Book SummaryTwenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

Adoption significantly shapes the emotional landscape of a child.

This section explores the profound emotional impact that adoption has on a child, including the profound grief and sense of loss associated with being separated from their birth parents, as well as the difficulties they encounter with feelings of abandonment, rejection, and low self-worth. Adoptive parents must understand their child's fundamental emotional journey to provide the appropriate support.

Adopted children frequently struggle with profound emotions stemming from the disruption of their ties to their birth parents.

Eldridge emphasizes that the act of adopting a child inherently involves an element of loss, despite often being depicted in a positive light. An adopted child endures a deep and unique form of loss, which is different from the grief that is widely recognized in situations like death or divorce. It is essential for adoptive parents to recognize and address the grief that their children go through.

Adopted children inherently feel a sense of loss regarding their biological mother and the environment that was once familiar to them, beginning from their very first experiences.

Eldridge challenges the common misconception that infants lack the ability to retain memories or experience grief. The author compares the profound grief experienced by a child who has lost a loved one in a vehicular mishap to the strong sense of desertion that an infant suffers upon being given up. The separation from the birth mother signifies the conclusion of everything that is recognizable, including her unique smell, voice, heartbeat, and comforting touch. The lack of a particular loss significantly affects the ability of an adolescent to establish secure relationships and engage with their environment.

It is possible for adopted children to conceal their grief and feelings of loss, which may impede their emotional development and the formation of deep connections with their adoptive families.

Eldridge emphasizes that children often hide their emotions because society commonly underestimates or ignores the importance of the losses associated with adoption. Adoptees, even in loving homes, might feel terrified of expressing their grief, fearing further rejection. They may build barriers of faultlessness, high accomplishment, and independence, which can obstruct the development of profound emotional bonds with their adoptive parents. This masked grief can manifest in various ways, from a vague sense of something...

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Summary Recognizing and addressing the unique needs specific to a child who has been adopted.

The book section is designed to equip adoptive parents with the essential knowledge and tools needed to meet their adopted child's unique needs. Eldridge emphasizes the unique needs that arise from the experiences of loss associated with adoption and discusses methods for parents to acknowledge and effectively meet these needs.

Adopted children may possess distinct psychological and emotional needs stemming from the traumatic events associated with their history of adoption.

Eldridge conveys that adopted children face distinct emotional and psychological hurdles due to the separation inherent in the adoption process. She emphasizes the need for adoptive parents to provide extra empathy and assistance to adopted children, acknowledging that their unique and often challenging experiences occurred before joining their new families, not because of any inherent deficiencies.

Adopted children require support as they navigate through the feelings of sorrow and bereavement linked to their adoption.

Help their offspring navigate and manage the feelings associated with the intrinsic sorrow and mourning inherent in their adoption experience. Parents should begin acknowledging...

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Summary Acknowledging that an adopted child's heritage includes not only their adoptive relatives but also their biological roots.

This section underscores the significance of acknowledging and valuing the unique identity of a child who has been adopted, along with an appreciation for their ties to their adoptive family as well as their birth heritage. Eldridge emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and appreciating every aspect of a child's background to cultivate a strong self-esteem and a feeling of belonging.

Adopted children possess a unique sense of self that encompasses their place in both the family that raised them and their biological lineage.

The writer emphasizes the dual identity of adopted individuals, who hold a place in both their adoptive and biological families. This dual nature might lead to bewilderment and strife, yet if recognized and accepted, it can foster resilience and contribute positively to an individual's existence.

Adoptive parents must acknowledge and validate the importance of their child's biological roots rather than trying to downplay or ignore the differences.

Eldridge encourages adoptive parents to discard the outdated belief that an adopted child should be considered the same as any naturally born children they might have. An adopted child may...

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Summary Supporting the adoptee's efforts to sustain a relationship with their biological family.

This section aims to support adoptive parents as they help their children navigate the journey of establishing contact with or searching for their birth families. Eldridge emphasizes the importance of recognizing adoptees' natural curiosity and providing unwavering support as they navigate their journey, even if it stirs concerns or fears in the parents.

Adopted children often possess a profound desire to form bonds with their birth family members.

Eldridge acknowledges that when adopted individuals search for their birth relatives, it does not mean they are rejecting their adoptive families or are unhappy with their upbringing. Individuals naturally possess a desire to comprehend and establish a bond with their ancestral roots. Adoptees often experience a deep-seated need to address the emotions and unresolved inquiries originating from their adoption and separation.

Adoptive parents should validate and support this need, even if it is threatening or uncomfortable for them

Eldridge recommends that adoptive parents face their own apprehensions and consistently support their child's quest to comprehend their origins, even though it might stir up fears of rejection or...

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Summary Parenting strategies that are successful for children who had been adopted include providing support and recognizing their distinct life stories.

This part of the book focuses on essential ideas and techniques aimed at guiding adoptive parents in the successful upbringing and support of their adopted children. Eldridge emphasizes the importance for adoptive parents to undertake a journey of personal growth and self-awareness, as it is essential in creating a nurturing and consistent environment that promotes the well-being and growth of the child.

It is essential for adoptive parents to address and come to terms with their personal feelings about loss and the uncertainties that come with adoption.

Adoptive parents must thoughtfully navigate their complex emotions regarding adoption. This self-reflection is crucial in fostering an environment where their child can address adoption-related concerns.

Adoptive parents must ensure they do not project their personal experiences of loss or feelings of inadequacy onto their children.

Eldridge recommends that adoptive parents should remain aware of their own unresolved grief or uncertainties to prevent them from negatively impacting their relationship with their child. This might result in actions that are excessively protective, possessive, or fearful, potentially...