Book SummaryTorn, by Justin Lee

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Torn

The author's personal journey to reconcile his faith with his sexual orientation.

From a young age, the author struggled with feelings of same-sex attraction, striving to suppress these emotions to remain true to his spiritual beliefs.

Justin Lee grew up in a devout household that believed steadfast prayer and unwavering resolve could overcome same-sex attractions, which they considered sinful.

Growing up, Justin Lee was taught in his devout Southern Baptist home that homosexuality was viewed as a sin. His family and church community were deeply rooted in their views regarding relationships between individuals of the same sex. He firmly believed that through persistent prayer, unwavering determination, and a life focused on spiritual dedication, he could overcome these emotions. His understanding of Christian teachings, which emphasized traditional gender roles, cemented his belief that same-sex relationships were morally wrong. He assumed the role of a fervent worshipper, holding the belief that unwavering commitment to his spiritual convictions would gradually diminish his emotions with age.

Lee initially disregarded these feelings, anticipating that they would diminish with age. He endeavored to dispel the notion that his exploration was merely a transient period of doubt about his sexual orientation, which is often seen in young people. He was certain that eventually he would develop attractions to women, get married, and live a heterosexual life as God intended. Throughout his time in high school, he dated girls, holding onto the belief that his lack of enthusiasm for them would change as time passed.

Practical Tips

• You can explore diverse perspectives by joining a book club that focuses on LGBTQ+ literature. By reading and discussing books that present various viewpoints on gender roles and same-sex relationships, you'll gain a broader understanding of different beliefs and experiences. This can be a subtle way to challenge your own preconceptions and learn about the spectrum of human relationships in a safe, structured environment.
• Engage in volunteer work that aligns with your values and goals to reinforce your resolve and commitment. By dedicating time to causes you care about, you can cultivate a sense of purpose and community connection. This could involve helping at a local charity, mentoring others who might benefit from your experiences, or participating in community service projects that reflect your personal journey.
• Volunteer for or participate in a study about attraction and aging if available. Researchers often look for participants to contribute to their studies, and this could offer you insight into the scientific perspective on the topic while contributing to a larger body of knowledge.
• Engage in non-romantic activities that align with your interests and passions to meet new people. By joining clubs, classes, or online communities that focus on your hobbies or passions, you can interact with others in a context that is genuine to you. This can lead to forming connections based on shared interests, which might evolve into romantic attractions that feel more authentic and enthusiastic.

The author spent numerous years earnestly praying for a divine resolution to overcome his same-sex attractions, but they remained unchanged.

As Lee progressed into his teenage years, the allure he felt towards other males persisted, contrary to his expectations. He persistently implored the divine to eradicate these emotions, pleading to be transformed into someone society would deem "normal." He carried the weight of guilt for his feelings, convinced that he had failed to uphold the values of his family and his faith. Struggling with feelings of embarrassment and a heavy conscience, he avoided asking for help, believing he had to face this obstacle alone until a heavenly solution emerged.

During his later adolescent years, Lee struggled to understand his sexual orientation. Despite dating a woman and trying to convince himself that he could be drawn to women, his attraction to men persisted. He grappled with the challenge of aligning his spiritual beliefs with feelings that appeared to contradict his sacred calling. He narrates his increasing feelings of solitude and the challenge of being honest with his family and friends, along with the apprehension that he was not meeting the standards set by his faith.

Practical Tips

• Engage in mindfulness exercises to manage feelings of conflict or distress. Incorporate activities like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga into your routine to help ground yourself in the present moment. These practices can help reduce stress and increase emotional resilience, allowing you to navigate your feelings with more clarity and calmness.
• Engage in online forums or social media groups that focus on personal discovery and identity exploration. By reading and participating in discussions with others who are going through similar experiences, you can gain diverse perspectives and feel less isolated. Make sure to look for inclusive and supportive communities that encourage open and respectful dialogue.
• Create a 'normalcy' collage by cutting out images and phrases from magazines that represent society's view of normal and juxtapose them with images that represent your unique traits. This visual exercise can help you appreciate the contrast between societal expectations and individual uniqueness, fostering a sense of self-acceptance.
• Engage in role-playing exercises with a trusted friend where you simulate situations that typically trigger feelings of guilt. By acting out these...

Torn Summary The ongoing struggle between faith-based institutions and those who self-identify within the LGBTQ community continues to resonate throughout society.

The writer recognized a deep divide between communities of faith and individuals identifying as LGBTQ, with both sides considering one another as opponents.

After disclosing his attraction to the same sex, the author often encountered severe criticism, ostracism, and attempts by some groups asserting they had the ability to alter one's sexual preferences.

Upon disclosing his attraction to the same gender, Lee faced exclusion, rejection, and repeated attempts by Christians to alter his identity. Often, they would cite biblical passages that seemed to condemn relationships between individuals of the same sex, urging him to change his sexual orientation, or suggested that his embrace of his homosexuality cast doubt on the sincerity of his Christian beliefs. Certain people tried to influence his heterosexual inclinations by exposing him to explicit content, unaware that sexual orientation is not a decision one makes nor is it influenced by such material. In his faith circle, he faced a lack of empathy and understanding, leading to experiences of hurt, solitude, and the sense of being misinterpreted.

Justin Lee's account illuminates the persistent discord between the...

Torn Summary Religious institutions grapple with the consequences of homosexual inclinations as they engage in discussions and progress concerning groups that endorse changing sexual orientation and reparative therapy.

The writer came to understand that efforts to alter an individual's sexual orientation using religious and psychological methods were fruitless and misleading.

Advocates for 'ex-gay' transformations often used vague or conflicting language when discussing ideas like "same-sex attraction" and "formerly homosexual," claiming achievements that didn't actually signify a change in sexual orientation.

Lee embarked on a personal journey to comprehend his sexual identity, during which he sought assistance from groups that assured support to those wishing to alter their sexual preferences, firmly believing in the potential for a shift in his orientation towards heterosexuality. He quickly came to understand that the group was quite different from what he had first thought. He observed that proponents of conversion therapy often used vague or conflicting language, claiming to possess testimonials of successful outcomes which did not hold up under scrutiny. They emphasized the significance of altering behaviors rather than anticipating a change in innate inclinations.

By focusing on behavior rather than attraction, ex-gay ministries created a misleading impression for both...

Torn Summary The author's personal story serves as a bridge to cultivate empathy and dialogue between the LGBTQ community and Christians.

The writer began candidly discussing his personal journey to confront misconceptions and offer a different perspective.

Justin Lee's frank and transparent approach touched a wide array of people, leading to a shift in their viewpoints and expanding their insights.

In his quest to harmonize his religious beliefs with his sexual identity, Lee was compelled to cultivate comprehension and establish rapport between believers and individuals who are part of the LGBTQ community. He initiated public discourse on his experiences, both digitally and face-to-face, aiming to correct misconceptions and present an alternative viewpoint. He conveyed his personal challenges, trepidations, and aspirations, providing a relatable perspective to a topic often diminished to mere doctrinal debates and damaging clichés.

The story told by Justin Lee resonated with people across a variety of viewpoints. His forthright storytelling shifted preconceived notions and expanded the viewpoints of numerous individuals. He advocated for those who felt misunderstood and unheard, demonstrating that it is possible to hold true to both a Christian faith and an LGBTQ identity without compromising the...