In this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton discusses his journey of identity formation and self-acceptance. Appleton shares his experiences of suppressing his authentic self during his early years, his challenges with coming out at age 26, and how he navigated the impact of this decision on his relationships with his partner and children.
The conversation explores how Appleton manages the intersection of his public and private life, including his approach to handling public scrutiny while dealing with personal struggles. He discusses the role of therapy in his personal growth over nine years, his methods for maintaining authenticity in the public eye, and his motivation for sharing his experiences through his book to help others facing similar challenges.
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Chris Appleton shares his journey of identity formation, describing early experiences of hiding his true self to fit in. As a child, his interest in hair styling subjected him to stigma and homophobia, leading him to suppress his authentic self and adopt a more masculine demeanor. It wasn't until age 26 that Chris publicly came out, marking the beginning of his journey toward self-acceptance.
Through therapy and self-reflection, Chris learned to differentiate between his authentic self and adaptations made to please others. Today, he views his identity as a source of strength and uses his story to inspire others to embrace their authentic selves.
Chris describes his coming out process as particularly challenging, driven by deep-seated shame and fear about impacting his family. The process was especially difficult with his partner and children, as he worried about them facing the same bullying and homophobia he had experienced. After a critical incident that forced the conversation, Chris prioritized his children's understanding while honoring his partner's and family's need to process the change.
As a celebrity hairstylist, Chris faces the unique challenge of managing public scrutiny while dealing with private struggles. Through therapy and reflection, he's achieved better alignment between his public and private personas. When discussing relationships, Chris emphasizes viewing their endings as opportunities for growth, consistently prioritizing his well-being and his children's needs over public perception.
Chris emphasizes the transformative power of self-reflection and therapy, noting that he's been in therapy for nine years and still considers personal growth an ongoing journey. Through his book, Chris hopes to offer comfort to others feeling isolated and inspire them to embrace their truths. He stresses the importance of cultivating self-awareness and empathy as essential tools for navigating life's challenges.
1-Page Summary
Chris Appleton shares his personal journey from concealing his true self to embracing his identity as a foundational narrative for growth and self-acceptance.
Chris’s early life moments highlight the conflict between his sense of identity and the person he felt he needed to be to gain acceptance.
As a child, Chris felt that he did not fit in with his siblings' interests in sports and typical girls' activities. He shared a poignant memory of looking out of a window on a rainy day, feeling alone, and recognizing that he was different. This marked the beginning of abandoning his true self to meet others' expectations rather than being true to himself.
Chris’s interest in hair styling subjected him to stigma and homophobia. He noted that being stereotyped as gay, before he even understood his sexuality, led to bullying and oppression and forced him to mask parts of his personality considered unacceptable, including femininity attributed to his passion for hairstyling.
Throughout life, Chris felt pressured into a certain mold. He adopted a more masculine demeanor and suppressed his true self to avoid judgment. Chris mentions the profound shame and fear associated with his identity. It wasn't until the age of 26 that Chris came out to the public, reflecting a challenging journey through internalized shame and societal pressures before accepting his sexuality.
Chris’s path to self-acceptance was not just about himself, but also about how his identity impacted those he loved, a journey marked by personal growth and empowerment.
Chris reflects on his struggles with shame, reminiscing about his sadness for the younger self who felt compelled to hide. He describes feeling like he was holding his breath until 27, but once he started to accept himself, the freedom to breathe was too good to stop. Chris found pivotal in his journey of self-acceptance the realization that he had to stop hating himself and live openly as a gay man.
Identity Formation and Self-Acceptance
Chris's journey of coming out is marked by deep personal challenges and the complexities of managing family dynamics through a process that requires patience, empathy, and growth.
Chris hid his sexuality for a long time, driven by shame and fear, particularly concerning how it would impact his family. Though Chris loved his partner, he did not want to be gay or different, a sentiment tied to experiences from his youth in Northern England, where being gay was not accepted and often met with fear and ignorance. This fear was compounded by societal fears at the time, such as the association between being gay and AIDS.
Revealing his sexuality was a daunting task for Chris. He found it extremely difficult to acknowledge his truth, even to himself until he was well into adulthood. When he finally did come out, he felt as if he was an automatic pilot, reverting to feeling like the kid at school again, someone who didn't want to be different. Breaking the news to his partner was particularly hard, as it necessitated a period of grief for her. The challenge extended to his family, with each member reacting differently to his coming out.
The fear of his children facing bullying and homophobia, similar to what Chris experienced in his childhood, loomed over him. After a critical incident landed him in the hospital and brought his sexuality to the forefront, his children's well-being became his top priority. The gossip that followed in their small town led Chris and his partner to inform their children about his sexuality. He reassured them he was the same person, but their confusion and concerns about their lives changing were apparent. The weight of his shame was so great that Chris considered leaving to protect them from the potential pain and stigma of having a gay father.
Chris respected his partner's and family's emotional journeys and understood that they needed to process his coming out in their way. He could not control their emotions but gave them space to go through th ...
Coming Out and Navigating Relationships/Family
Celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton candidly discusses the complexities of managing a public life while grappling with personal challenges, offering insights into his journey towards resilience and self-compassion.
Appleton experiences the difficulty of navigating public scrutiny while dealing with his own private issues. This challenging duality is marked by negative headlines and tabloid speculation, which has a palpable impact on his mental well-being. Although he uses humor as a defense mechanism, he acknowledges that humor does not always alleviate the discomfort of public criticism.
Despite not explicitly mentioning therapy and reflection, Appleton hints at a transformative personal journey. Through talking about his challenges and accepting that he was not okay, it implies the positive role of therapy and self-reflection in his life. This inner work has helped him achieve alignment and inner peace, contributing to his authentic public persona.
The hairstylist addresses the harshness of living in the spotlight and the relief that comes from owning his truth. Appleton stresses the value of self-care and resilience to maintain his polished public image, even when his private life is in turmoil, alluding to the role of personal healing in shaping his resilience.
Chris is steadfast in his belief that the end of a relationship marks an opportunity for personal evolution. He underscores the lessons learned about what matters to him, ...
Navigating Public Life and Personal Struggles
Chris Appleton emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and the willingness to undertake inner work that is crucial for personal transformation and continuing the journey of personal growth.
Chris stresses the significance of sitting with oneself and processing situations, which he confides is never easy, but he also underlines the rewards that come from such challenging work. He mentions having a therapist and suggests therapy as a profound facilitator of inner work that leads to critical self-acceptance.
Chris's reflective journey was instrumental in releasing deeply held façades and embracing genuine self-discovery, a process that was difficult and sometimes painful but ultimately led to his self-acceptance. This process involved grieving the loss of his old identity and unlearning limiting beliefs about himself by facing shame and allowing himself the space to grow and understand.
Chris admits to the ongoing nature of his learning journey, having been in therapy for nine years and still recognizing his growth as an evolving process. His acknowledgment indicates that he perceives personal growth to be a continuum rather than a static destination.
Through sharing his struggles and experiences in his book, Chris hopes to offer comfort to those who may feel isolated, inspire others to embrace their truths, and realize their potential beyond stereotypes. His storytelling is motivated by the desire to support others in their own processes of self-acceptance ...
The Role of Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
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