offer convenience but should be consumed in moderation. While these apps can be useful when social opportunities are limited, the hosts emphasize that they shouldn't replace in-person interactions. Freid suggests engaging in face-to-face activities like fitness classes and phone-free dining to maintain real-world connections.
Taking Breaks and Focusing on Life
Freid proposes a "summer challenge" of deleting dating apps for three months to refresh one's perspective. During this break, he encourages users to engage in social activities that can complement or replace dating apps, such as making plans with friends in relationships and joining different fitness classes. These activities can help forge meaningful connections outside the digital realm.
Importance of Attitude and Mindset in Relationships
The hosts stress that negativity can significantly impact dating success. Freid notes that displaying a miserable attitude forces others to work harder at creating positive interactions. Instead, they advocate for embracing individuality and maintaining confidence. Abraham emphasizes that having a fulfilling life outside of dating not only makes a person more attractive but also helps them better understand their needs and avoid unsuitable matches.
Gender Differences in Dating Approaches
The discussion reveals distinct patterns in how men and women approach dating. Abraham observes that women often prioritize education and income levels in potential partners, while Freid notes that men typically focus more on physical attraction. Freid candidly discusses how men might end relationships due to fears about commitment responsibilities. The hosts suggest that open dialogue between partners can help bridge these gender gaps in dating perspectives, with Abraham noting that women might better recognize men's emotional intelligence if given the chance.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- While moderation in using dating apps is generally good advice, for some individuals, especially those with very busy schedules or who live in less populated areas, dating apps may be one of the few viable ways to meet potential partners.
- Face-to-face activities are indeed valuable, but not everyone may have access to such activities due to location, financial constraints, or personal comfort levels with social situations.
- Taking breaks from dating apps can be beneficial, but for some, it might also mean a significant reduction in their social and romantic interactions, which could have negative effects on their well-being.
- The idea that negativity impacts dating success is an oversimplification; some individuals may be perceived as negative due to underlying issues like depression or anxiety, which require understanding and support rather than simply a change in attitude.
- While confidence is attractive, the pressure to always appear confident can be unrealistic and harmful, as it may discourage people from being authentic and sharing vulnerabilities.
- The generalization that women prioritize education and income while men focus on physical attraction is not universally true and can perpetuate stereotypes; preferences vary widely among individuals regardless of gender.
- The suggestion that men might end relationships due to fear of commitment responsibilities could be seen as a stereotype and does not account for the complex reasons why any individual might choose to end a relationship.
- Open dialogue is important, but it's not a panacea for all gender differences in dating perspectives; some issues may require more than just communication to resolve, including societal influences and personal experiences.
- The idea that women might better recognize men's emotional intelligence if given the chance could imply that women are not already doing so, which may not be the case for all women or all situations.
Actionables
- You can create a "digital detox" challenge with friends where you agree to meet up for activities like hiking or cooking classes, ensuring everyone leaves their phones at home or turned off. This encourages face-to-face interaction and helps build real-world connections without the interference of technology. For example, set a monthly challenge where each friend plans an activity, and everyone participates without their phones.
- Start a positivity journal focused on your dating experiences, where you write down positive interactions and what you learned from them, regardless of the outcome. This practice can help you maintain a positive attitude and recognize growth opportunities in your dating life. For instance, after a date, note down three positive aspects of the experience, which can range from enjoying the conversation to simply getting out of your comfort zone.
- Engage in a personal development project that aligns with your interests and goals outside of dating, such as learning a new language or volunteering. This not only enriches your life but also makes you more attractive to potential partners who value a well-rounded individual. You could sign up for a language course or commit to a monthly volunteering schedule, which will also expand your social circle and potentially lead to meeting someone with similar interests.
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Dating Apps' Role in Modern Romance
Moderate Use of Dating Apps For Finding Partners
Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid discuss the importance of moderate use of dating apps, comparing it to fast food consumption — something that should be done in moderation and not as the sole means to finding a partner.
Dating Apps Are Like Fast Food – Don't Consume Excessively
Both speakers liken dating apps to fast food; they offer convenience and quick results but aren't necessarily healthy or sustainable as a lone food source. Dating apps provide more introductions, more potential for breakups, disappointments, and conversations that could lead to negative experiences due to the sheer volume of people met. Abraham and Freid advise that users should control how they engage with dating apps, much like one would control their intake of fast food.
Dating Apps Offer Convenience but Shouldn't Replace In-person Interactions
Freid and Abraham point out that while dating apps can be handy when one is unable to socialize due to work or other commitments, they should not completely replace face-to-face interactions. Freid advocates for in-person activities, such as meeting friends who are in relationships, taking fitness classes, and dining out without being on the phone, to nurture social connections beyond the digital realm.
They also discuss the use of ChatGPT as a tool for dating app messaging, acknowledging its utility but cautioning against letting it substitute for genuine, personal touches in communication.
Pause Dating Apps to Focus On Life Aspects
Deleting Dating Apps Re-energizes and Refreshes Perspective
Freid suggests that users may need to take breaks from dating apps if they feel exhausted by them. He proposes a "summer challenge" of deleting all dating app ...
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Dating Apps' Role in Modern Romance
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Counterarguments
- While moderation is generally advisable, some people may find that using dating apps extensively works well for them, especially if they have a clear strategy and know what they're looking for.
- For some individuals, especially those with busy schedules or introverted personalities, dating apps may be a more practical and less stressful way to meet potential partners than in-person interactions.
- The level of control over engagement with dating apps can vary greatly among users, and what works for one person may not work for another; some may benefit from more structured approaches while others thrive on spontaneous use.
- In-person activities are important, but for some, digital connections can lead to meaningful relationships and can be just as valuable as face-to-face interactions, especially in a world that is increasingly digital.
- ChatGPT and similar AI tools, when used responsibly, can help individuals overcome communication barriers and improve their confidence in initiating conversations, which can be beneficial for their dating life.
- Taking breaks from dating apps might not be necessary or beneficial for everyone; some users may find that consistent use helps them stay in ...
Actionables
- Set a daily "app date" with yourself where you spend a fixed amount of time on dating apps, then switch to a hobby or activity that involves face-to-face interaction. By scheduling this time, you ensure moderation and balance between online and offline socialization. For example, after 30 minutes of swiping, you could go to a local coffee shop's board game night to meet new people in person.
- Create a "connection jar" where you write down different in-person activities on slips of paper and draw one to do each time you feel the urge to open a dating app excessively. This could include things like attending a community class, visiting a museum, or volunteering, which can lead to organic social interactions and reduce reliance on digital connections.
- Initiate a "digital detox challenge" with friends where you ...
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Importance of Attitude and Mindset in Relationships
Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham discuss how attitude and mindset play crucial roles in dating and maintaining healthy relationships.
Confidence Is Key for Dating Success
Negativity and Cynicism Can Sabotage Dating Chances
Freid and Abraham stress that negativity can ruin a person’s chances at successful dating. Freid points out that displaying a miserable attitude requires the other person to expend energy trying to create a positive experience, which can lead to inauthentic interactions. Abraham mentions that even if there's initial attraction, a bad attitude can be self-sabotaging. Freid talks about his personal experiences on dates with women who have an “I’ve had it” attitude, indicating that this negative mindset from past dating experiences can impact current opportunities negatively. He also suggests that negativity, while often supported by others, makes the dating experience worse.
Embracing Individuality and Self-Improvement Boosts Attractiveness
Freid cites his own enjoyment of dating as an indication of how a confident and relaxed attitude can contribute to success. He uses the analogy "everyone’s someone’s foot" to suggest that being true to oneself can attract someone who appreciates one's individuality. Jay Shetty adds that being confident and presenting the best version of oneself allows others to recognize and appreciate you, emphasizing that self-improvement can increase attractiveness. Abraham emphasizes the importance of clarity in understanding and stating one’s needs, which contributes to more satisfying dating experiences and better matches.
Fulfilling Life Outside Dating Helps Prevent Focus On Finding Partner
Pursuing Hobbies, Socializing, and Personal Gro ...
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Importance of Attitude and Mindset in Relationships
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Clarifications
- Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham are well-known figures in the dating and relationship advice space, often sharing insights through podcasts, social media, and other platforms. They emphasize the importance of attitude, mindset, and self-improvement in fostering healthy relationships. Their perspectives draw from person ...
Counterarguments
- While confidence can be attractive, overconfidence or arrogance can be off-putting; balance is key.
- Some individuals may find vulnerability and openness about one's challenges or past negative experiences to be a sign of trust and depth, which can foster a closer connection.
- The idea that one must always present the "best version" of oneself can be stressful and unrealistic; authenticity, including acknowledging one's flaws, can also be attractive.
- The emphasis on self-improvement might imply that one's current state is insufficient for a successful relationship, which can be a harmful mindset.
- Clarity in stating needs is important, but it's also crucial to be flexible and understanding that needs can evolve over time within a relationship.
- While having a fulfilling life outside of dating is beneficial, it's not a guarantee for relationship success or attractiveness; some people may feel intimidated or unable to connect with someone who seems overly independent or busy.
- Drawing ...
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Gender Differences in Dating Approaches and Perspectives
Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham explore the differences in how men and women approach dating, citing various societal pressures and expectations that influence their perspectives.
Different Priorities In Dating
Women May Prioritize Partner's Education/Income; Men Focus On Physical Attraction
The discussion begins with Jordana Abraham's observation that women often seek partners with equal or higher levels of education and income, while Jared Freid notes that men tend to have a simpler standard, primarily questioning if they find a potential partner physically attractive. Abraham points out that societal narratives encourage women from a young age to consider their future with a partner, thinking about aspects such as a potential spouse's education or income. Jay Shetty contributes an anecdote about his single male friends dismissing potential dates based on physical attraction alone.
Men May End Relationships Over Fears About Commitment Responsibilities
Freid admits that men, including himself, may end relationships to avoid taking on the work or responsibility that comes with serious commitment. He confesses admiration for those in long-term relationships but acknowledges sometimes shying away from the effort involved. Additionally, Freid explains that men might choose to end relationships preemptively out of fear of future commitment responsibilities. Abraham describes a typical scenario where a woman dates a man for a period, and the man ends it before it evolves into a relationship, indicating men’s fears of long-term implications. Freid also voices concerns about the finality and responsibility of marriage, pointing out his own apprehension towards committing.
Open Dialogue Can Bridge Gender Gaps In Dating Perspectives
Women Might Credit Men More For Emotional Intelligence and Long-Term Relationship Thinking
Jordana Abraham suggests that women have the capacity to work with what they have in a relationship, which may show a willingness to recognize emotional intelligence and long-term thinking in men. Jared Freid acknowledges that women may perceive men as lacking foresight when it comes to relationships, which can be demeaning. He argues that open dialogue could help bridge this gap and help women see that ...
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Gender Differences in Dating Approaches and Perspectives
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Counterarguments
- While it's often observed that women may prioritize a partner's education and income, this is not universally true for all women, and many prioritize other qualities such as kindness, compatibility, and shared values.
- The idea that men primarily focus on physical attraction is an oversimplification and doesn't account for those who value emotional connection, intelligence, and other non-physical attributes.
- The notion that men may end relationships due to commitment fears can be a stereotype. Men, like women, have varied reasons for ending relationships, including compatibility issues, personal growth, or life changes.
- Open dialogue is important, but it's not a panacea for all dating issues. Other factors like timing, individual readiness for a relationship, and external life pressures also play significant roles.
- The suggestion that women might credit men more for emotional intelligence could be seen as patronizi ...
Actionables
- You can create a "dating resume" to share with potential partners, highlighting your education, career, and emotional intelligence. Just like a job resume, this document can outline your qualifications in these areas, making it easier to communicate your strengths early on in the dating process. For example, include a section on your educational background and career achievements, as well as a section where you reflect on past relationship experiences that demonstrate your emotional intelligence and commitment to growth.
- Start a personal journal to explore your feelings about commitment and relationships. Use this space to write down your fears, hopes, and expectations regarding commitment. This practice can help you understand your own perspective better and prepare you for open dialogues about these topics with potential partners. For instance, if you're apprehensive about long-term commitments, journaling can help you pinpoint the reasons and consider ways to address them before they become a stumbling block in a relationship.
- Organize a small, informal discussio ...
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