Olga Khazan: Do You Feel Socially Awkward? This Episode Will Change Your Life & INSTANTLY Make You Confident in ANY Social Interaction

The debate over where personality comes from and whether it can change is examined, taking into account both genetic predispositions and environmental influences.

Personality: Natural Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors For Goal Pursuit

Personality encompasses the natural thoughts, feelings, and behaviors individuals exhibit in response to events. It reflects how they pursue their goals, with certain traits, such as agreeableness or conscientiousness, helping in both social situations and work-related achievements.

Personality Is 40-60% Heritable; Gene Manifestation Is Unpredictably Shaped by Environment

Personality is estimated to be 40-60% heritable. Despite this genetic component, the manifestation of genes is complex and influenced by environmental factors, rendering the genetic contribution to personality somewhat unpredictable. Olga Khazan points to variations in personality traits between genders, but no additional context is provided in the outline related to this information.

Personality Traits Can Change Despite Belief in Fixed Traits

Recent advances in psychology suggest personalities can evolve naturally over time or through intentional effort.

Life Events, Social Roles, and Choices Influence Adult Personality Changes

Olga Khazan draws on interviews and scientific literature to assert that life events, social roles, and individual choices shape personality throughout life. She cites social investment theory, which posits that engaging in social roles and situations can lead to personality changes. For example, investing in a job or falling in love can make people more ...

Olga Khazan and Jay Shetty discuss the proven strategies and techniques that can assist individuals in changing their personality traits to better align with their goals and values.

A Sense of Purpose Is Crucial For Motivating Personality Change

Khazan and Shetty emphasize the importance of a sense of purpose to drive personality change.

Visualizing the Outcome Keeps You Driven

Khazan introduces the concept of episodic future thinking, which involves visualizing in detail the outcome one wants to achieve or avoid. This technique keeps individuals motivated, especially when connected to a larger vision. Shetty reiterates the importance of a bigger vision, sharing that the desire not to have regrets at the end of his life motivated him to pursue his true calling.

Collaborative Support For Accountability and Encouragement

Khazan emphasizes the effectiveness of partnering up for personal transformation. She shares that learning alongside a peer and having a sense of positive peer pressure keeps one committed. She also recommends engaging in activities that occur regularly and involve other people, such as group sports or hobbies.

Transform Your Personality With Small, Consistent Steps

Both Khazan and Shetty highlight the power of small, consistent steps in transforming one's personality. Shetty shares an anecdote about building confidence in communication through cold calls, suggesting that exposure therapy helps individuals slowly increase their comfort with social interactions. Khazan talks about taking improv classes to become more extroverted, despite initial disc ...

Olga Khazan and Jay Shetty delve into how modifying certain personality traits can substantially influence mental health, with particular emphasis on neuroticism, ADHD, and depression.

Addressing Neuroticism, Depression, and Anxiety Improves Mental Health

Khazan talks about her battles with neuroticism, describing how minor irritations compounded until they overwhelmed her. She realized that altering her response to these irritations was key to her happiness. Through her personal journey, Khazan discovered that therapy can produce meaningful reductions in neuroticism after just a few months.

Mindfulness Matches Antidepressants In Easing Depression and Anxiety

She further attributes a mindfulness meditation class, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), with dramatically decreasing her depression scores. Khazan took an eight-week class (which might have been twelve weeks), after which she no longer qualified as depressed. The MBSR program not only reduced her symptoms but also increased her self-compassion. This, in turn, countered her tendency to self-blame, a key factor in neuroticism.

Jay Shetty resonates with Khazan’s experience, validating the transformative effects of mindfulness and shared group settings. He discusses how MBSR encourages one to appreciate positive life aspects, diverting attention from negative experiences. Removing the lens of self-criticism fosters a more balanced perspective, invaluable in alleviating depression and anxiety.

Targeting ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder Traits Through Therapy and Skill-Building

Developing Strategies and Tools Can Address ADHD Challenges

Khazan discusses ADHD as a form of low conscientiousness, describing adults with ADHD as often lacking the systems to structure their lives. Therapists who work with ADHD patients frequently prov ...

Changing one's personality can have profound implications for personal relationships and one’s social image. Jay Shetty and Olga Khazan delve into the complexities and social challenges that accompany attempts to change fundamental aspects of one's character.

Loved Ones May Resist Changes in Your Personality

Communicating Change and Meeting Relationship Needs Navigate Social Challenges

Jay Shetty explains that attempts to change one's personality can be met with resistance from friends and family. An example given by Shetty involves his wife, who was perceived as spontaneous and unorganized. As she became more organized, friends reacted negatively, interpreting her changes as becoming too busy for them. The resistance from loved ones stems from their comfort with established behaviors and identity. Shetty stresses the importance of communicating underlying needs in relationships, pointing out that requests often reflect deeper desires for connection and presence. Olga Khazan provides similar insights, sharing her own experience with a friend's request to maintain friendship through regular text messages. After consulting with friendship expert Miriam Kermire, Khazan learns the vitality of making people feel heard and addressing underlying needs, offering solutions like weekly phone calls or walks to maintain connection.

Personality Change May Seem "Fake," but Balancing Adaptability and Self-Awareness Is Crucial

Recognizing Different Self-Presentations Reframes Personality Change As Natural and Healthy

The discussion also touches upon the authenticity of changing one's personality. Jay Shetty argues that personal growth and change are fundamental to authentic living, rebuffing the notion that staying constant is more genuine. Khazan discusses overcoming self-limiting beliefs, especially regarding significant life changes such as motherhood. She describes adaptability as a natural and healthy component of personal development and not as being inauthentic.

Both Khazan and Shetty explore the "faking it until you make it" approach, suggesting that habits, skills, and personality traits may initially feel forced but eventually integrate naturally into an individual’s identity. Khazan emphasizes that personality change should be motivated from within and suggests introducing partners to new behaviors, like syncing calendars, to encourage change. However, she also acknowledges the difficulty of ...