Book SummaryYear of Yes, by Shonda Rhimes

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Year of Yes

What would happen if you faced your fears and said “yes” to everything outside your comfort zone for a whole year? In Year of Yes, celebrated television screenwriter and producer Shonda Rhimes answers that very question. Her book relates how, by facing her many fears and moving through challenges instead of avoiding them, Rhimes was able to liberate herself from anxiety, self-doubt, and deep unhappiness.

By consistently pushing herself...

Year of Yes Summary Introduction: From Fear to Love

Before the year of facing her fears began, Rhimes appeared to be on top of the world. She had an Ivy League education, a creative career she loved, fame, a beautiful home, and three wonderful daughters. She had worked hard to achieve success and recognition as the head showrunner for two wildly popular television shows, “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scandal,” and her production company, Shondaland, was working on a third.

But behind the scenes, Rhimes was withering. She was overwhelmed by the demands of her career and coped by avoiding anything outside of work that pushed her out of her comfort zone. As a result, her life felt increasingly small and repetitive—she rarely socialized, and she stayed out of the public eye and hunkered down at home as much as possible. She refused every invitation to events, parties, award shows, and interview opportunities that came her way.

Additionally, Rhimes worked under immense pressure because the success of her company and television shows rode squarely on her back. As one of the first Black women to achieve such a high level of success and power in the entertainment industry, she felt she was working not only for personal success but also for the...

Year of Yes Summary Commitment #1: Make Yourself Seen and Heard

Rhimes describes herself as highly introverted and shy, making fame a difficult adjustment for her personality. But she realized that hiding herself from the world and letting her introverted personality and social anxiety dictate her life was not making her happy. To improve how she felt, she knew she must commit to being seen and heard by others, even though it was uncomfortable. She discovered the more she pushed through anxiety, accepted compliments, and walked with her well-earned swagger, the more comfortable she grew with being seen and heard, and she began to feel like her authentic self.

(Shortform note: Rhimes describes herself as a naturally introverted and shy person, two characteristics that are often confused with one another but are not the same. In Quiet: The Power of Introverts, Susan Cain explains that introverted people are often stereotyped as shy, but not all introverts are shy. Introversion is about feeling overstimulated and drained by social interactions, while shyness is more about fear of...

Year of Yes Summary Commitment #2: Re-examine Your Priorities

Rhimes loved her career. Before her life-changing year, she happily gave it most of her time and attention. But during the year, she realized she needed to better balance her priorities so that she didn’t neglect her family or her health. She started prioritizing playtime with her children and rethought her relationship with food. With these changes, she felt more alive than ever.

Prioritize Pleasure and Play

To prioritize her family better, Rhimes committed to playing with her daughters more, which brought her immense joy and happiness. This meant that whenever her daughters asked her to play, she dropped everything and played with them, no matter what. Uplifted and refreshed by the joy of connecting with her children and the love they shared as a family, she felt more relaxed, creative, and grateful in all areas of her life.

Achieving this shift in priorities was not easy for Rhimes at first as it required that she create parameters with her job that she didn’t have before. Instead of letting work seep into her off-work hours, she committed to turning her phone off after 7 pm and avoided working on the weekends. Eventually, she found that her new relationship with...

Year of Yes Summary Commitment #3: Get Comfortable With Conflict

Before her transformative year, Rhimes would avoid conflict with others. During the year, she learned that conflict wouldn’t bring about the end of the world, that she could assert her boundaries by saying “no,” and that having difficult conversations could bring her a measure of peace and confidence in herself. Ultimately, these realizations led to more honest and authentic relationships.

Assert Your Boundaries

Rhimes began to practice asserting her boundaries with people in her life. The more she practiced, the more comfortable she became with saying “no” when needed. She gained more trust in her instincts about what her boundaries were and when to assert them. Before she committed to boundary-setting, Rhimes had felt obligated to say “yes” to every favor asked of her, and the lack of boundaries ran her ragged and took a toll on her finances. But once she adopted the practice of saying “no,” she felt this sense of obligation lessen.

(Shortform note: It is widely accepted among mental health professionals that personal and professional boundaries are beneficial for your mental health and enable you to have healthy relationships with others. Without them, you can lose...

Year of Yes Summary Commitment # 4: Embrace Your Truth

Rhimes realized that when she embraced who she truly was and allowed herself to openly speak her truth—her beliefs, preferences, and limitations—she became less afraid of the things that had once scared her. She thus committed to living a life dictated by her truth, regardless of whether or not she conformed to societal standards.

Own Your Limitations

Rhimes was a single, full-time working mother, and she had at-home childcare to help her raise her daughters. She committed to being honest about all this to the press. She reflects on how society shames women for having help because women are expected to do everything themselves—have a successful career plus a happy family. Thus, very often, successful, famous women with children are not transparent about the help they have at home when they are asked to divulge their “secret” to juggling so many different roles in their lives. They act like they can do it all without help, which, Rhimes notes, is largely inaccurate. She decided to combat the shame associated with having help by being radically honest about her own life.

Key Takeaways

It's okay to have help and be honest about it. No one can do it all...

Year of Yes Summary Commitment #5: Let Go of Stale Relationships

As Rhimes began to change, her relationships began to change. Before the year of yes, she often didn’t see people for who they really were. She describes how, much like she created characters for her shows, she “made up” supportive, fun personalities for friends who were treating her poorly. But during her year, she let go of friendships that were not good for her and strengthened her friendships with people who genuinely supported her growth.

(Shortform note: Another way to describe Rhimes’s inability to see her friends clearly is that she ignored their “red flags.” Psychology experts explain that everyone has flaws, but [red flags are behaviors that indicate serious problems in the relationship are...

Shortform Exercise: Face Your Fears

At the heart of Rhimes’s year-long, transformational experiment was her commitment to start facing her fears instead of avoiding them. This exercise will help you clarify what you tend to avoid in life and how you might begin to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Reflect on the last month or two—did any opportunities or invitations come your way that you said “no” to right away? If so, what excuse did you make at the time for not taking those opportunities?