In Time to Think, Nancy Kline explains that what and how we think determines everything we do and say, and that the quality of our thinking is determined by how well we listen to each other. By listening well to others, we can encourage them to engage in higher-quality thought and action—and when others listen well to us, they can encourage the same in us. Kline describes a step-by-step process for taking on the role of the listener to help someone else engage in higher-quality thinking, resulting in the generation and sharing of great ideas that lead to powerful action. By improving your thinking, you can improve every facet of your life, from work to family to relationships and even things like political engagement.
Nancy...
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According to Kline, all our actions are dependent on the thinking that precedes them. Further, our thinking is dependent on how well others listen to us. Her research on students showed that while factors like age, IQ, and experience had little impact on the students’ thinking, the attention that others paid them had a significant impact. Therefore, she reasoned, we can teach people to think well, and in order to teach people to think well,...
The key to evoking high-quality thinking in others is to listen to them well. Kline provides a step-by-step process for conducting a productive conversation, or a thinking session, which maximizes the quality of both listening and thinking. You can employ such a session any time you want to help someone else think well, whether they’re attempting to solve a difficult problem at work, weighing their options...
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People I've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.
The first step in the thinking session process is to give the thinker the opportunity to say everything that’s on their mind. Kline explains that your job as the listener is to pay attention as the thinker spells out everything about the topic they’re pondering.
As a listener, begin by asking them what they think about the issue. Then, after they tell you what they think, ask them what else they think about it. Continue asking this until the thinker is certain they’ve said everything they want to say, then double-check this by asking “Are you sure?” before moving on to the next step.
According to Kline, the reason listening works so well for producing high-quality thinking in others is because when someone identifies a problem, the solution is usually buried somewhere in their mind. The purpose of discussing an issue with someone to help them solve it isn’t to give them your ideas or decide what you should do for them. It’s to provide an environment that prompts them to uncover the solution themselves.
Because of this, Step 1 may be all that’s necessary in a thinking session. Steps 2 through 6 are only needed if the thinker doesn’t come across the solution during...
The second step in the thinking session process is to have the thinker identify what they want to accomplish during the remainder of the session. Encourage the thinker to state their goal clearly and succinctly, then memorize their goal in the same exact words. This will help you stay close to their original thinking as you proceed through the next steps.
This step is encouraging to the thinker: After exhausting their pool of ideas during Step 1, it can feel like there’s no chance of...
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Jerry McPheeThe third step in the thinking session process is to identify the roadblocks that are currently preventing the thinker from achieving their goal. Kline explains that these roadblocks take the form of limiting assumptions, or beliefs that the thinker holds that curtail their ability to identify or implement the best course of action. There are three types of limiting assumptions:
The fourth step in the thinking session process is to ask the thinker a liberating question that challenges their limiting assumption. According to Kline, this is a very specific question that’s based on the statements they’ve made about their goal and assumption (which is why it’s so important to memorize those). This question replaces the thinker’s limiting assumption with an assumption that frees their thinking, and as with the other aspects of the thinking process, it needs to be identified by the thinker.
To help the thinker identify their liberating assumption, ask them what the converse of their limiting assumption is. Do not try to identify this for them. Again, the thinker chooses their specific words for a reason, because those words are more meaningful to them than any other phrasing would be. Always use the thinker’s words rather than your own.
For example, if the thinker wants to pursue a career change but they’re afraid to try, and their limiting assumption is “It’s not okay to fail,” your first thought might be that the liberating assumption would be “It’s okay to fail.” But if you ask the thinker what the converse of “It’s not okay to fail” is, they...
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People I've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.
The fifth step of the thinking session process is simple: Have the thinker write down the liberating question they’ve identified, verbatim. You might find that they struggle to remember it precisely, so make sure you help them get it exactly right. Even though you’ve asked...
The sixth step in the thinking session process is to express appreciation so that both the thinker and the listener leave the session feeling positive about themselves and what happened. This appreciation shouldn’t focus on what you talked about in the session—meaning, the listener shouldn’t say “You did a great job generating ideas”—but should instead be a statement about what you respect about the other person, such as “I admire your teamwork skills” or “I appreciate your...
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As individuals, our thinking determines the majority of our actions. However, many of the circumstances of our lives are determined by the decisions of groups of people, like our corporate leaders determining our job responsibilities or our government representatives determining our rights with little to no input from us. To elicit the best problem-solving processes, it’s essential that these groups engage in the highest-quality thinking possible. The above process is designed for a one-on-one thinking session, but it can also be adapted for group settings like work meetings, family conferences, or classroom discussions.
Thinking Sessions in Remote Settings
During the Covid-19 pandemic, many organizations began holding group meetings remotely via video conferencing applications like Zoom. Remote meetings have a different dynamic than in-person meetings because it takes more concentration to focus on video meetings and it’s more difficult to pay attention to body language and other nonverbal cues, among other things. This takes a toll on meeting participants and their engagement, a phenomenon...
Attention, limiting assumptions, and liberating questions are all aspects of the thinking environment that are directly incorporated into the thinking session process. However, other characteristics also impact how conducive a space is to good thinking.
Good thinking occurs best in a setting that’s reflective of reality, explains Kline, and diversity is reflective of reality. The world doesn’t consist of just one type of person, so your thinking space should be filled with different kinds of people. Additionally, everyone should be on equal footing, with no one considered superior to anyone else—even if some people are higher up in the organization’s hierarchy. While people may have different responsibilities, everyone can be a brilliant thinker, and everyone should be given an equal opportunity to employ their brilliance.
How Diversity and Equality Impact Organizations
Some people object to the idea of deliberately creating diverse groups and organizations, suggesting that such groups don’t perform as well...
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People I've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.
While Kline’s thinking session process is designed for pairs or groups, you may find yourself in a situation where you need to think through something without help from others. Try adapting Kline’s process to use as an individual.
Begin by explaining everything you think about the problem or topic you’re dealing with. Pretend you’re talking to someone who doesn’t know anything about it, and give yourself the same encouraging, open attention you’d give to another person. You may want to speak into a recording device or write your thoughts down so you can refer back to them as you go.
For the purposes of partnered or group thinking, use Kline’s tips to create a space that’s conducive to good thinking.
First, consider the perspectives that are going to be represented in your session. Do you have a diverse range of viewpoints to draw from? What can you do to bring in ideas from other perspectives?
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People I've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.