Book SummaryThis Time You Return To Yourself, by Duduzile Noeleen Ngwenya

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of This Time You Return To Yourself

Self-Acceptance and Self-Worth

This section focuses on recognizing your inherent worth and practicing self-compassion. Ngwenya encourages you to let go of external validation and instead cultivate a deep sense of love and acceptance for yourself.

Value Yourself Beyond Achievements or Skills

Ngwenya reminds us that our value is not defined by accomplishments, skills, or talents. Instead, she emphasizes that we are inherently enough, just as we are, regardless of external achievements.

You Can Do Without External Validation

External validation isn't required to feel sufficient. Ngwenya emphasizes, "You've always had intrinsic worth—without your achievements, abilities, gifts, or striving more—just as you are." This powerful statement encourages you to release the urge to demonstrate your worth to others. Your worth doesn't depend on external achievements or others' opinions. Remember, you inherently have worth, simply by existing.

Ngwenya goes on to challenge the notion that regular affirmation from others is necessary for a calm mental state. She argues that relying on external validation for your sense of worth can be detrimental. Instead, she encourages you to discover that reassurance within yourself. She states that it's your self-affirmation of being sufficient independently and the value that their presence brings to your existence that is necessary. This encourages a shift from seeking validation outside to cultivating it from within.

Other Perspectives

• In certain contexts, such as professional or educational settings, external validation in the form of feedback is essential for growth and improvement.
• The concept of intrinsic worth, while empowering, may not resonate with everyone, as people's perceptions of worth are often influenced by their social and cultural contexts, which typically value achievements and abilities.
• In certain professions, such as those in the performing arts or public service, external validation in the form of audience appreciation or community support can be integral to the success and sustainability of one's career.
• Internal reassurance is valuable, but it can be challenging to achieve without some form of external input or guidance, such as education, mentorship, or therapy, which can help individuals develop the tools for self-reassurance.
• Seeking validation from others can be a healthy part of social interaction and human connection, contributing to a sense of belonging and acceptance.

Practice Kindness Toward Yourself and Grant Yourself Grace for Mistakes

Ngwenya encourages readers to welcome self-kindness, recognizing that everyone experiences failures and faces challenges. She emphasizes that these experiences do not diminish your worth.

Everyone Experiences Challenges; Your Worth Remains Despite Imperfections

The author encourages a compassionate perspective on yourself, acknowledging that setbacks and imperfections are part of the human experience. She reassures, "I wish you come to see yourself with compassion, realizing that you'll succeed at some things and fall short at others. In both cases, you are sufficient." Ngwenya emphasizes that failures or shortcomings don't define you. It is through extending grace to yourself, acknowledging that you are a work in progress, that you truly embrace self-acceptance.

Ngwenya acknowledges that the pursuit of self-improvement doesn't negate your current worthiness. She reassures, "The current version of you is just as worthy of love as the version you aspire to be." This statement liberates you from the pressure of constantly striving for an idealized version of yourself, encouraging you to appreciate and love yourself through every stage of growth...

This Time You Return To Yourself Summary Navigating Relationships and Romance

This section guides you to identify and release unhealthy relationships while remaining open to experiencing true, reciprocal love. Ngwenya encourages establishing healthy boundaries and prioritizing well-being within relationships.

Identify and Release Unhealthy or Inconsistent Relationships

Ngwenya encourages honestly assessing your relationships and identifying those that are unhealthy or inconsistent, characterized by chaos or a lack of genuine care and respect.

Recognize When a Relationship Isn't Serving You and Prioritize Well-Being

Ngwenya encourages recognizing when a relationship is no longer serving you. She cautions against settling for inconsistent affection or shrinking your true self to fit into someone else's mold. Instead, she encourages you to welcome the liberty of establishing healthy boundaries and prioritizing your well-being.

This includes releasing relationships, even those you may love deeply, that require you to compromise your authentic self. She states, "If remaining in your current situation requires you to minimize, conceal, or erase even the smallest parts of who you are, it indicates that it's not the right place for you. You belong...

This Time You Return To Yourself Summary The Recovery Journey

This section guides you to acknowledge and process your emotions as you embark on a healing journey. It encourages self-care and recognition of your own strength and resilience.

Acknowledge Your Emotions, Rather Than Suppressing Them

The author encourages you to lean into and experience your emotions completely, free from judgment or suppression. This includes the difficult emotions that can arise from heartbreak, disappointment, or past trauma.

Healing Doesn't Follow a Straight Path; Setbacks Are to Be Expected

Ngwenya says recovery doesn't follow a straight path; setbacks are a normal part of the process. She acknowledges, "There will be times you'll feel pain as though you haven't made any progress in your healing. That doesn't mean you haven't progressed; recovery isn't linear." Be patient with both you and your recovery process. Embrace the ebbs and flows, knowing that each experience, even the distressing ones, enhances your overall growth and understanding.

Let yourself feel the full spectrum of your emotions, but don't allow them to define you. She encourages, "Allow yourself to experience pain without convincing yourself that your suffering is lasting too...

This Time You Return To Yourself Summary Self-Development and Self-Discovery

This section encourages embracing lifelong learning and approaching self-improvement with patience and self-compassion. Ngwenya emphasizes trusting your intuition and honoring your personal growth timeline.

Welcome the Freedom to Decide Your Timeline Independently

Ngwenya emphasizes that personal growth is an individual journey and encourages you to embrace the liberty of moving at your own pace. Trust your intuition and make choices that align with your values and aspirations.

Trust Your Intuition, Resist Conforming

The author stresses how vital authenticity is during the journey of finding yourself. Avoid allowing societal pressures or expectations to dictate your path. In her words, "Break free of the routines that limit you from reaching your fullest potential." This liberation enables you to embrace your uniqueness and step into your full potential.

Remember that you aren't required to change who you are for anyone else's convenience. Embrace your individuality and resist the urge to conform to external expectations. Your unique perspective and experiences are valuable, and by honoring your true self, you contribute to the richness and diversity of the world...